Last time: Diggle sighed whipping a hand across his eyes and mouth. He had known that this would happen; he just wished he had been there when it happened. Well, at least Roy had been and he was glad for that!

Damn you, Oliver! Damn you, for making it hurt so badly!

xoxoxo

Where am I? What's happening to me? Can't think. Can't see. Why is it so dark?

Can't move. Why can't I move? Why do I hurt?

Wait. I know you!

No, go away – No! Stop hurting me! Why are you doing this? – Noooo!

I thought we were friends! Why?

Leave me alone. Please don't. Stop! Don't hurt me anymore. Stop! Please!

Why are you doing this? I thought I knew you!

I don't know! Why are you doing this? No, I don't know you anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. Make it stop!

Can't think. Can't feel. Don't want to! Don't want to remember! It hurts too much!

Who am I? Why am I here? Where is here? Tell me!

No, come back! Who are you? Why are you doing this to me?

It hurts! Stop! Can't breathe. I am so tired. Please! I just want it to stop. Make it stop! - Oliver screamed at the specters haunting him, or at least he thought he did, in his mind.

Blurry images and faces from his former life had appeared before his eyes, floating in the gooey darkness that surrounded him. They had smiled at him. And he'd wanted to smile back, because he thought he knew them. He'd tried to touch them, but they were just out of his reach. Then, suddenly, the faces had turned into gaping, distorted maws and the hands into claws; coming at him, biting and scratching him, hurting him, tearing at the very fabric of his soul, shredding it. And it hurt! It hurt so badly. Piece by piece they tore from him, until he had nothing left to give. So he decided! Decided, he didn't want to hurt anymore, didn't want feel anymore, didn't want to remember. Because remembering hurt. Remembering meant pain. And so he forgot. Forgot the smiling faces and tender hands, forgot who he was and forgot where he came from. Until there was nothing left to remember.

Oliver Queen ceased to exist!

xoxoxo

„Felicity?"

„Hmm."

„Felicity!"

„Hmm Five more minutes," she moaned pitifully, turning her head away from the irritating voice, into the pillow. And that was, when it hit her - the smell! Oliver! She gasped awake instantly, eyes flying open, as if she had been touched by a life-wire.

"Sshh, everything is okay!" Diggle tried to reassure her, laying a hand on the nearest shoulder. But Felicity just shook her head as she sat up, pulling the pillow into her lap, her knees to her chest and laying her head upon them, her arms forming a protective shell around herself.

"No John, it isn't," she whispered sadly; "Nothing will ever be okay again." She felt raw inside, her heart was a bleeding aching mess and she would've loved to rip it out her chest just to stop the pain. Make it go away. Sadly, she couldn't.

John didn't know what to say or what to do. He couldn't make it better, didn't know how to help Felicity. Heck, he didn't even know how to help himself. Oliver had been his best friend, a brother, if not by blood, then by choice. And the knowledge that he was gone hurt so damn bad! After Andy he would have never thought to feel that way ever again. How wrong he had been!

Diggle nodded, then he took Felicity into his arms. What else was there to do? They could share their grieve. It wouldn't make the loss hurt any less, no, he knew that. But maybe, just maybe, it would make it a little easier to bear.

„John?" Felicity sniffled.

"Yes?" He looked down at the blond IT-genius.

"What do we do now?" Eyes wide, she angled her head to look up John, looking at him for guidance. John always knew what to do, didn't he?

"What do you mean?"

Felicity shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure, Dig. What do we do ‚now'? - I mean right NOW. And what about later… what about the team? I just don't know, John. There are so many questions, and I can't even begin to think about the answers." At the end her voice had broken away, lacking the strength to go on.

But John understood; understood her only too well. Exhaling a deep breath, he answered: "I don't know either. But we'll find out together." He squeezed her shoulders gently. "One step at a time, I promise." They were silent for a while, held onto each other, sharing their grief, but also lending each other strength.

The spell was broken, when Roy approached from wherever he had been, a look of absolute determination on his face. "I know what to do!"

Felicity looked wide-eyed at the young man, opening her mouth to demand he explain himself, be she didn't get to.

"I know what to do," he repeated: "We find him, and we bring him home!"