Author's WARNING: Shit. This chapter is longer than I thought, about six and a half thousand words. Apologies. So uh, get comfortable, I suppose?

'Oh my god, Fionna... How the fuck do you keep this up?' Femme wheezed, spread-eagled on the ground as she watched the adventuress scrabble up a tree, ignoring the branches that were poking into her stomach and scraping along her (much more exposed) skin. The monster they were fighting was a large red scaly dog-like creature with ivory horns and a fluffy orange mane around it's neck. It's rather panicky call sounded like someone had created a bad mashup between a sheep bleating and one of those metal bands Marshall-lee occasionally moodily blared.
Fionna ignored the shapeshifter, and positioned herself on a rather springy branch with cat-like agility, testing the bounce before bending her knees tightly and readying herself to leap. Femme watched when she springboarded herself out of the tree and sunk the sword they had retrieved from Marshall's attic (Fionna wasn't ready to go home, still apprehensive about Cake's reaction to her clothes)(the amount of crap in Marshall's attic was impressive, borderline disturbing) into a patch where a scale was missing on its haunch. This was the fifth time Fionna had attempted the maneouver, with the previous attempts resulting in three deep cuts on her extremities and the last one managing to chip off the scale in the spot where she was hanging now.
The creature let out a scream in pain and turned to snap at her, frills that had been hidden beneath the mane suddenly flaring out as it hissed. Fionna returned it with a hiss of her own, baring her teeth (which made Femme laugh. She didn't seriously think that was threatening, did she?) then climbed up the scales of the creature's backside and eventually managed to crawl her way up onto its withers with her legs locked over its shoulders. The creature reared and started to buck, bounding frantically across the grasslands and narrowly missing Femme, who rolled casually to the side in order to miss a flailing talon-covered foot. Fionna whooped in exhiliration, gripping tightly on to the mane with one hand and throwing the other that held her sword out behind her as a counterbalance. She hadn't tried to ride a monster in ages, and it was so much fun! Especially when they were as massive as this guy, it was so much harder to hold on, and that only made it even better.

Femme watched the adventuress cavorting around with a small incredulous smile permanently affixed to her face. Beyond her surprise at how much fuckin' stamina this chick had (She could probably wear Marshall down to bones in bed if he let her) She was surprised at how much fun she was. She had seemed like such a little goody-two shoes, so innocent and childlike and accepting of everything she had been told. Naive and trusting. And then, on a complete spontaneous whim, she decides to go and ride a whatever-that-thing-is. Absolutely no thought given to how it would make her look, a sixteen-year-old giggling like a toddler and rolling through the dirt. It only made her look more like a little kid, but Femme couldn't decide whether that was because she was either too dumb to consider that, or smart enough not to care. Perhaps both. Her immature impulsive nature could've born of rebellion against the typical role of the girl as the pretty wall flower. Though that was hardly surprising, given she was more physically competent than almost every man around her.
Maybe the reason Femme had been able to influence her so easily up to this point was because she was trusting and naive and ignorant, or maybe it had been because she just couldn't give a crap about how people perceived her, so she'd go along with it just for kicks. The latter option would have raised Femme's opinion on her very much, and the former would've lowered her opinion of a certain absentee vampire. If she was that innocent, then he would be taking advantage of her. He wasn't above doing that, but Femme would hope he was above doing that to somebody he claimed to be in love with.

