Hello my readers! I'm so sorry I haven't updated. My laptop hasn't been in my possession due to technical problems. And school has started again for me and with six academic classes and three electives, time is precious and limited. I'll update as soon as I can!

She should have seen it coming, should have suspected it at least. Or known that cancer was too cruel to leave her be when she was happy, but she didn't.

Astrid let out a scream to alert her parents, the pain was too intense for her to try and formulate words. It was as if her lungs had become deflated, like a balloon filled with oxygen. The balloon is full and round and floats in a happy manner, then the tie is released and all its precious oxygen begins to escape, taking the life of the balloon with it.

Now it was happening to her, something was trying to take the life out of her. Her head was in her mother's lap in the back seat of the car as her dad sped through the streets towards the hospital.

Then she was being lifted out of the car and rushed inside the hospital. She was placed on a hospital cart, she refused to lay out like people do when they are placed on the mobile beds, she just lay there curled up in a ball as she was wheeled away.

Cancer survivors are courageous, but with the pain refusing to relent, Astrid would have been very happy to die right there.

….

The consistent beep of a heart monitor was the first thing Astrid sensed when she began to stir. She inhaled to test her lungs and was relieved by fresh oxygen.

"Astrid…" Her mother's voice came. Astrid opened her eyes and saw her parents sitting next to her bed.

"What…what happened?" Astrid's voice was barely audible. Her parents could only hear it because they were right next to her.

"Fluid in the lungs again. But they were successful draining it out. You're going to come home today." She reached out and put a hand on Astrid's cheek.

"You've been asleep for a few days but you're going to be alright. This is just a thing we can live with." Her father spoke trying to contain the waver in his voice. Then a nurse with red hair walked into the room. Knowing the usual routine, her parents stood up to leave, but not before kissing Astrid's head.

"I'm Sarah, your nurse." She smiled softly. Astrid liked that. If there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was nurses who smiled too hard.

"Anything interesting happen while I was out?" Astrid asked.

"Oh just the usual. Political debating, celebrity make ups and break ups, sporting events, but the most interesting of all, there is a teenage boy who has hardly left the waiting room since you got here."

"Hiccup? He hasn't seen me like this has he?" Astrid knew she was pale as a ghost, no one ever looks very good when they are in the hospital.

"No, only your parents." Sarah replied.

Astrid nodded and closed her eyes to rest.

….

A few days later, the hospital deemed Astrid well enough to return home. But she and her parents had to attend a meeting about her condition. Astrid just sat back in her chair with her arms crossed and stared at nothing in particular, tuning out the entire conversation. Anything the doctors were saying couldn't be too different than what she had heard before in the dozens of other meetings she had been forced to attend. She couldn't help think about the first time her lungs had filled with liquid and she was on the verge of death in the ICU. She was struggling to catch her breath and her mother told her it was okay to let go. Astrid was trying, but then she heard her mom say something as she sobbed into her father's chest.

"I won't be a mother anymore."

That memory pierced Astrid's heart. She hadn't forgotten about that even after all these years of surviving cancer. Maybe that was why she wanted to know about Abby's mother and what her fate was. Wondering if her mother was able to go on after losing her only child. Because if Anna's mother could continue after losing her daughter, maybe her parents could too after she went herself. Astrid had to know what happened to them. There was only one way to find out…

"Can I still go to Amsterdam?" Astrid interrupted, prompting a silence from everyone.

"Well…" One of the main doctors began. "It would increase some risks… and I don't think-"

"I don't see why I can't go." Astrid interrupted tersely. "They've got oxygen on the planes obviously. And this is an opportunity I may never get again. I-"

"No!" He interrupted her this time. Astrid glared at him. "I don't know how else to say this Astrid. You're too sick. You-"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence because Astrid stood up, knocking over her chair behind her, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her and waited for her parents.

….

Lying down in her backyard she stared at the grey, cloudy sky that seemed to be reflecting her mood. Her eyes tended to change colors depending on the weather and her mood. If she was happy and she was sunny out, her eyes sparkled with the beautiful blue color of the sky. But if she was sad and the heavens were dark with clouds, her eyes took a more grey tone.

Her phone vibrated next to her ear. Picking it up the screen said: This silence is deafening! Are you there?

