Chapter 5

Can't Stop What's Coming…

~ Love is whatever you can still betray ...

Betrayal can only happen if you love. ~

John LeCarre

The bells of St. Mary echoed in the distance, a call to worship, on a sleepy sunny Sunday morning in the Cotswolds. The remnants of last night's storm slipped away into memory as Shane threw open the heavy velvet draperies of his dark and desolate room. Peering at the raindrops reflecting on the blades of grass across the lawn, he began to piece together his itinerary for the next three weeks until he could see them again. Shane briefly considered Peachy's advise in the library; entertaining the notion of letting go of her. Thinking, "what if," he had not taken that case with Jericho? Simply said, "no" to Terrington, heeding Kim's anxiety over the case. Or perhaps later, gave Kim something other than his icy silence when she was pregnant with Jeannie. The wall so impenetrable, his wife concluded leaving was the only option to retain her sanity and the safety of her unborn child. Standing by the window feeling the heat of the sun absorb through the pane of glass, "what ifs" seemed dreadfully counterproductive to the spy. Instead, Shane pushed back the regrets and let the euphoria of the past month manipulate his heart, silencing the subtle alarm ringing at the door of his conscious.

Peachy noted his quiet change in demeanor with cautious appreciation. Thrilled he wasn't wallowing throughout the halls of Donovan Manor; yet worried at the cavalier manner Shane approached his prospects with Kimberly. While outward appearances showed a man occupying himself with work, jetting between Paris and Rome on assignment, Shane's true feelings were observed catching bits of his conversations with Kimberly over the phone. Peachy read him like a book. Though the cues were subtle, she noted his enraptured expression and the flirtatious lilt in his voice when he spoke with her. Peachy was positive the laddie had never stopped loving the lassie. But until recently, he retained a cool solemn veneer regarding his emotions. A veneer that melted away once Kimberly stepped back into Donovan Manor. There was a false sense of peace enveloping Shane that only promised a painful fall if he didn't address the source of the tattered fabric of trust between he and Kimberly. A fabric that was rip to shreds when he pursued such a vindictive relationship with his former sister-in-law! In a few weeks, they landed in LA and Peachy sensed that he had not seriously considered the emotional ramifications of stepping into the realm where the source of his betrayal resided.

Meanwhile, Kimberly adjusted to life in LA raising her two children and trying to weave together a relationship with her fiancé. Creating a warm cozy atmosphere that fostered stability for the children was the easy part. Their Pasadena home was located in an old vintage neighborhood within walking distance of downtown. Rows of luscious old oak trees lined the wide sidewalk streets creating a canopy of tranquility at the foot of the St. Gabriel Mountains. Andrew and Jeannie moved in with built in friends, having their cousin next door and Kimberly's long time friends, Dr. Peter and Amanda Strickland living across the street with their three children. Peter taught one of Kimberly's counseling classes when she started the Salem University Child Abuse Clinic and a friendship ensued with he and his wife. Later, the couple was one of a select few Shane confided in about his wedding plans for Kimberly, flying them first class to attend. The Stricklands were the reason Kim chose LA to relocate when her marriage to Shane fell apart, Peter soliciting Kim's help with his clinic in LA. When Kimberly went into labor with Jeannie, it was Strickland's wife, Amanda, who called Shane to let him know. Amanda was a hard person to impress and fiercely protective of her friends. Her fiery spirit reminded Shane of Hope Williams Brady but she was intensely shrewd like his other former sister-in-law, Marlena. That Amanda hadn't threatened to castrate him when he showed up at the hospital to see the baby was a minor miracle! Shane never forgot her graciousness despite the strain with Kimberly and marveled that the beautiful brunette still held him in somewhat of high regard.

Settling into her new home, Kimberly continued her sessions with Dr. Allison twice a week, while Phillip attempted to court her on the weekends. Kimberly studied his demeanor towards her fragile state carefully.

One Monday, after a weekend of dates with her fiancé, Kimberly shifted uncomfortably in her chair at the end of a session.