Femme jumped out of her head a second later when Fionna suddenly thumped to the ground in front of her. She had landed on her feet, and it almost looked like she would retain her balance but then one of her legs locked with the groundshock and she plonked down onto her butt. The pair stared at each other for a second before both burst out laughing.
Femme got over it first and watched the animal scampering off into the trees, whimpering indignantly. Fionna had cut off a large chunk of it's mane and held it clenched in one hand, where it actually appeared to be glowing slightly though the bright daylight made it hard to tell.
'Well, that was certainly a departure from the norm.' She commented, as Fionna gasped, now doubly out of breath from her exertions and her laughter. The adventuress shook her head, taking a moment as her chest heaved. There was sweat running down her entire body and making her skin glisten. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were flushed bright red and her eyes seemed to shine with happiness. This girl obviously got her kicks from physical activity. She wasn't the thinky sort. Femme could appreciate that, even if she was the opposite.
' That... That's just my... everyday. Pretty cool, huh?' She panted, grinning unashamedly as she pinged her suspender straps away from her sweat soaked skin. Femme shrugged, assenting.
' Yeah, though all that effort ain't really my style. You're quite the energizer bunny, aren't ya? Heh, I'm gonna call you that from now on. EB.' Fionna raised an eyebrow at her then shook her head, another smile flashing across her face.
' Whatever man. I'm just surprised how quickly you gave up on it. Riding him was fun.' Femme giggled, confusing Fionna for a moment before she reviewed her words and blushed.
' Tch. Gutter mind.' She tutted at Femme, who stuck her pierced tongue out playfully before pointing at a large gash on the adventuress's leg. It had just missed slicing through the garter strap, but was now bleeding profusely into her white sock.
' Does that happen a lot?' She questioned with a slight mocking edge to her tone that Fionna failed to notice. Fionna shrugged, tying the piece of the creature's mane around her thigh.
' Yeah. My whole body is basically a muscular callus, but sometimes you find stuff that fixes you right up.' She explained, pulling the mane tighter for a second before letting it fall away and proudly showing off the now smooth, cut free skin of her thigh. Femme blinked at it for a second.

' Whoa. Did you know that would happen?' Fionna took a moment to answer, as she was now tying the slightly bloody piece of hair around her midriff, where true to her pessimistic expectations she had recieved a large and bloody gash over her exposed stomach.
' Nope. But I remember reading this old spell book that said if you were bitten by a dog that had gone crazy, putting its hair in the wound would heal you. And that thing looked kinda like a dog, so I had a hunch.' Femme barked out one incredulous laugh as Fionna finally tied the lock of hair around a deep cut in her upper arm and when the strands slithered away, there was barely even a bloodstain left behind.
'That's a hell of a hunch to be working off of, EB.'
' Yeah maybe so, but I have a lot of those. And if it hadn't worked I would've just gone to the Candy hospital. Though actually, y'know I haven't seen Gumball in a while. C'mon, let's go say hello.' Femme had stiffened at the mention of the Candy Prince, and she remained on the ground as Fionna stood up and dusted off her backside.
' Uhm, I'd rather uh, not. Didn't you, um say that you also went into... dungeons sometimes? Show me one of those. That sounds like fun.' She stammered quickly, faking a smile at the adventuress.
Fionna raised an eyebrow at her and studied her for about a minute in a very serious manner. Femme could almost see the gears turning in her head as she tried to figure out exactly why she didn't want to see Gumball. Fionna was a fun person and she was pretty, but she wasn't razor sharp. Not dumb either, but her wits were more survival than academic.
' Why don't you want to see Gumball? I know he and Marshall had a fallout, but they've made up, sort of. How do you know him?' Fionna finally asked, sitting herself down opposite Femme again rather slowly and watching the shapeshifter expectantly. Femme sighed, and rubbed the back of her head awkwardly.
' Gumball managed our band, didn't Marshall tell you that? When he and Marsh fell out, he stopped speaking to all of us. It's just kind of awkward.' She lied smoothly, with just enough reluctance that Fionna fell for it hook, line and sinker. However, it didn't quite get her the reaction she wanted.
' But then that's even more reason to go and see him! I mean, he has no beef with you in particular, right? you can go and reminisce about the old days and laugh and be friends again!' Fionna said earnestly, her eyes lit up with optimism. Femme nearly gagged. This girl was so fucking nice, she made you want to kick her to the dirt just to teach her a lesson.
' Um, no thanks Fionna. I'm pretty sure people change, and I don't know if I'll like whoever Gumball is now.' For once, Femme was actually giving her a watered-down version of the truth, even if it was under false pretenses. The man that Gumball was had been intriguing and fascinating to her. And if that wasn't the same, then she didn't want the memory to be tainted. She wanted to preserve the sanctity of her Mew-mew, in spite of what had happened. He was the only person who had ever captured her attention that way. No-one else could match her intellect but also keep up with her wild child attitude the way he had. And if he couldn't do that anymore, she didn't want to know.

