AN: So after last night's show I wanted to write something relating to it all, I hope you guys enjoy!
It's weird how much time flies by when you have kids, one minute you're changing diapers, the next they're taking their first steps towards you with wobbly legs that get confident with each step, it won't be long until I'm scaring away boyfriends and hiding the car keys.
Sif was boisterous even before she was born, super-saiyan kicking away since the moment she had a heartbeat, 'That's my girl.' Tamsin would always grin proudly when she grabbed my giant tummy to feel her kicks. Sif's always been pretty advanced too with her reading, writing and vocabulary, but since she turned nine it's been impossible to keep her sat down for more than a few minutes unless there's pancakes in front of her. Just lately Sif has thrown herself into practicing and learning more about what it means to be Valkyrie, Tamsin doesn't complain too much about it anymore. Wherever she goes, her mini-me follows asking a thousand questions about her many lives. I think Tamsin secretly loves the young ears desperate to listen to her battle stories.
Trick says the girls could be more powerful than any Fae that has ever came before, one half Valkyrie and half Succubus, both the granddaughters of Tyr and Hades, both the great-granddaughters of the Blood King. We just haven't worked out what kind of Fae Elin is yet, or if she is Fae at all.
Elin is gentle and sensitive, she is the sweet and soft one with dark ringlet hair, rosy cheeks and light green eyes, a perfect mixture of me and Tamsin. She's definitely a Mommy's girl, but she certainly brings out a different side of Tamsin all together, a softer and more delicate side of her Mama. We just haven't figured out what her power is yet, every time Lauren's ran her stupid tests they all come back inconclusive. 'She'll grow into her powers.' Tamsin always reassures me.
I came downstairs from my shower, towel drying my hair as the home beginning to unwind for the night told me it was definitely Elin's bedtime. "Tell story Mama." I heard a very tired four year old plead, followed up with a yawn as I crept as quietly as possible to watch them all, Sif and Elin in matching bunny pyjamas and Tamsin in her long johns and t-shirt. I always laughed at Tamsin's choice of boys bed wear. 'Why do you always wear long johns to bed? It's such a dude thing.' I would laugh when we first started sleeping together. 'Because men's clothes are functional, I can fit so many things in this pocket.' she'd shoot back, pulling the material at her crotch before I'd burst into fits of laughter.
"Yeah Ma, tell us another story." Sif interrupted my train of thought, turning the television down so they could all listen in.
"Well, your mommy will be back from her bath soon and you know what that means tiny spawn." she explained, lying on her tummy in front of the TV as Elin sat straddling her back, playing with her Mama's long blonde hair that was still damp from her shower.
It always made me smile when I caught Tamsin and Elin like this, a Valkyrie's hair is powerful and precious. Tamsin never let anyone touch her hair, not even me. She always wore it in a top knot, and god forbid I ever tried to run my fingers through it when we were falling asleep. I'd always feel her flinch away or quickly tie her hair back. 'It's just a thing, cats don't like water and valkyries don't like their hair being touched.' she would brush off.
Of course she never admits she likes Elin playing with her hair, but Elin loves it. She's obsessed over her Mama's white locks.
"Mama's hair pretty like a flower." Elin muttered absentmindedly as she ignored what her Mama said, she gently combed her fingers through it, still sitting firmly on Tamsin's back.
"Elin's hair pretty like a flower." Tamsin answered back, pulling one of Elin's little hands forward to kiss the palm of it.
"Story Mama?" Elin softly asked, nestling down on Tamsin's back with her head resting in between where her wings sit.
"What story do you guys want to hear?" she asked, looking to Sif for inspiration who was curled up on the sofa too.
"Tell the story about how Mommy won your heart back." she grinned, excited to hear the story of our fierce and undying love… or at least the thing we had that turned into fierce and undying love.
I didn't need to see Tamsin's face to know there was still a little bit of hurt tucked behind her eyes reflecting on the story, but none the less she scratched her head and agreed. "Sure kiddo." she smiled.
"I loved your Mommy very, very much but a long time ago, Mommy's special powers made other people love her too..." she began, and I braced myself as I thought back to the story.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"I should leave you alone?" Tamsin asked, disturbing the silence.
"No Tamsin, you live here. I didn't mean you." I tried to force a smile, "Are you okay?"
"Um" she paused, rubbing her hand as her eyes tried to find anywhere else to land on other than me. "Not really."
"We need to talk…" I said as gently as possible, thinking of how complicated the situation already was with Dyson and Lauren, thinking how crazy it was in the first place that we were even here, Tamsin hated me from the moment she met me, maybe that's why I felt so safe being intimate with her, she didn't want feelings or commitment from me, or at least that's what I thought.
"Bo, I-I know what you're going to say." she answered, stepping forward as the candles provided just enough light in the crack shack for me to see the hurt behind those old and wise eyes. "I just want you to know that I'm okay with it, as hard as that is - I'm okay with it."