"Dr. Allison, when will I…" She hesitated, fumbling with the smooth fabric of her skirt. Mustering up the courage to make eye contact, Kim's facial expression signaled what she was trying to ask.

"Uh…Oh!" Dr. Allison exclaimed, realizing where Kim was leading with her question. Crinkling her brow with caution,

"Is Phillip pressuring you?"

"Oh no!" Kimberly assured her therapist. Fidgeting in the chair, she bolted from it and paced the room until she found a safe spot by the window.

"He says, 'Kimmie, this is no different than if you had cancer,'" Her hand waving dramatically in the air, her eyes laced with skepticism,

"And you were in the middle of treatment!"

Kim stared forlornly at the parking lot below. Dr. Allison inhaled, pondering her response carefully. On the surface, Phillip's answer appeared altruistic but the astute therapist questioned the motives. She had lived in this town long enough to know that men like Phillip Collier craved attention and physical stimulation. The fact that he denied a problem was a bit troubling and dishonest. Dr. Allison guessed that Kimberly sensed this as well.

"And do you have reason to doubt his intentions?"

"No!"

Backpedaling, Kimberly groped for an excuse for her apprehension.

"I'm just overreacting I suppose." Yet, her eyes pleaded desperately, "when?"

Taking her cue from Kim's response, Dr. Allison stepped closer and compassionately placed her hands on Kim's shoulders.

"Kimberly your experiences with sex have been quite traumatic." She began calmly.

Pause.

"Not every time." Kim interrupted, her words barely audible, her eyes distant.

Another Pause.

Dr. Allison lifted her head slightly, taking note. Treading carefully,

"This is actually a good sign that you are modifying certain behaviors that placed you in a vicious and destructive cycle. You are naturally going to experience a fear of intimacy…" Kim's eyes gazed at her in defeat. Dr. Allison smiled encouragingly.

"In time, when you feel comfortable, safe and wholly loved in your personal relationship, everything will come naturally."

Location:

LA, September 2, 1993.

"I'm not sure I have ever been to LA." Peachy was saying as they drove from LAX airport, towards Kim's home. It was a gorgeous California day perfect for a child's birthday party. Not a cloud in the sky; a warm inviting light breeze blowing into the black Mercedes convertible. A sharp contrast to the weeklong fog and drizzle they left behind in their homeland.

"I must say laddie, this old girl could get used to this kind of weather." She observed serenely.

"You, a California girl?" Shane bellowed heartily. " Ha!" He scoffed. "Admit it, the rain and fog feeds you in a perverse way!"

Peachy cut her eyes towards him but failed to deliver a menacing response to his characterization. He was right after all. Instead, she leaned back in her seat smiling, observing Shane's cheerful demeanor. Peachy surmised it had little to do with the weather.

Driving into the neighborhood with meticulously landscaped yards, full of trees and other vegetation native to the area, Shane smiled impressively at Kim's choice.

"What a delightful home!" Peachy exclaimed as Shane pulled into the driveway.

Shane inhaled deeply as he rang the doorbell of the front door. He had re-entered her orbit once Kim stepped through the door of Donovan Manor two months prior. By the time, Kimberly and the children left his estate, Shane's imprisoned emotions had been released and he knew there was no wrestling them back into hiding. Shane adjusted his schedule to meet Andrew and Jeannie's bedtime regiment, reading bedtime stories over the phone to them every night. It was evening in LA, barely dawn in London, but Shane didn't care. He remained online with Kimberly engrossed in spirited discussions when time permitted watching the sun come up over the English countryside. Reluctantly, Shane began to admit how much he depended on those daily rituals. He stood on Kim's front porch dressed in a crisp white linen shirt with tan trousers, Italian loafers with his gold roped chain around his neck to finish off the continental style. "Feels frightfully like a first date." He mused hopefully. The shuffle of feet echoed from within, the door flinging open.

"Shane Donovan, you old dog! Get in here!" Dr. Strickland exclaimed boisterously. The stately gentleman with hazel eyes and a head of thick brunette locks was one of the few Americans Shane had met who could match wits with him over European Medieval History.

