Chapter 12

Deception

I have great faith in fools;

Self-confidence my friends call it.

Edgar Allan Poe

Each frantic step brought Kim closer to safety. As she rounded the corner, Kimberly slipped off her silver heels, clutching them protectively to her breast as she hurried up the stairs towards her bedroom. Not only did she fear waking the children but also stumbling upon Ms. Peach, whose knowing gaze would surely break Kim's fragmented resolve. Sinking into her room, Kim leaned against the door as it snapped shut. She was rendered breathless for a moment recalling the intensity of their passionate embrace, his warm moist breath lingering against her neck and the way his eyes stripped her bare. Kim swore Shane must have peered straight into her soul at that moment and cursed herself for allowing the dance to take place. Waves of defiance rippled through her body as her heart lamented the turmoil boiling over within her soul.

It was too little too late for them. Kimberly reasoned when she moved to LA the second time.

She resented the depths she sunk to in order to rescue Shane from their destruction. If only the repercussions of Cal's lies were to blame. As Kimberly pieced herself together through therapy, the events that led her into Lawrence's bed became disturbingly clear. What began as a case to avenge her brother-in-law's death, twisted into a sick emotional tug of war with the spy. The consequences sent Kimberly into a destructive path seeking validation from the charms of a sociopath. Adding insult to injury was listening over surveillance as the incarcerated rapist gloated over seducing her into doubting his original intentions. Humiliated once again by a man, Kimberly shamelessly threw herself at Shane's feet only to be rebuffed with more declarations of love for her sister. The scars from that sordid affair had barely begun to heal.

"I still love you." Her words ever so poignant, the depth of them rendered Shane speechless.

Shamefully He stood with nothing to offer.

"That hasn't died." Kimberly continued futilely, the tears glistening in her melancholy blue-green eyes. As much as she wanted to hide the effect he had on her, the damage was transparent to both.

"Um, that still hasn't…" Clearing her throat to resist breaking down in front of him. "At least not for me." ~Jan.21, 1992

Kimberly vowed never to be that weak again, never exposing herself to that much rejection and play the fool in a love affair. Tonight she experienced a glimmer of what she desperately craved from Shane two years ago. The realization of Shane's simmering attraction to her conjured up a mixture of anger and fear. There was no fight in her now and the love they once shared paled in comparison to the depth of pain they had caused one another. Dropping her shoes to the floor, Kim stared mournfully at the ceiling.

"I will not be played."

Breathing slow deliberate breaths, Kimberly turned her head to the right gazing upon the picture of her and her fiancé taken on his yacht early in their courtship.

"Phillip?"

There they were smiling broadly into the camera with Phillip clad in white linen, his arm wrapped tightly around Kim's tiny waist. Though the sun was shining into their eyes, the arrogant look on Phillip's face conveyed the love for the trophy he possessed beside him. Kimberly radiated in the California sunlight, her teal green sundress complimenting her strawberry blonde highlights. Kim studied it for a moment but her memory failed to make a connection. The image fell as flat as his kiss earlier. Kimberly flipped the picture over looking down at the diamond on her left ring finger that twinkled in the deep bluish haze of darkness. The whole affair was completely backwards! She had turned the tables on them all, vowing never to allow herself under a man's thumb again. Instead of feeling vindicated, Kimberly felt cheated with one man leaving her breathless, as the other slowly suffocated her. Becoming dizzy by emotion and the tingling effects of alcohol and dancing, Kimberly slowly undressed and sought refuge in her bed.

The next morning:

Kim's eyes fluttered as light filtered into the windows of her cozy master bedroom. Her toes tingled from the effects of enigmatic dreams that teased Kim's psyche from the night before. Their content remained allusive to her memory. She stretched her arms high above her body to shake away the drowsiness, but her heart wouldn't cooperate. Oddly enough, Kim felt rested. Sitting straight up in bed, Kimberly clutched the sheet against her chest as she peered out the window beside her bed in an attempt to achieve some mental clarity. When the answers didn't come, Kimberly shrugged her shoulders with a faint smile. Slowly she pulled herself away from the escapism her bedroom provided, slipped on a long black silk robe. Its delicate lace trims around the collar and cuffs created a Victorian flare appropriate for the lady of the house. She fastened her disheveled tresses into a silver clip and ventured downstairs to satisfy her ravenous hunger.

