CHAPTER 16: A Rude Awakening

EMILY'S POV:

I woke up with excitement flowing through my veins. I loved Christmas shopping, especially when I went with my friends.

Beep! Beep!

I reached across my bed and pulled my phone out of its charging station.

Hey babe! I was just wondering how you've been, I haven't heard from you in a while. Would you be interested in eating lunch with me today?

My treat! ;)

-Paige

My excitement left my body at once, and was replaced by guilt. What was I going to do? I already made plans with Spencer…the girl I think I have a crush on. Does that make me a bad girlfriend?

Probably.

I groaned and quickly sent Paige a message back.

Hey, I'm sorry but I can't hang today, I have plans with some friends. Can we get together tomorrow?

-Em

I watched as the message sent, guilt hammering in my head. I glanced at my watch, it was 9:15. I was planning on heading over to Spencer's at 9:45.

Hopping out of bed, I pulled my pajamas off and walked over to my closet.

What to wear…what to wear…

I ended up throwing on a dark crimson colored sweater, with my cream scarf and dark jeans. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and curled the ends. After I finished applying makeup, I grabbed my black boots and headed downstairs.

"Good morning Em, I made pancakes." My mom smiled at me as I walked into the kitchen.

"Thanks mom, but I have to get to Spencer's." I hugged her quickly before grabbing a granola bar and my purse.

"How is she?" My mom asked. I had talked to her last night about what all was happening.

"I think she's feeling better, but we'll have to wait and see." I replied shortly. Pulling on my coat, I hugged my mom once more and left for Spencer's house.

"Drive safely!" My mom called after me as I was about to close the door.

"Thanks mom! Love you!" I shouted back. Once the door was closed, I hopped in my car and drove off.

SPENCER'S POV:

I was up at 8:00. I was so anxious about today, I couldn't sleep any later.

Ugh…why am I so nervous?

I tried to focus on other things to distract myself, but nothing worked. Reading was boring, and playing

Solitaire made my head hurt because I was too distracted by other things.

Eventually, I got out of bed and showered for the first time in a while. It felt really nice, if I must say.

Once I had finished showering, and drying my hair, I applied makeup and brushed my teeth. When I was done, I looked back at the mirror.

It's definitely an improvement from last night… I thought. I didn't look so ratty anymore.

I stepped out of the bathroom and pulled my closet door open. After a long period of decision making troubles, I pulled out my white, long sleeved, button up shirt, and a pair of black jeans. It was simple, and covered everything I needed to hide.

I sighed. Guilt still clung to my chest at the thought of breaking the promise I made to my friends, even though I did my best to brush it off.

I grabbed my purse and flats before heading downstairs. My parents weren't up yet, and my sister was meeting up with some friends for coffee, so she was already gone.

I glanced at my watch, 9:20. I groaned and pulled up one of the barstools. Sitting down, I tried to calm down the butterflies that were raging through my stomach.

Why am I so nervous? I wondered.

It's just Emily, you've hung out with her before.

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to soothe the anxiety. I hadn't felt this excited for something since Toby and I's…anniversary.

I felt my eyes water at the memory of it, but I shut my eyes and refused to allow myself to cry. However, instead, I pondered this new thought.

Do…do I like Emily?

I shook my head rapidly, trying to erase the thought from my head.

What am I thinking, she's my best friend. There's no way…no way…

I tried to convince myself that Emily was just a friend, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered.

Do I really have feelings for Emily? Am I…am I gay?

I bit my lip and sat back on the barstool.

Everything I was thinking made sense, why I always contacted her first when I had something to share. Why I always felt kind of envious of Paige even though I think she's a decent person.

I sighed.

Even if I do have feelings for her…she's with Paige. She'd never dump Paige just to be with me, she'd never want to be with me at all. She thinks of me as her friend, and nothing more.

I was so caught up in thinking about all these new revelations that I didn't hear the knock at the door.

Startled, I glanced out the front window. Emily's car was pulled up in the driveway.

I gulped nervously and slid off the stool. Pulling on my coat, I took a deep breath and opened the door.

EMILY'S POV:

I walked up to Spencer's front door, my heart beating faster with every step. I took a breath to calm the butterflies fluttering about inside me, and knocked on the door. It took a few minutes before she finally pulled the door open.

She was beautiful, and I felt myself blush at that thought. Her dark hair fell gracefully over her shoulders, and her black jeans showed off her long legs.

"Hey Em." She said quietly.

"Hey Spence." I snapped back to reality and glanced up at my friend. Despite looking excited, her eyes still had a forlorn look to them. However, I dismissed it. It had only been a day, she wasn't going to get better overnight.

"Ready to shop?" I smiled. She nodded softly and followed as I walked to my car.

"So I was thinking of hitting up the jewelry department for Aria, and maybe the perfume store for Hanna, what are you thinking?" I asked.

"That's fine." Spencer replied. I glanced over at her.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I…I guess. I feel a lot better that's for sure." She smiled reassuringly, and I believed her.

We rode the rest of the way in silence; however I kept stealing glances at the gorgeous girl sitting beside me. I know it was wrong of me, but I couldn't help it.

When we arrived at the mall, I got out quickly and held the door for Spencer as she got out.