' I'll tell you what I think we should do: Go home and see how you handle explaining all of this-' Femme reached over and twanged one of Fionna's suspenders, who unwilling muttered an 'Ow.' In response- ' to your cat.'
' Ugh, no thanks.' Fionna winced, standing up as Femme did so and brushing off the back of her skirt.
' I'll race ya.' The shapeshifter quipped, having already anticipated Fionna's intensely competitive nature. The adventuress froze for a few seconds, fighting the immediate urge to childishly sprint off and that hesitation cost her the precious few seconds she needed to gain a headstart as Femme turned into her wolf form again and bounded off across the hills, her tongue hanging out of her mouth and flapping in the wind. Fionna watched her run away, her own mouth agape, then quickly followed suit.

' I got here first, fair and square, honey.'
' Fair and square my butt! You're a shapeshifter, if you had run like normal I would've beaten you so hard.'
' Y'all'd've just embarrassed yourself, I'm faster than I look.' Fionna blew a derogatory raspberry as she walked up to the front door then stopped, her hand on the doorknob.
' Uhm, Cake doesn't know you exist.' She said, turning back around and being met with empty air, at least until Femme took off from the ground in her nightingale form.
' Way ahead of you. You should get used to that. I'll be watching from inside somewhere, so good luck coming up with an excuse that doesn't blow my cover!' Femme told her cheerily then flittered off and threw an open window. Cake was sitting in the breakfast booth, listening to some music on what appeared to be a walkman- Cheesus, where the hell had she found that?- so Femme positioned herself up in the roofbeams, perched out of sight but with a good bird's eye view (heh) of the entire room.

Fionna stood outside the door for a good minute trying to come up with a plausible explanation for her attire, and when she thought she had a plan she tentatively went inside, calling out as soon as the door had clicked shut behind her.
' Heya, Cake!' She said before she climbed up the ladder, adjusting her backpack on her back ( Femme hadn't protested against it but she hadn't exactly given it a seal of approval either, but the backpack was non-negotiable. She needed it.) and fixing her hair before she popped through the hole in the trunk and out into the living room. Cake was too absorbed in her music to hear her, but she noticed the movement and the abject look of shock on her face the second she saw the adventuress was immediate and obvious.
' Babygirl, don't get offended, but what in glob's good name are you wearing?' She asked, pulling the headphone off of her ears and pausing the walkman, but not before Fionna recognised the faint tones of Blackstreet issuing from the speakers. Good song. Fionna did her best to look really excited, throwing her bag off into the corner and ignoring the disapproval in Cake's voice.
' Pretty awesome, right? I was out adventuring when I found this like, scaly dog-lookin' dude and I got my sword stuck in his neck, and by the time I'd pulled it out he had ran into this cave thingy, and then the floor collapsed and I fell into this cavern and-'
' Fionna, I want an explanation, not a novella. What is this?' Cake said, eyeing the suspender straps.
' It's an enchanted outfit, girl!' Cake raised an eyebrow skeptically, walking around her.
' Enchanted how?'
' I don't know, but it was glowing when I found it so I'm pretty sure it is.' Cake, who had finished making her round, stood in front of Fionna and squinted at her for a few seconds, while Fionna desperately tried to keep her cool. Then Cake sighed and grabbed Fionna's wrist and dragged her over to the table.
' You an' me, we're talking. Right now.' Fionna cursed mentally, a deep well of apprehensiveness suddenly forming in her stomach as she sheepishly sat down at the table across from Cake. She kind of wanted to pull up the bustier, just to try and force her boobs down into it a little more, but that would hint to Cake that she wasn't as comfortable wearing it as she seemed.
Femme settled in gleefully up on her rafter. This was going to be very entertaining.

