It's MY Life

Chapter 7

A/N What you recognize is mine. What you don't is either JKR's or you've been living under a rock for years.

A/N 2 I sincerely apologize to everyone that has been reading this story. I did note in one of my earlier AN's that update's would be sporadic. I just never thought it would be this long between updates. I will only say that working two full time jobs six days a week is not really conducive for writing. Maybe you can convince JKR to pay me and I can update faster?

What, in the name of Merlin's drooping bottoms, am I thinking?

Harry stared at the equations, hellishly complicated, and ran through his options again.

To give, or not to give, that is the question.

Harry stared at the completed equations it had taken him almost ten years to complete. An idea born from the need of someone to understand him completely. It was always intended for his Hermione, but now that it was finished he couldn't help but doubt himself. He had always felt like part of himself was missing. Yes, he had his bond with his wife again, but she wasn't really his wife. At least, not the way he remembered her.

Hermione walked into the common room of Gryffindor Tower and stopped to look at her husband. He was sitting in one of the chairs by the fireplace, his hands running through his hair in a gesture she had come to recognize as frustration, staring at the piles of parchment in front of him. She could tell he was struggling with something, she had seen the signs too many times over the years to not be able to identify it on sight. This is going to be a problem. I just know it. She sighed to herself and walked over to him. "What seems to be the problem, Mr Potter?"

Harry raised his head and looked at his wife for a long moment before patting the empty space next to him, indicating she should sit down. Once she had settled he let out a great sigh of frustration. "You see all this, Mione?" He gestured at the papers in front of him, at her nod he continued. "All of this," he waved once more at the papers. "Constitute my greatest secret. It's not really a secret that can be told, it's one that has to be shown." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair one more time to forestall his explanation. Growling softly to himself he decided to push forward. "I created a spell," at her gasp he hurried to add, "one with an extremely limited application. It's taken me almost ten years to figure it out totally." He watched as her eyes widened slightly, understanding the implications. "This spell, will allow me to transfer my memories into one specific individual." He turned and looked at her fully, wrapping his arms around her waist. Staring deep into her chocolate brown eyes he stated, "Into you."

Her eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hair in what appeared to him to be a nearly supersonic flight. She loved him. She knew she did. More than her own life. She has seen him at his best and at his worst. She has been by his side through all of it. What could be worse than being by his side through whatever is worrying him? She reached forward slowly and pulled him to her. She held him close as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. Afraid that she might run screaming from him.

"I want to show you this Mione," he began in a trembling voice. "But I'm so scared that you'll leave me over it. I just couldn't bear to lose you, Mione." She pulled him closer and rubbed her hand soothingly up and down his back. His head nestled on her shoulder as he whispered almost too softly for her to hear. "I couldn't survive if you left me after this." Slowly his words penetrated her mind . . . Ten years . . . After this . . . My memories. And her intellectually stimulated mind pieced the puzzle together. His knowledge of some things but not others, his seemingly clairvoyance, his always split second shock when his parents entered the room. He's lived this before, she thought to herself. She gently untangled herself and pushed him gently back until she could look in his eyes.

"How far back have you come?" she asked. She looked into his eyes, saw the pain there, the remembered memories and wished that she hadn't asked.

"Further than anyone else," she heard him add in a mutter, "only because you made it possible."

She stared him in the eye, matching his worried gaze for her concerned one. "What will happen?"

"You'll get all my memories up until the moment I came back, plus maybe a few that you were too young to remember now."

"Will it hurt? You know my motto, said by one of my favorite characters . . . "

"I'm impervious to pain. But I'm pervious to pain persuasion," they both said at the same time and smiled at each other. Harry continued, "I've always been curious about who said that."

Hermione looked up at him and smiled coyly. "A little known writer by the name of Jon Davis. You might know him better as the person that wrote the Garfield comic strips. Garfield is a very wise cat." She gave him that grin that he couldn't help but laugh at and soon he was trying to regain his breath from laughing so hard.

When he had finally gotten his laughter under control he looked deeply into her warm chocolate eyes. Seeing the love and trust she had for him reflected there he had to warn her again. "Hermione," he began softly. "My memories, aside from a select few instances, are not the most pleasant of things. If it weren't for the fact that most of them were so useful for one reason or another, I would obliviate all of them just to be able to get them out of my head." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair once more. Looking down at the floor he continued softly. "Some of them will be enough to give you nightmares. I'll understand if you don't want them. I'll even understand if you don't want to be anywhere near me after this if you do want them."

Hermione studied him for a moment, his face turned in profile to her as he refused to meet her gaze. She could see the moisture beginning to gather at the corner of his eye and realized in an instant that he was terrified of this. Harry Potter, her best friend since they were infants. Harry Potter, who never seemed to let anything frighten him. Harry Potter, who had stood by her side through everything and never let anything cause her harm. Harry Potter, who became her husband at the tender age of eighteen months! Was absolutely terrified that he might lose her over this! At that moment she realized just how much he loved her and in return, how much she loved him.

Reaching a hand towards him she gently turned his face to her and tried to pour all of the feelings of love, happiness, joy and contentment she had for him into one look. "Harry," she began softly, "from the time we were babies you have always been there for me. You held me when I cried., comforted me when I hurt and took care of me when I was sick. You have always loved me with nothing less than your whole heart and I have done the same for you. I can see how much you want this, how it has been hurting you to keep this from me. Let me be there for like you've always been there for me. Let's do this like we always have husband, together."

