"Seriously? I have to be Mrs Krampus?" Tamsin sniffed, examining the outfit as I adjusted my elf ears and straightened down the green skirt whilst simultaneously wondering how it was Tamsin always managed to get us stuck in these situations, one of my wife's many secret powers.
"You were the one who wanted to be on the PTA committee, not me." I huffed, holding up the red dress against her frame. "Although Mrs Krampus, red is definitely your colour."
"Can't we just say Elin is sick?" she pleaded, picking up our smallest daughter from her moses basket whilst throwing me puppy eyes. "Look Mommy, I'm definitely coming down with something..." she pretended to speak for Elin, who happily gurgled away, her big brown eyes and thick dark baby hair making it clear she took after me.
"No Tamsin." I frowned, poking my head out of the corridor to make sure Sif wasn't listening nearby. "Sif is so excited for this Yule party, you promised her she could be the Christmas angel."
"Fine" she relented, bouncing the baby in her arms as Elin's little hands reached out to touch her mama's white blonde hair. "but when Trick throws his stupid St Patrick's party next year, I want a get out of jail free card."
"Consider it done." I grinned, kissing her on the cheek before Sif's footsteps came bounding into the room.
"Everyone will be here soon!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down on the bed in her white party dress.
"Yay, more children and brown-nosing parents! I can't wait!" Tamsin faux-excitedly exclaimed too, the sarcasm going over the Sif's little head, before one of Tamsin's many kisses was planted right on the crown.
. . . . . . . . . . .
"Dyson, let me hold my granddaughter will ya?" Acacia announced, striding past all the other PTA parents who now crowded the downstairs of my home.
"Get in line." Trick muttered, crossing his arms as Dyson grinned and bounced Elin a few more times.
"Sorry guys, it's just easy to get carried away over something so cute and small."
"Yeah, Earth to Dyson? she's a baby not a puppy." I scowled, wrinkling my nose before adjusting the Mrs Krampus hat that was making my hair itch. "And you, Acacia. I said it was a costume party!" I growled.
Acacia turned and quickly plucked the antler hair band off of the small child who ran past her, placing it on her own head as two furry antlers stuck out from her thick curly hair. "How's that?" she asked.
"Better." I agreed.
"Grancacia!" Sif shouted with excitement, flying over delicately with her little fluffy wings.
"Hey Peanut." Acacia grinned, plucking my daughter out of the air like a little butterfly and kissing her on the head. "what does Mommy tell you about flying inside?" she asked with a serious furrow of her eyebrows.
"I'm the Christmas angel, I'm allowed to fly inside." she laughed, jumping down to run over to me. "Mama, can Emily stay over tonight?" she pleaded with her big blue puppy eyes.
"No baby, not whilst Elin still needs feeding through the night." I answered, waiting for her to throw me attitude.
"Please Mama?" she pleaded again, touching my hand as I felt her course chi through my skin and melt me a little, I couldn't help but smirk at how sneaky she could be sometimes, there was no doubt she was definitely my baby spawn.
"Hey, no cheating!" I scolded her, pulling my hand back as she frowned. "You take after Mommy a little too much." I couldn't help but laugh, bending down to pick her up. Sif always seemed so little, looking from her to Elin I couldn't help but wonder where the last five years have gone.
. . . . . . . . . . .
"Who takes after Mommy?" I asked, creeping up behind them as I pressed a kiss to Tamsin's cheek and put a beer in her hand.
"I did what you said Mommy but it didn't work." Sif frowned.
"Wait, you put her up to this?" Tamsin asked, turning to throw me her signature look before shooting her gaze down at Sif "You're both on the naughty list." she joked, kissing the side of Sif's white blonde head as our eldest daughter pouted in her arms.
"I'm just trying to teach her how to use her succublasting powers!" I defended myself, struggling to hide the smirk at how cute they both looked.
Tamsin sighed and took a sip of her beer, sitting down on the sofa as a swarm of kids from Sif's class ran past causing mischief.
"Who's ready to sit on Mrs Krampuses lap?" Trick shouted to the kids, who immediately turned into a screaming mob of excited hollers.
"Bo, no." Tamsin glared, putting her beer on the coffee table.
"Come on Mrs Krampus, just do this one little thing and if you're good this naughty elf will come and sit on your lap too tonight." I smirked, whispering in her ear as I pressed some of my charms into the back of her hand as I trailed my fingertips over the skin.
"Come on kids! Come tell Mrs Krampus what you little brats want for Yule!" Tamsin grinned with excitement, plucking the first sticky child she saw from the little crowd that formed in front of her.
"Is that how you succublast her Mommy?" Sif asked innocently, grabbing my hand.
