Chapter 19: Feelings
The waves were tender and gentle as they brushed the rocky shore line. Intricate marine life could be spotted, scattered naturally upon the jagged beach. A complete miniature world rested, without notice, on our heroes land. Well, almost without notice...
Raven's gaze weaved in between each colony of crabs and each community of scavenging seagulls. Her memory was ingrained of this peaceful image as if it would not see tomorrow's rising sun. She blinked slowly, inhaling the salty aroma of the gorgeous element surrounding her. Stealing one last glimpse, she swiveled her glimmering orbs to the delicately setting sun. The simmering heat was fading away slowly, yet she could still feel the slightest essence on her face.
Robin has long since left the roof, and was no doubt thriving in the company of the other titans. Although during the heavenly time they had spent together, in which, Raven had discovered her true feelings for the mask clad titan, she was glad that he had left her soon after to her thoughts.
Though her exterior seemed at peace, the great expanse in her mind played host to a gruesome struggle.A cataract, plump and on the brink of explosion. Her heart, though tainted black from birth, longed to express her imprisoned emotions. But her pride and natural way of coping, demanded that she shove her feelings for Robin as far away as possible.
Why can't I just be normal? She thought as the deep cloud of depression cast itself through her rejuvenated spirit, cascading down the rough edges of the sharp twisted pathway into the covert of her most darkest of thoughts. Though she did value her differences at some level, nothing, not even the immense amount of power flowing through her veins could make her embraced her demonic half. It's not like everyone feels for me the way Robin does. Though she was still a little uncertain about his true feelings. Just this one time, I wish I could be normal...for him. She frowned deeply as the glowing sun died out. The crabs recoiled into their exotic shells, and the loudly squawking seagulls took flight, magnetically drawn back to their nests.
Raven's brow furrowed in sadness. Her thoughts shifted to an archaic discovery, yet no amount of time could mend it's dysphoric overcast. But where is my home? For as long as she had been with the titans, she had accepted their perspectives that they were, indeed, each other's family. Perhaps the only member of the team that actually had blood relatives was Starfire. But her natural outgoing personality had been more than happy to embrace all of the titans unconditionally. However, the term 'family' had a completely different meaning to her. On Azarath, family could be a beautiful assurance to the peace of mind to some. Yet in her, and many other Azarathian's cases, family was a curse. It was something injected into your existence that you could not escape.
No amount of running or denial could kill the poisoned blood that was inevitably latched into each dark crevasse of their spirits, bonded eternally onto each bursting emotion, coursing forever through her animalistic, uncontrollable rage. Your fate was sealed the moment you were conceived. Family, to her, was an unfightable battle, an inextinguishable flame, a guilty verdict to be condemned to damnation for all eternity.
She wished so badly to forget all that was taught to her on her wretched planet, yet, try as she might, often she could not grasp earthly definitions and concepts, much like Starfire. A futile attempt to flee her destiny perhaps. At times it did seem to her, that it was a mistake coming to this lush planet. If her family was an unargueable issue, then her fate, was it completely out of the question and useless to try and change it? Though she had defied the odds stacked against her by challenging and soon after defeating Trigon, she still knew that the universe had more in store for her. What if the monks of Azarath were wrong from the start by foreseeing her destiny as a mere portal for her father? What if it was indeed her destiny to defeat him and to choose her own path in life? It was all so confusing, and she knew no matter how long she dwelled on the issue, there would be no solution. Time, and only time, could resolve it.
Her thoughts returned to the aforementioned concepts of families. No, friends cannot be your family. She concluded, shaking her head, slightly angry with herself. Only she could focus on the negatives in life, even after the moment in heaven she had experienced on the rooftop. That's the most of heaven that I will ever see. She bit her bottom lip, not wanting to travel backwards to revel in the unwanted memories of her forever doomed heritage.
Not caring to drag herself down any further, she shifted her thoughts onto an equally nauseating situation that needed to be dealt with.
