Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) do NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters. I only am responsible for the (albeit poorly written and devised) plot.

Oh, and I screwed up the fact that Riza lives in an apartment and not a house, but sorry, it's gonna stay that way. (And I'm also aware that they don't use my currency.)

"..."

"Umm, did you just say that-" The Colonel began nervously, knowing he was stepping into a very dangerous territory.

"She's PMSing. Yep," Maria said, rocking back on her heels, silently enjoying the uncomfortable expressions on their faces. She made a mental note to save this excuse for another emergency. It sure shut guys up quick.

Even the four males in the room who knew for a fact that it was most definitely not the reason she'd collapsed panicked. How would they know? For all they knew, she really was y'know... having that problem.

"When you say she's..." Havoc nervously began, fiddling with the cigarette that had fallen to the floor earlier.

"It's her time of the month, she has a 'visitor,' she's on her period. How else do you want me to say it?" Maria's amusement only grew as her co-workers paled with each word.

"Umm... so, uh, what do we do now?" The Colonel awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, trying to switch gears. Maria instantly turned serious again.

"Well I don't have any ibuprofen on me," Maria said as she crouched to feel her forehead, careful to avoid moving her from the Colonel's protective embrace. "but she's out cold so that shouldn't be a problem for a while. She is a bit sleep deprived, so I think that's that'll need fixing first. Colonel, think you could-"

"Shh!" He shushed her, as Riza's eyelids had begun to flutter, and her head began to move back and forth.

"Mmm... I'm sleepy," she mumbled into his shirt, pressing her face into his chest. His eyes bugged and the look of complete and utter surprise crossed his face.

"Maria," he stage whispered, careful to not shift Riza too much. "What do I do?" The guys all restrained themselves from letting a shit-eating grin take over.

Finally. Some progress.

"Take her home. You just need to take her inside, I'm sure she'll be able to handle it from there. Here," she walked over to her desk and pulled out a key. "take this. It's her spare. Just make sure to leave it somewhere she can find it."

As he took the small key, he asked nervously, "So, I'm doing this alone...?" She nodded, quickly thinking up an excuse.

"I have to meet someone later for a family matter. Sorry," she apologized.

Falman was the first to whip out another excuse, and then the others followed his example.

"Yeah, I've got to visit my ..."

"I've got so many errands to run..."

"I've got a date tonight and I..."

It looked like the Colonel would have to face this challenge alone. He looked down, a small smile forming on his face as he held her. Riza was still clutched firmly in his arms, one hand under her knees and the other supporting her shoulders.

He's carrying her bridal style, mused Fuery. How fitting.

Despite her physical strength, he found that she weighed hardly anything.

He straightened, careful not to disrupt her sleep. "Well then, I suppose it's time to bring her home. Maria," he said gesturing toward the door. "Would you mind?" She nodded, and politely opened the door for him.

"I think I've got a few moments to spare," she said as he began to walk out. "I'll help you get her to you car." He hesitated for a moment, then tuned to address his men.

"Not a word of this to anyone. Do you understand me?" They nodded, saluting him as he left the office. Maria followed behind, closing the door behind her. But just before she did, she heard a voice drift through the crack and had to stifle a laugh.

"Told you so! Ha! You owe me twenty!"

"Sir, is there something bothering you?" Maria asked the Colonel as she remained a few paces behind him. "You seem a little on edge."

"No, it's just... I didn't get much sleep last night," he answered honestly, still holding Riza's sleeping figure to his chest. Maria decided probe around for answers. She needed to know if he was worth the effort.

"Were you... busy?" she asked, raising one slender eyebrow at him. He blushed, looking down at the woman in his arms. "No. I don't do... that sort of thing anymore."

Maria smirked. So Riza's little talk with him about how it was wrong to treat girls like replaceable toys was cruel had gotten through that thick skull of his. The infamous player Roy Mustang would give it all up for Riza Hawkeye.

