"Accept My Sacrifice" – Suicidal Tendencies

Chapter 16

John knew he needed to talk to Ej and finally caught up to him at the pier, sitting on a bench, head in his hands and feeling like he was lost. When Ej seen him he wasn't even shocked, he knew someone would come after him and didn't think it would be John. He half expected Samantha, but he was glad it was only John. He couldn't handle Samantha right now, he couldn't see that hurt in her eyes again. Once was enough for a lifetime.

"John what are you doing here?'

"Seems like you are walking out on Sami and I need to know why, I can't sit there and watch her cry if I don't even know why she has to. You love her, we can all see that so why walk away?"

NO DESTINATION SET

I DAZE ALONG TILL SOMETHING FINDS ME

WHERE I'VE BEEN I'M NOT SURE

I CANNOT SEE THE TEARS, THEY BLIND ME

"Because her safety comes before my happiness. My family kidnapped her and kept her captive for a year! In my own house, and yet I never once went looking for her. I was serious when I said Bart saved her, the two became somewhat of friends and he decided it was time to let me in on the arrangement with Stephano and Tony."

"Ej do you even know why that room was built?" John asked and Ej just shook his head, knowing that John began to explain. "That room was used to house Marlena when I was with Kristen, me and Marlena were finding our way back to one another and Stephano wanted to stop that and keep me with Kristen, so he built the room to hold Marlena. I lived in that house too and I never once thought she was there, the room isn't even noticeable unless you know where to look. I know the guilt you feel, living with the love of you life and not even knowing it. I have been there and sympathize with you, but that doesn't mean you run away."

"You know what I mean then? I can't just go back to a normal life, things are different now." He said and ran his hand through his hair, looking for an answer he couldn't find.

"Ya, I would give my life for Doc, but I know the best way to protect her is to be with her. I know you hate what your father did and you fear for what he'll do next, but you can't let that fear run your life. It will only turn you into the one thing you despise."

YOU KNOW THAT SOEMTHING AIN'T RIGHT

IT'S A SACRIFICE

WHY MUST I PAY THIS PRICE

ACCEPT MY SACRIFICE

"I'm already there, at the wedding, I swore I would never forgive him, but when I finally left Salem after Samantha asked me to, he was right there waiting, then when she was pronounced dead I became his mercenary. I know that I didn't want to, I knew the things I did were wrong but I just didn't care anymore. I had nothing left to loose." He said and looked at John.

"It is hard to put a past like ours behind us, we have both been Stephano's pawn's in a game of chess, but that doesn't mean we had to stay that. I found my way out and found Marlena and that has always kept me from being that man again. Now you just need to make that choice for yourself."

AN EMPTINESS SO FULL

I CAP IT OFF WITH

EXPECTATIONS

A SIGHT NOT TO BEHOLD

I COVER ALL IN EXPLAINATION

"Sami didn't tell you guys everything that happened. When I found her, Stephano was in the process of choking her, he had her against the wall and I could see the life draining from her eyes, and I just lost it. I don't even know how I did it, but I grabbed him and put the same pressure on him that he had on Samantha. I nearly killed my own father, I was strangling him and all I seen was red. There was no reason in my mind anymore, my only thought was to kill him for all he's done. It took Samantha to bring me back and show me what I was about to do. If she weren't there I would have killed him." He said and John just took it all in. "I almost became a murderer, I was so blinded by anger and hate that I didn't even know what I was doing."

"But you didn't, you came back to reality. It may have taken Sami but you came back. Some times all it takes is the moral compass in our lives to stop us from doing something in the heat of the moment that we know is wrong. Sami is that for you. She saved you as much as you saved her, why give that up?"

"Because I can't put her in that situation again, I can't put her in the situation of being in danger from my family, or pulling me back off a ledge. I'm going to leave and trust you to protect her as I would."

YOU KNOW THAT SOEMTHING AIN'T RIGHT

IT'S A SACRIFICE

WHY MUST I PAY THIS PRICE

ACCEPT MY SACRIFICE

"But what happens when she goes looking for you? This all happened I'm assuming when she went to the mansion to find me, Belle told me where she was headed that night and I knew I should have gone with her. But she was so determined to find you, you know she will do it again. She isn't giving you up, you were what she was fighting for, why would she walk away now? But whatever you decide, you owe it to her to tell her to her face."

IT'S A SACRIFICE

NO NO NO NO

IT'S A SACRIFCE A SACRIFICE

"I can't, if I go back I don't think I can leave again. It took everything I had to leave tonight, to walk away from her. I have to do this for her, I have to leave to make sure she always has the protection she needs. Sometimes what you want and what you need are two very different things." He said and took a few steps away. "But I do need a favor, just make sure she is ok, that she has everything she ever needs and I will give her anything, just call me and she will have it." He said and gave John his number before walking away. Knowing he had the hardest day ahead of him with leaving her again.

When John came back to the pub, Sami ran to him seeing on his face that he was with Ej. She knew he would have an answer, would know where he was.

"Where is he? Is he ok? He's coming back right? Please, tell me he's coming back." She said and used him to keep her upright as she continued to cry.

"Sami Gene, he's alright physically, but he just needs sometime. We both know more happened then what you led on and that is something that he needs to deal with. But he loves you, he will always love you that is the only thing he is sure of."

"You didn't answer my question, is he coming back?" She asked again, looking at him with puppy dog eyes that melted his heart. He wanted to lie, to tell her Ej would come back but he wasn't sure.

"I don't know." He said and Sami started to fall again, her world was crashing around her and this time she had nothing to protect her. John told Belle to take Sami back to the loft, that he would call and check on them later.

"That's right, I don't even have a home." She said and headed out with her sister, feeling like Ej did when she died, as if she had nothing left to loose.

When they left, he, Marlena, Bo and Hope all sat down at a table to talk. John just looked at the three faces and didn't know how to start, everything Ej said made complete sense, but it would never make since to Sami and he knew that.

"What he say?" Hope asked, not being able to wait for John to start.

"He needs to leave to protect her, he just can't face her and tell her. If he comes back I really don't think he'll have the strength to leave again. He is a mess, he just can't seem to forget what almost happened today."

SAILING OFF OF COURSE, DIRECTIONS LOST

THERE IS NO EXIT

THE CAPTAIN ABANDONED SHIP, NOW MUTINY

HOW COULD I SUSPECT THIS

"What are you talking about?" Bo asked, confused at the look on John's face.

"Ej almost killed his father, he nearly strangled Stephano when he rescued Sami."

"What?" Marlena asked, shocked at the news and worried about how it would affect her daughter.

"Apparently when Ej found Sami, Stephano was strangling her and he snapped. He grabbed him and seen red, it took Sami to stop him and that scares him. He's scared at how easy it was for him to loose it, he just wants to protect Sami. Leaving is the only way he thinks there is to do that, he's afraid if he stays his father will try again and this time finish the job."

"That's a lot to handle, not only does your family kidnap the women you love and fake her death, but then goes to kill her after a year. I could see where he needs some time, but is he really going to leave her? I mean, Sami loves him more then anything, it will destroy her." Hope said and looked around at the table.

"That's what I said, but he says it has to be this way, and hopes we'll be there to protect her but call him if she needs anything. He's willing to sacrifice his own happiness to protect her, I just told him he needs to tell Sami, he needs to be the one to break her heart if he's really going to leave." John said and everyone shook their heads in agreement.

IT'S A SACRIFICE, IT'S A SACRIFICE, ACCEPT MY SACRIFICE

IT'S A SACRIFICE, IT'S A SACRIFICE, IT'S A SACRIFICE

ACCEPT MY SACRIFICE