Robin. No, not only him, Red-X. Her stomach heaved as her mind began to unravel the memory of their previous meeting. It had been under such awkward circumstances, and yet, despite all the numerous reasons to kill her hidden emotions, she had, for a moment, somehow felt whole. A debilitating void had been filled, and understanding had presented itself upon the two. Red-X was a person that had a life, a past, eerily similar to hers. Not to mention the quirks and defined attributes that had highlighted themselves in both their personalities seemed unmistakably corresponding as well.
It was an indecisive split decision. Robin, to her, was an angel. Simply untouchable to her filthy demonic limbs. He was the highly coveted forbidden fruit. To say Robin was too good for Raven was a drastic understatement. To put it bluntly, Robin sat miles above the ground on a blindingly white, angelic pedestal, with a mystic, endless staircase riddled with danger and uncertainty below it. No amount of stairs climbed, people saved, or destinies shunned away could ever create a loophole allowing her to reach her beautiful desire. Hope, even the slightest flicker seemed like a wasted effort.
Red-X, on the other hand was the complete and total opposite. Though he was human, he soul seemed demonic, and meant for her. His clouded heart beat at the same pace, his blood boiled at the same heat, and his similar fate he had chosen provided Raven with a second hand. And it seemed like fate was clashing Raven's world with his crime infested one, constantly, so often it seemed impossible, at best, that it was a coincidence. Was someone trying to tell her something? That she was indeed destined to be evil, every facet of her life, as the monks of her planet had foresaw? Or were they allowing her to try and redeem her cursed birth by teasingly providing her with the far fetched option of an angel? The more questions she stacked up, the more obvious it was becoming that her fate rested on the dark side of the endless battle of good versus evil.
Although she knew this predicament needed to be sorted out, she couldn't help but get frustrated of the issue that had never presented itself previously in her life, and digress her thoughts all together. Pushing her opaque lips into a hard line, she focused on her mental list of distractions. After reviewing each one with detail she came to a conclusion that meditation seemed like the most beneficial distraction of the list.
So, the distinguished sea life was left to a peaceful slumber, with the angelic lullaby of the gentle waves caressing each colony of every tide pool.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Raven chanted softly, though the words never reached her mind to work their magic on her slowly stabilizing emotions. Her thoughts were ablaze, racing faster than her own pulse. Though her mind was already littered with them, more questions began to flood through her tormented mind. She was captured in an inner struggle, and she had reached an impasse.
Red-X. He was mysteriously alluring to her. He was her deepest fantasy come to life, though she would never ever admit that to anyone. If her most common emotions needed to be bound, then to unleash her feelings of lust, it was simply unthinkable. Though, they were beginning to make themselves known to her. It would possibly take an eternity for her to have enough control to express them. The thought did create a surge of hope, and the smallest of smiles graced her lips, though it soon diminished as the word 'eternity' echoed through her mind.
She tidied her expression and adjusted her cloak, determined to get at least a good twenty minutes of meditation in before her thoughts and questions bombarded her once more.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." But ,yet again, the words were hollow, empty, and without meaning.
Robin. Her thoughts fixated upon him once again. Her memory unveiled the earlier conversation she had afflicted upon herself. Was fate stepping in and allowing her a chance to live her life the way she wished to? Though she had taken fate into her own hands when she sought out the titans, she still believed fate was uncontrollable, another lesson taught of Azarath. Perhaps due to the fact that her whole life thus far, her destiny had been mapped out and set in stone. Maybe if the monks that had foresaw her destiny, had also managed to see that Trigon would be defeated, it wouldn't have left her so scarred and hesitant to hope. Her hope that she was able to slough off her demonic side had, as of late, dwindled dangerously close to vanishing all together. The thought made a shiver run down her spine, but she could not deny the truth of the statement. Nor could she deny the budding feelings for her team leader. Though Red-X had enlivened a new emotion in her, the feelings that Robin sparked in her were different and perhaps more powerful all together.
It's not love...not yet at least. She thought, the thrilled smile returning to her placid lips. The possibilities crescendoed her heart rate, but the warmness vanished just as soon as it had appeared.
She knitted her eyebrows together, finally reaching a resolution. If fate was giving her a choice, then it would obviously be with Robin, she would not pass up such a splendid opportunity. Nothing, not even her other yearnings for Red-X could make her choose a fate so closely resembled to her father and his evil wishes for her.