"Couldn't sleep?" She knew by the way his stride faltered that she'd struck a nerve. He stopped to take in a shallow breath.

"...Sir?" She asked quietly. She took note of how his grip on Riza's small frame tightened ever so slightly.

"It's nothing." She walked in front to face him, looking him dead in the eyes. "Don't pull that crap with me, Roy. What's bothering you?"

"Just a bad dream, " he mumbled just loud enough for her to hear and resumed walking to his car. She graciously opened the door, and managed to maneuver Riza into the front seat bench.

He rolled down his window, looking at Maria.

"Thanks for the help," he said, and she smiled. "No problem. Happy yo help. But seriously," she said leaning in. "whatever's bothering you, you can talk to me about it. Or Riza. Or even Jean! We're your friends, Roy. You have to learn to depend on us at some point."

She waved goodbye as the engine purred to life, and the car drove off.

You'd better take care of her Colonel. God knows she deserves it.

Riza was leaning heavily against Roy's shoulder as the car rumbled onward. At least, she had been, until her head landed in the Colonel's lap. He looked surprised for a moment as her hand stretched out so she was draped over his legs, then tentatively removed one hand from the steering wheel to stroke her hair. He was careful to keep his eyes on the road, as he couldn't even begin to imagine the horror of getting into an accident with Riza in the car.

If that were to happen, I might not ever sleep again.

And then the overwhelming guilt from last night had swallowed him again. He gritted his teeth as he desperately tried to get his mind back on track. An episode right now would only make things worse. Anything, anything else would be better.

Riza took that moment to nuzzle her head into his stomach. And suddenly, the anxiety twisting deep inside of him melted away. She looked like an angel, and her lips were pulled back into a dreamy smile, as she continued drifting in her state of sleep. Her hair had fallen out of it's usual confinement, fanning out around her face.

He sighed as the car pulled up to her house. Guess it was time to bring her upstairs to her bedroom. (In his defense, he only knew that because of when he'd helped her move in.)

Hoisting her out of the car and up the stairs hadn't been the difficult part. Not even the taking off her shoes and coat while she was still thrown over his shoulder. The hard part, was actually getting her into the damn bed.

"No, no, no. Stay," she whimpered as she clung desperately to him. Her arms were wound around the back of his neck, and her weight was beginning to pull him down onto her. He tried easing her hands off, but her grip was like steel. He sighed.

Even when she's asleep she's so strong. Strong and stubborn, that's my girl. He smiled fondly down at the woman who had him wrapped around her pinky. Saddest part was, she didn't even know it.

"Riza," he coaxed. "I'm sorry but I gotta go." She moaned in protest, still not letting go.

"I promise I'll see you tomorrow okay?" She nodded, just before her head lolled to the side, dropping down onto the bed. He kissed her forehead, and pulled the key out of his pocket. He placed it on her bedside table, knowing she'd see it the next morning.

"Bye Riz," he whispered, calling by one of her childhood names. "see you tomorrow."

It was dark, barely enough light to see the woman's sleeping face. But one thing that could be seen, was the shadow lurking in the corner, quietly making their way to her bed. A dark hand reached out to trace the side of her face with a painted fingernail, while slipping a small shiny object into their pocket. A key.

The figure spoke, its voice chilling the room with every calculating word.

"Soon, darling. Soon it'll be your time. It's no fun to kill you in your sleep. No pain, no gain, that's what he always said. So I'll wait." The woman paused. "I'm not a very patient person, I'm afraid. We'll give you this one. Some extra time. But next time, we will not be so forgiving." Her eyes lit up with unconfined madness.

"Next time, you will die."

Hey guys! Sorry if that isn't what you were expecting, I'm still changing the story around. Not sure how I'm going to develop thing yet. We'l see where this goes, and if you guys don't like it, I can always change it. I've go t a few other ideas. Thanks for reading!

-Pyro