"You are?" I replied, hopeful that this might of been a giant misunderstanding, maybe Tamsin didn't want love or commitment after all.
"Yeah, you're a succubus. You're going to need to sleep with other people, even if those other people happen to be Lauren." she bit back tears that I could see were threatening to burst down those beautiful cheeks. "I know where your heart truly lies, it's with me. I just need you to say it once so I know." she forced a smile, offering me her heart as my stomach did a backflip.
It wasn't that I didn't care about Tamsin, I mean the way she makes me feel like I'll never need anyone else is nice - but that's not love right? The way I wake up a little early sometimes so I can just enjoy being in her arms is cute but that's not love, everyone I love hurts because of me, I'd pretty much ruined Lauren and Dyson. I couldn't do that to her, not to Tamsin.
My heart ached as I stared at her, this brave, magnificent warrior. Offering me herself as I thought about how much more she'll hurt being involved in my mess than if I just end it now. "Tamsin, I care about you more than you know."
Her eyes watered and her jaw tightened as I watched her posture herself, preparing herself for the final blow.
"But?" she asked.
"I know it seems like we're a couple because we live together and we take cases together." I tried to explain.
"-and we sleep together." she interrupted me, her lips trembling.
"Look Tamsin, I think deep down you feel the same way."
"Don't patronise me, I'm wise beyond my lives. Don't tell me I'm making this up, don't tell me I'm stupid."
"I'm not." I tried to placate her, my heart racing through my chest. "I'm just saying that living with someone and being close to them all the time, it's, it can be confusing." I tried to justify, wondering whether it was confusing for me too as my heart began to break at seeing those tears crash down her face and her heart crumble in two.
"I am not confused, I'm not." she sniffed back, before her eyes landed on my own and pause hesitated on her breath. "I'm in love with you." she almost pleaded, her eyes begging me to say it back.
"Tamsin, I love you, I do, but not like that." I said quietly, disgusted with myself as I watched a spark of hope behind her eyes die out. "I'm sorry."
"So, Lauren's good enough, Dyson's good enough, even Rainer's good enough." she cried, I could see nothing except white hot blinding pain in her aura. "What's wrong with me? Why not me? What's wrong with me?" she sobbed, trying to make sense of this all.
"There's nothing wrong with you." I tried to offer, wondering if there was a way I could take this all back, wondering if this was the kindest thing after all.
"You know I thought that finally, after all my lives I'd found the one." she mused, her gentle soft palms touching my cheeks. "Your eyes are both brown and blue."
"Tamsin-" I began to plead, changing my mind as she turned to walk out of the loft.
"Don't follow me." she stated, her heart completely shattered.
"Tamsin!" I tried to plead again, grabbing her jacket sleeve as she forced me away.
"Don't!" she growled, turning to look at me one last time as I finally saw what I was about to lose.
I let her go that night, and the next morning and the morning after that, and the morning after that, no matter where I looked I couldn't find her, it was as if she disappeared off the face of the Earth.
"Bo why aren't you feeding?" Dyson would ask me, until his question turned into "Bo, why are you avoiding me?"
Lauren was different, Lauren knew immediately, although she only had one question. "When did you know it was her you loved?"
"The minute I watched her walk away." I thought on the irony.
I told myself I would never find her again, and that I'd lost my love forever. Suddenly fighting Fae and leading the world to victory didn't seem appealing anymore if there was nothing at the end of it except more waiting, searching and loneliness.
The battle with the Ancients came to a final showdown, we'd already defeated Eris and Hera, all there was left was Zeus, and man she was a real bitch that day.
"It's over Zeus, go back to Olympus. There's nothing here for you anymore." I growled, offering her the chance to limp away and lick her wounds as my friends stood behind me in solidarity.
"Fat chance." she muttered, I saw the blade hidden up her sleeve, I watched her pull it out, I could have dodged it as she threw it towards me. I watched it leave her palm before I closed my eyes and waited for it to pierce my chest. I heard Tamsin tell me the stories, I knew that if I died in battle she would have to take me to Valhalla, maybe that's where she was. Valhalla.
When I opened my eyes again, she was standing in front of me. It must have been a fever dream, I didn't feel the blade pierce my skin but it was definitely her, ready to collect my soul.
"Tamsin, I've been trying to find you…" I tried to explain, until I noticed the vacant, empty look in her eyes, like the life was drained out of her as she turned to face me, and then I saw the six inch blade wedged firmly in her chest.
"Hi Bo." she murmured, before her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she crashed into the ground.
"No…" I growled, falling to floor next to her as I pulled the blade from her chest and tried to force her to take chi her body just wouldn't accept, I pressed the wound on her chest as tight as I could to stop her bleeding until Lauren could fix it. "Hey, come on T." I whispered, "You can't die, I haven't even told you what an ass I was yet, or how much I love you." I sniffed back tears, pulling her into my arms.