' Fionna, I understand why you didn't want to speak with me about the book I gave to you last night, but honey, when I decide to teach you about sex and then you come home looking like that, you gotta understand how it looks to me.' Up in the rafters, Femme stopped wishing for popcorn and raised an eyebrow in surprise. So wait, Fionna had only discovered the cold hard facts of life... Last night?
Fionna blinked at Cake and decided her best strategy was to play dumb.
' Uhm, not- Cake, just because you can y'know, see that I'm a grown woman for a change doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything with it.' She replied, the comment coming out snarkier than she had meant it to. Cake frowned at her and raised an eyebrow.
' Mhm. Yeah, that outfit shows a little more that just the fact that you're growing up, sweetie. Your boobs are practically falling out of that whatever that is, and even though you're wearing shorts under that teeny-weeny skirt, it's still very suggestive.' She said disapprovingly, folding her arms.
Fionna didn't appreciate Cake's tone of voice, as it reminded her of their mother lecturing her when she had done something naughty years ago. She was only two years off of being an adult dammit, would it kill people to start treating her like that?
' Well y'know what, I actually like the way it looks. It makes me look tougher, and yeah, it makes me look sexier. So what? I'm sixteen, like you said I'm old enough to know this stuff. And if I'm old enough to know about it, I'm old enough to make my own decisions about it. You can't tell me what to wear, Cake.' She said defiantly, standing up from the table and putting a hand on her hip. Cake got up on to the table so that they were the same height and Cake could meet Fionna's eyes. She still grew slightly larger for good measure though, her fur puffing out and her tail flicking behind her.

' No, I can't tell you what to wear, but I'm telling you as your sister, that outfit sends the wrong message, Fionna. It doesn't make you look tough, all that exposed skin leaves you vulnerable. And presenting yourself like that is like serving up a free meal on a silver platter. You don't wanna give people the impression you're freely available for their fantasies, that's asking for trouble.' Fionna scoffed at her, starting to become actually annoyed with her sister and guardian. Just because she had changed her outfit didn't mean she had changed her values! And just because she now understood what sex was didn't mean she was immediately going to try and experience it, at least not with any random guy that happened to be open to it.
' My clothing shouldn't send any sort of definitive message, I'd hope people were smart enough to form opinions on me with their heads, not their junk! Anyone who judges me based on my clothing is gonna get a good ass-kicking to teach 'em a lesson, and I have the right to dress as sexy as I want without worrying about what people assume. That's their problem, and it only becomes mine when their assumptions change how they interact with me.'
' In a perfect world Fionna, but we ain't livin' in one, and common sense says you shouldn't put yourself out there like that unless you're going to deliver. Even if you're old enough to know, that doesn't mean you're old enough to tempt fate with all that skin on display.'
' I can't believe you. I can bloody well take care of myself, and for fuck's sake I have at least as much skin on display when we go swimming. You've never told me that that was going to invite the world into my pants!' She cried angrily. Cake looked scandalised, her tail frizzing out big time.
' Fionna! Language! And that's a completely different context.'
' No, it isn't Cake. I'm still just doing what I'm always doing, and whether you can see my stomach doesn't change a damn thing.' she said firmly, before turning on her heel and jumping up the ladder to her room. Cake watched her go, then hissed at the ladder, growling at the ceiling the turning around and leaving a deep claw mark in the wall next to the window when she swiped at it.

Femme stayed frozen in surprise, watching as Cake collapsed back into her seat and toyed with the walkman in front of her, batting at the cord of the headphones. That, uh... That hadn't been as entertaining as she had thought it would be. It had actually made her feel a little sick in her stomach. Watching people fight about petty things was funny, but that had quickly changed from petty into a rather explosive clash of opinions, the kind that could create lasting rifts in a relationship. Boy, did she know that.
She silently flew through the rafters and up into Fionna's bedroom, turning back into a human once she made it up the ladder. Fionna was lying curled up on her side on the bed with her back to Femme, her blonde hair spilling out across the covers and down onto the floor behind her. Femme walked uncertainly over to the bed and brushed aside a couple locks of Fionna's hair, then sat down facing the opposite way.