"Peter, it's been ages!"

Shane was relieved to see a familiar face. The two exchanged a firm handshake before girlish squeals echoed from the landing upstairs. Shane and Peachy's eyes lifted upward to see Jeannie running ahead of Kimberly impatiently trying to reach her daddy. The little birthday girl shuffled down the stairs clinging onto the old oak banister with her mother leading the way, gingerly trying to keep Jeannie from losing her footing. The precocious three-year old toddled forward with one of her white Mary Jane's still in her mother's hand. Shane stepped forward scooping Jeannie into his arms five steps above the landing.

"How's my girl!" He gushed as she wrapped her little arms around his neck and began to chatter away. The pitch and breath of her voice, tickled Shane's ear. His heart melted.

"Seez my dwess?"

Jeannie patted the little blue gingham dress with white smock that her Grandma and Papa Brady sent.

"Yes, it's very lovely." Shane replied looking adoringly into her blue-green eyes. He was completely absorbed in his daughter's world blocking out the audience witnessing the two. Taking her arms and making a mock survey for the rash that covered the little girl just weeks before.

"Well, what do I see?" He questioned teasingly.

"I guess a leopard really does change its spots!" He observed, his eyes wide and dramatic to elicit a clever response from her. Jeannie had not forgotten their private joke giggling,

"I'm not lepawrd, daddy!"

Kimberly stepped forward greeting Shane, her eyes mirroring their daughter's.

"Here, you put her shoe on." Kimberly suggested her eyes sparkling as she handed it to him. "She clearly responds better to your commands." She added with a wink. Taking the shoe from her, Shane squeezed it gently.

"Doesn't mummy look very pretty today?" He asked Jeannie softly but his eyes never left the view of Kimberly's fresh face, her hair pulled loosely back into a twist. Tendrils flowed around her face like a halo.

Peachy cleared her throat…loudly.

Kim smiled faintly, turning away. Her face painted blush by his remark, Kim directed Shane towards the patio that was decorated with various shades of pink and white for the festivities. Jeannie wiggled out of Shane's embrace, tempted towards the presents and party favors that set on a table in the yard. Motioning outside,

"Andrew is out with his friends." Kimberly suggested, changing subjects. "He's been dying for you to arrive so you will play soccer with him." She explained as Phillip breezed inside.

"Babe, I hope you don't mind but a couple of friends…" He paused seeing Shane and brushed past Kim to extend his hand.

"Shane, my man, it's good to see you again!" There was a twinkle in those piercing blue eyes, but Peachy noted that they displayed no sign of warmth despite the flashy smile that accompanied the gesture. Shane nodded in agreement, shaking his hand firmly, smiling brightly back. Placing his hand on Peachy's back, Shane started to introduce the two but Phillip interrupted.

"Ah, let me guess! This is the infamous Ms. Peach, whom I have heard so much about!" He surmised jovially. Shaking his finger at Shane as he slid his arm complacently around Kim-catching her off guard.

"You might need to be careful, Captain…" Phillip began in a serious tone. Shane narrowed his eyes slightly.

"I just may steal her from you too!"

A wave of discomfort passed through the room. Phillip erupted into laughter as Peachy cut a glance towards Shane who smiled politely at the statement.

"Oh, I'm afraid sir, you can't afford me." Peachy replied smoothly, the pitch of her voice rising, thick with her trademark Scottish brogue. A chorus of children rushed the door, breaking the air of tension ready for cake and ice cream. Kimberly whirled around grabbing a tray of glasses and silverware for Phillip. Placing an old pewter dinner bell on the tray,

"Here, take this." Kimberly instructed enthusiastically as she placed her mask back on. "You can corral the children with this!"

She lightly touched Phillip on the back as he bent down for a quick kiss. Shane averted his eyes briefly, focusing on the little bell that emanated a lyrical chime as it set on the tray. Its light and airy tinkling reminded Shane of the one situated on the door of a favorite gathering in London. It elicited a fond memory of a foggy raining afternoon along the Thames, sharing tea with Kimberly in a café chatting about their mutual admiration for various styles of art.

