Mind of a Fanatic

Chapter 19

Jodi stopped the wheelchair at the entrance to the physical therapy room as Horatio held the door open. "Thank you, Lt."

"And you don't have to stay," Calleigh said a little coldly. "I know you probably have other things to do."

Horatio stood in stunned silence. She's still angry at me; she's still shutting me out. Maybe I should have let Dr. Webber tell her. "Alright, Calleigh, if that's what you want."

"It's what I want." She looked up at Jodi. "Shall we? I have a lot of work to do."

Jodi shared a look with Horatio and then pushed Calleigh inside. "That was a little rough, don't you think?"

Calleigh shook her head. "No, I don't; and I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get down to work."

"It'll be harder without him helping you move," Jodi observed.

"Jodi, are we working or are we discussing my private life?" Calleigh snapped a little sharper than she intended. She sighed. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean it. Can we please just get to work? I have a lot of ground to cover if I ever want to get back to court."

Calleigh had worked like a demon; had endured the pain without complaint. She grit her teeth, used her good arm to support herself and inched along the mats. When she fell, she accepted Jodi's support and got back on her feet and kept going. Sweat had long ago broken out on her forehead and run down her back, making her gown stick to her body. The pain that her workout had caused her was intense, but not as intense as her anger with Horatio. She'd deal with him later.

"Ok, Calleigh, that's enough for today. Let's not overwork you," Jodi said, helping Calleigh up onto a padded examining table. She rolled over a small machine and turned it on. Jodi took out a tube of a jelly-like substance and squeezed it out over Calleigh's left knee.

It was cold and made her jump. "Hey, I don't remember that being so cold before."

"You've never worked up a sweat before," Jodi replied, taking a little attachment and running it all over her patient's knee. It hummed softly.

Calleigh leaned back and sighed. "Who knew that having sound waves forced through your injuries would feel so good?"

"Modern medicine at it's best, I suppose," Jodi replied with a smile. "Calleigh, I'm really proud of you. You've never worked as hard as you had today. I know you were in pain but you didn't complain. Is this the real Calleigh Duquesne, then?"

"You mean the one that doesn't whimper and whine? Yeah. Do you know I scare some of the guys on the force?" Calleigh replied with a little laugh.

Jodi looked at her in surprise, moving the device to the other knee. "You're kidding. Why is that?"

"Because I can out shoot most of them and can strip any firearm and put it back together again faster than any of them. I've even done it blindfolded for a challenge," Calleigh said proudly. "I'm a CSI, which means I'm not a dumb blonde and that is something most men find pretty intimidating."

"I've read your file about what you went through. Until I met you, I'd have said that anyone would have curled up and died, went insane, or tried to commit suicide after enduring what you did. You just got pissed off. Granted, there was all that other stuff going on, but underneath, you were in a white hot rage." Jodi smiled at her. "Why the hell do you think I pushed you?"

Calleigh chuckled. "Yeah, I have a temper. Granted, I don't get angry that easily, but how could I not be? That condescending, smug, chauvinistic...sorry."

"No, it's fine."

"That he had to physically restrain me until he knew I was too hurt and weak to fight back..." Calleigh felt an unfamiliar sensation begin in the pit of her stomach and realized that she was entirely unprepared to go there. "I'm sorry; I'm sorry, do mind if we don't talk about this right now."

Jodi's eyes flicked to her patient's face. "It's ok; we don't have to." In a conversational tone she asked, "So what's up between you and Lt. Caine? I've never seen you be so cold to him. What happened?"

"Let's just say that I've never felt so blindsided by him before. He took a position that didn't expect and it really hurt. I've never had any reason not to trust him before," Calleigh said softly as she moved slightly to accommodate the ultrasound device being applied to her right hip. "I can't ever think of a time that I couldn't trust him."

"This trust sounds like something big," Jodi commented.

"It is. Jodi, we're not just CSI's, but cops as well. We carry guns and badges and crime scenes aren't always clear and safe for us to investigate. Sometimes we have to go out and apprehend a criminal. We have to draw a gun and head into an unsafe territory in order to get justice done. You have to be able to trust your partner. You have to know that he or she has your back. I didn't get that from Horatio last night," Calleigh said, her tone bitter as black coffee. He knew how much I needed to be in court today; how much I have to be the one that puts Dupree away. Why didn't he back me up? I thought I could count on him and he let me down."

"So you're feeling a little betrayed?" Jodi asked as she changed hips. "I can't see how, but I wasn't there. All I know is that it was killing him hearing you this morning. He was here from the time I left you until you called the nurses' station. He was outside your room the whole time, keeping watch. He was in agony hearing you and unable to go an and comfort you. I wouldn't let him for all the reasons I told you earlier. Think about that before you talk to him, you might want to cut him a little slack."

Calleigh swallowed hard and was silent for a long time. He was here and heard me go through all of that? Just how much does he care? Have I been too hard on him? I'm still furious, but now I feel a little guilty. Aw great, just what I need; confusion. Why can't anything be simple?

Jodi watched the internal struggle and said nothing. She gently helped Calleigh into the wheelchair. When they got out into the hall there was no sign of Horatio.

Horatio paced outside the physical therapy room for a while before wandering back up to Calleigh's room. He entered and sat on the edge of the bed, recalling the brief, but pained exchange they had the night before and then the ordeal that he witnessed her going through that morning. He had never seen her that angry and hurt and scared in all the years he'd known her. In fact, he had seen a very different side of Calleigh that he'd never seen before, and while it appealed to his knight-in-shining-armor complex, deep down he knew that that was not the Calleigh that he...that he...he wasn't sure.

