(I don't normally do trigger warnings, I think if you're not mature enough to read a story without the author having to pre spoil half the plot for everyone else then you shouldn't be reading stories with a T/M rating. However I'm making an exception in this case because I think it's one of the sadder snapshots I've wrote. I wanted to write something to try and explain why Tamsin is the overly protective one/worrier of the two -I think it's important to write sad things sometimes, but I will always try to do it as respectfully as possible- big thank you to all of you who review, it really drives me to write more!)
Flashback Snapshot.
I read the pregnancy test again, just to make sure. Putting it on the side with the three others as I couldn't help but pull my knees to my chest and wonder what to do next. It wasn't that as I wasn't ready for kids, having children is all I've thought about for nearly a thousand lifetimes, but finding my soulmate seemed to press a button inside of me that has set an alarm on my maternal clock that feels like it's going off every half an hour and there's no snooze button.
'Come home now, it's urgent.' I texted, knowing that Bo would now be flying through the streets of Toronto at break neck speed, urgency is not a word frequently used in my vocabulary. 'Don't drive like a maniac, I'd like my wife in one piece if possible.' I added with a smile creeping up my lips, throwing my phone on the side as I pulled myself together and finally got up off the bathroom floor, looking at my stomach in the mirror for the faintest signs of a growing bump, pushing my belly out and wondering what I'd look like pregnant. 'Gross.' I thought as I imagined getting fat and sweaty with pregnancy.
Nerves seemed to get a hold of me, which is a feeling I wasn't used to. Valkyries don't do any other speed than 'cruise control', we don't do nervous, or worried, or weakness. I thought for a moment about the things that made me feel safe on the rare occasions I was feeling scared, well, the few things other than my wife who was now probably flying through suburban roads to make sure I'm alive.
I wandered to our bedroom, opening my bedside draw as I peaked at the inconspicuous jewellery box inside, worn and tattered. It wasn't that me and my mother have ever had the best of relationship, but whenever she went off to fight battles and wars when I was little, I would play my music box and think about the valkyrie I'd grow up to be one day, brave and strong just like my mama. Whenever I got scared I'd play it's familiar tune and all of a sudden I was a six year old girl thinking about the woman I'd grow up to be one day, brave and strong.
"Babe I'm home, where are you? Are you okay?" I heard panicked calls coming from the crack-shack kitchen.
"I'm here, it's okay, relax! I told you not to drive fast! I scowled, protectively grabbing my stomach at the thought of something happening to Bo "No more driving over the speed limit!" I acquiesced, walking past her to grab a beer out of the fridge before reality struck me. 'No more beer for me.' I thought to myself, begrudgingly grabbing a juicebox instead.
My choice of drink didn't go unnoticed as I closed the refrigerator door, leaning against the island counter as I played with the straw - avoiding Bo's eye contact.
"I swear to god if you've called me away from a case to urgently get you another six pack of beer I'm going to beat you to death with this boot." she growled, pointing to the heel thigh high boot she was wearing over her leggings.
"I'm pregnant." I blurted out, looking up to her with tear filled green eyes, 'God this must look pitiful, get it together Tamsin.' I thought to myself, aware of how ugly it must look when I cry. It's not as if I've ever really done it enough to practice.
"Wha-what." Bo stuttered, holding the stool for support as she looked me up and down, before her eyes focused on my centre, searching for the signs of a tiny curve.
"This is what we wanted right?" I asked, now uncertain. "You want this too right?" I prodded her, trying to fight back tears as I gauged her response. "Are you happy?" I asked again, waiting for her to come back down to Earth as she stared at me blankly. "Say something!" I finally shouted.
Before I could speak another word she lurched towards me, her lips hungrily devouring mine as she pulled me close to her body, her hands clinging to my sides as my fingers cupped her cheeks, before her own fingers moved closer and closer to my centre until a firm hand was pressed across my stomach. "I'm more than happy Tamsin, I want to have children with you, I want to grow old with you -no matter how long it might take us-" she smiled with teary eyes, which I wiped away. "I want to build a life with you, and fight over who's dropping the kids off at school, and argue over gets to read bedtime stories. We have so much love to give to a baby. I'm more than happy, Tamsin." she wept. "We're gonna be mommies." she finally let out a full blown choked cry.