Familiar voices wafted throughout the foyer from the opened French doors that led into the dining room.

"Aaah, Peachy thinks she has you cornered." Shane observed.

His old partner slyly moved the pawn into position to check Andrew's king. Their son mumbled something to his father. When she reached the last step, Kimberly found the four gathered around the dining room table engrossed in a game of chess. The little boy had his back to his mother as he attempted to outplay his Godmother, who sat across from him. Shane sat to Andrew's right with Jeannie perched on his left leg. Shane's arms wrapped protectively around the little girl as he used his dominate hand to instruct his son's next power play. Ever the professional, the spy wore a cobalt blue buttoned down dress shirt and black dress pants-an attire a bit too formal for an upcoming private plane ride with his partner. Jeannie appeared bored by the whole event leaning back into her father's shoulder half dozing through the game. The creak of the hardwood underneath Kim's slipper cued the spy to their audience.

Briefly their eyes glossed over one another, Kimberly nodding a pleasant "good morning" to all. Shane smiled warmly at Kim but remained seated keeping a cautious distance between them. Kimberly glided towards Andrew steering to his left beyond arm's length from the spy.

"Oh good…" Kim chirped casually placing her hand on Andrew's shoulder as the boy moved his King out of harms way. Intent on keeping the mood light, Kimberly kept the focus on Andrew.

"Honestly, this child has simply devoured that book for beginners," She admitted light-heartedly as her eyes glanced over Shane, then Peachy.

"I confess that I am not much of a challenge for him to practice his strategies."

"Momma's only beaten me once!" Andrew boasted.

Kimberly's eyes rested on the elder woman whose compassionate smile made it easy to navigate the morning pleasantries. Jeannie slid down her father's lap running towards her mother presenting her little plastic cup as a request for more juice. Peachy reclined back into the game of chess noting that Shane did not immediately follow towards the kitchen to steal another quiet moment with Kim before their upcoming departure. He kept his focus on Andrew subtly surveying Kim's countenance from afar. The quiet standstill that engulfed Shane and Kim had little effect on the cheerful and tranquil mood of their children.

"Bravo, my boy!" Peachy clapped her hands praising her godson's move. Andrew beamed with pride.

"See?" His father instructed as the next few moves unraveled the game fairly quickly. Shane lovingly squeezed his son's right shoulder as he ventured towards the kitchen for another cup of coffee. He stepped cautiously through the doorway as Kimberly gingerly picked at her breakfast plate that set on the bar. Mother and daughter were engaged in a sort of non-verbal play. Jeannie sat on the other side stealing a piece of bacon from her mother's plate. Kimberly crinkled her nose and giggled which in turn induced ripples of laughter from the little girl. The sound of Shane pouring his second cup interrupted the moment.

Kimberly motioned towards Jeannie.

"Mommy laid your clothes out on the bed. Go get dressed." She instructed with a lilt in her voice.

When Jeannie protested with a high-pitch whine, Shane narrowed his eyes silently scolding her disobedience. Wanting to please daddy, she batted her pretty blue-green eyes that accompanied an impish smile before sliding off the stool, scurrying down the hall towards the stairs. The amusing display dissipated the awkwardness that blanketed the two since their sensuous dance on the patio. But the mutual smiles and nods subsided giving way to shattered wishes from the previous evening. Kimberly tightened the silk sash around her robe to ensure proper modesty whirling around to pitter with the left over dishes from breakfast. Shane methodically sipped his coffee as he leaned against the counter across opposite Kim. He contemplated his next move-an admission, an apology? But the spy wasn't sorry for what transpired between them. Had Kim not been engaged Shane might have yielded to his desires on the spot! Yet he was painfully aware how his intentions looked to Kimberly. The green-eyed monster had masked the true issues that surrounded the fractured couple for many years now.