His Calleigh was strong and sure and confident. She had a flirty manner and a quick wit that left many a suspect with a jaw hanging open after they'd unwittingly confessed, so disarmed by her charm were they. The Calleigh he saw after her time with Dupree was unfamiliar. She was small and timid, unsure of herself. She was totally dependent on everyone around her for everything and that gave her a very defeated air. And then, last night she had shut down on him for backing up her doctor. He tried to tell her why, but she had stopped listening and he found himself on the receiving end of her bitter anger. All he could do was leave. He had to talk to her, make her understand why he did it.

His head snapped up as the door opened and Jodi pushed Calleigh in.

"There you are! I was wondering where you got off to," Jodi exclaimed ans she helped Calleigh up into her bed. "Now take it easy for the rest of the day. You've earned it, kiddo." She leaned in, whispering into Calleigh's ear. "Try to go easy on each other."

"I will, Jodi and thank you," Calleigh said warmly. She waited for the door to close before speaking again. "I didn't expect you to still be here."

"How could I leave?" Horatio said evenly, testing the waters.

"I was a little rough. Last night, Horatio; what the hell happened?" Calleigh asked. "You know how much this trial means to me. Why didn't you back me up?"

Horatio sighed. "Because, Calleigh, Dr. Webber explained some things to me and what she said scared me half to death. She said that you'd done yourself physical damage yesterday. You had dangerously weakened yourself and if you kept it up you might never fully recover. I believe the phrase was: "if she persists in exhausting herself, she'll be looking at a very grim future." I couldn't have that happen to you. No criminal is worth that. So, I knew I had to back her for your sake and I knew that once you heard the reasons why, you'd understand. But it backfired last night and you didn't understand."

"Do you have any idea how it felt when you told me that I couldn't go back and defend myself?" Calleigh continued toying with the sheet as she spoke. "I had already been down. You knew that. What you didn't know was how hard I was clinging to going to court to make me feel normal, useful; not like a victim. I felt a little like my old self again and I was high on it. That's why I pushed so hard. It felt so good. You know how much I loathe depending on anyone for anything. Here I was, needing somebody to do everything for me; someone to feed me, brush my hair, carry me to the toilet. Do you even understand how that feels; how it destroyed any feelings of self-esteem I had left? All I heard was no, not the reasons why. I went deaf at that, Horatio. Court testimony was all I had left before I died inside. Before Dupree won."

"I understand that now. I didn't know how much it meant to you. You're stronger than that, Calleigh. It hasn't destroyed you. You've fought and come out the other side and you're just as strong as you've ever been,' Horatio said. He sat down next to her and took her hands. "But do you understand why I backed Doctor Webber? Do you know that your well-being means more to me than putting Dupree away right now? He'll go to prison with or without you on the stand. I'd rather see you fully recovered and happy and healthy than never quite well again. You can always do remote testimony from the hospital. I'll see if Judge Garcia will allow it."

Calleigh's head snapped up. "No. I'm going back again, just, I'll work for it. I'll make Dr. Webber see that I can do it. Physical therapy was good today; I've made some progress. It wasn't much, but it was progress. I'll rest like I'm told. There won't be another episode like yesterday." She looked at Horatio's worried expression and her voice softened. "I'm not giving up, Horatio, I'm digging in."

"So...we're ok on this, then?"

She smiled at him. "Only if you forgive me for being-"

"Of course."

Kenwall "Duke" Duquesne paced the conference room. "Sam, I think we need to put Calleigh back on the stand. I've been to see her and she's just chomping at the bit to come back. Doc says that if she does well in physical therapy and she gets a good report from the pt. doc, she'll lift the ban."

Bartlett nodded, writing a note in the margin of the case file. "I heard she had a major emotional breakdown a couple of days ago. She ok to even get back on the stand? I mean, if she's not stable or anything-"

"No, it's not like that at all. She's fine," Duke said quickly. "Sam, there was a lot of pent up anger because of what Dupree did to her. Plus, she couldn't do the tiniest thing for herself because of what Dupree did to her. She had to depend on hospital staff and friends to do everything for her and that just made her angrier. She's used to depending solely on herself for a very long time. Calleigh is very independent. When her body didn't seem to be healing and gaining strength quickly enough for her to feel it, it scared the hell out of her and threw her into a depression. It all came to a head the other day and she exploded. I understand that it's actually a healthy and normal thing to have happen. You know Calleigh, Sam. She's not that emotional wreck that you've seen in the last week and a half."

"I know; that's why I'm asking if she's strong enough to be back on the stand. We don't need...or, maybe we do," Sam said cryptically. "Duke, I think we should use her emotional meltdown. Think we can put her on the stand and have her talk about it? It would nail Dupree's coffin shut completely I think, with her character strength already being abundantly established, if we have her talk about the emotional damage that Dupree caused her just might be the whipped cream on the cake."

Duke nodded, understanding completely, but a fierce protectiveness over his only daughter burned in his chest. "My Calleigh? I don't know. With that meltdown...I don't want to do anything that's going to make it any worse. I think we need to talk to her about it. I mean her pt. is going great and she's beginning to walk with assistance but with the case getting the press it is, I'm not sure she'll want it out there that she broke down. It might cause issues with Internal Affairs."

"Fair enough. How close is she to being released?" Sam asked.

"Not for at least another week. If you ask me, she's getting stir crazy," Duke said with a little grin. "She's starting to drive the hospital staff nuts."

Sam laughed. "Oh, no she's not. I know her well enough to know that she's a lousy patient unless she's laid out flat."

"Yeah, she's trying to organize a New Years Eve party tonight in her room for the floor nurses," Duke said with pride in his voice. He loved that Calleigh was just the life of the party and, by far, the brightest, sparkling thing in any room. "She's asked me to extend the invite to you and yours."

"I just might. It would be a good chance to get a tiny bit of work done with her before she comes back to court."