"No, you're going to be a mommy." I knowingly smiled. "I'm going to be a mama." I grinned.
. . . . . . .
"You know, pregnancy looks great on you." Bo wryly smiled behind the book she was pretending to give half a shit about whilst she stole glances of me changing out of my underwear.
"Thanks Succubus, I make everything look great though." I winked over my shoulder before a spell of dizziness hit me, forcing me to sit down on the bed whilst I gathered my breath. I heard that Fae pregnancy was hard, but I was starting to feel like human. Feeble, delicate, weak.
"You know, I think I have just the remedy for your pregnancy sickness." I felt a breathy whisper in my ear and kisses on my shoulder and neck.
"And what might that be? I don't believe you have a doctorate of medicine." I smirked, leaning back against her warm chest as she wrapped her arms around me protectively, it felt strange being the one protected and taken care of but it wasn't all that terrible. According to the baby books Bo's making me read it's because I'm 'nesting' which according to Dyson is because I'm a big flappy bird lady. Asshole.
"Didn't you know I'm a BO-GYN." she joked, deepening a slow kiss whilst her hands wandered beneath the underwear I'd just taken the efforts to put on.
. . . . . .
"You know, if you lost a couple of pounds…" Dyson began to tease me.
"The rest of that statement better be a fucking maths equation otherwise I'm going to jump over this table and beat you to death with this book." Bo quickly jumped to my defense, protectively covering my potbelly bump with her hand as I threw Dyson the finger. "Don't listen to him, you look great okay?" she hastened to add, kissing my cheek before she returned to the book she was researching for her case.
"Bo will jab a fork in your throat if you try and pick on me." I laughed at Dyson as he sat slightly unnerved by Bo's previous statements.
"I probably shouldn't joke around, it's just strange seeing my old hard-ass partner looking so delicate now." he thought aloud. "I remember days when you could take down all of Brazenwood with just one flash of your eyes." he reminisced, talking as if my glory days were behind me now I was too pregnant for active police duty.
"T-tamsin are you okay?" he stuttered as I became aware of how wet my cheeks were, realising I was crying again.
"I'm fine- I think, my eyes do that sometimes. I think it's the baby." I whimpered, trying to hold back the floods. "Y-you don't think I'm a badass anymore, do you?" I finally choked a sob as Bo slammed the book down on the table, her eyes flashing blue as she practically frothed at the mouth.
"Run wolf." she warned him, which seemed to work - next time I looked up he'd shapeshifted into wolf form and was running so far into the distance I could barely see him, my attention was pulled away by a soft hand stroking my arm. "You will always be my badass okay? You will always wear the trousers, you're just trying on a maternity dress for now." Bo acquised, rubbing my knee.
"And I look amazing in it, right?" I added with a laugh, drying my tears.
"As amazing as you make everything you do look." she added with a knowing wink before returning to her book.
. . . . .
"Get away from screwdriver." the voice startled me as I dropped the piece of the crib I was working on.
"Jesus Bo, are you trying to make me go into labour four months early?" I asked, pushing her arm as I recovered from the shock of my wife creeping up on me at 2.30am.
"What the Hell are you doing down here? I told you not to go near the crib, it's not safe for you to be doing heavy lifting." she shot back, grabbing the screwdriver.
"I couldn't sleep, my feet are swollen, I feel too hot, my breasts ache with rage, my back hurts. I just wanted to do something to make me feel normal." I pouted as her intense stare softened into a concerned gaze.
"Why don't you come upstairs and let me rub your back? I'll put the air conditioning on and I'll help you go sleep." she offered, holding my hand whilst her other fingers ran over the skin of my now ridiculously large stomach protectively. "The crib isn't a big deal, it will still be here for you to do in the morning, okay?" she added.
"Does this mean you'll let me fix the crib?" I asked hopefully.
"If you take your vitamins, stop calling Lauren Dr Dre and you let me spot you? Sure, you can put the crib together." she grinned. "Now come back to bed, your horny pregnancy hormones are currently the highlight of my life." she joked as I followed her upstairs happily.
. . . . .
"Bo, it's Dyson. Come to the Fae Veteran Hospital as soon as you get this - there's been an accident." I listened to the voicemail again and again as I came flying through the streets of Toronto towards the inconspicuous Fae hospital that sat tucked away in the woodlands.
