A/N: It's been a while, yes? I assure you I absolutely do not have a good reason for my absence at all. But thank you to Moonflower04 for helping to remind me why I had to keep writing this. I had a vision for how I wanted this story to go. Well, at some point I realize it wasn't going that way any more. So some rewriting had to be done. Annnnnd here are the final results!

Disclaimer: I do not own TWD or any of its characters. This is just for fun. I'm poor so don't sue!

"So, what's up?" Alice asked, her fingers fidgeting with the belt loops of her pants. The further they got from the house, the tighter her chest seemed to get. Rick's sudden silence was not sitting well with her. He said he wanted to talk in private. She had assumed it was an excuse for them to sneak off and make out like teenagers. But the whole walk, his expression had been serious. A serious Rick was never a good Rick.

"I want your opinion." They came to a stop behind an old shack that housed the generator Hershel used to power the house. "Do you think Sophia is alive?" Rick stood a few feet away from her. Odd.

She blinked in confusion. He brought her out here to ask her that?

Her brows furrowed for a moment. "I don't know what I think." She admitted, shaking her head lightly. "I hope she's still alive, but it's hard. We all know how dangerous it is out there. There's still a chance she is though, and until we know otherwise, I won't believe she's dead and give up."

"Should we… Should I call it quits?" He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, feeling how tightly the muscles were coiled.

"What? Do you want to give up?"

"Carl and Sophia are the only ones keeping us on this farm." He began to explain. "Hershel wants us to go as soon as Carl is better or we find her. Our people are hopeful that we can stay here, I see it." Rick paused, taking a deep breath through his nose. "If it were Carl missing, I'd never want to stop looking. It's easy to keep searching cause we have a base now, but what do I do when Hershel wants us gone and we haven't found her?"

"I know you blame yourself for not finding her." He silently agreed with her. "I also know that you want to bring her back home to her mother. I think you should search more. If I were Carol, I'd want to know whether my daughter was alive or not. Nothing is worse than never knowing for sure."

There was no way to know for sure if Sophia was alive, but every night before bed, Alice would pray. She prayed that the little girl with the abusive father had somehow found a way to survive. It was tough to survive, but not impossible. If she could survive Ed, she deserved to live through this nightmare of a life they all shared. Alice didn't know if Sophia was alive, but she had faith that the girl was because God always protects children and fools.

"We're going to search tomorrow. I want you to come. The more people the better."

"Sure." She agreed without hesitation before her mind drifted back to Sophia.

Rick lips rubbed together as he looked at her. Her hair was in its usual messy ponytail, but he did notice her hair had grown some. Caught up in her own thoughts, she hadn't realized a pair of cobalt eyes analyzing her. He watched the corner of her mouth twitch, always an indicator when she was in deep thought. He realized she looked more mature than he had recalled her ever looking. Her face was slimmer, almost gaunt. Her high cheekbones stood out and her eyes looked wider. A very light ring of violet made a home under her eyes, making them seem oddly bluer. His eyes drifted down, noticing both her protruding collar and hip bones through her shirt. Alice had never been supermodel skinny. She was better described as being at a healthy weight. It was odd to be able to make out her bones for the first time ever.

By no means did her haggard appearance make her less attractive in his eyes, but it did give away that she, like everyone in their group, was not sleeping easy or eating well.

He cleared his throat, bring her attention back to him. Her eyebrows shot up when she realized she had zoned out. Rick gave her a half smile as he reassuringly pat on the shoulder.

Alice's brows crinkled as she eyed the hand that touched her. Had she missed something? Rick kept a distance between them and now he was giving her friendly pats on the shoulder. Perhaps she was over-analyzing things since they were in a rather delicate situation, but they were alone. Completely alone. Why hadn't he made a move on her? A large part of her had expected him to sweep her into his arms and shower her with his intoxicatingly gentle kisses.

"Is something wrong?" she cautiously asked, placing her hand on his forearm in a comforting gesture.

"Should there be?"

"No." Alice quickly replied, her head shaking. "Not at all. But you're acting… I don't know, distant?"

"What do you mean?" He shot her a smile that made her feel like he was unintentionally mocking her observation. "I'm right here."

"That's not what I meant Rick." Her hand released him and dropped to her side.

There was a silence between the two as the generator softly buzzed in the background. Rick let out a hard sigh through his nose, rubbing his eyelids while he tried to gather his thoughts. He knew exactly what she meant, but he naively believed she'd let it go. Of course nothing was ever simple in his life.

"It's this thing Alice." He motioned between their bodies. "It's difficult, I don't even know what it is." The words had been harder to say than he thought they would be.

"This thing." She repeated, crossing her arms under her chest. "Last time we talking about 'this thing', you agreed that we'd figure it out and didn't want to go back to how things were."

