Chapter 17
Fire and Ice
"They made love with their eyes,
Though their bodies never touched."
~ Soap Opera Digest, May 5, 1987
Location: Donovan Manor
"Oh, but surely you would take me?" Kim suggested eagerly.
Shane's startled expression punctuated the obvious break Kim's demeanor strayed from the perimeters of their relationship. The realization panicked her. When he didn't immediately respond, the few seconds dragged by like hours.
" I mean…it would be a shame to waste the tickets." She stammered awkwardly.
Smiling slightly, Shane's gentle gaze stripped away Kim's defenses. Taking a measured sip of his brandy,
"Yes, it would be a shame to go to waste." He replied reassuringly.
"Good then…" Kim's eyes fluttered across the room as she crumpled the rest of the wrapping paper between her hands. Looking for the nearest escape route, she scurried over towards the bar to discard it. Shane remained by the fire casually cradling his drink; his eyes never abandoned their desired subject. Positioned safely across the room and when she had nowhere else to turn, Kim finally lifted her eyes to address him. Mustering her best devil-may-care expression,
"I think I shall retire for the night, Capt'n."
The spy nodded chivalrously and after she departed, strolled towards the old leather upright chair flanking the right side of the fireplace. The spy treaded on thin ice as it pertained to his feelings towards Kimberly. With nothing promised in return, Shane entertained thoughts that he shouldn't. Worse still, he began to recognize mutual desires on her part, yet Kimberly showed no signs of relinquishing the control Philip held over her. Silently the spy admonished himself for their folly and questioned the wisdom of escorting Kimberly to dinner and the symphony. But he promised, so the spy assuaged his conscience by brushing off the date, as merely ensuring that a gift well spent didn't go to waste. Reclining comfortably in his father's chair, Shane exhaled deeply letting the falling snow outside the window soothe his soul.
The next evening…
Shane emerged from his quarters fully dressed in a black double-breasted Armani suit, a silk crimson colored tie peering out of from beneath the jacket against a crisply white buttoned down shirt. A matching silk handkerchief tucked pristinely in his left breast pocket topped off the look of a respectable gentleman. Adjusting his cuffs, Shane spied the door ajar to their… her room. Dressed in a festive long-sleeve royal blue velvet dress, Kimberly sat at the dressing table leaning towards the mirror in concentration as she applied a soft shade of red to her soft, tempting lips. He crept closer stealing a peek at her reflection mirroring back at him without being seen. The gown's color complimented the blue and green specks in Kim's sparkling eyes. Shane wasn't prepared for the effect she had on him; his well rehearsed plan to remain aloof dissipating at the sight. Pausing, he let his eyes trace the curvature of her décolleté faintly exposed by the v-shape neckline of her gown. Her cascading curls flowed effortlessly across her shoulders and against the lush fabric of the back of her dress. Time merely heightened certain memories…
She emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed approaching the old Victorian dressing table to retrieve a brush.
He pulled back not to be seen and feeling only slightly guilty for indulging in his secret desires.
Peering into the room once more, he watched her disrobe by the bed, her curly locks flowing down across her bare back.
She reached for her pale silk gown, raising her arms and slipping it on. Her nude figure covered once again… ~ April 26, 1985.
Shane blinked away the emotions, knocking cordially to announce his presence.
"You, ready?" His was voice thick, but light.
Shane stepped inside as Kimberly rose and whirled around to address him. This time, his services weren't requested-her sapphire pendant necklace already secured around her neck. Inconspicuously the two eyed one another, both pushing away the glimmer of passion igniting between them. Kimberly strolled over to him linking her arm with his. Smiling brightly,
"Why yes, kind Sir!" And full of good humor, "Take me to the symphony," Kimberly exhorted lightheartedly with a flick of her wrist!
Shane patted her hand approvingly playing along.
"It would be an honor darhling," He enthused as he escorted her out of the room.
