Fionna groaned sleepily, having slowly felt her way back to consciousness due to being awakened by a currently unknown something or other. Though whether she was really conscious was sort of debatable.
' Oi, oh my gob you're slow... Fionna. We ain't got all night, girl.' Suddenly recognising the voice and connecting the necessary dots, Fionna sat bolt upright and raised an accusatory finger, pointing dramatically at the figure standing impatiently next to her bed. She opened her mouth wide and sucked in a huge lungful of air, but Femme simply rolled her eyes and stuffed a piece of material into Fionna's open mouth, nearly choking her.
' Don't be a drama queen, let's move.'

Femme scooped Fionna out of her bed and carried her in her arms, groaning slightly at her weight, then jumped easily out the window and slid down the leaves. Fionna was indignant at this treatment to the point of irrationality, and she bailed halfway through the jump, making the landing much easier for the shapeshifter but much harder for herself. Lessened of Fionna, Femme easily turned into a bird and caught herself before switching back into a human and folding her arms unsympathetically as Fionna rolled across the grass awkwardly and spat out the wad of fabric that had been gagging her.

' Where the fuck do you get off turning up here and treating me like that!?' Fionna yelled furiously, standing up and balling her fists looking as if she was about to take a swing at Femme. Femme, who was a little surprised that Fionna had swore, didn't get a chance to reply before she continued.
' You disappeared on me yesterday while I went to help Gumball, and you didn't show up at all today! Where the hell have you been, Femme?'
' I, uh, I think I may be a bad influence on you, I get the feeling you didn't swear before I turned up.'
' That's what you took from that!? While that may be true, that is definitely not the point, now shut up about that and tell me where you went.' Femme scowled at her and scratched the back of her head.
' Look, I told you I don't wanna see Gumball, and I wasn't sure whether you would've been finished with whatever you were doing for him today. If I had come you would've dragged me with you everywhere.' Fionna shook her head in exasperation, slapping her palm over her face and dragging her fingers down till they were level with the bottom of her eyes.
' Oh my fuck.'
' Definitely a bad influence.'
' You say it so often that I don't care about using it in front of y- Whatever, that's bullshit, what you just said! You're a freaking shapeshifter, you could've left whenever you wanted.' Femme held her hands up innocently.
' No, it's completely true. Even if I could leave, I'm not saying I would leave if I was already there. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from coming with you because it was-' Femme abruptly cut herself off before she could finish, leaving Fionna standing in front of her with arms folded and eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Femme was starting to sympathize with Marshall-lee, for being so afraid of this girl and how he felt about her. Femme barely knew her, but she could already see she was the kind of person that made you want to sit on her lap and cry while she stroked your hair and told you everything would be fine. She was so motherly and kind and innocent and truthful and benevolent and just a good fucking person, all around. Even when she was mad, no matter what you had done you could feel she just couldn't hold a grudge, you knew she'd forgive you. She made you want to tell her things because you could believe she'd never tell anyone else. She made you want to trust her because she herself trusted so easily.
She made Femme feel weak. In all manner of ways.
So gob fucking knows how she made Marshall feel.

' Femme, I'm not as oblivious as you clearly think I am, and I reckon it's time you let me know something about you, because you know a decent amount of pretty private stuff about me. So what happened between you and Gumball, and why are you so scared of seeing him again?'
' I'm not scared!' Femme replied automatically, and it kinda reminded Fionna of Marshall-lee. So she immediately called liar.
' You're scared, now tell me why.' Femme glared at her for a couple moments then sighed and gestured to the piece of material that was lying discarded in the grass a few metres away from Fionna's feet.
' Put that on, I actually had a plan for tonight and I ain't abandoning it. If you can manage what I got in mind, I'll talk to you. Deal?' Fionna turned and picked up the fabric, loking at Femme sideways then held it up, revealing it to be a short black dress. She looked at it for a few moments, then, with only the slightest amount of apprehension, said:
' Okay.'