Before I could reply, Acacia joined the conversation with a snorted laugh. "Oh Sif, what Mommy does to your Mama is a magic power all in itself." Acacia cackled.
. . . . . . . . .
I relaxed back in the chair as I practically threw the last of the sticky children back at their parents, breathing a sigh of relief as I closed my eyes and took a sip of my now warm beer. Until I felt a little tug at the sleeve of my 'Mrs Krampus' dress.
"Can I tell Mrs Krampus what I want for Yule?" Sif stared at me wide eyed and innocently.
"Of course you can Sweetie." I smiled, before deciding that I definitely hate all children except my own. I plucked Sif up and placed her on my knee as the little wings protruding from her back twitched and fluttered a little as she furrowed her eyebrows like muscle response, it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen.
"I want something really special Mama- I mean Mrs Krampus, I don't know if Mr Krampus will be able to get it for me." she pondered.
"You're on the good list baby, you can have whatever you want." I smiled, Bo always teased me for how much I spoiled Sif at Yule. Whatever my babies want, Mama gets them every year, if somebody had told me eight years ago that I'd spend my Christmas Eves running around getting my kids the last of their Christmas presents instead of falling off of a bar stool, I'd probably laugh my ass all the way back to the Dal, but as they say, Fate works in mysterious ways.
"I want a puppy Mama." she grinned, wide-eyed and hopeful as I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from grimacing. Bo always accused me of being scared of dogs, it's not that I'm scared of them, I just would of made room for the Unicorns over them had I been sober enough to go to Noah's Ark when the floods happened.
"A-a puppy?" I choked. "That's kind of Uncle Dyson's territory kid." I tried to laugh it off.
"Mama, we learned about them in school and all I've wanted this year is a Cerbasaurus." she threw me her biggest puppy eyes.
"Sif, there's kind of a big three headed difference between a puppy and Cerberus?" I tried to explain, looking around for back-up from Bo as she stood at the front door saying goodbye to the last of the children and parents who were leaving.
"It doesn't matter Mama, I was stupid for asking." she sniffled, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands as my heart broke in two.
"Is there nothing else you want Sif? what about a playhouse? or a jungle gym?" I tried to placate her, to no avail.
"No, it's okay Mama. Yule is for babies anyway, I'm not a baby anymore." she stiffened her lip, jumping down off my lap as she ran off to say goodbye to her friends with her Mommy.
'She's not a baby anymore.' I quietly repeatedly, the burning in the back of my throat warning me that any minute I might start crying if I'm not careful. 'Five more years and Elin won't be a baby either.' I thought, staring down at my two month old daughter, sleeping away peacefully in her moses basket as I traced my finger over the little dimple on her cheek.
"Come on Monkey, it's time for bed. It's Yule in the morning and I bet Krampus has brought you lots of cool presents." Bo excitedly grinned, picking up our daughter as Sif tiredly wrapped her arms around her mommy's neck.
"It's okay Mommy, Yule is for babies." she frowned sadly as Bo shot me a perplexed look.
"Mama, why don't you come and get ready for bed too. I was thinking maybe I could go to sleep in this elf costume, what do you think?" Bo suggestively asked as I rose from my chair.
"Not tonight Mommy, Mama has a special mission to go on." I replied, grabbing my leather jacket and car keys from the table.
"Don't tell me the Precinct called? It's Christmas Eve…" she frowned, her narrowed gaze telling me there better be a national emergency if I thought I was getting out of Christmas Eve.
"Mama has to go and save Christmas." I added, zipping up my jacket as I headed for the front door, eager to get outside before Bo could question me any further.
"Er, yeah, as great as that sounds, can you give ol' Kenzi here a ride home on your way to save Whoville, Mr Grinch?" Kenzi asked straight faced as she strode towards me, her heels clicking against the wood as Bo shot me the 'what are you up to?' look.
"Only if you hurry your ass up Max." I fired back, closing the front door behind us.
. . . . . . . . . .
I knocked on the tiny wooden door, stepping back as I pushed the thoughts of how crazy this was into the back of my mind.
"Tamsin! How wonderful to see you!" Lulabelle exclaimed, the bump under her dress now absent as I heard the tiny pinched wails of a baby elf inside.
"Lulabelle! You had the baby?" I grinned excitedly as her rosy cheeks grew into the biggest smile.
"We certainly did, we named her after the woman who saved her…" she smiled sweetly, darting back inside the hollowed out tree trunk before appearing again at the door with a tiny bundle in her arms, no bigger than a matchbox. "her name is Tamsin." she grinned.
"Hopefully she won't live up to her name and cause you too much trouble." I wrinkled my nose, kneeling down to face her.
"I take it you didn't come to see the baby, did you Your Highness?" she asked with perplexion.