. . . . .
"Where's my wif-" I began to scream as I entered the hospital waiting room in a flurry of tears and panic.
"Bo? Bo Dennis? My name is Elisa, Detective Dyson told me to expect you - follow me." the nurse explained, leading me through what felt like endless white doors and disinfected corridors.
We entered another corridor, the door marked with a sign above saying 'Critical Care Unit.' which made my stomach tie in knots. "Your friend Dyson wanted to stay, but he said Detective Dennis would have wanted him to go and interview the other driver instead." the nurse explained as I wondered how long she'd been speaking for, numb to everything other than my feet paving the tiled floor closer to wherever Tamsin was lying.
"Can you tell me what has happened to my wife?" I stuttered as we reached the door of her hospital room, it wasn't that the nurse had told me we were here, but I could feel her. I knew she was here. Which could only mean she was still alive, I had that much at least.
"Your wife was involved in a head on collision with a drunk-driver, she was thrown ten foot through the windscreen of the car and shattered her pelvis, spine and her right leg. She has a punctured lung and a fractured cheekbone and we're waiting for a CT scan to come back to let us know how bad the bleeding on her brain was." she explained, her words slow and loud as if she was aware that with each syllable she uttered I was drifting to a place I was frightened I'd never return from again. "I'm so sorry Mrs Dennis." she offered, squeezing my arms as I realised she was holding me upright, my legs seemingly giving up beneath me as she balanced me against the wall behind my back.
"Is she, is she alive?" I sobbed. "She was due in three months, we were having a little girl, is she still- is she still-" I couldn't bring myself to utter the words 'pregnant' for fear of what the nurse would tell me, as soon as I saw the sadness in her eyes and the way her lips curled into a frown as she postured herself, finding the best way to tell me we'd lost our child. I knew.
"Tamsin is alive, but unfortunately she has suffered a miscarriage. When Tamsin came in, there wasn't much we could do for her. She'd shattered nearly every bone in her body, she couldn't breathe without assistance, her body has been dramatically weakened by the pregnancy and she was unable to self heal. We were at an impasse about whether it would be more humane to withdraw treatment and let your wife go in peace in co-ordinance with her DNR forms, but a Fae fetus is a considered an individual life from six months and the decision was made to take every action to save your daughter, but something unexplainable happened, I've only ever seen it once before, I'm sorry to ask a question like this when I'm sure you're probably out of your mind with grief and worry - but are you a Succubus?" she asked, narrowing her eyes as if she was piecing together a puzzle.
"Y-yes." I added.
"We think the baby used her chi to save your wife, I left the room for a moment to grab a chart and when I came back with Tamsin's doctor - her serious injuries were healed." the nurse explained, squeezing my hand as I sobbed heartbroken cries to whoever was listening up there. "There aren't many recorded cases of in vitro self sacrifice, we don't know what exactly causes it - there's a lot of research that indicates it's an act of self preservation to heal the mother, I think it helps with the grieving to believe it's an act of love." she whispered.
My mind felt numb, I wanted to cry and scream but my body wouldn't let me, not until I saw Tamsin, not until I saw her breathing. "C-can I see my wife?" I pleaded, my eyes raw from the tears.
"Yes, Tamsin will start waking up soon - Tamsin's serious injuries were healed but there are still quite a few cuts and bumps." the nurse explained, opening the door to Tamsin's room as I followed her in, breathing in a deep breath as I tried to brace myself.
. . . . .
"Hey Succubus." I whispered, noticing the pain in my throat before I opened my eyes.
White walls and white bed sheets, this wasn't our home. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust and work out where I was, before my gaze flickered to Bo where she sat with her knees to her chest, eyes red raw as my racing heart caused the machines to go berserk.
"Tamsin - calm down, it's going to be okay. I've got you." she offered, climbing into bed besides me, pulling me into her arms which was the only place I felt safe now my music box wasn't here.
"What happened?" I asked, vaguely remembering headlights coming towards me and glass shattering.
"You had an accident baby, do you remember? There was a drunk driver?" she tried to jog my memory as I stared at her uncertainly.
"I remember lying hurt on the road- oh god Bo." I opened my mouth in shock, unable to compute any of this as I refused to let my gaze drift down my body, refusing to find out the unspeakable.