' So, me and Marshall used to play this game all the time, but you ain't got enough experience with it to win against me.' Femme said to Fionna, leaning against the bar and gesturing with the hand that held her drink. She had taken Fionna to a rather high-class bar named Candy's. Femme knew it was a front for an brothel featuring mainly candy girls from Mew-mew's kingdom, but it had a very secretive and small pool of cliente that used its rather specific service, so the girls didn't work the downstairs waterhole. However, it obviously did good business in spite of that, because the place was relatively full and everything was well maintained and had an air of seductive opulence, velvet padded walls intersected by floor to ceiling mirrors and heavy brocade curtains contrasting with the sleek, internally-lit black glass bar.
Femme looked slightly out of place, in her red heels, torn up jeans, t-shirt and a leather jacket, But Fionna fit right in, though she kept glancing around uncomfortably and squirming slightly in her seat.
The dress Femme had provided was actually navy blue, it had simply appeared black in the night. It was short and very streamlined, with geometrical cut outs that exposed flirtatious sections of her cleavage, her hips, her stomach and her upper and middle back. The hem only went to just below upper-thigh, forcing her to keep her legs crossed while sitting and nervously flicking her heel in and out of the black peep-toe stilettos Femme had 'borrowed' from a shoe shop on the way.

'So instead of racing against me, all you have to do is find a cute guy, and chat him up until he's trying to take you home. Then I'll come in and rescue you and answer your stupid questions about me and Gumball, okay?' Fionna blinked at her in terror, raising one hand in protest while the other tugged uselessly at her stubbornly resistant hem.
' W-wait, you haven't taught me anything about picking up guys, that's not even relevant! I'm not trying to pick up Marshall, I'm just trying to get him to notice me. And he'd realise straight away if I was acting.' Femme shook her head, taking a sip from her martini.
' This isn't about them or him, it's about you. Being hit on by someone will be a huge confidence boost for you. I can see how nervous you are even now, just because I've put you in sexy clothes. You don't wanna be thinking about how you look when you're with him, you wanna be concentrating on how he's making you feel, and vice versa.' Femme scanned her and sighed, deciding that she would pull out the pep-talk big guns, though she wasn't exactly great at it. Both of them would get to practice something tonight then.
' Fionna, you've got to realise you're actually quite a pretty girl. You have a nice face, and a body to kill for, seriously. You need to take pride in it and learn to show it off, like how you show off about how good you are at all your adventure stuff. Once you can do that, Marshall won't be able to help but notice, and you'll be riding him like a pony in no time.' Fionna blushed and her lip pulled upwards a little.
' Why do you have to put it like that?'
' Because your face makes me laugh.'
' Come off it.' She sighed, rolling her eyes. Femme smirked at her then finished her drink and put it down on the bar.
' I'm gonna go to the bathroom and when I come back, I don't wanna see you sitting here alone, alright? I've taught you about what guys focus on. So use it. And don't do anything hugely fake, just be funny and cute, you're pretty good at that already.'
' Femme, I like Marshall-lee. Flattery will get you nowhere.' Fionna snarked, standing up with obvious reluctance and wobbling slightly on the high heels. Femme grinned at her.
' Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, have some attitude and they'll come running. Back in a tick.'

Fionna frowned worriedly after Femme as she weaved herself into the crowd and vanished into the colourful tapestry of people milling about in front of her. There were only so many tables and stools at the bar, encouraging people to stand about and mingle.
It was the first time she had ever looked at a crowd and found it threatening. Somewhere, in there was her key to information about her friend, and she wanted it badly. But equally, somewhere in there was someone she would have to chat up and hope that Femme was out of the bathroom soon enough to come and rescue her from having to kiss some potentially gross dude. Though Femme did say find a cute guy. So find a cute guy she would.

Fionna only wobbled once in the heels as she stepped out, grateful that the lesson Gumball had interrupted yesterday morning had been walking in heels. She hadn't had much practice, but she had had enough not to make a fool of herself and she carefully tiptoed between people as she looked for someone that appeared to be available. She chewed on her lip for a second then made a mental checklist of things she should be doing.
Stand up straight, stick your tits out.
Purse your lips just slightly and blow a tiny little bubble through them, then leave them in that position.
Feet straight, hips side to side. Loose, slow steps.
These were all tips Femme had absentmindedly imparted when she had been walking up and down over and over again as she tried to get used to the feeling of shaking her butt. it still felt weird. And doing all of this felt like she was being ostentatious, and while she had no problem with that, being sexually ostentatious was more of a problem. It felt ridiculous. How could this be sexy?
Fionna somehow had managed, while she was thinking and concentrating, to thread her way through the crowd and out of it and suddenly found herself walking past one of the mirror walls. A tall, curvaceous woman in a navy blue dress and a white rabbit hat glanced at her as she walked past, then stared at her with open shock when she did a double-take a stepped back.