"This is the last time I ever do anything nice for you Succubus..." she mumbled, her eyes still closed as half a smile decorated her lips, her face pale as I realised she wasn't far from the end.
"No Tamsin, don't you dare." I pleaded, pressing my lips against hers as her shallow breaths grew further in between. "I was wrong, my heart lies with you and I'm sorry that I didn't figure that out sooner."
The next thing I knew doctors from Lauren's clinic had taken her out of my arms, promising me they'd keep her safe as Lauren made a panicked phone call to the clinic to get an operating room ready for them.
"What the hell happened?" I asked Trick, her blood still warm as it covered my shirt and hands.
"She came out of nowhere, jumped straight in front of that blade to protect you." he announced, sadness in every line of his face as he tried to make sense of it all.
. . . . . . . . . .
My thoughts were disturbed as I heard Sif's excited reactions to the story Tamsin was telling.
"So I leapt in front of the knife to save Mom, I told myself I'd watch her from a distance until Aunt Lauren died -humans don't live very long- but that damn succubus just always used to get herself in trouble back then!" Tamsin excitedly told the story, putting a far more adventurous twist on the series of events to make the story a little more suitable for our children.
I coughed loudly, announcing my presence as both of them turned to catch me staring at them by the door.
"Aw Mom, five more minutes?" Sif pleaded.
"You know the rules buddy, bedtime is 8.30pm." I said as sternly as possible.
"A little help here Bo?" Tamsin asked with a smile as she stayed lying down on the floor, I looked over to see our tiniest daughter curled up asleep on her back, her face pressed into Tamsin's shoulder blades as I grinned at how sweet it looked. "Go sleep little dude, we'll save the good part for tomorrow." Tamsin smiled to Sif as I plucked the baby off of her back and carried her up towards bed.
"Okay Ma…" Sif huffed, eager to hear how the story ends.
"Come on Stink-Butt, Mom wants her goodnight kisses." I called to Sif as she trailed up the stairs behind me.
"How does it end Mom?" Sif whispered to me out of earshot, following me into Elin's room where I put her down for night and tucked her in. That's one thing Sif does get from me, we're both a stickler for spoilers.
"I'll give you a clue." I grinned, ushering her to her own bedroom. "It's a happily ever after ending."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I stayed lying down on my tummy for a while as I tried to digest everything whilst I had a rare moment alone, I know Bo loves me more than anything but it still hurt to think back on that day in the loft.
"Hey you." I heard her voice creep through the door as she dimmed the living room light.
"Well, look who it is." I pretended to dryly muse.
"...I thought about it all when I heard you telling them the story you know." she nervously announced as I rolled onto my back to look at her.
"Oh yeah? What were you thinking about?" I asked as she sat down, straddling my hips.
"How scared I was when I realised how much I love you…" she admitted, moving a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. My finger's reached up to stroke her clavicle as I thought about what to say next.
"Sometimes I still get scared you know, what if this is all too good to be real?" I whispered, knowing it was impossible to hide the fear behind my eyes from Bo.
Bo's eyes were filled with perplexion as she tilted her head, gently coaxing more out of me. "What do you mean?"
"Good things never happen to people like me." I tried to explain. "And, you- the kids- it's all so perfect."
"We love you so, so much Tamsin." Bo smiled that warm, wide smile that made my problems go away.
"Say it again." I demanded, sitting up and wrapping my arms around the small of her back.
"I love you." she grinned, kissing me gently as her fingers locked together behind my neck. "I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life."
I whimpered into her words, something deep inside of me craving the confirmation as I thought back to the days of watching her date Dyson and Lauren too.
"Tell me again."
"I love you, my heart belongs to you." she reassured me, her lips pressed to my skin as she pulled me up from the floor and guided me up towards bed, not taking a moment to stop kissing me and touch me.
We fell into our sheets with me on top of her, pulling each others clothes off item by item as our kiss deepened and softened. It was different, this wasn't about sex, it was the intimacy.
I pressed my thigh against her without warning, her arms draping over my shoulders and delicate fingers rubbing the ridge where my wings threatened to burst the skin on my command. "Don't stop saying it." I almost pleaded, desperate for my fix.
"I want to be with you for all of our days." she begged as I rubbed my thigh against her, "I love you, I love our life together." she gently sighed as I gave her more of what she wanted.
"I love the way you hold me in your arms when I'm falling asleep-" she continued to describe. "and I love it when you're rough with me in bed, and I feel your thumb stroke my thumb just so you can check I'm okay." she grinned as I couldn't help but laugh a little between our furious kisses. "I love being the person who takes care of you, and I love the way I get to call myself the mother of your children." she reminded me, staring in my eyes as she gently held my cheeks.
"I love you so much." I whispered, our foreheads pressed together.
"I know, I love you too." Bo moaned as I grinded into her a little harder, feeling her hips tremble as she began to fall from the heights I'd taken her too. "definitely in that way." she promised, holding me against her warm curves as she panted against my shoulder.