She uncrossed her rigid legs, and stretched her rested arms. Sighing audibly as she laid back onto her bed, the sheets tousled even more as they cast brilliant dark shadows amongst the pre-existing darkness. It seemed to her, though unintentional at the time, that she had led him on ,somewhat. Though he had done the majority, if not all of the courting -if that was what it was meant to be- she could not deny the slight guilt of that lustful feeling lurking in her mind, though he knew nothing of it. Still, it only seemed fair, whilst comforting her guilty conscience, to relay the truth of her intentions and the lack of his presence and appearance in them.
Now, after reaching a solution between Robin and Red-X, it seemed rather preposterous to be interested in Red-X to begin with. He was a villain, one of the titan's arch nemeses. He was the complete opposite of her and her super hero status. Though the knowledge lingered that Red-X and Raven were strikingly reflecting in the depths of her mind. And that's where she would order them to stay.
But the remaining thought was thrown from her mind as she began to scheme the outlay of her escape plan. She had come to the conclusion to wait until the dead of night, it seemed like the only logical way to go about things. The other titans would be deep in slumber and the cover of the darkness would not give her position away easily.
A devious grin played on her lips as her plot became whole. Now, at least she could meditate with ease, knowing her decision was complete and there were no lingering questions plaguing her. She resumed her meditation stance, trying to fill the silence with her shallow chants as long as possible. She would need plenty of control over her emotions with what she had in store for herself for tonight.
Her focus was completely on her meditation, for she knew that X would try to break her down. Her composure needed to be solid, flawless, in order to pull off her intentions. She inhaled fluidly and increased her concentration, targeting the specific emotions that he would arise in her. She would not give in to his disturbing way of charming her, and that was something she felt certain about.
The luminous crescent moon rapidly sunk behind a thick blanket of velvety storm clouds. The city was shrouded in darkness. A low rattling clap of thunder sounded throughout the business district, stretching and weaving in between the residentials before it sunk into the never ending forest. A few drops of rain fell into the city, warning it of the dense sheet of rain that was planning at attack any moment. The few drops gathered in size until the full cavalry had arrived. Puddles began to emerge throughout the city as the storm picked up force, drumming against the slowly increasing current of the bay. The wind whipped, dancing with the cool rain as it changed directions, forcing the drops to assault Titan's Tower.
There Raven stood, watching with interest and excitement her favorite type of weather prevail and triumph over all parts of the immense metropolis. She was infinitely lucky that such a blessing had bestowed itself on a night as important as this. She now had her cover of darkness, as well as the added bonus of frequent thunder and lightning that would drown out even the smallest of sounds that she could unintentionally create as she made her escape.
She pressed her flat palm against the glass, allowing the coldness to seep onto her skin, sewing itself onto her weaving veins. She shivered slightly,almost feeling the rain play upon her milky skin.
She closed her eyes in deep concentration and phased soundlessly through the solid glass. Gracefully, she flew through the air, the wind knocking her hood askew. viewing her hood as useless at this point, she didn't bother to pull the cloth shield back atop her head. The heavy rain drenched her cloak and hair, the coldness slowly flowing through every inch of her delicate flesh. She squinted harshly, finding it difficult to locate the city with such a limited field of vision. However, she pressed onwards as she approached the devastated beach.
Landing soundlessly, the wet sand glued itself in thick layers to the bottoms of her boots, creating a crunching sound as her feet found the pavement. She had long since lost patience with flying, and had decided upon navigating her way through the empty, half flooded city, as impossible of a task as that may have seemed.
She didn't know exactly where to find X, but she would start with the warehouse from their last encounter. If X was as infatuated with Raven as she thought he was, he would be seeking her out as well. She relaxed slightly, knowing that she would not be returning to the tower without being in Red-X's company first.
She thought it not possible, but she was even more drenched than before as she approached the abandoned warehouse. Her muscles stiffened instantly and she became vigilant as she advanced towards the rusty, nearly collapsed opening. Obviously the small entrance was a sorry excuse for a door, but Raven wasn't there to make comments on the poor architecture radiating throughout the local businesses.