Fionna had never thought of herself as being pretty. She had bits of fat on her hips and her stomach and thighs that she could pinch and which never seemed to go away no matter how hard she adventured. She had a spatter of freckles across her nose and buck teeth and the ends of her hair was ratty and split.
But the woman in the mirror was clearly her. She still looked awkward and uncomfortable because she knew herself well enough to tell, inspite of her relaxed expression.
But she didn't look half bad while being so.

' To be fair, if I looked like you did I'd probably stare at mirrors a lot too.' Fionna heard a mellow english accent say, and she turned to find a very pretty brunette woman smiling at her. Her hair was short and spiky, sort of like Marshall-lee's but different. She was wearing red lipstick and a matching coloured red minidress with knee-height white lace-up high-heeled boots. She had wide hips and a small but pert chest and a slight crows foot next to her amber coloured eyes indicated she was quite a bit older than Fionna. Exactly how much older though, it was impossible to tell, because if it weren't for the topaz eyes and a slight point on the tip of her ears, she could've been a human.
' W-what? Oh no, I was just checking I didn't have any wine on me, my friend spilled her drink and she just went to the bathroom to clean up.' Fionna lied quickly, smiling at the woman. She laughed, her white teeth contrasting with the red lipstick and her dark skin.
' Ah, I'm sure you were dear. There's no shame in a quick onceover to see if one is still looking gorgeous. I can assure you that you are though.' The woman told her, smiling genially and looking her up and down quickly. Fionna blushed as the woman took a drink, and stuttered some sort of thanks. Her grin became wider as she watched the red-faced adventuress.
' You're simply adorable, in fact. My name is Kitty. And who might you be?'
' M-my name is Fionna.' She replied, the fact that she was being hit on by a girl slowly dawning. Oh gob, this was an unprecedented situation. She knew that it happened and she had no problem with that- Love was love after all, and sex was just weird- but she just hadn't considered that she would be attractive to anyone, let alone girls as well as boys.
' Fionna. A name as pretty as you are.' Kitty replied, and stepped in closer when Fionna blushed harder and stuttered meaningless noises.
' l-look, Kitty, I'm very flattered but I-I...' Kitty smiled at her and raised her glass to Fionna's lips. Fionna was already taken off guard so she swallowed automatically, too surprised to consider whether she should. The drink tasted rather sweet with a hidden sharpness somewhere underneath it, and a faint tang of citrus. It was actually quite nice.
' Let me guess, you've never done this before? You're only young, I can see that. Arent' you curious? Don't you want to know what it's like?' Kitty whispered to her seductively, taking the glass away from her and sipping from it herself before placing it on a nearby table. Fionna swallowed nervously and ran her tongue around her lips, about to tell Kitty that no, she really wasn't, not for women at least. However, the movement and the fact that her face was rather expressionless combined to make it look like she was finally responding, and Kitty placed her hands on Fionna's waist and kissed her open mouthed, greatly shocking her. (Down in the nightosphere, Marshall, who was furiously playing his guitar and trying to ignore his packed duffel bag after chickening out for the third time, hit a wrong note and was suddenly filled with a deep, stomach-twisting sense of anger and jealousy.)
Fionna was about to push Kitty off of her after regaining her thought process, but the older woman held her tightly and Fionna felt her tongue snake between her lips and start to explore her mouth in a way Flame Prince had never had the courage to do. The sensation was alien and Fionna wasn't sure whether she liked it or not, but it had surprised her enough that she hesitated in pushing Kitty away.
Hey, a little practice wouldn't be such a bad thing, right?
Even as she thought it, the rest of her mind screamed at her that that was completely insane, but she had already started to kiss back so that voice was drowned out by sensation. Kitty was much older than her and she clearly, obviously knew what she was doing, the opposite of Flame Prince (She had never kissed Marshall on the lips, so there was no point of comparison there.) She guided smoothly and her mouth tasted exactly like the drink she had pressed onto Fionna a minute ago, and Fionna vaguely wondered whether it was getting her drunk. Her eyes popped open when she felt Kitty's hands slide down onto her ass, and then she noticed Femme standing in the crowd watching her with open-mouthed surprise.
Fuck.

' Fionna? Are you okay, did I do something wrong?' Kitty asked innocently, noticing Fionna's sudden stiffness. Fionna failed to reply, her mouth working silently as Femme shook her head slowly, blinking incredulously as her mouth flickered upwards into a half-smile for a mere moment before she suddenly looked shocked and betrayed.
' F-Fionna? What are you doing? I-I thought that tonight... You and me coming here was... How could you!?' She screamed, sounding like she was nearly in tears, before turning around and blazing through the crowd, sprinting through the doors as they banged open. Kitty, who had looked past Fionna and had seen the rather convincing display, looked back at her with a mixture of surprise and strangely, guilt. Fionna, simultaneously thanking and cursing all of the G's, gritted her teeth and raised her eyebrows apologetically then ran out after Femme, tipping more to the cursing side as she tottered in the heels, eventually just kicking them off once she made it out the door.

