Disclaimer: I do not own TWD or its characters

The breeze blew softly, ruffling the dark green leaves of the surrounding trees. Granted this rare moment of solitude, Alice leaned against the parked RV, gently twirling a dandelion between her fingers. She never cared for the flower personally but there was an abundance of them growing near the trees. Alice smiled at the flower fondly, recalling how her sister would refer to the dreadful flowers as little suns. She said it was because of their bright yellow color. It was times like these she wanted to hear her sister's voice or reminisce about their childhood like they used to. The simple things about Jessica had been what Alice missed most. Her unapologetic ways and tasteless humor had once annoyed Alice, but now she would give anything to hear one of Jessica's smartass remarks. Her heart ached, wanting to hug her best friend. She longed to stroke her sister's hair as Jessica rested her head on her lap and talked. She wouldn't even have minded if Jessica would tell Alice how her sex life was going. All she had now were memories and she feared in her heart that she would forget her sister. There were moments when she would swear she forgot her childish laughter and that would scare her more than any walker could.

She missed her parents as well, but not like she missed Jessica. Her parents were never the affectionate type. Their mother never doted. Even on Alice's wedding day she couldn't recall her mother being emotional or beaming with joy. She didn't even help her oldest daughter get ready and give her a pep talk to calm her nerves. Shane's mother had been the one to do that. Alice appreciated it, but it wasn't the same nor how she imagined. Her mother did come at the last minute before Alice walked down the aisle just to say a prayer and tell her to be a good, obedient wife, but that had been it. As for her father, he never paid attention to his girls. He never got the son he wanted and neither girl could fill the void he felt or the resentment towards his wife. Every major event in their young lives he was there for, but he always had a stern look and never even uttered he was proud of them. Even before he had shot himself, he didn't say he was proud. All Alice had was Jessica and they were proud of each other. They loved each other enough to ease the pain of having parents who were emotionally detached and only cared about bible study and church.

Alice brought the flower up to her lips, twirling it against them and letting the silky petals tickle her. She smiled into the flower wondering if Jessica was watching her. Had she seen how Alice had grown? Did she see how she grew a backbone? Jessica would have been so proud, Alice knew it.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a heavy hand weigh down her shoulder. Scared, she dropped her flower as she twisted around. Her hand instantly reached for the pistol resting in the waistband of her tarnished jeans. Alice placed her hand over her heart and let out a relieved sigh when she realized she was in no danger.

"You scared me Rick." She let the pistol handle go and took a step back from Rick. He had been too close for her liking.

If he noticed her move further from him, he didn't bring it to attention. "Sorry 'bout that." He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand as he let the one on Alice drop to his side. He was dressed in his deputy uniform again. He didn't have much clothes to choose from. Waking up in a hospital during an apocalypse didn't exactly leave him a lot of time to pick out his favorite outfits before going on his search for his family. For a moment the two stood in an awkward silence, neither sure what to say. Rick licked his lips quickly. "Look, I wanna say sorry for what happened at the CDC. I crossed the line."

Alice nodded, but looked down at her fallen flower. "It's alright. Accidents happen I suppose." She dreaded this conversation, but knew it had to happen. The Great Rick Grimes always had to make things right.

Rick felt a searing pain in his chest when she wouldn't look him in the eyes. He wanted Alice to tell him she wouldn't accept his apology because she wanted him the way he wanted her. Rick knew he was asking too much of her, but that didn't ease his desire to hear those words. He knew realistically they couldn't be together. Things were tense with Lori, but he still loved her. The touches and kisses they shared felt hollow and had been for some time, but Alice's touch set his skin on fire. Her kiss made his lips tingle in a pleasurable way. What he wanted to feel with Lori he instead had felt with Alice. Then there was Shane who was his best friend. He had protected his family when Rick couldn't. Rick had felt guilty in the way he repaid Shane for his kindness. He had kissed his wife, realized he had feelings for her, and was lusting after her while they all rode in the same RV. Alice made him feel at ease and he knew he could always talk to her. He cared about her deeply and liked her as more than just a friend. The small moment of deep affection they had shared relit a fire that had dimmed in him years ago, but that wasn't enough to fuck everything up just to be with her. He hadn't been able to get her out of his head and it wasn't just because she wasn't speaking to him. Rick had felt a connection that went beyond anything he had felt with Lori for the past few years, but he still loved his wife. They had years of memories and a son they shared. They had built a home together before the apocalypse. He couldn't forget all of that because of a kiss.

"I just uh… Well I guess that's all I wanted to say."

"Ok." Alice still refused to meet his gaze.

"You alright?" he wanted to talk to her. It didn't matter what it was about, he just wanted to hear her voice.

"Yeah." She answered. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Stuff."

Rick swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "I don't want things to change between us Alice. Things are gonna get tougher, I feel it. I just… I need you to support me." He needed his friend if he couldn't have her as anything more.

Her eyes snapped up at him. She inexplicably felt a wave of anger towards him. Alice's lips tightened and for a moment, she just looked into his eyes. The same eyes that brought her a sense of calm were now setting her insides on fire in rage. "Support you." Alice nodded her head slowly. All he wanted was support. All she was good for was to have his back. "Yeah. I'll support you." All the anger she had held inside, all the things she wanted to say, she pushed back down the best she could. Now wasn't the time to say what she wanted. When the right time was, she didn't know.