"You'll need this to round them up, later." Kim was saying to Phillip returning his affectionate gesture with the appropriate smile. The disguise slipping slightly once Phillip disappeared, Kimberly returned a pleasant smile in Shane's direction. Her blue eyes were warm and lively.

"Well, now that you're here, the party may commence!" She announced lightly. "Oh, and there's someone you may be interested in seeing again." Kim added cryptically over her shoulder as she escorted them to the party. Shane's interest piqued, he looked up to see his favorite singer standing near the pool.

"Liz Chandler," Shane gushed giving her a warm hug.

"Curtis!" She raised her finger at him in correction as she leaned back and waved Noelle over to him. Noelle Curtis was blossoming into a pretty young lady at thirteen. Neil and Liz recounted how they reconciled and renewed their vows after Neil left Salem a few years before.

Shane withdrew from the group when Andrew requested a round of soccer before the formalities of the party continued. Taking the ball, Shane engaged in a mock game with Andrew and Peter's son, James. With Phillip commiserating on the opposite end of the yard with a few stragglers, Shane could almost ignore the obvious obstacle standing between him and his heart's desire. Not far enough to be out of earshot, a rush of cold water dampened Shane's spirits momentarily. Liz asked about Kayla's whereabouts.

"Oh, she's studying for the entrance exam into Greffen." Amanda replied encouragingly. "Kim told her to leave Stephanie here for a few days so she can prepare."

Shane breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't thought about the prospect of facing her again. Shane passively relegated any dealing with Kayla to Peachy and dealt with only attending to the needs of Johnson's little girl. Playing the role of father figure of the little strawberry blonde was easy. It was an extension of his responsibility for caring for family. Yet, when Stephanie Johnson turned the corner of her mouth upward to reveal the mischievous twinkle in those little blue eyes, Shane felt the ghost of Steve Johnson admonish him from the grave. Executing a swift kick past Andrew into the goal, Shane was thankful for another reprieve from his recent past.

The afternoon wore on in jubilant celebration as Jeannie blew out her three birthday candles and ripped into her presents seated securely in her father's lap. Peter, Jeannie's godfather, snapped pictures of the fractured family participating in various party games culminating with the party goers beating on a little pink pony piñata that Neil and Liz bought for the little girl. One by one, the children swatted at the fixture swinging against the black oak tree…but it wouldn't bust. Dutifully, the men approached the item and huddled around to consult on the matter as the group of disappointed children looked on.

"So Liz, where did you say Neil purchased this piñata?" Kimberly smirked as the group of women stood in a semi-circle observing the crisis.

"It's a defective piñata!" Amanda quipped poking Kimberly in the arm as she took a sip of her Cabernet.

"Oh, the irony!" They all remarked in unison. The women burst into gales of laughter, which was accompanied by three icy stares from the Mob Squad staked out under the tree.

"Shane, our women are losing faith in us." Peter pleaded. Neil barely contained his composure as he looked at Dr. Strickland's morbid expression over the fate of the pony. At the corner of her eye, Kim noticed Phillip a good distance away, chatting up his 'friends' by the pool. She grimaced.

"Look at them." Peachy observed astutely. "We have a MD and a PhD…"

"Peter did demolition jobs as he worked his way through med school as well." His charming wife offered raising her glass. The women giggled once more. Peachy continued.

"And the third," She motioned at Shane. "Who can slip past the finest security systems in the world…"

Pause.

"Uh, look closely." Liz observed skeptically. Shane rushed over, grabbing Jeannie in one arm and Stephanie in the other as a diversion while Neil and Peter using slight of hand, fumbled with the belly of the contraption loosening the trick flap to release the candy. Shane's exuberant display distracted the older participants, keeping the integrity of the game intact. Rounds of applause erupted as a fountain of candy poured out of the wounded paper creature, the girls scurrying to the ground to claim their treasure. Satisfied with their victorious mission the three men high-five each other, returning to the festivities. The women coughed dramatically in their direction.