So he waited.

Attempting to engage in small talk, Kimberly turned to address Shane and found his eyes had never left her. Feeling her cheeks flush, she hastily inquired,

"Have you eaten?"

Kim fought to keep her demeanor casual and unaffected, but Shane's soft gentle gaze unraveled her resolve.

"Yes." He replied evenly.

"Oh… well then." She stammered shifting her focus to cleaning the counters as though the smooth sturdy granite protected Kim from a fall.

"Kim?"

She froze anticipating his next words. Squeezing her eyes shut,

"Please, don't bring up last night." Kim prayed as she feverishly scrubbed against the countertops.

"I wanted to ask you about Christmas." He offered instead, setting the mug down with a clink.

"Oh?"

Kimberly abandoned her chore and faced him. Immediately she knew what weighed on his heart. Without a thought to his own feelings, the man had given up his first Christmas with both of his children the previous year for Kimberly's sake. The spy's face dripped with hopeful anticipation. Kimberly smiled compassionately.

"Whatever you want, Shane is completely fine with me."

How could she deny him?

An ache pierced her heart at the thought of not seeing Andrew and Jeannie on Christmas morning. Kim tried unsuccessfully to keep her expression neutral, but her disappointment slipped through. Shane admired her brave stance placing his hand tenderly on her right shoulder.

"Actually I was thinking that all of you could spend Christmas at Donovan Manor so neither one of us would have to make a sacrifice." He corrected gently.

The doorbell chimed.

"And Phillip too, of course." He offered.

Kimberly had no time to respond. An interloper, one who was not pleased to stumble upon the two so intimately close to one another, interrupted their private conservation. From Phillip's vantage point stood Kimberly delicately underdressed in nothing more than an elegant long black silk robe trim in intricate lace around the collar and cuffs. Shane's hand rested affectionately on Kim's shoulder as if to steady or comfort her, Phillip couldn't decipher. Her blonde tresses tied loosely back; her mouth gaped open in anticipation of a kiss or ready to reply to an unknown declaration from her ex-husband. Fuming, he strode towards Kimberly to his left. Shane stepped two steps back clearing his throat.

"I should finish packing." He announced firmly but his eyes lingered over hers.

Touched by his tact in handling the elephant standing between them, Kimberly smiled faintly. The message unspoken but clearly received without seeking her fiancé's approval, Kimberly and the children were going back to London for the holidays. Shane exited around the bar and up the hall towards the front of the house.

Posturing, Phillip nodded turning his attention towards his fiancé.

"Morning, babe!" Phillip greeted her warmly as he slid his hand around her waist.

"How are you feeling?"

His voice was smooth with only a hint of condescension in reference to Kimberly's feigned malady from the night before. Phillip had no intention of betraying his true feelings around her. His fiancé leaned into him gazing into his sparkling blue eyes. Smiling appreciatively at Phillip, Kimberly reciprocated his inquiry with a soft kiss but its sweetness was lost on him. Phillip surveyed Kim's appearance letting his eyes search her every curve.

"A bit underdressed for company are we?"

Embarrassed, Kimberly clasped the collar of her robe tightly against her breast. Not being able to look him in the eye, Phillip interpreted the gesture as guilt.

"I'll run get dressed." She replied softly.

Kimberly hurried past him and dashed up the stairs as Phillip sauntered behind.

Location: Kimberly's front study

Phillip's translucent blue eyes glanced cunningly up the stairs to see the swish of black silk fabric disappear behind the corner. Standing in the doorway of the dining room, Phillip observed his rival placing items into his suitcase from across the foyer. Any pretense of civility when Kimberly wasn't present had vanished over the Thanksgiving weekend. Fully aware of the silent standoff, Shane meandered around for a few minutes letting the silence thicken before zipping the bag shut and circling around to address him.

"Phillip."

Shane inhaled deeply giving the man a broad smile that displayed the spy's trademark dimples. The interrogative stance unnerved Phillip briefly placing him on the defensive. Doubling down, the patronizing producer initiated the altercation.