She hastily turned on her heels and walked away, crushing the forgotten dandelion under her feet. Rick watched her leave, unsure of what had just happened. Was she still angry with him? Had he done something wrong again and didn't realize it? He ran his hand down his scruffy face. Cupping his mouth, he let out a frustrated sigh. Things were starting to make less sense and he wasn't sure how to grasp what was going on. Women just confused him.

Rick looked over his shoulder and saw Lori talking to Carl. She must have felt his eyes on her, because she turned around and smiled He wanted to believe it was a smile to reassure him that things would work out, but he couldn't ignore the doubt hidden in it. The whole ride from the CDC had been a quiet one for him and Lori. She barely spoke to him. When she did, she kept it short. Lori hadn't brought up what he told Dr. Jenner about his doubts, but he knew she was thinking about it. The distance was growing between them and it was one that he couldn't stop. Long ago were the days when he could just enjoy being with her, feeling carefree and laughing. They rarely laughed together anymore. Rick had a nagging feeling that had it not been for their son, Lori would have left him a long time ago. But she stayed. It wasn't because she loved him and wanted things to work, that much he knew. They often spoke of starting fresh in their marriage and yet it never happened. They would kiss and make up but he could still see the resentment and doubt in her eyes. She didn't want Carl to witness his parents' marriage ending. They shared the same want to keep their son happy. If that meant the illusion that they were content with one another, so be it. But Rick wasn't sure how much longer he could go with the charade. It wore him down knowing Lori would probably never look at him with love and admiration like she used to. He worked so hard for years to keep this woman content, but sometimes he felt like she was determined to be unhappy with him.

Alice didn't make it any easier on him. Rick felt so conflicted over the blonde and there was nothing he could do. He wanted her, he longed to taste her lips again. He had found his mind drifting with thoughts of how it would be to have her ever since the CDC. Would she softly call his name as he pleasured her? Would she cling to him as she did in the few fantasies he had with her as the star? The desires he had for his friend would always end with a feeling of guilt. That was his best friend's wife. He could have easily justified his thoughts by telling himself that she clearly was unhappy with Shane, but he was still his brother. Unhappy or not, could he really betray both Lori and Shane? Rick had no idea how strong or deep his feelings for Alice ran, but it didn't matter. She didn't even seem interested in even having a friendly conversation with him.

Lori and Alice's relationship had been another topic all together for the deputy. In his short time since being reunited with his family, he had failed to notice the two women keeping a distance between themselves. It had come to his attention during their two-day drive from the CDC. He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw Lori give Alice an apologetic look a few times. What had transpired between the two women was a mystery to him but he knew something had happened during his time away. They had been close friends since he and Lori began dating. It wasn't unusual for the two women to chatter endlessly over things he couldn't understand. Women things he supposed. Now they were tense around each other, neither really knowing how to act or what to say. Rick had felt guilty for not noticing sooner. He had been so consumed with his own problems and fears that he failed to notice Alice had her own issues. She was avoiding Shane for some reason and she and Lori weren't really speaking. She'd watched her father kill himself and seen her sister and mother dead. Alice must have felt disappointed in him for not being there the way she was there for him. Rick couldn't blame her for wanting to get away from him. He felt her anger with him went beyond the kiss. He depended so much on her and though he tried to offer her the same thing, he failed. She told him it would be alright so many times in the past when he needed to hear it. Why hadn't he told her that when she was in need of those words?

Something was up with Lori. Rick didn't know what it was, but she was always so tense when Shane came around. He would notice how stiff she'd become around Shane and that panicked look in her eyes when she saw the two men alone. She was hiding something and he had a feeling he knew what it was. He didn't want to believe his best friend crossed that line with his wife. Then again he had crossed a similar line with Alice. Rick wanted to shove the thought out of his mind because that meant admitting the two people that meant so much to him had betrayed him. Lori thought he was dead, she had the right to do whatever she wanted, but it didn't soften the blow. It was still Shane, his brother and best friend. Neither admitted anything, but the way they acted said more than words. Rick shook his head, he wouldn't believe it until he could back it up with proof. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. Not Lori and Shane. Though it would have explained why Alice wasn't talking to Lori and kept away from Shane. No, he wouldn't let himself believe it. Something else had to be wrong.

Pulling out the walkie talkie that had been clipped to his belt, Rick turned it on. All he heard was silence. Since leaving Morgan and his son behind, not once did he get a message from them. He had hope that they were still alive and doing as well as circumstances would allow. He quickly turned it off, realizing he wanted to do update them in private. Rick knew he may have been only talking to himself when he updated Morgan. Rick knew he might not even been alive anymore, it was a high possibility. Knowing all these things were possible did not stop Rick from updating Morgan. His words could have been falling upon deaf ears, but it kept him sane. It was like his diary in a sense because there was no judgment on the other side when he spoke. No blank looks or false understanding. The weight on his shoulders had been heavy and every time he spoke on the walkie talkie, he felt light. He could say it was bad out here, he could say that there were problems he couldn't solve. Rick couldn't do that so freely with his group because they depended on him to be hopeful and bring them out of every situation alive. He felt at times that he couldn't do it and wondered why he had been given the burden. He always had to be a step ahead and on top of every problem. It was taxing. He couldn't show the fear he had inside, he couldn't expression how much he doubted they would make it. Rick had to lie to them about what he felt so he could believe it too.

A/N: Yay! I'm so proud of myself for getting so much done in one day! I'd like to think I'm making up for taking so long to update. I hope you enjoyed it!