Location: London
Per usual, Shane paid special attention to detail for their date though neither would admit that this was the case. He pulled the black Mercedes 500SL around to the front, so he could court her extravagantly. The blustery weather prevented the two from taking a stroll through Hyde Park before dinner a block away at Le Gavroche. Instead they arrived early, so Kimberly could reminiscence with the owner and his wife-old friends from their days in France.
"Mon cher, Kimberly!" Michel boasted wrapping his arms around her and kissing both her cheeks as they entered the restaurant. Handing their coats to the maitre-de, the owner clasped Kim's hands to survey her appearance.
"Stunning as usual!" The famous chef exclaimed as she waved off the compliment. He paused spying the engagement ring and before either Shane or Kim could correct him, Michel motioned for his wife…
"Giselle! Le meilleur champagne dans la maison!"
And pivoting back towards Shane to congratulate him,
"You two finally found your way back together, non?"
Kim blushed slightly. Michel paused as his old friends opened their mouths to correct him. Shane assumed the lead shaking his head and explaining,
"Ah, but you know Kim and I," He gently placed his hand on Kim's left shoulder for support. "We'll always be close friends…"
Taking her cue from Shane's laid-back disposition, Kimberly cheerfully filled them in on her engagement to Philip. The Frenchman appeared skeptical but in respect to mutual adoration and familial history (Shane's father was well acquainted with the elder Roux), transitioned into customary chitchat as the two couples strolled to a private booth for entertaining important guests. The topics smoothly shifted to their children. The women exchanged recent pictures and the men discussed how business was doing since Michel had taken over the restaurant for his father. The atmosphere light and jovial, Shane and Kimberly sipped champagne and toasted their hosts. Guarded poses and past hurts melted away while mingling with kindred spirits. The simmering desire for one another was palpable.
Afterwards, Shane and Kimberly left alone to the Philharmonic.
"I think the buttons on this shirt may burst from that meal." Shane joked as the two nestled comfortably in their seats.
Kimberly laughed affirmatively. "I should take short shallow breathes in this." She demonstrated.
Shane eyed her pleasingly and taking her hand stroking it delicately. "You look quite beautiful this evening." He revealed impulsively.
The lighting dimmed and the violins began creating an air of intimacy for its participants. Intermittently throughout the show, Shane gazed over to his right at Kim's captivating expression. Her eyes twinkled vividly against the lighting illuminating from the stage as she subtly nodded to the rhythm of the orchestra. Her lips moved slowly along with the music- a habit Kim possessed for as long as Shane had known her. She counted the beat, hummed along, and if a vocalist accompanied the arrangement and she thought herself alone, Kimberly would sing softly with it. The memory induced a warm smile from the spy, who instinctively reached for her hand. Before resting his fingers between hers, the garish reminder worn around her ring finger taunted him, so Shane withdrew the offer quickly before his intentions were discovered. Casually wiping his offended hand along his suit, his eyes transfixed onto the performance just as Kimberly caste a longing gaze in Shane's direction. When his eyes did not seek hers, Kimberly lowered her head slightly and pivoted back towards the stage mirroring his polite posture for the occasion. The two enjoyed the remainder of the concert aching for something that was just beyond their reach.
Later that evening…
As they exited the building, Shane offered Kimberly his arm stepping out into a cold and dreary evening. A light snow fell forming a fine dusting along the streets of London. The valet arrived with the Mercedes and as Shane tipped the man,
"Liam! Liam Doyle!" A mysterious character approached to their left casting a purposeful glance in Kimberly's direction as he extended his hand towards Shane. The cool veneer of a calculating weapons dealer took hold instantly as the spy stepped between the man and Kimberly slamming him against the side of the car. Kimberly gasped, but recovered quickly portraying the look of a disinterested mistress more annoyed by the interruption than frightened.
"Mon cantaloup peu, qui est cet homme?" Kimberly inquired petulantly.
Still clutching the man's dinner jacket, Shane shot Kimberly an approving glance.