' I, uh... I didn't think that would happen.' She ventured after a few seconds. Fionna didn't say anything, and they lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Femme was going to say something else- If Fionna caved to Cake, the whole gig would be up and she could forget engineering the relationship between her old friend and her new one. Surprisingly, she actually wanted the two of them to work out now, and she was starting to appreciate Fionna as a person, not purely a source of entertainment (though just starting, she was still mostly entertainment). She was quite the little spitfire, even if she wasn't the brightest or the most wordly. She had spunk, and Femme could get behind that. Fionna spoke before she could though.
' She needs to let me grow up and make my own choices. Even if I'm wrong, she needs to let me figure that out. She can't run my life forever.' She muttered, her body staying completely rigid. Femme heaved an internal sigh of relief- teenage rebellion was so convenient- and nodded, twisting around and slapping a hand on Fionna's back.
' Amen to that, EB. She's just your sister, and while I respect that, you can't let her tell you what to do forever. 'Cause then you'll only be lost when she doesn't.' Fionna sat up and turned around to face her, and Femme saw a spark in her eyes, a little hint of mischief that had been noticeably absent before and honestly, reminded her of a certain vampire.
' Exactly.'

Alexander laughed good-naturedly as he raised a hand in fairwell to his poker buddies, whistling as the door closed behind him and he walked away, counting the bills in his hand. Tonight had been a good take. He had made a profit of forty-six dollars, decent when a big bet in this group was something like twenty-five bucks. However, unfortunately, he didn't finish counting fast enough to pocket the cash before he was snatched off of the pathway and dragged through the air, the notes ripped from his palm by the wind and scattering into the lava pools, where they of course, burnt up.
Alexander yelped in surprise, unable to see who exactly had abducted him as they shot higher and higher up into the nightosphere until his captor was weaving between stalactites with the screeching night guard trailing behind them. Suddenly, Alexander felt the hand under his armpits retract and he inhaled deeply in preparation for a scream before the wind was knocked out of him as he hit a hard surface and went rolling across it, bringing up puffs of dust.

Marshall-lee watched with nothing but impatience as the man lay groaning on the floor of the cave. This was the entrance to one of the secret exits to the Nightosphere, but it required a lot of effort to make it all the way through the treacherous, long-since forgotten rabbit hole, and as much as he still wanted to- He wanted answers first. He wanted answers, and then he wanted time to think. Like his mother said, if he couldn't stay away, then he'd have to go back, at the very least to let Fionna know why she wouldn't be seeing much of him for about a year. Although he could rationalise how intense his attachment to her was currently, his mother had said imprinting usually happened on the foundations of something that was already there. Because of that, he didn't want to cut her out forever, and maybe this guy would be able to let him know whether that was an option he would seriously have to consider.
Fuck, he hoped not.

' Who... Who the fuck are you? What is this, man!?' Alexander finally managed to cough out as he pulled himself up on his arms, his head hanging as he spat out a globule of phlegm onto the cave floor. Marshall floated forward until he was directly in front of the man. Even so, Alexander still had to squint to make out who it was, for with his back to the light, Marshall's figure was merely a silhouette until you got up close.
' Mars- S-sir?' Alexander eventually stuttered after a moment, dragging himself up into a standing position. He was pretty much back to perfect health now, not even a bruise from his rough arrival. He was quite tall, about the same height as Marshall, lean but muscular at the same time. He had rich chocolate-coloured skin and his short tightly curled hair was a salt-and-pepper mix of grey and black, though his scruffy goatee was completely grey. Marshall raised one side of his upper lip in distaste and lowered his hood.
' Don't call me that, it makes me feel ancient, and by all accounts you're probably older. Sorry for being so rough, but I'm kind of in a hurry.' Alexander, who was dusting off the back of his trousers and casual button down shirt, looked up and nodded, his mouth open in an o of comprehension.
' Ah, rushing to get back to the missus? First time's the hardest, don't worry. It gets easier to get a handle on it, though I reckon I was more randy the second time-' Marshall reached out and grabbed Alexander's shoulder, catching him just before he began to reminisce.
' Dude, no. I had no idea what imprinting even was before I came here tonight. The girl she- I'm not even dating her, and I haven't had sex with her before.' Alexander appeared surprised as Marshall dropped his hand.
' Really? That's um, unusual I think. So what d'ya need me for then?'
' I have questions that I sure as shit wasn't gonna ask my mom. And now that I see you out of armour, I can see you're a vamp. So think of it as a call to the king's aid.' Alexander's expression suddenly became serious and his position a little straighter, then he nodded sharply. Marshall had to surpress a grin. This guy was obviously a patriotic motherfucker. All the better for him.