' Femme, just stop now!' Fionna yelled after her when they had left the part of the Candy Kingdom the bar resided and were now walking through empty cobblestone streets of residences. Femme had worn herself out by running for so long (she was skinny, not fit) and the fact that she had doubled over laughing was not helping. By the time Fionna reached her, she was on all fours alternating between gasping for air and loosing it all with huge belly laughs.
' Oh... My gob... I don't know... What I expected... Haha, what I expected to see... When I came back but it... definitely wasn't that! Haha...' Fionna sighed and shook her head, sitting down on the edge of the sidewalk and glaring at Femme's shoulder blades.
' Oh, grow up. She started it.' Fionna muttered reluctantly.
' She!' Femme spluttered and collapsed onto her side, a fresh wave of laughs starting up and nearly suffocating her.
' Yes, she! But I didn't want her to before she started kissing me, and I still wasn't sure even when she was. She came on to me, and she was so fast at it I literally didn't have the time to say no.' Fionna growled at her indignantly, tomato-faced and highly bothered. Femme was slowly recovering herself and eventually she rolled into an upright position, still shaking with the occasional chuckle.
' Yeah, but you still could've once she started... I had no idea you swung that way, EB. I thought you were straight as a plank.'
' I-I don't even know what that means!' Fionna stammered indignantly, and Femme took one look at her and began laughing again, though not with quite as much gusto as she had at first.
' Look, it's just a phrase that people use when they're talking about whether someone is gay or not. Same with swinging. Someone who is straight only likes someone of the opposite sex, while someone who's gay only likes people of the same sex, and someone who's bisexual likes both. There are more types than that but those are the three you're most likely to come across. Not sure if your girl was gay or bi but either way, same result.' Femme smirked, showing her teeth.
' Oh, shut your stupid face. A-and I don't swing that way, I don't like girls! '
' Well, then why were you kissing one? There's no problem with it, hell I'd get me some of that action, she was hot.'
' W-wait, what?'
' I'm bisexual Fionna, and heads up, so is Marshall-lee. Though I know he prefers women now. But he was fully into dudes for a while, which for some reason only made the female fans love him more, it was really strange.' Fionna processed this for a second then shook her head vigorously, raising her hands.
' Okay, fine, but I don't like girls! I wasn't attracted to her, I-I mean she was clearly pretty and all that but when she was kissing me I didn't feel like how I do when I'm with Flame Prince or when Marshall was on top of me, she just kissed differently to how I've ever been kissed before and I wanted to see what else was different. I've only ever kissed one person before and-' Femme could see that Fionna would justify until she was blue in the face so she reached out and clapped a hand over Fionna's mouth, instantly silencing her.
' Look, it doesn't matter, I was just surprised is all. The gender of who you're attracted to doesn't concern moi, the part that concerns me is that I thought you wanted Marshall, so what are you doing frenching some random?' Fionna tugged Femme's fingers away.
' I told you, she came onto me!'
' Okay okay, I got it, don't bust an artery or something, cheesus.' Fionna sighed heavily and threw Femme a look, before rubbing a hand down her face and staring down at the walkway between her feet. Impulsively, she reached down and dug a hunk out of the road, starting to chew on it moodily. She offered half to Femme who shrugged and took it, and they ate in silence for a few minutes.

' It's really weird how you can literally eat anything here.' Femme mumbled pensively before taking another bite.
' So... You and Gumball.' Fionna replied. Femme froze before slowly resuming, casting a glance towards Fionna before she swallowed.
' I told you to pick up a cute guy-'
' Save it, that's not going to work. We had a deal, you promised.' Fionna interrupted her and Femme sighed.
' Yeah, I know. But it'd be so much easier to screw you over. But you, you in particular, make it real hard for a person to do that.' She paused for a moment, twining her fingers together.
' I kinda feel sorry for Marshall. You're gonn a make him love you till you die, and he'll be heartbroken when you do.' She said sadly, and Fionna blinked at her for a second, before deciding not to comment, as it could easily become a whole 'nother conversation and she'd never get the story of Femme and Gumball.

