CHAPTER 10: Open and Exposed

ARIA'S POV:

Spencer was sitting on the floor, holding a piece of glass in her hand. Blood pooled on the floor, and covered her wrist like paint. Her eyes had that same glazed over expression, and she was slowly bringing the glass across her wrist, almost like a robot.

"OH MY GOD SPENCER!" I shrieked and ran forward. Emily was paralyzed by the door, and Hanna had just snapped awake.

I grabbed tried to grab the piece of glass from her hand but she wouldn't let go.

Hanna ran over and sat next to me.

"Spencer..p-please let go…don't do this Spencer…" I sobbed, as she held to the glass tightly. Something must have clicked because her eyes focused again, and she looked down at her wrist before looking at me. Tears welled in her eyes.

"I'm so s-sorry….." Spencer whimpered and her lip quivered.

"No Spencer, don't be sorry. Just…why would you do this? We're here for you…we love you…you didn't need to do this….we could have helped you…" Hanna cried.

"I'm so so sorry…" Spencer choked.

I leaned forward and pulled Spencer into a tight hug. The piece of glass hit the floor as Spencer reached for me, finally breaking after being strong for so long. She sobbed into my shoulder, taking huge raspy gulps of air every few seconds. Hanna joined in the circle, crying just as hard as Spencer.

I looked up when I felt Emily join the hug. She was crying more than the rest of us combined. I knew how much this must hurt her. She's the most kind-hearted out of all of us, and hates seeing people suffer.

"Spencer…we love you so much…I love you so much…please….don't do this anymore…don't even think about it…you have other options, people that care about you. I can't stand seeing you hurting Spencer. What's wrong, why are you hurting so much?" Emily sobbed.

Spencer shook as she pulled away from me. "I…I made a discovery." She rasped, her voice and body shaking. "Toby…Toby…is A."

I gasped, and Emily recoiled in fright.

"You've got to be kidding.." Hanna muttered.

Spencer broke into sobs again, and I pulled her into a hug once more. Hanna and Emily looked at me, and I nodded. We were all thinking the same thing. We needed to get Spencer to lie down somewhere.

"Spencer, let's go back to the couch, okay?" Emily asked. Spencer nodded.

Together, we helped her get up. I steadied her as Emily wiped the blood off of Spencer's arm. Red, angry cuts laced her forearm, and Emily shook just looking at them.

We walked out of the bathroom, I was stilling holding Spencer's hand, afraid she might pass out.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I asked once I thought she was okay enough to stand on her own.
She nodded, and I let go of her hand to grab a cup. However, when I turned back around, Emily was frantically trying to pick Spencer up.

"What happened?" I asked. "I was turned around for five seconds!"

"She just collapsed. I dunno what happened." Hanna replied.

"She was probably dizzy from losing so much blood." Emily explained. Together, the two of them managed to get Spencer onto the couch.

I brought the glass of water and set it on the coffee table.

"Spencer?" Emily shook Spencer slightly. Spencer stirred, and her eyes flickered open.

"What happened?" She asked frantically. Spencer tried to sit up, but Hanna forced her back down.

"Easy, it's okay. You just passed out." Emily explained.

Spencer shut her eyes tightly, as if she was trying to focus. Slowly, she pulled herself up so that she was in a sitting position. I knelt in front of the couch, ready to help her with anything.
A lone tear rolled down her cheek as she traced the harsh cuts on her arm.

"I'm so sorry…" She whispered.

"Spencer, stop saying that, you have nothing to be sorry for." Emily reassured her.

"Well she kind of scared us…" Hanna piped up, but Emily shot her a stern look that shut her up.

"It's okay Emily. Hanna's right. I scared you guys, and I am so unbelievably sorry. I should….I should have known I had you guys to fall back on. I guess….I just didn't think about it." Spencer shook as she spoke. "I never meant for you guys to find out this way…I can't imagine what you must have thought…"

"How did you want us to find out?!" I snapped. Emily threw me a look, but I ignored it. "Spencer, what if we found out because you were dead! What if we found you dead, in the middle of that stupid bathroom. Is that how you wanted us to find out?!" My voice was raising in volume, but I didn't care. I was so upset, and so relieved at the same time, I was losing it.

"Aria…" Hanna's eyes had grown wide.

"Do you get it Spencer? We've all been through tough times, you are not alone! You are never alone! Why would you go to this?! This is not you! Don't you get it? We could have lost you! Is that what you wanted?! Do you really hate living that much? Do you really want to die Spencer? Spence….you can't…you can't do this to us, we need you…we love you…please…don't leave us.." I sobbed. Emily came over and wrapped me in her infamous hug.

When my crying had ceased, I looked up at Spencer. Her eyes were wide, and her face was pale. Her hands shook, and she was curled up into the couch. Hanna was over there trying to bring her back, but she gazed off into nothingness, unaware of Hanna sitting in front of her.

"Oh my god.." I cried. I bolted to my feet and ran over to her. "Spencer I am so sorry for going off at you, I didn't mean it, I was just so worried and so scared that I was going to lose you, you were so far gone…I'm so so sorry…" I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"I-I didn't know…" Spencer rasped.

"It's okay. It's all okay." Emily reassured her, rubbing Spencer on the back in slow circles.

"I never realized….what I was doing…could hurt you guys too.."

I sighed and looked her in the eyes. "Whatever is hurting you hurts us too. So if you're hurting yourself, we'll hurt with you. We're your friends, that's how it works."

"Aria's right. We love you so much Spencer. We'll help you get through this." Hanna added.

Spencer nodded and sighed tiredly.

"Let's get some rest. I think we all need it." Emily mentioned.

"Amen to that!" Hanna hollered and jumped onto the couch beside Spencer.

I grabbed a blanket and snuggled up between Hanna and Spencer. "Goodnight y'all." I mumbled, sinking into the couch.

"Goodnight Aria, goodnight everyone." Emily said. Spencer had already passed out, and Hanna muttered something unclear from underneath the blankets.

Before I started to fall asleep, I reached over and grabbed Spencer's hand. Please…please be okay. I
prayed. We need you Spencer…