Without exchanging informative looks, she had slipped into a role perfect for Shane's cover. It awed him. Pulling Arlo upright so no attention would be drawn to the scene, Shane smiled arrogantly exposing his trademark dimples. Then turned to address Kimberly-one hand still pressed dominantly on Arlo's chest.
"Pas un problème cher." Shane cajoled in sloppy French that was overpowered by an Irish dialect. "Montez dans la voiture." He swiftly, but gracefully guided Kimberly around the black Mercedes and escorted her into the car.
Dismissing the intruder, Kimberly tilted her chin upward and stared straight ahead, before busying herself with the contents inside her clutch. Shane shut the door securing Kimberly in the vehicle discreetly blocking her from Arlo's view and promptly strolled back towards his friend. The slightly disheveled Italian was busy straightening his dinner jacket when the spy approached. Propping his right arm atop the car, Shane exposed a carefully concealed piece to thwart any more stupidity from his business associate.
"Yuh trackin' me, Arlo." Shane snarled.
The man appeared genuinely surprised at Shane's reaction and stepped two paces back to create some distance. Securing his coat and scanning for potential witnesses to hide behind, Arlo assured him,
"Liam, no. I…I had business…"
"Don't trust my methods, eh?" Shane pressed further. The conversation continued in a manner preventing Kimberly from hearing the contents of what was said. However, she noted the cold and derisive tone attached to Shane- a professional persona she became quite familiar with during their relationship. The more menacing he behaved, the more dangerous the case. Kimberly uttered not a word once he joined her in the vehicle-the altercation casting a pall over their otherwise enchanting evening together. Once they had exited the city's outer perimeters and Shane's posture relaxed knowing that they weren't being followed, Kimberly inquired softly,
"Are you compromised now?" The question was laced with a hint of fear.
Shane glanced over to her attempting to meet those solemn blue-green eyes that shimmered against the backdrop of white rolling hills. Kim stared straight ahead.
"No, thanks to your fancy improv." He replied graciously trying to lighten the mood.
Kim smiled faintly. "I saw him coming at the corner of my eye."
"And?" Shane prodded with interest.
Kimberly turned her head to eye him. Her senses sharp, Shane couldn't resist picking her brain for perspective on the prickly fellow. As he weaved up and around the snowy hills, Shane caste captivating glances her way.
"You deemed him a foe?" The spy quizzed.
"Of course, his body language literally broadcasted that your run-in wasn't happenstance and he eyed me directly to ID…"
"Not surprising. You're quite easy on the eyes." He interrupted flirtatiously.
Even in the dark and not able to view Kim's facial expression while driving, the spy knew her cheeks blushed slightly at the compliment.
"Clearly you know more about him than he does you which makes whatever he wants from you all the more infuriating for the poor chap." Kimberly noted candidly deflecting the flattering remark. "And I'm sure that I don't want to know, right?" She added with a glint in her eye.
"Very astute." He acknowledged with a broad smile.
Remembering their phone conversation, her eyes stole a glance towards the spy's injured knee. Shane caught her apprehensive gaze.
"Was he the one responsible for your little 'swim' in Switzerland?"
"Quite possibly." He replied evenly, but then drew back at the realization recognizing that Kimberly had pieced together the locale from fragments of past phone conversations.. "I never told you that I was in Switzerland!"
It was a bit disconcerting.
"Process of elimination, my dear boy." She replied coyly. Her eyes bright and enthralling, "I know better than to assume that anyone who approaches us knows you like I do."
Kimberly emphasized as she took her eyes off the road and unto Shane.
It was his turn to flash a humble smile in her direction.
"My dear Kimberly, no one knows me like you do." He confessed affectionately.
Kimberly smiled softly acknowledging the truth of Shane's statement, but turned her attention towards the glistening landscape outside the vehicle.
"Besides," She offered. "I noticed the change in you the minute he said your name…Liam." She smirked.
Shane smiled guiltily, but feigned insult. "You don't appreciate the humor, Ms. Brady?"
Kimberly chuckled, and then contemplated the situation for another minute.
