Usopp thought he had caught a lucky break when he got the job at the post office. He'd heard the expression "going postal" and knew it was supposed to be a stressful and demanding job, but the pay was good and he got every Sunday and every holiday off, so what could he complain about. Sure, it wasn't all fun, they sent him out to work the country roads some impossible distance from the post office, roads that often flooded and were almost never cared for in the winter, but the farmlands and wide stretched of woodlands were peaceful and picturesque so Usopp had no complaints.
No, this job was ideal, and Usopp was determined not to let anyone tell him otherwise… until he met Luffy.
He hadn't been doing the job long, a month maybe, tops, but it was long enough to have memorized his route by heart. He knew every twist in the road, every house, every street sign like the back of his hand. He knew there was a house there that never received mail. An old, abandoned homestead who's previous owner had either died or moved on without bothering to pass their property on. He knew the house was large – three full stories plus an attic – and that one of the top floor windows had long ago been broken and never repaired. He knew it was white, once, although years of disuse and neglect had allowed a blackish mold to cover much of the siding. It's roof had a light covering of moss as well, and the gutter on the front of the house had fallen from the roof and hung at an odd angle now.
He knew no one had lived there in quite some time, so he knew it had to have been a mistake when a letter ended up addressed to the abandoned home. He stood on the wide front porch of the house, studying the house numbers carefully. One of them had long since fallen off, but there was still a faint outline rusted into the paneling. 5-0-5. Just like the letter in Usopp's hand.
"You lost?" A voice had asked from somewhere behind him.
The guy couldn't have been any older than Usopp, with messy black hair stuffed under a tattered straw hat and a scar under his left eye. Usopp had turned to reply, but the guy spotted the mail in Usopp's hand and practically pounced.
"Oh! My letter!" He'd cried, scaring Usopp right out of his skin
His name was Luffy and he'd claimed the abandoned house as his own, which was weird, but after talking to Luffy for a few minutes Usopp discovered weird was just what Luffy was. He swore the moment he managed to escape the guy, he'd avoid ever seeing him again.
But escaping Luffy was impossible, it turned out. After some time, Usopp found himself warming up to the strange guy. Luffy never stopped being weird, even to Usopp, but Usopp started developing a soft spot for that weirdness.
When he invited Usopp over to meet his new neighbors though, Usopp wasn't sure what he was expecting. He knew the men who lived next to Luffy, of course. Although they got very little mail, Usopp had seen them a couple of times, and they seemed alright. There was something about them though, something that Usopp just couldn't quite put his finger on. They were off, somehow.
He made his way nervously up the steps of the small house. It was almost the exact opposite of the house Luffy had claimed. Instead of being a large home with multiple stories, it was a simple one story ranch house, and instead of the molding white siding that Luffy's home had, this house had dark wooden shingle siding. It was much more rustic than the home down the road, but it had a comfortable sort of feel.
"Usopp!" Luffy called from inside and a moment later the front door opened to reveal a tall man with green hair. The green-haired guy stared down at him with dark eyes. They weren't just dark, they were almost midnight black; lightless and disconcerting, and Usopp quivered a little bit in his boots under their gaze.
"You're the mail carrier," the man so astutely pointed out.
"I-I…" Usopp stuttered.
A blond man joined them at the door.
"Zoro," he scolded. "Let the poor man inside, don't just stare at him."
The blond seemed more open and approachable than his counterpart, but in some ways that made him much more frightening. He was smiling at Usopp now, a welcoming grin that conveyed none of the warmth he seemed to be aiming for. It seemed just a little too forced, too flat to be genuine… and yet it was convincing enough that Usopp couldn't sure his mind wasn't just playing tricks on him.
"Come in, come in," the blond beckoned. "You're Luffy's friend, right? I'm Sanji, and this is Zoro."
"Usopp," he managed to squeak out. Inside the house was dark compared to the bright sunshine outside, and the further he followed the two men in, the more frightened he became.
"Usopp!" Luffy called cheerfully, waving at him from his seat. His mouth was full of food already, and a variety of sandwiches had been laid out across the table.
Luffy was a welcome sight at least; a spot of light in this dark home. With Luffy there, Usopp felt a little more at ease. Enough so that he became convinced his mistrust of Sanji had been a work of his imagination. The blond was courteous and polite, the perfect host. Zoro was still a little intimidating, sitting stoically with his elbows resting on the table while he watched Sanji work, but Usopp was beginning to think it was just Zoro's quiet nature that made him seem so frightening, rather than something more sinister.
"There," Sanji smiled, placing a drink in front of Usopp before joining the rest of them. "Dig in, Usopp, and make yourself at home," he said, warmly.
"Just don't go into the fridge," Zoro added darkly. He fixed Usopp with a serious stare.
"That's right," Sanji agreed, his face becoming serious as well. "That's where we keep the bodies."
Usopp chuckled nervously at their joke, but neither of them smiled. They only continued to stare at him seriously, and Usopp felt himself beginning to sweat.
Luffy did laugh though. "Yeah! And Sanji makes all his food with human meat!" He declared.
"H-human meat?" Usopp sputtered.
"Of course," Sanji replied. "What did you think you were eating?"
No one laughed. They fixed Usopp with questioning looks, expecting his answer. He started at the reddish brown shaved meat on his sandwich, and swallowed dryly.
"I'msorryIhavetogo!" He squeaked out in one word, pushing away from the table and making it out the front door before anyone could stop him.
Sanji and Zoro chuckled as Sanji gathered up the half eaten sandwich from Usopp's plate and placed it on his own.
"Funny guy," he commented, with an amused smile. "I've never seen such an appropriate reaction."
"I like your friend, Luffy," Zoro said to their neighbor. "Bring him around again."
"Sure!" Luffy slurred out through a mouthful of sandwich. "I'll bring Usopp over lots!"