"And I don't!" he quickly spoke. Taking a deep breath, he reasoned with himself that this was best for both of them. He didn't want to go back to being unable to kiss and hold her, but the bigger picture wouldn't allow that. "But we're not thinking Alice. We gotta think about Lori, Carl, and Shane. That day, God knows I meant everything I said. I do care about you, I have for years, but we can't just rush into things when we got other people to think about. This is bigger than the both of us Alice."

She nodded her head, feeling body start to tremble. She looked away from his intense eyes and focused hers on one of the horses that roamed free. "I told you that you couldn't give me what I wanted."

"But I want to."

"It doesn't matter what you want to do if you won't do it." Her eyes snapped back on him. She could barely make out any details of him through her suddenly blurry vision. "What made you change your mind?"

"I didn't change my mind-"

"What made you change your mind?" she repeated through clenched teeth.

"I… Things aren't good with Lori, but I know I love her." He weakly reasoned. "You love Shane-"

"Don't tell me who I love! You don't know anything!"

"I know that there's something between us!" he reached out for her, but retracted his had as if dodging a venomous snakebite when she glared at him. Her eyes were blazing. "I'm confused Alice." He finally admitted with an exasperated sigh, wishing she was more understanding. "Look, things are hard out here, you know that. We can't afford to cut ties because of an infatuation we have with each other."

Infatuation? Is that what he thought Alice's feelings were?

Of course Rick would look at them letting their feelings be known as 'cutting ties' with Lori and Shane. He was trying to be noble without knowing all the facts. She wondered if he'd be so rational if he knew the people he was trying to keep the peace with were the same ones who slept together the moment they thought he was dead. Feeling spiteful, she flirted with the idea of telling him.

That would be wrong though, no matter how furious she was with him at the moment. She suddenly felt like a mistress that wanted her lover to leave his wife like he kept promising. Like those women, she knew it would probably never happen, but still had hope.

"Just forget it." She mumbled, her anger fading and quickly replaced by sadness and self-pity. "I should have known better."

Breathing suddenly felt harder when he saw her eyes glazed over. "Please, don't let this ruin our friendship Alice. I still care about you." He wanted to badly to hold her and whisper to hell with Lori and Shane, they'd figure something out. "I always will."

This was the right thing to do. Alice made him happy and always managed to put his mind at ease, but that didn't make what they did or felt right. Every day he found himself questioning how he felt for Lori. She'd shrug off his attempts to make them work. She always seemed so distant, even when he held her at night. At those moments, his mind told him that Alice wouldn't do that. She'd let him hold her, she'd allow him to vent about his doubts and the stress of knowing their days on the farm were numbered.

But he must have loved Lori, because he always found himself striving to please her. He wanted her to beam with pride at her husband when he made decisions. However, most days he felt like he was chasing a ghost. Someone he didn't recognize or know how to reach replaced the Lori he remembered falling for. Before he had been shot, things were tense. They argued almost daily it seemed, but he knew he loved her then and she loved him. Now, they rarely argue and one would assume that was good, but something was off. He wasn't sure if he was in love with her anymore. He wasn't even sure if she was with him because she wanted to be.

He knew it had to do with Shane. He was positive something took place between the pair, but something in Rick wouldn't allow him to believe in it fully until he had solid proof. Until then, he would just believe he was being paranoid and something else had to have happened. Maybe they had a fall out of sorts, something that didn't involve his wife and best friend sleeping together.

Besides, if they had slept together, Alice would have told him. Judging by her changed attitude towards the pair, he knew she had information about what happened with Lori and Shane. Alice of all people would tell him if they had betrayed him in such a way.

"I'm gonna go see if Carol needs me to help with supper." Alice quietly spoke, bringing him from his musing.

"You don't have to go yet." He found himself seeming desperate for her to stay with him a little longer.

"No, I should go Rick. No point standing here."

"Alice, please don't let things go back to how they were when you wouldn't speak to me. I need you." He blurted out before he could stop himself.

Her face scrunched up, the blaze in her eyes returning. "You need me? I admit how I feel, you tell me you feel the same and we'll figure out how to make it work, then you casually tell me that we should just ignore those feelings because in the grand scheme of things, they just throw shit off! Fuck you Rick!" he took a step back, surprised by both her outburst and vulgarity. "You don't need me! You just want me to tell you you're doing a good job cause Lori gives you passive aggressive replies and Shane keeps questioning your judgment! I don't care if you convinced yourself that I'd just go with this and let you use me!"

"I'm not using you!" he shot back, offended.

"The fuck you aren't! We can't be together, but oh, you want me to forget how I feel and listen to you vent about how screwed up things are. You want me to pretend I still love Shane and that we're all one happy, screwed up couple. I don't love Shane, he knows it now and I'm not gonna pretend I do for you or anyone else so you won't feel bad about sneaking behind your poor wife's back with me."

"He knows it?" Rick asked, trying to take the attention off how right she had been.