"Oh, no. I certainly appreciate the take, Sherlock." She flashed him an impish grin showing that Kimberly understood the origins of the name. "But Pop would give you a 'B' for the Irish dialect," She noted with a roll of the tongue.
"Ouch, you Bradys are a tough crowd to impress!" He lamented clasping his chest as though the critique had insulted his ego.
Kimberly, stealing a flirtatious glances his way, "Pauvre bebe."
Shane smiled broadly. Oh, how he adored her accents! It harkened back to the way she seductively murmured French in his ear in days past, which reminded the spy,
"My little cantaloupe?" Shane quizzed amusingly keeping the conversation flowing.
Kimberly dropped her head giggling.
"It just slipped out." She assured him pivoting her body towards him as he drove. Shane's boisterous laugh filled the car with warmth that induced more laughter from Kimberly. It was quite a turn on!
"I'm sorry to say though, that you have more work to do with the ole' chap." She was saying-eyes twinkling as Shane's mind toyed with him.
The hint of caution lacing her observation snatched the spy's mind out of a mesmerizing trance the snowy roads and Kim's intoxicating voice had placed him in.
Shane straightened his posture and nodded pensively. "I haven't gained his trust yet?"
"I'm afraid not."
His tone took on a more formal air. "Despite Arlo's stellar performance, I'm afraid that I concur with your observation. Thanks for confirming my suspicions."
"Well, what are friends for?" She remarked with a lilt in her voice to mask the trepidation the situation created.
Shane coughed uncomfortably.
"I hate that it had to ruin an otherwise placid evening…"
The car slowed to a stop and since no other car was on the road at this late hour, Shane leaned towards her and reached for her hand.
The intensity of his words, the way his eyes searched her nearly took Kim's breath away. She leaned back into her seat shrugging her shoulders. Avoiding his eyes,
"No harm, no foul, Shane." She assured him. "Besides, I get plenty of practice."
Shane arched his brow, but she motioned for him to continue on their journey towards home.
"Being with a producer isn't all that different than being with a spy." She remarked evenly.
He complied with her request, yet pressed by attempting to sound nonchalant.
"Really?"
With her hands pristinely placed in her lap, Kimberly replied:
"Oh, everyone is angling for something." She revealed rather pointedly. "And they NEVER simply come out with it. It's always masked over a lunch date or an innocent loan of a yacht or some such…"
Kimberly's face grew dark for a brief second.
"The methods of using people are the same..." She sighed disenchanted by the topic.
From the corner of his eye, Shane noted that Kimberly's brow crinkled thoughtfully. She sighed mournfully,
"But the stakes are a whole lot less tragic."
The words escaped her mouth before she could filter their implication casting a gloomy shadow over them. Shane didn't respond, but instead kept his focus on the road before him as Kimberly settled miserably back into her seat. Several attempts to explain or paint the comment in a different light proving futile. The tortured couple traveled back to the manor in silence.
Location: Donovan Manor
Pulling into the estate, a snow-ice mix pummeled the luxury vehicle. In gentlemanly fashion, Shane guided her into the home shielding Kimberly from the biting ice and wind. Once inside, both avoided eye contact as they busied themselves with shedding their woolen winter garb. Shyly smiling at his gesture, Kimberly handed Shane her cape to hang. Shane returned the courtesy with a reassuring smile.
"I didn't mean for that to sound like an indictment." She whispered nervously. "I hurt you deeply too."
Shane paused shortly cupping Kim's hands into his- their hands warmed from the weight of woolen garments draped over his left arm. Smiling sorrowfully,
"We both played our parts..." He noted reflectively.
His eyes held hers apologetically for a brief moment before releasing her from his care. Shane turned on his heel to put the items away in the closet passed the stairs.
Kimberly whirled around to eye the tree, which basked in a heavenly glow from the living quarters. She stepped forward into the warm, inviting room and sighed wistfully at the display. Shane approached from behind gazing at the decorations and then down towards her. Kimberly bit her bottom lip as Shane explored her eyes for some sort of reconciliation over the matter.