She braced herself against the enormous door, trying to create enough space to allow her small frame to squeeze through. Pressing her body weight, in full, against the frigid metal, it rumbled in protest as the sharp edges scraped against the uneven ground. Though seemingly impossible, the innards of the warehouse were even darker than outside.
She took a few hesitant, wary steps inside, letting her eyes somewhat adjust to the piercing blackness. A few solid silhouettes stood out as she began to trek her way through the maze, unelegantly bumping into boxes and crates five times her size.
She slowed her movements, almost to a stand still in an effort to hone in on another sense. She strained her ears in a futile effort to hear anything that even remotely sounded of the mechanics of human foot steps, breathing, even the beating of the heart. But all she heard was her own as she began to regret entering the building in the first place.
She closed her eyes unnecessarily, considering her surroundings were just as dark as the inside of her eyelids. Heaving a petite sigh, she turned and headed the direction she had come from. However, her cloak, heavy with rain water sewn into the fabric, stretched down past its normal frame. With one unintended movement, Raven had successfully tripped over the soaked burden and had fallen onto the frigid, slightly damp concrete floor straight on her back.
She growled loudly in frustration as she climbed to her feet, in so doing, hearing and feeling a nasty crack in her spine. She shove her cloak behind her in an angry manner and regained her composure. Refusing to the stumble or trip over anything else strewn haphazardly across the building. Stretching her arms out in front of her, she began a slow steady pace for the exit once more.
Uh, this is so stupid. They invented electricity for a reason! She thought as she began to navigate herself more efficiently.
Raven thought she was in the clear, when suddenly, her outstretched palms hit a crate with a fine surface. She felt around the smooth crate, trying to find the edges, when she realized...this crate had contours.
Instantly she was dumbfounded, her expression a clear reflection of this. She pressed her fingertips harder into the object, determined to find its origins. When she was about ready to finally give up and move around the object, it suddenly expanded. Raven jerked her hands back. What is this thing?!
Regaining her composure, she reached out towards the mysterious object once again. As soon as she felt her fingers touch the flawless surface, she felt a cool grip on her wrists, and things began to fall into place. Jerking backwards once more, she realized that this object was no crate, but a human.
She heard a small chuckle erupt from the deafening silence. The voice, though sounding different than usual was still unmistakable.
"Why Raven, I never knew you wanted me that way." He replied, humor flowing though each syllable.
Though she knew it was him, Red-X, his velvety deep, seductive still caught her by surprise. She gasped and quickly wrenched her arms from his grasp. Expecting him to keep his soft hold on her, Raven stumbled backwards, a corner of a nearby crate jamming into her side. She sucked in a sharp breath as the pain radiated throughout her leg, but she recovered quickly, still shocked by his leniency.
Her eyes darted from side to side, trying to make out his figure. "X?" She called out, though she knew already that it was him.
"In the flesh." He responded back in a cocky tone.
She eyed the darkness in the exact spot where his voice resonated from. There was something different about it. It sounded clear, exposed, as if there was nothing modifying it. Though he had only spoken once, his voice made her weak in the knees, partly from finally hearing it in it's correct form.
Forgetting all her rehearsed goodbyes, she strode towards him, questions pulsing through her mind. All of them she expected to receive an answer.
"You sound different." She finally spoke, having said more of a statement than a question. But rather than answering her question with a spoken reply, Red-X softly gripped her hands.
Okay, no gloves, that's different.But that still doesn't answer my... However, all thoughts were forgotten as X slowly brought her hands upwards. Her freezing hands gently collided with something equally cold. She pressed her fingertips lightly over the smooth surface, exploring the contours of an unmasked face.
Raven froze instantly, her fingers rigid over his cheek bones. No mask?! But all thoughts were lost as her heart pounded, her whole body increasing in temperature.
In reality, she was touching the unmasked face of a most deadly foe. But for Raven, it was an otherworldly experience. Her stone cold heart very nearly exploded with excitement. She was no longer in control of her mind or body. All logic was completely thrown from her mind and something primal took hold as her fingers continued to journey his face.