"I never thanked you for looking after Kimmie last night." His voice was smooth and manipulative.

"You refer to her as though she were a child?" Shane observed pointedly tilting his head slightly to the side.

Phillip's eyes widen. It was clear his extended grace period had expired.

"Isn't that how you categorized Kimberly once?" Phillip asked taunting Shane over an honest discussion pertaining to her in the past.

Shane sighed placing his hands into his pockets.

"You're really not that obtuse, are you?" He asked belittling him.

Phillip gritted his teeth.

"Hardly."

Composing himself,

"I was merely noting that spending time with your ex is not exactly what a bachelor would favor being among some of the most beautiful women in all of Hollywood."

"Oh, is that all?" Shane smiled brightly. "Then you mustn't concern yourself. I never consider it a burden to spend the entire evening in the company of such a…"

He paused soaking in the memory of Kimberly from the previous evening. Phillip's plastic smile dissipated resenting the way Shane was toying with him. The spy's cool and confident demeanor completely unglued the man.

"Exquisite creature." His British accent was thicker than usual and more than hinted to a double meaning.

"Yes, yes, she is!" Phillip interjected hastily. The exchange peppered with double entendres, he had the distinct impression Kimberly's ex-husband was mocking their current platonic living arrangements.

"And you're saying Ms. Lane doesn't measure up?" The producer protested as though Shane's rejection of the starlet was a personal insult to his preferences.

Phillip's offense amused the spy.

"Yes, but why do you care?" Shane replied matter-of-factly. "As you stated, you have Kimberly now."

He reveled in throwing the producer off his game before adding,

"I'm sure Ms. Lane will manage. The woman doesn't strike me as having the kind of discriminate tastes that you see in Kimberly. I highly doubt the she spends many a night alone."

A guilty wave of erotic pleasure graced Phillip's face before feeling the sting of Shane's insinuation. Shane's stance stiffened.

"I see." Damning Phillip with his blunder.

Breaking eye contact, Phillip paced the room.

"Oh spare me the righteous outrage, Shane! We all know you aren't a boy scout!" He spat while trying to bully his way out of this mess.

Shane stood, his jaw set waiting for the prick to give him more rope to hang him with. Phillip scanned the bookshelf to his right letting his eyes meander around various books and trinkets.

"How in the hell did I get dragged down this rabbit hole?" He wondered.

Shane's eyes bore into him as Collier picked up a pewter-framed picture of Kimberly with the children around the garden at Donovan Manor. Phillip seethed with contempt at his rival and desperately wanted to end the conversation.

"Donovan, I think it would be better if we drop the matter entirely." He suggested flippantly.

"Really?"

Both men glanced at the portrait of two beautiful children wrapped inside the loving arms of their mother. Phillip slowly pivoted to his left and addressed Shane. He had nothing left to lose.

"Yes, given Kimmie's fragile condition, I don't think you want to be responsible for another break-down?" He warned suggestively.

In one fell swoop; Shane slammed Phillip back against the bookcase, the picture falling to the hardwood floor shattering the glass within the frame. Books and various antics rattled against the shelf.

"Laddie, what's…"

Peachy hurried into the study after hearing the commotion from living room. Seeing Shane holding Collier by the neck, she cast him a disapproving look. But immediately turned on her heel and ventured towards another part of the home where the children resided so Shane could wrap things up in private.

Pinning him against the encasing with his right arm against Phillip's neck,

"I suggest you leave Kimberly's welfare out of the equation or it's going to get rather ugly pretty quickly…"

"Oh, so what are you going to tell her?" A haughty laugh seeped through Phillip's lips as he grinned sadistically. He had never confessed to anything and Shane had no evidence of wrongdoing.

"Well Captain, go ahead!" He hissed. "Given your recent track record, I'm sure it won't sound nearly as bitter and pathetic as you imagine."

"You, bastard!"

In his fury, Shane squeezed tighter against Phillip's throat, the vein throbbing beneath his forehead.