"It was a lovely evening." Kimberly said softly. Furtively searching his eyes, "Thank you for the gift."
Smiling politely, Shane placed his hands into his pockets.
"It's been awhile since I've been out with someone without all the pretenses."
"Aaah, someone who knows all your secrets and yet still chooses to be with you?" She quipped light-heartedly.
"Yeah, that's it." He observed wisely.
The truth flickered between them.
Avoiding his gaze, she felt trapped. Kimberly shifted her eyes towards the Christmas tree ablaze in lights. They chatted intermittently for a few minutes- a delicate dance of social graces, by discussing the music of the evening, the decorations that caught their attention while they were out, and then back to the room where they stood.
"It's like something out of a Dickens novel." She noted in a vain attempt to navigate through their internal conflict. He stood so close that the smell of his cologne mingled with the weight of his breath against her back. It stimulated the senses. They stood for a moment in the tranquility of the room.
"There's always something quite magical about the evenings during Christmas time." Shane remarked amorously.
"Mmhmm." Kimberly murmured.
Whirling around to face him. "Shane, I…"
At the sight of flakes of snow liquefying in his thick black hair, she impulsively reached to brush it away.
"Yes?" He coaxed her- his voice luxuriously tempting.
The look of adoration plastered all over his face heightened the intensity. Kimberly's mind drew a blank and she nearly melted into his expectant embrace. Shane reached out to caress her cheek; Kim's head fell slightly back almost succumbing to his advances…
The distant but piercing wail of a train whistle signaling its abrupt stop on the tracks plucked them out of the moment. Abruptly Shane withdrew his hand as Kimberly stepped aside to his right ready to escape upstairs.
THUD!
The noise echoing towards the far end of the manor overshadowed what had almost taken place as they glanced around and back at one another perplexed by the interruption. Shane raised his finger in caution looking past Kim through the partially opened door to the study. Smiling slyly he motioned for her to head towards the ballroom while he darted towards the back of the home. A much-welcomed diversion, Kimberly hastily complied walking briskly down the front hall. Entering the grand room, her heels echoed across the marbled floor. The evidence scattered a few feet away, the old train-set lay abandoned under the blue and white illumination of the Norwegian Spruce. Kimberly cast her eyes to the left and stared at the dying embers of the fire. Her wandering thoughts halted by the sound of Shane's voice roaring through the opened door leading towards the library. Andrew's mischievous laughter mingled in the mix. Startled, Kimberly whirled around to face them as Shane burst through the door to the left of the fireplace with Andrew hoisted over his left shoulder. The boy's green and red plaid robe covered his frame, but the sight of Andrew's bear claw slippers produced an affectionate laugh from Kimberly. She smiled at the display crossing her arms as Shane swung the boy around to face his mother.
"Kimberly, we have a trespasser!" Shane bellowed.
Andrew's big brown eyes that mimicked his father's stared cheekily back at her. Kimberly leaned forward and tried to keep her expression neutral, but even at the age of seven; Andrew possessed his father's flair of charming the female sex. The fact that the boy was perched over his father's shoulder staring innocently back at her didn't help matters.
"Son, it's well past your bedtime. What are you doing up?" Kimberly admonished.
Smiling wide, Andrew instantly reminded Kimberly of his father.
"You look awfully pretty." The boy complimented sweetly.
"That she does, son." Shane echoed softly.
Kimberly rolled her eyes.
"You're not helping." She mumbled.
Shane dropped his head to the side trying to catch a glimpse of her, while his shoulders shook from restraining his own amusement over the situation.
Turning her attention to their son, she patted his disheveled head lovingly,
"Go to sleep!"
Shane leaned back so Andrew could kiss his mother goodnight. The boy wrapped his arms around his mother's neck planting a sloppy kiss on her right cheek before his father marched him off to his room.