' Ask away, S- Okay look, what the hell do I call you? You are my ruler technically, after all.' Alexander asked over the top of his beer. Alcohol was freely available in the Nightosphere to the few who could access it. It was almost a disposable substance, as many creatures were immune to it's effects.
After explaining his situation, Marshall had been lead by Alexander to a discreet little pub tucked down in the shanty towns that popped up in the cave systems beneath Nightosphere. Escaped souls lived down here, in fear of the Queen, but Marshall didn't wanna deal with people cowering in fright if he was recognised. Alexander was a royal guard so elicited a similar effect, and had figured out where was good and where was rather hostile.
' Just call me Marshall-lee.' Marshall replied dismissively, having forgoed beer in favour of whisky. He preferred the flavour. Marshall rolled his eyes at Alexander's face after he'd taken a shot, then shook his head.
' Okay fine, call me Sir then.' He said reluctantly, then tapped his shot glass on the bar twice.
' So... Okay: Your first time, you started talking about it before I went inside. Finish that story.' Alexander looked at his beer bottle pensively, watching a drip of condensation flow down the green glass before he began:

' I was nine hundred and ninety three; I thought I had a few more years at least until I'd have to deal with imprinting and it fucking up my life. I was happy working, playing poker, having flings, it was an easy routine and I didn't need kids interrupting it, y'know? But then one day, I'm with my mom at my stepdad's and his daughter comes home. We'd hooked up a couple times before, but I wasn't really that into her. I mean, she was pretty, and I liked her, if she had wanted more I probably wouldn't have said no but like I said, I was comfortable where I was and a girlfriend would've changed that. So anyway, my mom wants us all to go out for dinner but Stephanie- the stepdaughter- said she was feeling a little under the weather, which is code for 'let's fuck.' So of course, I volunteer to stay behind with her and we get it on, and it was pretty good. But afterwards, all I wanna do is her again. She's pretty insatiable usually so she was up for it, and we fucked two more times before they got home.' Alexander paused to take a sip of his beer, then he leaned intowards Marshall and his voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper.
' Here's where it gets interesting though. I went home like usual, feeling pretty buzzed, but the second I wake up the next morning first thought in my head was ' Stephanie.' Ain't never happened to me before. I couldn't get her out of my head all day, and by the time I got off work I was so freaked I ditched poker and just went straight home. Then, even though I thought it was way too early, I checked for my reflection and bam- there I was. In all my imprinted glory.' Alexander was about to continue when Marshall interrupted him.
' Wait, the reflection- That's an imprinting thing.' Alexander nodded vigorously as he drunk from his beer.
' Yeah, it is. Far as I know, it's a side effect of a thing that helps make it more likely the baby will take, if you succeed in making one. Your physical form gets a little more present- Oh, so just so you know sir, you won't be able to go totally invisible while you're on- because I mean, you're gonna be using it a lot, aren't ya? So you get a reflection.' Marshall frowned.
' I didn't know that was even a thing. Your physical form's level of presence, I mean'
' Yeah, it's weird aye? But it's 'cause all of our nether world demon shit corrupts our connection to the mortal plane and our mortal bodies- incidentally, that's why we can do all the cool stuff like flying and whatever- so when it comes to making babies for the best chances you've gotta have as standard a swimmer as possible, right? If it's all messed up with vampire stuff then your mate's body is more likely to see it as a threat, even if she's also a demon. So obviously even though you can try off your cycle it's more likely to create problems for your partner and the kid, and I also think you don't produce as much spunk off cycle but eh, that's just me. So I suppose, when you're imprinted, you sort of become a little more human again.' Marshall thought about this for a second, then decided he didn't want to and dismissed it, pouring himself another shot.