He nodded at her but the fear didn't leave his eyes. It was still there, she could see it and if anything it only grew more pronounced. "We'll need a bit more privacy for this than the common room. I also don't know how long it will take. Occlumency should help you with all of the information but it will still probably overwhelm you for a little while at first." He stood up and held out his hand to her. Smiling, she took his hand as he helped to her feet and led her to the seventh floor.

Stopping next to a tapestry of a wizard teaching trolls to dance he let go of her hand and walked back and forth in front of a blank section of wall. "Harry?" Hermione began. "What are you…?" her question trailed off into nothingness as a door suddenly appeared in the wall before them. Taking hold of her hand Harry opened the door and led her into the room.

Inside was a tastefully decorated room. Thick carpets covered the floor, a roaring fire was spreading warmth throughout the room and providing light along with dozens of floating candles and a large comfortable bed was in the middle.

Harry turned to face her and said, "Welcome…to the Room of Requirement." He gestured into the room. "This is a room that can become anything that you require. Anything that you need and even things that you didn't realize you needed will be available in whatever requirement. Want a pool to go swimming in? It will give you a pool along with changing rooms, swimsuits and towels. Want someplace to study in peace? It can give you that too. Want a place to look up information? It will give you a library solely dedicated to the topic you're looking for. A place to train? It will give you that and everything possible to aid in your training. For now, it's a place that is comfortable and we cannot be disturbed in. I don't know how long this will take and I'm just glad that it's Friday."

He took her hand and led her over to the bed. Laying her down on it he gazed worriedly into her eyes. She could feel the love, concern and fear he had for her in that one look. "Are you sure you want this, Mione? Once it's started there is no stopping it until it's over."

She nodded slowly to him. "I'm sure Harry. This is important for you so that makes it important for me, too."

"Alright Love, if you're sure then. Close your eyes and try to relax. I'll be here when you wake up." He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes as he pulled away. She could hear him draw his wand and a muttered incantation later she was seeing the world through his eyes, feeling emotions that weren't hers. She wanted to scream in horror, laugh in joy and cry in despair with what she saw.

Harry's life before Hogwarts. The beatings and abuse and starvation.

Harry confronting a troll and Voldemort in his first year.

A Basilisk and Voldemort again in second.

A swarm of Dementors and a haggard Sirius in third. So different from the laughing and happy and alive man that she knew.

The Tri-Wizard and Voldemort again in fourth. The pain and guilt for Cedric.

Voldemort and loosing Sirius in fifth. The Toads punishments and the guilt of leading friends into a trap where they and more importantly SHE got hurt. The prophecy.

The Death Eater attack in sixth. Dumbledore dying. Snape killing him.

The hunt for seventh. What they thought was the final battle but it never was.

The continued battles. The deaths. Watching Neville and Luna being flayed alive while trying to protect their infant daughter. Trying to raise that daughter themselves before she was taken from them not even a year later. Susan, Hannah, Minerva, Filius, Remus, Tonks, all of them falling one by one. Sometimes in front of him, trying to protect him. More often hearing about it later while he wasn't there to protect them.

Their wedding night. The soul bond. Their first and never born child. His agony over losing her. He wept for years afterwards.

One by one, losing everyone that was dear to him. Slowly becoming more and more alone as every single living thing was destroyed by Voldemort except what could be saved in the vault.

Despair. Such lonely and terrible despair. Giving up when there was no one left only to find out that he couldn't die. The agonies of hundreds of deaths as Voldemort tried more and more ways to make sure that he stayed dead.

His body was cut into hundreds of pieces while he was still alive to experience the pain then scattered to the four winds. Only to wake up in the middle of a desert some unknown time later. Harry using Fiendfyre on him only to realize some months later that his body rebuilt itself from the ash. Being drawn and quarted, burned alive, drowned, exploded, stabbed, beheaded, any conceivable way of dying and Harry had experienced it.

The despair again. Lonely, he was so lonely, he would give anything just to have someone to talk to. Hearing her voice in his head. The loving voice that he longed to hear again. The logical arguments that would make him think, created by his mind but given her voice.

The one dim hope. The potion and ritual. The long years spent finishing the equations that she herself had started. The resignation when it was finished. The acceptance that it would either work or he would finally know peace.

The pain of the transference. The joy that it worked. The trap that was set. The love when the bond reformed. His happiness and her eternal embarrassment at her burble.

Everything faded and she slowly opened her eyes. Harry, her Harry, was sitting in a chair next to the bed. His head was on the bed and he had her hand in his. It must have been some time that had passed because he was sleeping soundly. She gave his hand a squeeze and softly called his name.

He awoke with a start and looked at her. She could see the fear in his eyes. The thought that she would leave him after everything he had done. The overwhelming love that she felt for him in that moment. That he would be so concerned for her and wanting to share himself with her but still that deep seated fear of rejection.

She pulled him close to her and held him tightly as they lay next to each other on the bed. "Oh my love. So much hurt and loneliness. So much horror." She held his head to her chest as he cried. Releasing the tears that he had hid from everyone. Clutching her tightly to him, afraid that she would leave him.

She let him cry himself out then tilted his head up to hers so that she could look him in the eyes. Smiling softly she asked, "What type of wife would I be if I left my husband after he had shared everything with me?"

He broke down in tears again. Except these were tears of joy. Tears of hope, happiness, gratefulness and above all, tears of love.

Holding tightly to each other they slowly drifted off into slumber. Closer than they had ever been before. And another golden glow surrounded the young couple on the bed as they slept.

A/N: Alright, here it FINALLY is. I thank all of you that have stuck with this story while I was trying to write this chapter. As always reviews are greatly appreciated!