Left alone in the ballroom, Kimberly closed her eyes placing her fingers delicately on her lips. Opening them once more, her memory taunted her over the sights and sounds filling the room of the last time she had occupied it. It was five years before and Shane had hosted an elegant affair in this room showcasing his new wife to long acquainted family friends from the area. As Kimberly turned towards the massive fireplace, the ornate wreath gracing the wall above the mahogany mantle morosely cued her that she had been replaced. Even at Donovan Manor, time carried on!
Seeking sanctuary far away from the display, Kimberly rested on one of the elegant chase lounges situated against the front windows directly opposite of the painful reminder. The majestic evergreen twinkled in the dark and acted as a safe buffer to provide her with a safe vantage point.
After some time had past, Shane reentered the ballroom to find Kimberly seated picturesquely on one of the cream-colored chase lounges situated between the front windows. He paused to soak in the full view of the room- the little train set still pulled partially out from under the massive Norwegian Spruce where Andrew had been playing. Strolling to the fireplace, Shane reignited the flames producing an air of hope into the desolate room. Kimberly followed his gaze.
"I sure hope you cut him some slack, Capt'n." She remarked lightly.
Shane took a few steps forward and placed his hands into his pockets. Smiling guiltily, which exposed his dimples,
"I could hardly condemn the lad for doing something his father did quite often as a child."
Kimberly giggled at the mental image. "I imagine you drew up the plans upstairs in your room?"
A hearty laugh rumbled out of the spy.
"Yes, I'm afraid so!" He reluctantly confessed. Shane turned to see her coaxing him to elaborate further. He told the tale of two brothers sneaking down the stairs while their parents enjoyed an evening of Sherry and reading in the family room while they snuck down the front hall towards the ballroom to play with the old train-set. Shane became so absorbed in the nostalgia of the memory that when he concluded, Kimberly's expression of adoration rendered him speechless. She sat irresistibly perched on the lounge; the opportunity presented itself once more before them. However, the allusion to Shane's work overshadowed them both with the observation that their son was steadily walking in his father's footsteps. Predictably their minds drifted to the altercation by the car earlier- a cool barrier threatening to fan the flame flickering between them. Kimberly maneuvered the conversation back to safer waters.
"Did I ever tell you that I discovered a set of 'plans' in Andrew's backpack for the best strategy to pilfer cookies out of the cookie jar?"
"No, no you didn't." Shane chuckled as she hummed the tune to 'Mission Impossible.'
He dropped his head in mock shame gesturing with his left hand towards the far left corner of the room that led into the library.
"Father would actually catch us by entering in from that route." He informed her.
"Aaaaah…" Kimberly cooed leaning forward and hanging on his every word. As the story unraveled, the spy slowly strolled towards the bench to sit next to her. Temptation flagrantly toyed with them. The vibrancy of her eyes illuminated the delicate features of her face and complimented Kim's expectant posture as Shane's eyes bathed her in desire. She followed his movements until he was merely inches away- her head tilted back and up so that Kim could retain eye contact. His steady, gentle gaze held her hostage as Shane undressed her with his eyes. She waited for Shane to speak and when he didn't, Kim's cheeks turned a rosy shade of red as though Shane had read her every guilty thought. When he sat next to her, Kimberly abruptly pulled away and faced towards the fireplace. Yet, she couldn't free herself from the seduction. Resisting the urge to kiss her, Shane cleared his throat to break the tension. Leaning forward, he clasped his hands together letting his elbows rest on his knees. His eyes moving around the room,
"So why sit here so far away from the warmth of the fire?"
"Is there a certain protocol, Capt'n?" Kimberly teased affectionately relieved for a diversion.
"Well," The spy noted matter-of-factly. Gesturing towards the entrance from the library to the left of the fireplace at the far corner of the room,
"At that station, one can observe the tree," His eyes shifted to the right as Kimberly's sparkling eyes followed his lead. "With the backdrop of the snowy landscape from the front windows…" Shane observed when he pivoted around to check. His eyes rested once more on hers as the weight of his next words slowly tumbled out. "Feel the warmth of the fire…It's quite soothing to the soul."