She put her phone down not bothering to respond. This was so unfair to him. He wanted to be with her, to be her friend, he was an amazing guy who was free of his cancer, and she was just a set up for him to get hurt again. No one knew when, but they knew that if Hiccup stayed around, Astrid would hurt him. She was like a grenade, no, she WAS a grenade. One day she would explode and everything in her wake would be obliterated. No one knew the designated time of the explosion though, there was just the faint ticking of the timer.

She began to type a response to Hiccup.

Listen, I'm not going to put you through this. I don't know if this makes sense or not but I can't be close to you. All I can think about is what it will do to you. I'm sorry.

Pressing send, Astrid turned off her phone and laid back down to close her sad grey eyes.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed that way. Perhaps it wasn't very long. All she knew was that she opened her eyes when she heard the sound of a truck knocking over two trashcans in front of her house. They were set to the side of the driveway, but only one person could be bad enough at driving to hit them

Astrid sat up. She heard the sound of her back door opening and closing but she didn't bother turning around. She heard the familiar squeak of Hiccup's prosthetic approaching. Hiccup took a seat next to her. They were silent for a few minutes.

"That is one sad swing set." Hiccup said nodding his head toward the worn swing set at the end of the yard.

"I know, it makes me sad just looking at it."

"Well, since we are in the current state of sadness, let's go sit on it." Hiccup got up and made his way to the swing set and sat down on the swing that was too small for him. Astrid took the swing to his left and idly swung back and forth.

"Astrid Skye," Astrid looked up to meet his green eyes for the first time. Hiccup's eyes widened slightly when he saw the dull grey color her eyes had alternated to.

"I hope you know, that you trying to keep your distance from me in no way lessens my affections for you. All your efforts to keep me from you are going to fail." Hiccup said gently.

Astrid looked down and fingered the cannula. "Look, I like you. And I like hanging out with you, but I can't let this go on any longer."

Hiccups brow furrowed in confusion and sadness. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you." Astrid replied sadly.

"I wouldn't mind, Astrid Skye."

"No you don't understand-"

"No, I DO understand." He said more strongly. "I wouldn't mind Astrid Skye. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you because-"

"Hiccup I'm a grenade!" Astrid cried, Hiccup stopped talking. Astrid sighed. "One day I'm going to explode, and I'm going to obliterate everything in my wake and… I don't know I just feel like it's my responsibility to minimize the casualties."

For the longest time, Hiccup didn't answer. Then he grabbed the chains of his swing and huffed. "We gotta do something about this gods forsaken swing set. It's emanating half the depression here.

They wrote the ad together.

Desperate and Lonely Swing Set Needs Playing Children and Loving Home

"Seeks the butts of Children," Astrid added in. Hiccup let out a hearty laugh.

"That's one of the many things I like about you Astrid Skye. Who says that? You. You are so busy being you that you have no idea how unprecedented you are."

Even though there was never enough air for her, the air felt extremely scarce that moment.

The swing set went to a home with three children who needed more time in the outdoor world instead of the colorized pixel world, and Astrid never saw it again.

….

The next morning after Astrid slept in late, she go out of bed and onto her laptop. Upon checking her email she saw she had a new message from Freya.

Dear Astrid,

The genies have informed me that you will be visiting us with your friend Hiccup and your mother of the 4th of May. Gobber Van Houten and I are delighted and cannot wait to meet you! Your hotel is only one street away from Gobber's home. If it works for you, we will see you at ten on the fifth in his home so he can answer your questions about his book. We look forward to your arrival!

Best Wishes, Freya.

Astrid's heart sunk deeper into her chest than she ever thought possible.

"Mom?" No answer. "MOM!" She shouted knowing her mother would definitely hear her. Her mother rushed in wearing nothing but a white towel. "What's wrong?!" She asked.

"Nothing, sorry. Can you call the genies to tell them that the trip is off? I got an email from Freya and she thinks we are still coming."

Her mother got a strange look on her face and held her lips in a tight line.

"I was trying not to tell you until your father got home…but the trip is back on!"

"What?!" Astrid shrieked.

"You need to live your life and-"

"Thank you Thank you Thank you! I love you so much Mom!" Astrid shouted wrapping her arms around her mother.

"I believe you have a phone call to make." Her mother handed her her iphone and walked out of her room.

"I will." Astrid typed a response to Freya, closing her laptop she took a deep breath. She looked down at her chest. "Okay lungs, you keep your shit together for just one week."