"You know, Shane," Phillip choked out the words. "The jealous ex-husband is a role that suits you."

Confident in his jab, Phillip decided to twist the knife deeper,

"I'm sure you have loads of credibility with Kimmie after fuc…"

A sharp penetrating pain to the groin sent Phillip straight to the floor. Straightening his shirt, Shane stepped over to Kim's desk where his firearm lay in its protective holster. Phillip sputtered and coughed trying to regain his composure. Under his watchful eye, Shane checked the weapon and placed the Ruger into his pocket. Eying the producer shrewdly, the threat was crystal clear.

At that moment, Kimberly descended the staircase. Shane quickly reached for Phillip's hand to help him off the floor.

"What happened here?" Kimberly exclaimed, shocked at scene.

Phillip embraced the opportunity and clasped Kimberly's hand. Dazzling her with his twinkling blue eyes and a winning smile that soothed Kim's anxious heart, he moaned,

"Your fiancé wasn't watching what he was doing."

Phillip motioned towards the leather ottoman that was pushed against the bookshelf.

Finding the explanation dubious, Kimberly surveyed Shane's face for clues. He gave no hint of malcontent. Phillip was fervently sticking to his story, so Kimberly focused on helping him into standing position.

"I'm terribly sorry, Babe." Phillip apologized. "I'll repair the frame."

Kimberly waved off the suggestion and giggled,

"Well, Gene Kelly! I think your toe tapping days are sidelined for awhile."

Phillip playfully stuck his tongue out, relishing the thought that their banter irritated Shane beyond measure. Kimberly's eyes shifted nervously between the two as she held onto Phillip.

Magnanimously Phillip offered his hand to Shane his mind plotting.

She may possess his heart, but I possess her.

And then, grinning mischievously,

"As I was saying before my clumsiness, it's been a pleasure to have you and Ms. Peach for our country's Thanksgiving celebration."

Shane returned the gesture smiling politely. Phillip winced in pain.

"Oh the pleasure was all mine."

Location: Phillip's Malibu Estate

"Well, I see locking the door does little to curtail the riff raff."

Phillip noted acidly as he entered his office and with a slight limp walked over to the bureau to his left to fix a dirty martini. His business partner sat lazily on the grey plush sofa partaking in vodka and caviar. Brushing off his hands, Stewart quizzed,

"I infer by your jolly demeanor that things didn't go well at Kimberly's?"

Phillip whirled around and stared at the ocean view as he stabbed the olive floating in alcohol. Popping a few pain pills and chasing them down with the martini,

"Her ex-husband's probing nature is going to be a problem." Phillip mused discouragingly.

"Didn't take the bait, eh?"

"No, and worse he knows I set it up, AND of the affair." The producer groused.

Stewart raised his brow skeptically.

"Donovan didn't say specifically, but trust me the man knows!" Phillip snapped resenting the subtle implication that the producer was overreacting. Stewart's facial expression contorted into an ugly shade of contempt at his client's handling of Donovan.

"Let your ego get in the way of business again, did we?" Stewart grimaced.

He took a sloppy sip of his vodka and pondered the problem for a moment. Gulping loudly,

"You now realize that we have a trained intelligence man encouraged to go snooping around into our affairs." Stewart lamented. As the full scope of his client's folly came into focus,

"Shit! You just HAD to hook up with a woman whose whole damn family is involved in law enforcement to one degree or another!"

Clumsily he slammed the glass onto the translucent table.

"She's a cute little number but honestly, you'd have been better off if she'd have served time for murder."

Phillip's eyes scrutinized the move looking for a scratch. Casting him a disapproving look.

"That's a bit callous even for you, Stu."