' Yeah okay, so you figured out you were imprinted- what did you do?'
' I shit my pants. Figuratively, I mean. I was not ready for this crap but looking back, I don't think I ever would've been. Anyway, I called up Steph and told her that 'cause I'd fucked her at the start of my cycle, I was imprinted on her. Her uncle's a vampire, so she knew about it even though she's just a succubus, and y'know I'm probably lucky she was. Those girls can take a pounding, and come back for seconds. She showed up on my doorstep that afternoon and I'll be damned if the next month and a half wasn't the best of my life so far.' Alexander grinned, and Marshall saw an opportunity to jump in with a question that had been nagging at him all day.
' So, when you fuck your imprint- uh, w-what's it like? I mean, obviously I haven't but is it y'know, different?' Alexander snapped out of his starry-eyed nostalgia and looked over at Marshall, shaking his head wisely.
' No matter how good you've been fucked up 'till now, it just doesn't compare, sir. You gotta understand, you body is trying to make a baby. It wants you coming back for more, as many times as possible. You ever heard of nirvana, Sir? That's what it's like when you do your imprint. Pure fuckin' nirvana.' Marshall-lee blinked at him for a second, then downed his shot of whisky. Fuck. He kinda wished he hadn't asked.

Alexander picked up his story again after a second, clearly at ease with sharing the information. Alexander was just the kind of guy who loved to share a good anecdote, and at the moment this story was perfect, even if he only had an audience of one.
' So, if you got a barren partner or the foresight to carry like, a whole box of condoms at all times, then your 'on' time can last for like, four months. That's fun, I'll tell you that. But Steph got pregnant after that first month and a half. I knew before she did. I woke up next to her one morning, after a damn good night beforehand, and I looked over at her and realised I wasn't horny. Just hungry and a little tired. And obviously, the only reason I wouldn't want her when I was on was that I had succeeded in getting her up the duff. I broke the news to her and she laughed at me, then slapped me in the face two weeks later when she realised I was telling the truth.'
' So, what'd you do?' Marshall asked, deeply engrossed in the tale.
' I had to tell my mum, and like I said to you, I was scared shitless. But she was overjoyed. Finally gonna be a grandmother, I've waited long enough, blah blah blah. Anyway, Steph had the kid, but she didn't want it, so my mom brought her up. My baby girl's three hundred and twenty two now. Just last week, in fact.' Alexander grinned broadly, and Marshall was surprised to find her hadn't expected the story to end with Alexander still in contact with his child. This guy didn't seem like a father. Not that Marshall-lee exactly had a template to base off.

' So wait, that makes you... what, over thirteen hundred years old?' Marshall pointed out and Alexander nodded.
' Yup, and before you ask 'cause I know you're gonna, I've been though twelve cycles. I'm not up for my thirteenth for a couple more years, I think. But it's old hat now, and I know who I'm imprinting on, so it doesn't worry me.'
' Wait, what d'ya mean? How do you know?' Marshall questioned, confused. Alexander smiled at the youngster and held up his left hand. It took Marshall-lee a second to click but then he noticed the slightly grimy golden band around Alexander's fourth finger.
' I'm married, sir. I've been married to her for a hundred and fifty years, and imprinted on her seven times. She's the one. The girl before her, I thought she was my soulmate because we were so passionate about each other but when my next cycle came around I imprinted on my wife instead of the girl I was dating. Imprinting ain't just about babies, even though that's what it's for. It's a trial run, for you to figure out if you and your partner go together. When all you wanna do is fuck 'em, you end up spending a lot of time with each other but the difference is, when you met the right girl you won't want to leave when the cycle's up. Because you love her.' Alexander paused and became thoughtful, staring up at the ceiling. 'It's like... For me, I've always been into the girl as a person as well when I'm imprinted, just wanting to be all over her constantly, even if we'd just fucked. I knew that I was tied down when that feeling didn't go away after I got her pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried but we tried again next time and now I have twin sons as well as my daughter. I'll be damned if they ain't cutest little buggers too. '