"He wanted to get back together and figure things out. I don't want that, I can't go back to that. I don't need you or him trying to convince me that I'm better off with Shane."

"Alice, I just want what's best for you-"

"Then leave me alone!"

"W-what? Alice, I-"

"Do it! You want what's best for me, right? What's best for me isn't being around the man I want to be with. Just… Leave me alone Rick."

He felt helpless. Rick was finding it hard to swallow the saliva that had gathered in his mouth. His heart began to beat painfully hard against his ribcage as he watched her turn to leave. He had seen how her lips quivered as she spoke.

Without thinking, he grabbed her upper arm to still her. She tried to shake him off, but instead he spun her around and jerked her into an embrace.

He held her tighter when she began to fight against him. Her small fist began to beat on his chest as she hissed obscenities he hadn't even been aware she knew. Her blonde hair flew wildly around her as she fought, tickling his chin. All she wanted was for him to let her go, but he couldn't. He knew this was just making things more difficult than it had to be, but he couldn't let her walk away.

If she left, he knew it meant the end of everything, including their friendship. He felt so selfish for wanting her and wanting to keep the peace with everyone. He knew it wasn't possible. All he wanted was the comfort Alice's embrace provided him and the solace she her simple words gave his rampant mind.

This woman, this wild, thrashing, angry woman gave him peace when nothing else could. She gave him understanding when no one else did. He wanted to let her go, let her have her way because it was what she wanted. He couldn't though. It had seemed so easy in his mind to have this talk and let her go. It would have been the right thing to do to let her go while it was still early and feelings weren't as deep. He just couldn't though.

No, he didn't need Alice because she would listen to him bitch. He needed Alice because she made him feel like it was alright to just be a man, not some leader with the weight of the world on his shoulders. With her, he would forget that every day could be their last.

As Alice continued to demand he let her go and hit him, he realized that she had been what he needed and wanted all along. In a swift motion, he captured her lips with his, pressing hard against them. He felt a spark when he kissed her. It was like tiny bolts of electricity traveled from his lips and down his body, warming it with a tingling, electrifying sensation.

Feeling her thrashing end, Rick softened the pressure to her lips. At some point during her struggle, she had begun to cry in frustration. He gingerly caressed her wet cheek, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He heard her hiccup back a sob, but she didn't pull away. Alice just kissed him harder, more frantically. Her fingers grasped the collar of his shirt tightly as she pressed her chest hard into his body. Rick's hands slid down her waist and rested firmly on her hips.

What they were doing felt so taboo, but still they kept their lips connected. Their kiss was growing more passionate, more heated with need. As Rick ran his tongue against her lower lip, he felt all rational thoughts start to slip his mind. When she opened her warm mouth to let him in, he couldn't even think coherently any more.

The tip of her tongue swirled around his, picking up the faint taste of mint. He felt her hands run down then back up his broad chest and her hips pressed into his body. He could feel the heat from her body. The excitement of having her lips against his with genuine desire, the way she was touching him with her curious hands, having her body flush against his. All of it was making him want more.

These weren't the hollow touches and kisses Lori gave, these were filled with passion and lust.

This wasn't fair, Rick wasn't fair. Alice suddenly pulled away, leaving a dazed looking Rick. She bit down on her lower lip as she put space between their bodies. Taking a step back, she wobbled slightly. For the first time ever, her legs felt like jelly over a silly kiss.

She wanted to keep going and take it as far as they could, but that would just serve to hurt her more. He didn't want her that way, he wanted to be friends.

He was sending mixed messages and she was done with it.

"We can't do this." She softly spoke, gaining Ricks full attention.

Rick's hand rested on top of his head, still recovering from their kiss. He was more confused than ever. He loved kissing her, he loved being with her, but he felt guilty. He had once again poured his passion into Alice behind Lori's back. He was at a loss over how to handle this. The right thing to do would be to apologize and tell her this couldn't happen again. But Rick wanted to throw caution to the wind and ravish her on the spot, then tell her they could be together.

"I don't know what to do Alice." He weakly admitted. "I wanna be with you, I do, but Lori's my wife and Shane's my best friend. If we do this, people will take sides. We can't afford to let that happen, especially if Hershel refuses to let us stay."

Alice wanted to storm off; she wanted to tell him to do whatever he wanted. But her feet were cemented to the ground and her lips refused to say what she knew she should.

"I don't want to pretend Rick. I can't do it." She hated how weak she sounded. Pathetic. She sounded too much like a pathetic mistress.

"I…" he pulled her into a tight hug, letting her hide her face against his chest. Kissing the top of her head, he knew what he had to do. This wasn't part of his plan, but maybe for once he could be selfish. "Just give me time Alice. That's all I'll ask of you. This isn't about me needing you to listen when I vent. I care about you more than I think you understand. Give me time and we'll do this. Me and you."