Admittedly Phillip was beginning to feel the same as resentment simmered within. The relationship began so easily when the petite blonde graced his movie set at the beach and enchanted everyone there with her ability to coax an anxiety-ridden child into the performance of his life. Critics finally took notice of Collier's ability to produce more Oscar worthy projects that possessed mass appeal to the movie going audience. Phillip finally had everything he wanted: money, fame, respect from his peers, and a gorgeous woman on his arm who had two of the most adorable children Phillip had ever seen! Life was good. His mind drifted to a simpler time…

Late May 1992

"You put the lime in the coconut…" Phillip half sang in a low baritone voice as he chuckled over his own humor. He sliced the chicken breasts in preparation of a Jamaican-inspire meal he planned for his new girlfriend of the past two months. Taking a sip of his brandy as he cooked, Phillip's thoughts traveled over the time he'd spent with Kimberly Brady, showing the reluctant woman the roads less traveled on his motorcycle and treating her to lavish meals and dancing at LA's most exclusive clubs. Kimberly's sister had recently moved back to LA and had the children for the evening so they could spend the time alone. Kimberly arrived wearing a tempting little red dress that toyed with his active imagination. So tonight, he planned to discover every inch of her after the two enjoyed a nice sunset on the patio.

"Kim!" He called, realizing she had been gone a bit too long. Phillip had sent her into his office to retrieve a lime from the bar refrigerator.

"Did you find it?"

Silence.

When he looked up, Phillip saw her standing in the doorway behind him. Raising her hand, revealing a lusciously green lime in it,

"Here." She replied with a furtive smile.

Phillip gazed at his girlfriend for a moment. Sexy as hell, there was a child-like quality to Kimberly dressed in red sling back heals that accentuated the body hugging sheath dress leaning demurely against the doorframe of the hallway leading back to his study. Phillip framed his hands in a square-like shape of a lens to a camera.

"Picture perfect!" He winked flirtatiously.

Kim flinched.

The movie producer was oblivious to the fragile expression painted on Kim's face her hand slightly shaking as he reached for the citrus. Taking her other hand, Phillip led her to a bar stool across where he cooked and commenced into an evening of storytelling and free pouring libations!

He had overplayed his hand with the wine as Kimberly drifted to sleep before Phillip could coax her into his bed that night. That delicious treat came later. The memory reminded Phillip how long it took him to loosen up the timid blonde, but once he did...

A satisfied smile slithered across his lips.

"Don't underestimate this man's drive to be with her." Stewart was saying.

Phillip sipped his martini trying to ignore his observations. Between her frequent sessions with Dr. Allison and the growing influence that Donovan was having in Kim's life, he worried whether the lady could remain under his thumb.

Location: ISA Jet, somewhere over the Atlantic

The last image etched on Shane's heart and mind was Collier smiling deviously as he held Kimberly snuggly beside him. After a long drawn out good-bye between the children, they stood together on Kim's front porch. Andrew and Jeannie ran into the yard as Shane backed out of the drive, and drove down the street. His only consolation: casting a glance in the rear view mirror to see Phillip nearly double over as he tried to limp inside the house when the producer thought Shane was out of sight.

"That ought to keep you honest for awhile." Shane smugly mused.

The car ride to the airspace was contentious, at least on Shane's part as he honked and muttered under his breath at the insane traffic on the California freeway. Peachy remained silent only offering a stern glance from time to time, but was sympathetic to the turmoil that churned inside him. On the plane, Peachy was grateful for both the confined space and the lack of fine china available in the compartment. She didn't have the energy to clean up tiny pieces of porcelain that usually laid victim to Shane's fiery wrath. As the atmosphere grew dark, a small table lamp illuminated the cabin. Dinner completed, Peachy strolled over to the wet bar and fixed them an after dinner brandy. Tapping the glass against his knee,

"Out with it ole' boy." She prodded with a gentle wink.

Shane met her steady gaze, dismissing the files to his side. Taking the brandy, he took a sip as Peachy reclined comfortably on the couch opposite from him. They still had many hours to kill on this plane ride.

"I want you to research Collier's business associate, Stewart Perkins." He began pensively.

Peachy set her drink down and grabbed a legal pad.

"He's a slippery fellow in my book."

Shane's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, and completely out of place in that crowd."