"It's comforting here too." Kimberly interrupted poignantly answering his intended and unintended question.
"Besides ice can be soothing." She observed casting her eyes just over his left shoulder and out the frost-laden window. Pulling away slightly, her eyes were wide and suddenly well aware of where this was leading. Still leaning forward, Shane snapped his head back towards the burning embers. His voice low, yet voluminous,
"Ah, I see." He replied seductively. Pausing briefly, then adding,
"I tend to think it leaves one with a mocking numbness to waste away a winter's evening."
Slowly Shane turned back to eye her. Her lips parted to protest, but his enigmatic stare held her prisoner. Coaxing her eyes towards the undulating flames, Shane recited expressively:
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction
Ice is also great
And would suffice." ~Robert Frost
"I suppose that you have a preference." Kimberly observed having studied Shane's expression as he quoted the passage from memory. Her voice was barely above a whisper and full of emotion. Kim's blue-green eyes betrayed intensity reminiscent of the two images presented in the poem. Their coloring embodying the comfort that isolation provides, yet the way he held her attention revealed threads of desire that had been buried long ago. Shane looked far away towards the coral colors of the fire.
"Hmmm… Having tasted both, I prefer the fire."
"That you do." She noted pointedly.
Shane flashed her a wretched look of regret. His thoughts rested squarely on the desires of his heart, but her comment rendered a devastating blow to his psyche realizing that the mark Kim still wore on her sleeve was hatred aimed at her over their demise. In a flash, the urge to take her crestfallen face into his hands and whisper declarations of love and devotion enveloped him. An earlier conversation mingled between them...
"You know, I think that you probably loved her very much once, if you hate her so much now." She observed compassionately.
He focused on lighting each candle; his silence punctuated the truth in her statement. She gingerly stepped forward and into his steely emotional wall. Though blind, she still could peer straight into his soul. When he said nothing, she inhaled and gently pressed on.
"They say there's an all comprising hate that's a little bit stronger than love."
Finishing his chore,
"Well, I'm not going to say you're wrong," He admitted and turning around to face her.
"But time," His whole demeanor had soften and Kimberly could hear the tenderness in his voice return. "Time has a way of dealing with those things."
He stepped closer.
"In the end, what matters is that people who matter to each other make a point in holding onto what matters." ~August, 1985.
Their eyes remained lock in the past; the crackling fire amplifying the effects the memory held over the two.
After several minutes of silence,
"I never hated you, Kim." He revealed grimly.
"Are you sure about that?"
Her skeptical eyes pierced his heart as their painful past rippled to the surface. When Shane didn't protest immediately, Kimberly rose and stepped away from him. Shane remained seated still clasping his hands tightly. Dropping his head,
"I suppose…" He admitted reluctantly.
But then, Shane looked up to see if she was watching him.
She wasn't.
Instead, Kimberly wrapped her arms around herself staring at the swirling pattern of the crystal icicle ornaments adorning the tree. Shane guessed more for protection than warmth as the fire burned brightly in the distance.
"It never superceded my love…our love…"
Kimberly turned sharply towards him.
"Don't do that."
Her eyes betrayed a fiery disbelief of his statement and tragically Shane could understand why Kim felt that way. The anger over the demise of their love had blinded him in a way that even at that moment was too painful to articulate, let alone defend. Shane struggled to help her make sense of it all. For so long neither one had ventured down this thorny path.
"I needed time, Kim."
"Exactly how much time, huh? Enough time to snatch up another case that would take you away from a marriage you felt trapped in because your wife betrayed you?"
Kimberly attempted to shift to her left, then right. Feeling painfully in the spotlight, she simply turned to meet his accusation head on.
"Let's face it, Shane! Any mention of Cal,"
There was a hiss in Kim's voice that Shane rarely heard from her. "Or the pregnancy and you closed yourself off so tightly… " She clinched her fist punctuating the statement.