"Firstly, you don't have to call me that, we're not on Asgard anymore." I laughed, "Secondly, I was hoping to speak to that handy-husband of yours, Kazran."
"Kazran! You have a caller!" Lulabelle shouted back inside, before a familiar face appeared at the door.
"You haven't came back to kill me have you?" Kazran asked nervously, eyeing me up and down as I shook my head.
"No dude, it's Christmas, I save the death and destruction for New Year's Eve." I smirked, "I need to cash in on the whole 'eternal gratitude' thing for a big favour." I asked, hopeful eyed.
"Name it Tamsin."
"I need your help finding a puppy for Sif…"
"That's no problem at all, let me grab my coat I'll take you to the best breeder in town-"
"I need your help finding a Cerberus puppy for her." I explained.
"Have you lost your mind?" he gasped, leaning against the frame as I nodded my head.
"Probably." I agreed, "Come on Kazran, Cerberus dogs can be loving, loyal, guard dogs, right?"
"Oh sure they can." he nodded, "The problem is you can only find them in the Marsh Woods, and the Marsh Woods are also home to Minotaurs, which is why nobody has pet Cerberuses."
"Why? because they don't want to risk the Minotaurs?" I asked curiously.
"No dear, because those who do have all died." he deadpanned.
"I'll go check out the Marsh-Woods, but thank you for your help." I smiled, turning to walk back up the path towards my truck, until I heard that familiar patter of tiny feet behind me.
"I couldn't possibly let you go alone Tamsin." he huffed, walking in stride with me.
"Why, what are you going to do if this goes wrong? kill the Minotaur with your elf dust?" I laughed.
"Just maybe." he fired back. "On a second note, why are you dressed as Mrs Krampus?" he puzzled.
"Let's just focus on this task for now Kazran."
. . . . . . . .
We walked through the forest, the twigs crunching beneath our feet as each snap sent me on high alert.
"Could you keep it down a little?" I whispered to Kazran.
"You don't have to worry, Minotaurs aren't famed for their ability to sneak up on people. You'll hear him coming, trust me." he whipped back, taking small strides beside me.
I strained my ears as I heard mews coming from the distance, before another twig breaking beneath Kazran's foot distracted me.
"Sh!" I hushed him.
"Seriously, if you can't tell the difference between a twig and a Minotau-"
"No, can't you hear that noise? listen?" I urged him as we heard howls in the distance.
"Cerberus puppies!" he exclaimed.
We strode further into the canvas of the forest as I strained my ears, tracking the sound of the dogs and searching the ground for trails, until I came across a footprint way too big to be a puppies, my eyes following the gargantuan footprints until the marks on the ground suddenly stopped at the source.
"Kazran…" I whispered.
"What?"
"Run!"
I picked Kazran up by the scruff of his coat collar and sprouted my wings as the 10ft Minotaur roared and charged at us, it's large horn catching me in the back as I failed to climb high enough in the air to miss it.
"Are you okay?" Kazran shouted, watching me wince as I touched the tear in the back of my jacket.
"Nothing my wife can't fix." I tried to laugh it off, placing him on top of a branch in the highest tree of the forest away from any danger. "Stay here, I'll come back for you when it's safe." I promised, before quickly darting back down.
"What? Don't leave me up here!" Kazran screamed behind me, "I don't like heights!"
His shouts quickly became lost in the foliage above me as I swooped down and grabbed the Minotaurs horns, staring into it's eyes with my Valkyrie face. "You don't want to do that pal, you want to run back to your den and stay there until morning." I suggested, turning my face as it's eyes flickered for a moment.
Until a moment later it's gnashing jaws started snapping towards me, charging as I clung to the tips of his horns, just inches away from it's large pointed teeth.
I turned to look over my shoulder to see the direction we were charging in, my eyes growing wider with terror as I locked on to the large tree trunk we were charging towards. 'Shit.' I thought.
Until an idea hit me, I kept my eyes locked on to the tree, counting down the seconds as we grew closer and closer towards it, until a second before impact I let go of the Minotaur's horns and fell to the ground, looking back up to see the lumbering beast run straight into the tree and knock itself out.
"Just another day in the office." I muttered to myself, until the sound of puppies crying drew my attention, realising I was only a few feet away.
I stepped through the foliage until they caught my eye, dozens upon dozens of them huddling together as I watched over the little three headed monsters. 'Bo is going to kill me.' I winced, plucking the runt of the litter out and sheltering him under my jacket.
. . . . . . . . .
I sneaked back through the front door, hoping not to wake anyone as I tipped toed across the floor, until the lamp in the living room flicked on and Bo stared me down from the armchair. "What time do you call this?" she asked.
