A/N: This chapter took me so much time to write! I had half of it written, but I couldn't find the right words to say what I wanted to. I hope you like it this way. If you don't I'm so sorry! But I really struggled with it. Thanks everyone for your great reviews and favorites and follows! You make my day brighter!

Chapter 15 – He's my new toy

Balthazar and Castiel entered the school, talking to each other.

"So that's why Gabe stayed behind!" Balthazar said excitedly after hearing the new plan. "But why don't I get to be part of it?"

Castiel rolled his eyes. Why did he have to deal with people that just couldn't understand him? It should be clear to everyone why it needed to be Gabe befriending Sam…

I'm surrounded by idiots.

"Because Gabe was already teamed up with Sam. We need continuity if we want to know anything at all… He needs to feel like he can trust us. And if I had sent you instead of Gabe, he would have thought it was suspicious…. It's better this way." He explained to Balthazar to make himself clear as to why it needed to be Gabriel. "And I also need you here with me."

Balthazar smiled brightly. He loved it when he had an important task, it usually meant that he could do whatever he wanted-he could fuck up everything to succeed in his task.

"What can I help with?"

Castiel was about to speak when he saw Dean walking in the end of the hallway. Something in him stopped and he forgot what he was about to say.

Near them, the sound of three guys talking made him look at them.

"Hey, Mr. Winchester is over there… Let's go say hello!" Azazel pointed out with a grin in his lips as he saw Dean.

"Yeah. Let's wish him a good morning." Alastair agreed, thinking about everything he could use near Dean to torture him.

Crowley grinned and clapped his hands together in amusement.

"Let's go boys! Mr. Winchester has other things to do with his day!"

They started walking towards him with Crowley leading the way.

Before he could refrain himself, an angry Castiel left a smirking Balthazar behind, and grabbed Crowley, yanking him against the wall.

Everything in the world lost his value to him. Nothing else mattered apart of what he was doing. Every sound, every image, anything at all besides Crowley was darkened to Castiel. He couldn't concentrate in anything else apart from Crowley.

"If you so much as think about touching Dean I'll end you." His voice was full of hatred as he pushed Crowley further into the wall. He meant every word he said; and everyone listening could hear him loud and clear.

"And why would you do such a thing?" Crowley asked a bit afraid of Castiel at the moment, but still dared to talk back to him. "Is he that precious to you?"

Cas's eyes were full of hatred as he looked to Crowley's. His grip tightened on Crowley's shoulder and arm, making the other boy look surprised and even flinch slightly.

"That's because he is mine." Castiel growled as he pushed Crowley even more against the wall; Making himself as clear as possible he added "He's my new toy." He said as he let go, with Crowley stumbling slightly, trying to get himself together again. He looked at his gang and motioned for them to walk with him away from there.

As they walked away, Castiel's anger started dissipating. He could hear what everyone in the hallway was saying and the sound that made him turn was the really loud laugh that came from Balthazar.

Cas looked to the sides before moving and shouted to everyone there.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" And so he started walking towards his brother.

Behind Balthazar he could see Dean watching him from afar. He looked shocked with what just happened. Soon he shook his head and started walking away with his head down.

Without thinking about it, Castiel followed Dean, keeping some distance between them.

As he walked, Dean kept bringing himself down.

He doesn't care about you. No one does. Why would he anyway? Why would you even try to believe that anyone would care about you? You're nothing. You're worthless. Anyone is better than you. If they wanted they could find just point at a random person and that person would still be better than you.

While saying those things to himself, Dean stopped walking only to start running. He ran with only a place in his mind. He felt sick. So he ran to the bathroom.

Castiel followed suit but he didn't want Dean to know he was after him, so he waited for Dean to get inside the bathroom and gave him a few seconds. He was waiting outside, and when he thought it was safe, he opened the door slightly and peeked inside. The room was empty; if he didn't know better he would think no one was in there. He walked inside, without making any noise, and he started hearing a muffled cry. He spotted Dean kneeling inside one of the stalls and suddenly Cas didn't know what to do. He didn't know why he followed Dean. He didn't know what he wanted to do now that he got Dean alone. He didn't know if he wanted to do anything or just laugh at the other's misery. He was so confused.

Inside the stalls, Dean didn't listen the door opening, he was too busy trying to not to make any sound, trying to calm himself down as he had his panic attack.

No one will ever care about you. You're worthless. You're better dead. Why would he want to be your friend? He only wants a new toy. That is all you are to everyone. You're everyone's toy.

Dean was trembling against the wall; and he felt sick. As quickly as his body would let him, he opened the toilet sit and started throwing up. He calmed down a bit after throwing up, but he was still crying. Dean sat himself down on the floor, letting the cold under him sooth his aching body. He hated himself for being so weak. He wanted to be able to ignore Castiel's words, but they were loud and clear in his mind, just like his dad's.