She moved from his cheek bones, tantalizingly slow, over his temples, allowing her pointer and middle fingers to graze over his eyes, which fluttered gracefully shut in response. Brushing over his eyebrows, she felt the fine hairs prickle the pads of her fingertips, as she reached up onto her toes to caress his broad forehead. She felt the heat resonate from it as it soaked into her fingertips, traveling up the length of each arm and becoming lost within the heat surging through every inch of her own body.
She halted her movements, but only for a moment, as she felt the coarse stubble of hair that framed his face. She squinted in amusement, having found out the fact that it was spiked, similar to Robin's. Wincing internally for even making the connection, she knew that, just by being here, she was betraying not only Robin, but Beastboy, Cyborg, and Starfire as well.
But nothing could even attempt to break her focus of the man before her, whom, at the moment, she desired more than anything.
Her hands slowly began to fall downwards, tracing the distinct bridge and gently slopping tip of his nose. While allowing one hand to reluctantly fall back to her side, the other remained on his upper lip.
Raven closed her eyes as the once icy room began to get noticeable hotter, the air seemed muggy and it was hard for her to catch a breath.
She tried to temporarily free herself from the guilt of betraying her friends, by convincing herself that the internal portrait she was etching of Red-X by feeling his features was only for the benefit of later identifying him to the titans. But all the feelings of condemnation and self-loathing were instantly erased when her heart inflated, almost painfully. Her pulse was pounding in her ears and she exhaled raggedly, her head becoming hazy and her eyes drooped slightly from the tiredness the sudden surge of heat had provided.
An explosion echoed throughout the warehouse, the origins of it, not far from their current location. Neither one moved an inch, just as Robin had done for Raven during their rooftop chat. However, at this point and time Raven became increasingly frustrated that the Boy Wonder kept entering her thoughts. Though as shocking as it was for her to be angry as this fact, she was, nonetheless, which frustrated her even more.
Raven's hands had once again froze as she was trying to catch up to her bodies reaction. Red-X, noticing, and obviously thinking it was her embarrassing display of her powers, smiled encouragingly, as if he were unafraid, completely content with her momentary loss of control.
She felt his smile and her heart pounded even faster, instilling fear in Raven, that it would burst straight out of her chest. Yet, it remained in place as her breathing hitched and it actually took effort to fill her lungs with precious oxygen.
Making a bold move, she elegantly brushed her scorching fingertips over his soft lips, feeling every crevasse, every valley, and every mountain. She was surprised that despite her prodding, his lips never broke the smile that she was sure would leave her breathless, had they been in a lighted room.
She was almost sad when her journey had ended and her wandering hand rejoined the other at her sides. Though she was frustrated with the few remaining questions, which only lingered due to the fact that they were in complete and utter darkness.
What color are his eyes? His hair? Is he tan? Pale? The pent up anger nearly made her ask the questions aloud. Though she held her tongue with some difficulty.
The once hot, muggy air, suddenly became cold once more, though Raven's body temperature and heart beat did not decrease. The atmosphere instantly became thick, tense, and full of awkwardness and confusion.
What happens next? Raven thought as her mind drew a blank. Past experience of this constrained situation would've proven extremely useful, but, as usual, Raven had no sort of knowledge of anything as emotionally twisted as this. She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to think of something to break the silence, and wouldn't make her look like a total idiot, her pride could not take that.
Closing her eyes, thoughts of fleeing the scene jumped into her mind. But her plans stilled and ceased and her eyes snapped open in surprise as she felt a pair of cold, strong hands cup her face.
END OF CHAPTER 19!!
I feel evil doing this, just about as much as my non-updation (?) over the past few months. But hey I worked hard on this chapter, and I have to say that I am very pleased with the results..But does anyone think that my vocabulary is..shallow? like i repeat words over and over again throughout the chapter...I felt like I was using the words fingertips, she, and everyones names too much...what do you all think?
oh, and thanks for sticking with me, all of you! and to all of you new reviewers that unknowingly guilt tripped me into updating love ya!