"Cheaters!"

The crowd scattered. The children resuming their play as the adults commenced with idle banter.

Mission accomplished, Shane's eyes scanned the scene for her, only to find Kim with her fiancé engaging his friends who had crashed the party. Suddenly, Shane felt lost, replaced as he realized he was standing as an outsider looking in at the yard full of couples.

"Excuse me." Shane requested, extricating himself from the pool of cheerful conversation filtering through the early evening air. As the sun began its descent, the children played happily in the yard, the sugary snacks fueling their rowdy behavior. Scanning the patio for Peachy, he found her commiserating with the Curtis's. Holding up his glass, he gestured towards the house and hurried inside to refresh his drink. Once inside, he took a moment to languish around the kitchen island and take stock of Kim's new home.

The serene stillness of Kim's home offered solace for Shane as he surveyed the activities outside gazing longingly at Kimberly fulfilling hosting duties to perfection. He stood mesmerized by her classical beauty; the setting sun painting the sky with shades of pinks and corals, reflecting the blonde highlights of Kim's hair while illuminating her silky azure dress. Shane's eyes traced the outline of her soft pink lips as she spoke with her friends. When the breeze picked up slightly, it blew her gauzy dress against her body, hinting at what lie beneath. Shane ached remembering how it felt to wrap his hands around her waist, taking her face into his hands and kissing her supple lips! Shane let himself get lost in the daydream until his eyes fell upon the glaring rock woefully misplaced on her left finger. The image revolted him, so Shane shook his glass in protest listening to the ice clink against the rim that echoed his sentiments. "The monstrosity is too gaudy for the lady!" He groused to himself. Eyeing the brandy, he tossed its contents back, swallowing hard to beat back the regret. He discarded the empty glass into the sink, gripping the edge of the granite countertop in frustration.

Too engrossed in his thoughts and feelings, Shane had not noticed Kayla enter from the side door of the kitchen that led to the garage. There to drop off an extra pair of clothes for Stephanie, she hoped to slip in and out without being seen. Halting abruptly, Kayla saw him standing at the kitchen island, his back towards her. Shane's eyes were transfixed on her sister outside. A wave of panic swept over Kayla at being confronted with his presence. His visit for Jeannie's birthday party had been an abstract concept for her. It reminded the woman of a very dark and lonely time for her after the tragic passing of Steve. Somewhere along the lines of offering mutual comfort for each other, she purposely invited much more from her brother-in-law. A deadly mixture of loneliness, anger at the circumstances concerning her husband's death, and a desirable man seeking her favor over her sister's, fueled the festering jealousy Kayla had carried against Kimberly for years. Kayla threw away her reputation, risking family harmony, and severing the delicate thread that held her relationship together with Kimberly. Greedily, she drank the ghastly cocktail! In a vain attempt to fashion herself as a viable lover for her brother-in-law, Kayla sadly played the safer version of Kim. She stubbornly clung to her sister's shoes, an enabler to Shane's destructive behavior. Finally, Kimberly humbly bowed out of the tragic tale seeking refuge in LA. Instead of sobering up, Kayla continued prostituting herself in a shallow attempt to prove the validity of her choices; acting every bit the addict she had become.

Shortly after, Shane was almost mortally injured in an explosion rendering him paralyzed from the waist down. Left with the emotional hangover of her life, Shane flagrantly dismissed Kayla, preferring a world of physical numbness to match his emotional status. In the cruel and sobering light of day, Kayla stood threadbare from the affair. She felt dirty and unworthy of sympathy for her own stupidity. Yet, compassion flowed from the most unlikely source; the one betrayed and hurt the most throughout the whole ordeal. Kimberly gracefully took her in and helped prepare a new life for Kayla.

It had been almost eighteen months and Kayla still felt somewhat of a guest in Kimberly's life. Despite making friends and connections on her own in LA, the glue that held Kayla's social circle together was the glowing admiration for her sister and Kimberly's discretion towards Kayla's transgression with her ex-husband. Being confronted with her past sins once again by stumbling on its reminder ignited a wave of resentment towards the spy. Kayla turned to leave. Alerted to someone's presence, Shane whirled around to greet the visitor.