She looked up at his with her wide, innocent eyes. "Promise me Rick. If you can't, tell me now. I won't let you do this to me again. I swear I'll be done with you if you string me along." Was she willing to accept keeping things secret just to be with Rick for now? Yes. But she wouldn't if he didn't promise to make them happen. Rick Grimes never broke a promise and this she knew.

"I promise Alice." His voice was heavy with determination. He'd figure this out, they'd do the right thing by their respective partners, he and Alice would be fine in the end and together.

Lori bit back her tears as she lay beside Rick in their tent. Her lower lip began to tremble uncontrollably and silent tears slid down her cheeks. This wasn't supposed to happen. None of it was supposed to happen, but it had and it was her fault. She wanted to blame Rick or Shane, but really it was her doing. Rick had his back turned to her and his breathing was steady, signaling he was asleep. It was the first time in a while he wasn't holding her or laying close and she was almost grateful. She wasn't sure she could handle it if he had held her.

What was she going to do? Her heart and mind were battling each other and she was at a loss over how to handle the messy situation she and Shane had created. Her head rolled to the side and her watery eyes rested on the back of Ricks head.

He was a good man and had done nothing but try to do right by her. That was what drove her mad about him though. He was always trying to do right.

She wanted him to get angry with her, yell or something occasionally. But he never did. He was always calm, he always let her yell, throw things, say hurtful words, but he never snapped like she did. She felt twisted for a moment because she knew a majority of women would look at her like she was crazy. She had it good with Rick. Not a lot of women could say they had such an understanding husband that loved them unconditionally and always tried to make it work. Lori's mind drifted to Alice.

She had married a man that was good to her in the beginning but fell back into the bad habit of cheating. Shane even took it a step farther and slept with Lori while Alice was around. Now she was in deep shit and it was all because she just couldn't be happy that she had a man that loved her.

Lori knew the moment Shane kissed her that she was going to let him take it past that. As he pulled her shirt over her head and began to caress her warm skin, she knew what she was feeling. It was anger towards Rick for caring too much about doing the right thing. Had he just cut back his hours at work like she asked, he would have never been shot. But no, Rick Grimes just couldn't listen. He got himself shot and left her alone with their son.

She loved Rick, but she also hated him.

She had been with Shane out of spite towards Rick and in her selfishness, she forgot about Alice. Lori knew what Shane had put Alice through, but that didn't make her tell him to stop as he unbutton her jeans.

As his hips worked in rhythm with hers, all Lori could think about was how much she knew this would hurt Rick if he were alive. The thought gave her a sick satisfaction. Maybe if he had been alive he would finally yell, throw something, and shout hurtful words at her. But Rick really was alive and seeing him made an unexpected wave of guilt hit her each time he looked at her. Her satisfaction from sleeping with Shane was gone.

He'd searched for her and Carl. He had risked his life to get back to them and she had done the ultimate betrayal that was still hunting her. Shane gave her a way to hurt Rick, get a reaction she knew he would give if he knew. At the time, before finding out he was alive, she had wished he could know what happened between her and Shane.

It felt like she always came last in his life. And in her mind, because he could never just put her first, he got himself shot.

She had been angry at Rick all the times she lay with Shane. She was angry that he put his job before his family, infuriated that he got himself shot, but most of all she was hurt. She had been hurt that he 'died' and he was 'dead' due to his own faults. He left her alone and it was his fault because he always had to be the good guy.

In retrospect, it was stupid to blame Rick for something that was out of his hands. All he was truly guilty of was being a loving husband and father. She repaid him by giving him headaches and stress before he had been shot and sleeping with Shane not long after she thought he was dead. Now Shane was convinced she loved him and trying his hardest to knock Rick from the position as leader. A position Rick never asked for or wanted.

She inadvertently caused the tension between them. She didn't love Shane, that much she knew. He, however, was convinced that she needed some coxing to realize her feelings for him. Feelings she knew didn't exist.

This mess was her fault and now she had brought someone else who didn't deserve it into the picture. Lori's hand rested on her slightly curved stomach. All she could think about was what that little stick that told her what her gut had been for a while.

She was pregnant.

A/N: Lori's knocked up, Rick wants to be with Alice, Shane is... Just Shane. Let the real drama begin! I'm excited for you all to see what I have in store because I adore drama and well... It's about to get CRAZY! I got a few questions as to why Rick and Alice didn't hear movement of the walkers while in the barn. I thought of mentioning it, but 1. it would throw things off if they noticed too soon, 2. I figured making out isn't enough noise to get the walkers to let their presence be known.

As always, thank you to those who favored, followed, and reviewed. I apologize for the long wait, but I promise it won't happen again. I'm going back to my weekly updates. Thank you for the continued support! And I didn't personally thank reviewers this chapter because it's really, really late and I have work in a few hours.