Escorting Kimberly to Collier's fundraiser proved very insightful after their icy confrontation in Phillip's study. The following evening, Shane studied each person in the room. The women tan, coifed, made up, with more than a few injected with plenty of plastic to accentuate designer gowns and the men also tanned, buffed and tailored in the best Armani available. The actors and executives were indistinguishable, all except Stewart, whose slipshod appearance was offensive against the carefully crafted crowd. Shane noted his conversation was vague and when pressed, cleverly maneuver the conversation elsewhere.

"I don't believe Stu is on Phillip's payroll…" Shane offered. "I think both are on someone else's."

"Entertainment is a nice cover for organized crime." Peachy observed absent-mindedly.

Shane tilted his head intrigued her statement but the wail of the phone interrupted the conversation.

"Donovan!" Shane barked into the receiver.

Peachy waited patiently while he discussed business. When Shane hung up, she leaned back into her seat and folded her arms.

"Well, do we need to shift gears with this project in Italy?"

Shane was taken aback at his partner's suggestion.

"I'm fully capable of focusing on two cases." He assured her, but Peachy's tired old eyes betrayed her skepticism.

"Is that how you view this issue with Collier?" She implored noticing how Shane avoided the topic of what exactly occurred in Kim's study.

Peachy had observed Shane's lack of countenance throughout most of the Thanksgiving weekend. Whatever means he used to crack into Kim's heart was most definitely rebuffed by her defense mechanisms. Reading her line of thought by the hesitant expression painted on Peachy's face, Shane's head dropped forward. Running his free hand through his thick black wavy hair, he stared at the blue specks interwoven into the grey carpet beneath his black Italian loafers. Shane's mind traveled to a far away place.

"I'm just going to miss you all that's all." He bit his lip.

"The kids…you."

He shifted his stance glancing down at the floor and then to the broken soul standing before him.

"My objections are purely selfish and entirely personal." ~Shane to Kim Jan. 21, 1992

It was the moment of truth, but Shane's pride wouldn't let him confess. To do so would reveal his folly and as he had told Kim once,

"Confessions of the soul have always been difficult for me to deal with." ~1985

The dirty little secret was that despite his proclamations towards Kayla, Shane knew their relationship had an expiration date the moment Kimberly showed up in Salem. The harder Kim fought, the more Shane resisted. Unwittingly Kimberly called their bluff by "giving" the two exactly what they clamored for in the past few months. She had turned the tables on the whole twisted affair!

And Shane was dumbstruck!

Recalling that painful good-bye in Kim's hotel room, he envied her strength to walk away from the storm. At the moment Kimberly exposed her soul to him,

"I still love you."

In his own eyes, Shane became a coward. Shane's desires weren't enough to escape the mire he had sunken into and Kayla made it easier to accept his foolishness.

Several minutes of silence passed as Shane wrestled with the past. Peachy patiently waited for an answer. Lifting his weary head and addressing her skepticism over his ability to conduct his job and deal with issues pertaining to Collier without repeating past mistakes,

"Do I have a choice in the matter?" He postulated somberly.

Taking another gulp of his beverage, Shane pushed away the self-indulgence of pity. There was a fine line between introspecting and wallowing; he had no respect for the latter. Resigned to his fate, Shane answered his own question.

"The truth is: if I entertain my thoughts elsewhere, I fear I'll slip into madness."

Leaning back against the couch, Shane propped his arm and let his chin rest inside his fist. Staring into the blackness, he let his mind fly through the steady stream of grey hazy clouds passing by his window. Instantly, Shane was transported back to the Kim's patio. Her soft silky hair tickled his right cheek. His body pressed against hers, Shane felt the elevated rhythm of her heart. Pulled into the hum of the aircraft emanating from the other side of the glass, Sinatra's husky voice echoed between his ears. Shane could see her face clearly now. Just an inch closer and his lips would have grazed hers!

His voice haggard with emotion, the armchair philosopher confessed:

"I love her."

An abrupt shift in the craft shattered the memory. Shane exhaled deeply remembering the pained expression on Kim's face.

"It really doesn't matter if she feels the depth of my forgiveness towards her, I don't believe she could ever feel that my love for her is deeper than the pain I have caused?"