Marshall looked away from the older man and into his whisky bottle, contemplating the caramel coloured liquid. Alexander studied the younger's body language, then clapped a hand across his back.
' Look, your first imprint is unlikely to be the girl you spend the rest of your death with, sir. Though to be entirely honest, I've never heard of someone imprinting on somebody they'd never had sex with at least once before. You do actually know her, right?' Marshall looked up from the whisky and nodded, though he didn't look at all appeased by Alexander's assertion.
' Yeah. I've known her a while, and me and her- I-I've always y'know, like you and Stephanie if she asked I probably wouldn't say no, but she's so young and I feel guilty 'cause of we get along like- she just understands, and doesn't put up with my bullshit.' Marshall admitted, laughing once.
' She gets stuff, and she doesn't judge. I actually like her, as a person, before any of the romantic shit. And even without the imprinting, I dunno if I wanna get involved with her, 'cause if I do and it's bad I'll lose her as just someone I like hanging out with.' Marshall-lee sighed and drunk straight from the bottle, then put it down on the counter and began to gesture with his hands.
'So I've gotta decided whether I do nothing and go through fucking hell avoiding her until my cycle's done, or risk what I've already got because of this fucking situation. And even if she's willing, which is like a sixy-forty chance not in my favour in the first place, what the fuck do I do if she ends up with a baby? That'd ruin her life, and it'd definitely do something to mine. I don't even know if I ever wanna be a father.' Marshall griped, running his fingers through his hair. Alexander laughed once, before finishing off his beer.
' Sounds like the big man thought you were being too indecisive with your life and thought he'd give you a little help making up your mind.' Marshall-lee raised an eyebrow at him cynically and Alexander held up one hand defensively.
' Look, you want my opinion? She's your first imprint. Go for it, experience it. Find out what it's like. And seriously, if she's as good as you say she is, just tell her you can't help it 'cause you can't pretty much. If she doesn't judge, then she should understand. Or forgive you, whichever is required. And as for the fatherhood thing, I was exactly the same. But now well, if anyone tried to touch my kids I'd tear their fucking throat out. I love 'em to death.' Marshall considered this for a moment, but then Alexander laughed once and looked at him sideways.
' But uh, pro tip for your troubles, on the house: Until you know whether you'll take care of this girl, Don't get her pregnant. That's a situation you don't need.'

Author's note: picking up the pace a bit. I'm not sure whether alexander will be a reoccurring character, but he might end up as a sort of mentor/father figure to Marshall, I haven't decided yet. As for Fionna, well... Let's say that femme isn't exactly the best influence, however she's exactly what Fionna needs. Also Crispy: I used it. Where's my cookie?
Guest reviews
Musicninja: Well, thank ye kindly, and here's your update!
Mia: D'aww, pshhht. Thanks :3
Awesome: That's a very uh, modest username there haha. And thanks, I'm glad you do!
Guest: You made a valid point there, and I hope my (well, Alexander's) explanation was clear enough. Thanks for reading :3
Other guest: Y'know, I've always been better at writing Marshall, I think I identify with him more. But Fionna well, she's stuck in a bit of a hole development wise, because she needs to learn so much stuff before she can form her opinions on it. Still, I hope you felt a little more connected to her this chapter, she's starting to become her own person.

EDIT: 100 FOLLOWERS! Yaaaay :D Good to see people like some plot with their porn, eh? nah seriously, thank you all for reading, I'm glad you're enjoying my crackpot imaginings.

See ya in the next chapter!

-WRA