Femme waited for a couple seconds, hoping that Fionna would take the bait, but she remained stubbornly silent, watching her with an unbroken stare. So haltingly, reluctantly, Femme started to speak:
' Like I said, Gumball used to manage the band. Back then, he and Marshall were like best friends, y'know? It turns out... No, I'll start at the beginning. Gumball and I, we didn't really... go out, it was more that we were a couple but we never really acknowledged that that was what we were, or at least I didn't.' Femme glanced towards Fionna then looked back at the ground. The adventuress was riveted, fully focused on the story.
' I'm probably smarter than you think I am, and Gumball was the only guy I ever knew who could match me like that. I liked him a lot more than I'd ever liked anyone, and I didn't like that, if that makes sense. I had a real lone-wolf mentality then, and I didn't want to be in love with someone. So I would cheat on him, sort of, 'cause like I said, we were never really... But I knew that was how he felt and it scared me because that was how I felt too, so I still did it to keep myself away from him just enough that I could convince myself I wasn't about to be tied down by a freaking candyman. I wasn't sure whether I wanted him to catch me at it or not, but he's smart, so he figured it out. That's when I realised that I was being fucking stupid, but he was incredibly hurt, a-and then he and Marsh fell out over something- It ended with Marshall putting the band on hiatus, so it was probably to do with that somehow- and of course, without the band, I had no reason to see him and he deffo didn't wanna see me.' Femme sat back up and raised her hands, shrugging before letting her palms fall back onto her thighs with a clap.
' I haven't seen the guy for more'n a century, EB. And people can change a lot in that much time. I don't wanna know how he's changed, and I especially don't wanna know if it's my fault if he has. I can get a damn good fuck whenever I feel like it, but what happened between us wasn't just sex, and that hasn't happened between me and anyone else since.'
' But you miss him, right?' Femme's eyebrows creased together and she sent a shocked glance over at Fionna, who was watching her intently. The adventuress rolled her eyes.
' Oh, don't look so surprised. I'm probably smarter than you think too, or maybe it's just a lucky guess. Even if I can't sub-atomic calculus divide a fraction, I can tell when someone's lonely.'
' I'm not-' Femme began to protest but Fionna held up a hand and pressed her thumb into the middle of her four other fingers, moving it in and out like a mouth while her own lips did the same.
' Words, words, words. You're actually pretty good with them. But if you loved him and he loved you back, it was your fault he stopped and you haven't loved anyone since, then obviously you still love him and you m-'

' Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the fuck up, sweetheart. I never said I loved the guy, Cheesus rice. I liked him, a lot. But I've never been in love, and I have no fucking clue whether he ever loved me.'
' Don't be so dramatic, or at least stop being so. If you're still hung up on him centuries later, to the point where you can't even handle a casual hello, of course you loved him.' Fionna said matter-of-factly, shaking her head at Femme.
' Even if I've only had one boyfriend, I can read, and I know lots of couples. Gimme some credit, Miss Know-It-All.' Fionna told her, smiling when Femme scowled at her.
' Right. But love is a strong word- Look, I get why you wanted to know, but I don't want your help, got it? I'm the agony aunt here, and therapists don't consult their clients. I don't need you to save me, okay?' She snapped bluntly. Fionna appeared surprised and a little hurt, but after a few moments she simply shrugged, taking on an expression of disinterest that Femme didn't trust one little bit.
' Okay, fine. I won't bug you about it anymore.' She stood up and dusted off her backside as Femme squinted up at her skeptically.
' I mean it, Fionna. Don't try and play cupid, alright?'
' I won't. But that's rich coming from you.' She said, bouncing off easily into the sunrise. Femme watched her go, becoming as worried as she was suspicious. Fionna was as stubborn as she was, no way was she letting it go that easy. Dear gob, she hadn't realised this sweet little girl could scheme. What was she plotting!?
' Fionna, I'm serious, butt out of my love life!' Femme called after her, standing up quickly and staggering slightly in her haste to catch up with the blonde.
' I could say the same to you.'
' ...Touche, but seriously don't try anything.'
' Okay, I get it.'
' Fionna...'
' Alright!'

Author's note: She's not butting out, not in a million years. Also, Kitty may appear again, it all depends on how long y'all want this story to be. If you'd like it to continue past the uh, intial fuck-fest, lemme know because I'd rather not waste time that I could focus on other stories if that's all you guys are hanging out for, yeah? Marshall begins next chapter, and he'll be back in Aaa very, very soon so keep an eye out folks!

-WRA