"Are you alright?" Castiel's voice startled Dean. What's he doing in here? Does he want to make me feel even worse? I can't take it.

"Go away." Dean replied in a weak voice.

A sigh was heard, followed by steps. But he didn't hear door opening. All that was heard was the other stall, the one in Dean's left, being opened, just to be closed quickly.

With his head resting in his knees, Dean let out a shaky breath.

"Please… Leave me alone." He begged Castiel.

"No." The other answered him firmly. "I'm not going away."

A sudden rage filled Dean and he wanted let himself be heard. He wanted Cas to know just how bad he made him feel.

Castiel, who had climbed the toilet sit to peek on Dean, found the other boy on the floor.

This is interesting. But why is he so upset? I just said he was my toy. Only mine to play with. What's wrong about that?

"I hate you." Dean told him, his voice starting to become powerful.

As he heard Dean's words, Castiel laughed.

"Is that so?" Cas wasn't sure how to react to Dean's words. In some way they hurt him, but in the other, they made him want to find out why Dean hated him. "Are you going to explain why?" Castiel wanted to know so bad that he didn't even realize he had asked the question until it was too late.

Dean's crying calmed down slightly until he was just sobbing. He didn't raise his head from his knees, just kept himself in the same spot.

"You want to know why I hate you?" He asked Castiel, not actually wanting him to reply. "I hate you because of many things. I hate you because you tried to find out who hurt me. I hate you because you hurt Charlie. I hate you because you made Sammy fear what your brother would do to him. I hate you because I thought you were my friend… You made me think I could trust you… And then you do what everyone else does. You betrayed my trust in you."

Tears were falling free in Dean's face again. But he chose to ignore them, he could only think about how hurt he felt.

"I never said I was your friend." Castiel said. "So that one is your fault. I'm going to tell you something… When I want to know something I will do anything to know it. If that means to hurt your friend, be it. If that means that I scare your brother, be it. Because finding the truth is worth everything. And if I had the power to go back in time and re-do things I would do everything the same way again. But then again, maybe not; I would probably try with another way to find it out. I never asked you to trust me. In fact I didn't know I was your friend, it's not my fault that you thought I was." Castiel told him, his voice full of confusion, he tried to hide the smirk he had on his lips when he spoke. "Why would you think that I wanted to be your friend anyway?"

Castiel's words were worse than any physical contact Dean had ever received. One thing was he thinking to himself that he was worthless. Other thing was his dad saying it him. And the worst of them all was Cas saying it to him. His throat was aching from all the crying. He didn't feel as sick as before, but he wasn't completely ok. Castiel's words set him into another fit of tears. This time he let out a muffled cry.

"I thought you were my friend because you came to me." Dean told him, his voice full of pain. "And you kept coming. And that made me believe that you cared. You even let me give you a nickname, for god's sake! Why would you even want to be my friend anyway?!"

As Dean's words hit Cas, he didn't know what to think. He wanted to understand what he meant with it. Was that really what he did? Did he really give hope to Dean? The nickname part was true, but he didn't feel like talking to Dean was giving him hope.

"You have friends, Dean." Castiel hated when people cried. Not because it made them weak, or because they got too clingy. It was because they had too much pain in them, and he couldn't watch people cry. It made him feel guilty for a few seconds, before he realized that it wasn't entirely his fault. He had indeed been the last straw, but that only meant they had more pain in themselves than they cared to admit. "Why do you think so lowly of yourself?"

Dean let out a shaky laugh. Wasn't it funny that the person who made you cry was also the one who was trying to convince you that you're not that bad?

"That's because I only have Sammy and Charlie. No one ever gave me a reason to believe that I'm worth any friendship." He admitted. His tears were now drying, and he felt a bit stronger. That's what people say, isn't it? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Dean felt like he was wiser than before, he now knew that he couldn't trust anyone. Only his true family and that was just Charlie, Bobby and Sam. "I don't need anyone else. I'm better off alone."

Dean got himself up and opened the door. He went straight to the sink and cleaned himself with water from the tap. Soon he was walking to the door, and noticed Castiel still standing in in front of his own stall.

"What do you want?" Dean asked him, not caring if he upset Cas.

Castiel blinked. Why was Dean so different from everyone else? He could never understand how Dean had changed so much in such a short period of time. Where once was filled fear, was left with nothing. It was like Dean was empty from every emotion Castiel had known in him.

"Why are you like this?" He asked out of curiosity.

Dean seemed surprised with Castiel's question.

"Like what?" He asked, not really understanding what Cas meant.

Castiel gave him a head tilt before answering.

"So different from everyone else."

Dean's eyes hardened.

"That's because too much shit happened." He said before opening the door, leaving Castiel behind.

A/N: Please let me know what you thought... I'm really insecure about this chapter! So I need your feedback before I start writting the next chapter! Also, I got myself a beta! ^-^