"I-I'm not pregnant any more, am I?" I gently sobbed as Bo pulled me tighter into her arms, afraid to let me go as I wondered what the loud wailing noise was blurring the silence. Until I realised it was my own heartbroken screams.
"The baby used her chi to save you, she was a succubus too." Bo wept, stroking the side of my head as I shook in her arms, wondering what the pain in my chest was, I wondered if I was having a heart attack until I remembered someone who suffered from similar symptoms - it was heartbreak.
"We're going to get through this together okay? You are my heart Tamsin, I won't let you go. I am here for you." I vaguely heard her whisper against my ears as my heart raced and I struggled to breathe from the stress, straining against Bo's grip as I became set on the idea of finding the man who put me in this hospital bed and tearing him apart limb by limb.
"I love you." I vaguely heard a voice again, but it was like I was drowning underneath a deep surface of water and everything was in slow motion. Until I felt the familiar pulses of her chi flow through me, relaxing my muscles and forcing me into a place where the world didn't hurt as much anymore.
. . . . . . .
"Tam, it's been a week sweetie. Do you want to come downstairs to eat?" I heard Bo's gentle voice try and coax me.
"It was my fault Bo, if I'd of just asked Dyson to drop off the stupid case file." I gritted my teeth, tears stinging my cheeks bitterly as I clung to the empty space where a bump used to be.
Before I could utter another word I felt familiar arms entrap me and hold me close as I tried to fight her grip, unworthy of her touch as I sobbed.
"I've got you, I will always have you." she whispered into the nape of my neck.
. . . . . . .
"Tamsin, it's been two weeks, you need to come out of here." she tried to press me as I realised I hadn't so much as left the room to use the toilet and bathe.
"If I get out of bed, then I have to carry on with life, and I just can't do that right now." I stoically replied, having no more tears to cry out.
"I'm hurting too." I heard her faintly whisper, knocking me out of my state as I forced myself out of bed and towards her body framed by the door, holding her in my arms as she took her turn to break down. "I thought I'd lost you both." she whimpered, clinging to my skin as I pulled her back towards bed with me.
"We can fight the world tomorrow, let's take today for ourselves." I whispered in her ear, holding her close to my body as we lay in the wake of our destruction.
. . . . . .
"Woah, can I get you breakfast? Or a coffee?" Bo asked, shocked that I'd made it out of the bedroom and downstairs for the first time.
"I'm okay thank you." I weakly offered, still forcing myself nil by mouth - whenever Bo didn't force me to eat or drink that is. "I wanted to come downstairs and take apart the crib myself, it's not fair to ask you to do it." I explained, my voice cracking as I sat down next to the crib I'd painstakingly put together until shaky hands found my own and sat next to me.
"We're in this together, we'll be with each other every step." Bo quietly acknowledged, loosening the screws with the very screwdriver we'd built it with.
. . . . . .
"Get the fuck out of bed right now." the voice growled, harsh and rough. I immediately knew who had came to visit me. "I have tried to come by three times since what happened Tamsin, three times! It's been a month! Get the fuck out of bed right now and eat something." Acacia shouted. Sitting in the chair that faced the bed, the chair Bo sat in to read to me.
Me and my mother never had the best relationship, I never shown weakness in front of her, I always wanted to be the brave, strong valkyrie she was but something snapped inside of me and fractured in a way I can't quite describe. "She died mama." I whimpered. "I didn't save her." my voice cracked.
I closed my eyes and waited for Acacia to admonish me, waited patiently for her to give me her speech about how valkyries don't cry.
Instead I felt her hand stroke my cheek, there were no comforting words or compassionate speeches, just her hand pressed to my tear stained cheek. "I know baby, I know." she sadly sighed. "You always were so brave Tamsin, I wish I could take this pain away but I can't - all I can do is tell you how brave and strong you are, and how much that wonderful woman downstairs needs you. This is the real war Tamsin, this is the fight. You can stay in this bed forever, or you can go downstairs and start to rebuild your life."
"You're right." I nodded, slowly sitting up as she helped me out of bed.
"One day I'm going to have grandchildren, and you're going to have babies running around and we're going to be happy - all of us. Fight for that day." she encouraged me, leading me downstairs to a waiting Bo.
"We called her Acacia, mom." I whispered to her, and for the first time in a thousand life times, my mother shedded a single tear.