Shane bolted upright and rushed towards her.
"Except this time, I didn't wait for you to leave me!" She cried thwarting his inclination to take her in his arms.
Panting, Shane stopped short and towered over Kim, her eyes glistening with tears.
"So you took it upon yourself to make our decisions…our Kim, our decisions for us." He acknowledged emphatically in a more measured tone.
"Someone had to." She retorted defensively.
Kimberly shifted her head to the side avoiding his passionate glare. Frustrated, Shane ran his hands through his hair and began to pace.
"You know, that's not even the point." He muttered bitterly.
Admittedly his statement intrigued her.
"Then what is?" She inquired perplexed, yet not abandoning her perch next to the Christmas tree.
Shane stood several feet away, his back towards her shaking his head as the spy ponder his next move. Lifting his head, Shane turned around and boldly addressed her for the first time regarding that moment,
"How could you let go so easily, Kim?"
Kimberly recoiled in horror. "Let go! How many times did I try to reach you?" Her arms outstretched and pressing one hand against her breast,
"Shane, there wasn't a destination the ISA could take you that could have created a greater distance than what you placed between us because of him!" Kim's voice was firm reaching a fevered pitch.
"You said it yourself that there was no future for us as long as Cal was a factor and as much as I wanted to give in to my belief that he wasn't, your actions coldly dictated otherwise!"
"I'm not referring to when you walked away damn it!" His voice booming across the room was almost deafening.
Kimberly flinched and when she failed to respond,
"For God sakes, Kim! You've said as much yourself: we're masters of running, but there was always…" He paused and inhaled laboriously.
"That should have been sacred, Kim." He revealed in a low deflated tone.
Kimberly eyed him directly.
"What?" She lamented in a whisper- her voice hoarse from emotion.
The seconds ticked away slowly, before...
"The cameo!" He blurted out. The token of their love, his love and she had rejected it and thus, him in his eyes.
Kimberly's mouth dropped to the floor as they stood in an emotional draw. She tried blinking away the sting but to no avail. She felt flushed and her throat was throbbing from the strain of their conversation. Kimberly felt the tears welling up inside, and one thing she had promised long ago was never to let him see her break down again.
"You know as well as I that it didn't belong to me anymore?" She choked on the words trying to regain her composure.
"That's not a fair analysis." Shane feebly asserted.
For a split second, it appeared that progress was being made, until Kimberly tragically uttered,
"Emma."
The sound of her name startled him as Kim's voice rippled throughout the room.
"Emma?" He asked in bewilderment. "What does she have to do with any of this?"
Kim's voice cracked as she tried to explain.
"I may have been blind, Shane, but I could hear the disgust in your voice regarding her and I prayed that I would never hear that with my name attached to it."
She turned away from him covering her mouth with her hand.
"That was different…" He began, but even as the words escaped his mouth; Shane felt the hollowness in them. He stepped forward in an attempt to comfort her…to correct the folly but she raised her arm as a shield halting Shane's advances. Composing herself, Kimberly exhaled,
"This isn't productive, Shane."
"Don't shut me out, Kim." He pleaded-his jaw clenched and his temple twitching in frustration.
"I didn't have the strength then, and you know what? I don't have it now." She sighed exasperated at how quickly their evening had degenerated into chaos. "Besides we both moved on. First, you," Her sorrowful eyes bore straight into his and effectively shutting down communication,
"And then me."
Shane bowed up defensively placing his hands on his hips. Narrowing his brow,
"That's a bloody lie and you know it!"
Offended by his implication, Kimberly nearly sprinted out of the room as Shane retreated towards the bar. How in the hell did their evening dissolve into this? Shane wondered as he poured himself a drink. He listened as the click of her heels faded into the night before gulping a frustrated sip of Scotch.
Damn her bloody resolve! Damn his foolish pride and damn the effect this woman still had over him!
Shane stared at the amber liquid. Impulsively he whirled around hurling the contents into the fire! The glass smashed against the mantle splintering into a million little pieces.