"Time for bed if you want Krampus to come this year!" I fired back, creeping back up the stairs as I hoped she'd laugh and follow me up.
"Tamsin what the hell happened to your back!?" she cried, as I touched the rip in my jacket and winced, remembering the horn I took from the Minotaur.
"I er, got in some difficulty getting Sif's Christmas present this year." I replied, turning back to walk down and face my wife.
"What are you hiding under your jacket?" she asked again, squinting her eyes at the rustling, moving lump under the leather, before a small 'woof' greeted our ears.
"A toaster oven?" I smiled, stepping towards her to kiss her on the cheek.
"Nice try, please tell me you didn't just rush out on Christmas Eve to get her a puppy?!" she fired back.
"Oh god no! What the hell do you take me for!" I screwed my face in indignation, before another 'woof' filled the air before three little heads popped out of my jacket, panting happily. "I rushed out on Christmas Eve to get her a Cerberus puppy." I trailed into a whisper.
"Oh. My. God." Bo stared in shock, sitting down in the chair before raising her hands to her face. "It worked, I can't believe she actually did it." Bo sighed.
"Did what?" I furrowed my eyebrows, sitting down as Hell-Spawn as I affectionately called him jumped out of my coat to tentatively lay down on the comfortable material of the sofa.
"Sif asked me for a Cerberus in front of your mom, I laughed and said no, and then I joked to Acacia that you were so scared of Sif growing up that if she used a little of her powers to tip you over the edge you'd probably cave and hunt her one down. I didn't realise she was listening!" Bo huffed as my face dropped, breaking my stare to look down at the three headed puppy at the side of me.
"You mean to tell me, I got duped by a five year old into fighting a Minotaur on Christmas Eve to get her a mythological three-headed guard dog of Hell, because you and my Mom shared a shitty ass joke around her?" I growled, my cheeks burning red with embarrassment.
Bo stared back at me, blinking a few times as her face remained stoic, until a gut busting laugh escaped her chest, her hysterical laughter filling the air as tears streamed from her eyes. "Yep, I'd say that's a pretty accurate description."
"I'm going to kill her tomorrow."
"No you won't, not when you see her her little face light up at her puppy." Bo cracked a smile, her laughter dying down as she wiped the last of the tears from her eye.
I shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, touching my back to see if it was still bleeding as I pulled my jacket off. "Wait, did you say you fought a Minotaur?" Bo added, "As in 'guards of the Marsh-Woods who nobody survives an encounter with' Minotaurs?" she continued.
"Yeah Bo, Minotaurs, I'll let them know you're a big fan of their work next time." I huffed, easing myself back into the sofa as the three-headed dog beside me eagerly licked my hand in turns.
"That's, that's, that-" Bo repeated, her face screwed up as I waited for her to launch into a worried attack.
"Crazy, I know, I'll be mentioning it in my speech when Sif get's married, don't worry."
she paused for a moment, her face still furrowed and mouth still agape as she looked for the right words "-it's so sexy." she growled under her breath, jumping out of her chair and straddling my lap as she forced her lips against mine and pushed chi into my lips to heal my back.
"Woah, sexy really wasn't what I thought you were going for there." I joked. "I really feel like I'm forgetting something." I mentioned, rubbing my head as I pondered what it could be.
"You always feel like you've forgot something Christmas Eve, and I always did find your huge 'warrior ego' thing such a turn on." she muttered between breaths as her tongue begged for entrance at my lips and her hands groped my chest as I leaned forward for her to unzip me out of the stupid Mrs Krampus dress, breathlessly turned on from her attack.
"Oh no, no, no." she smirked, trailing her fingers down my jawline and wrapping her legs behind my back. "I'm going to get in bed, and you're going to come and join me..." she whispered in that tone that drove me crazy. "...and then I'm going to climb up on Mrs Krampus's lap and she can tell me what a bad girl I've been this year." she smirked against my cheek as her lips kissed my ear, her hands running up the inside of my thighs as inaudible choked noises left my lips.
"but first, Mrs Krampus needs to go and get the stain remover from the cabinet under the sink, because your puppy just messed on the sofa and I'm not cleaning it up."
"Shit!" I exclaimed.
"Yes, precisely." Bo replied, leaning on her elbow as I jumped from the sofa, grabbing my car keys and jacket again. "No Tamsin! Where the hell are you going? I'm not cleaning up the dog's mess!"
"I left Kazran stuck up a tree!" I tried to explain, heading for the door.
"...You mean the elf you 'buried'.That elf?" Bo narrowed her gaze as I realised it was me on the naughty list when I got home.
"Merry Christmas Bo, I love you." I replied through a softened gaze, blowing her a kiss.
"I love you too, stupid."