"Oh,…, Kayla." Shane announced clumsily. The wounded expression on her face told him that she had been standing there for some time, witnessing his silent admiration for his ex-wife. They hadn't spoken since the day Kayla entered his study in Salem and revealed her plans to leave. Shane made no attempt to stop her. Why should he? Kayla knew she was not the Brady sister he reminiscence over. Kayla felt degraded all over again standing by as she watched Shane pine for Kimberly.

"You look well." She greeted him tersely.

"Ah, yes…a.." Shane caste a quick glance at his profile nervously, remembering the last time he was in a room with her.

"Quite extraordinary actually." He offered awkwardly. The icy tension was palpable.

"Not really." She countered venomously. Shane felt the sting of her words even from across the room. Kayla stood before him the shell of a woman who possessed the right features but lacked the charm to utilize them. Her hostility towards him highlighted Shane's egregious error in past judgment and an ugly realization took form in Shane's psyche for the very first time.

Kayla's eyes fluttered from his through the back windows at Kimberly, whose hands light-heartedly gestured while she talked to guests. Shane followed the direction of her focus unable to contain his contentment at observing Kimberly's mannerisms.

"I guess all you needed was the right inspiration." She observed curtly.

Shane lowered his head. Guilty as charged! It was no secret what occurred that day Roger Lombard ran Kimberly over with his car. Shane had not progressed in months, but Kimberly simply stepped back into his line of vision and he miraculously took two steps in a vain attempt to save her. Caroline delicately tried to explain the events over the phone with Kayla, but to no avail. It was a biting indictment. Even The Spectator gossip columnists heralded the rescue as,

"A gallant attempt to rescue his lady love."

After several minutes of the truth mocking them, Shane acknowledged shamefully,

"Kayla, I'm sorry."

"Don't!" She responded crossly, refusing to accept his pity. Held prisoners by their past, the two remained locked in confrontation. Shane dropped his head and stared at the grey and cream-colored stones beneath his shoes while Kayla's eyes darted aimlessly past him into the backdrop of Kim's living room…

Outside, Kimberly enjoyed the friendly chatter around the pool as she knelt beside her niece and daughter surveying the myriad of goodies they discovered inside the battered piñata. Lifting her eyes, she surveyed her close-knit circle of friends, reveling in the warmth and tranquility Jeannie's birthday party fostered. Aside from Phillip's incessant need to transform the occasion into a business event for schmoozing a potential investor, Kimberly thought the party was a success. Phillip approached her to the right sensing his lack of involvement had upset her. Taking her hand, Phillip cradled it and leaned forward to kiss it.

"Kimmie, I apologize for mixing business with family events." He offered smoothly. His eyes lifted checking to see if his advances were working. Kimberly flinched at the sound of her nickname and slowly slid her hand away. Smiling politely…too politely in order to mask her irritation, Kim replied sweetly,

"We'll discuss it later."

Gesturing towards the tables with discarded glasses on them,

"I have KP duty and you need to take care of your guests." Kimberly stated simply. Balancing the tray on her left hip, Kimberly began cleaning up the mess turning her back towards him as she worked. Phillip admired his fiancé's backside for a moment, and then whirled around, strolling back towards the festivities. He thought smugly,

"She can't stay mad at me for long."

Kimberly set the last glass on the tray topping it off with a few linens to save her another trip. Seeking to take her mind off her annoyance with Phillip, Kimberly started towards the patio door and into the house. Her thoughts casually drifted to Shane. She had not seen him in some time…

Upon entering, a flash of sapphire fabric caught the corner of Shane's eye interrupting the quiet standstill between he and Kayla.

Kimberly froze.

Before Shane could swivel around to address her, a cacophony of glasses and a dinner tray spilled onto the stoned floor. The little pewter dinner bell reverberated throughout the house, as it bounced off the kitchen table before her, hitting a wooden chair before landing on the floor… the death knell to Shane's illusions.