"Thank you Ms. Fields." She joked.

I nodded solemnly and gestured to the mall. "After you Ms. Hastings." I tried to reply in a serious tone, but eventually my face fell into a grin and I laughed. She smiled back at me, and I felt overjoyed at the sight of it.

I sighed peacefully, and we walked into the mall together.

The first store we went to was this new jewelry store that had opened up about a month ago. I wandered through the many isles, trying to find something Aria might like.

Eventually I stumbled upon a pair of earrings shaped like dream-catchers with dangling feathers and everything. I smiled, this would be perfect. When I walked up to the front to pick it up, I couldn't help but notice a necklace on display. It was very simple, and had a silver flower charm on it. Inside the flower was an amber colored stone, which shone with beauty. I was awestruck by this beautiful piece.

The amber would be perfect with Spencer's eyes…

I smiled to myself and gently picked up the item. Carefully making sure Spencer didn't see it, I brought the items up to the register.

"Will that be all ma'am?" She asked me. I nodded and she placed the items into a bag and handed it to me.

"Thanks for shopping here, do come again!" The cashier grinned and I smiled politely before walking off to find Spencer.

"Hey!" I felt a tug on my sleeve and turned to see Spencer behind me.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"Yep." She smiled, warming my heart, and held up her bag. I tried to remember if I saw her check out, but I must have been distracted.

"Okay, there's a perfume sale over at Victoria's Secret, so I wanted to hit that up for Hanna. Are you okay with going there?" I asked.

"Of course, that sounds awesome." She nodded and we walked over to the store. Spencer paused outside the front of the store, and I glanced back at her.

"Are you coming in?" I questioned. She seemed to ponder over it, before shaking her head.

"Nah, I think I'm going to head over to Bed Bath and Beyond if that's alright." She replied.

A part of me didn't want her going off by herself, just in case something happened, but I knew I shouldn't force her to go somewhere she didn't want to.

"That's fine, how about I meet you by the food court when we're done?" I suggested.

"Sounds great!" She waved and walked off to her other store. I smiled, but secretly felt disappointed at seeing her go, even if it was only for a little bit.

SPENCER'S POV:

I walked off, glancing back at Emily as I did. She looked so pretty today, and it just made my confused feelings flow even more.

I didn't want to leave her, I would have preferred to shop with her the whole time, but Victoria's Secret was not one of my favorite stores. I didn't enjoy shopping there, it gave me way too much anxiety that I didn't want to deal with at the time.

When I walked into Bed Bath and Beyond, I sighed blissfully. There were so many beautiful fragrances here, I loved it.

I pondered over which lotion to get Hanna, I knew she would like most anything, but I still wanted it to be genuine.

"Do you need help finding anything?" A store clerk had come up to me.

"No I'm good, but thank you." I smiled politely, wishing she would just leave me alone.

"If you say so. Say, how's that new jewelry store? I've been dying to check it out, but my lunch break isn't for another thirty minutes." She groaned.

I was curious as to how she knew I had been there, but I realized I still had the bag with my gifts in it.

"Oh, it's wonderful. The owner is really nice." I replied.

"Cool, cool." She seemed lost in thought, and I wondered what she was supposed to be doing. She must be new also, because I come to this store with my mom often, and I'd never seen her here.

I turned around and was looking at the lotions again when she came and leaned against the shelf.

"So, I need your help. I'm going on a date next week, and I don't know what to wear. You seem pretty knowledgeable about fashion statements. Do I wear a red cocktail dress, or a more casual getup?" She looked to me with wide eyes, curious about what I had to say. Honestly, I just wanted her to leave me be and do her job, but I didn't want to be rude.

"I would wear something more casual if it's your first date with him, but if you've been seeing each other for a while, and the location is appropriate, I'd wear the dress. Spice things up." I replied politely.

"Okay…okay I see. Thanks a lot!" She patted me on the back, and I jumped a little at the sudden contact. She was being pretty rude.

"Say, since you helped me, let me help you." She smiled.

My mind jolted to conclusions, and anxiety filled my body.

"Huh?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"Here, I'll give you some fashion advice of my own." She leaned forward and grabbed my hands. I felt my body tense up, and I felt vulnerable to the rude clerk.

"If you roll your sleeves up like this, then you look conserved, but flirty at the same time." She pressed the fabric up, and my eyes widened as the red marks on my arms were revealed.

"Oh." The girl looked from my arm to my eyes. "Well I can see why you kept your sleeves down. Those are pretty ugly." She rolled my sleeves back down, oblivious to the fact that what she had both said and done hurt my feelings.

"You really should stop doing stuff like that. It's pretty stupid, I mean, why add ugly lines to your body? Seriously, you need to get some help. Why ruin your body when you haven't even reached your prime?" She smiled at me, but I could tell her opinion of me had changed completely.

"Uh…thanks again for the advice." She replied, looking at the floor for a second before walking off quickly.

I felt the anxiety leave my body in an instant, but it was replaced with pain and sorrow.

Was what I did really that terrible? Are they that ugly? Maybe I should have kept the bandage Emily gave me on…

I was lost in thought, and didn't hear when someone approached me.

"Hey, I'm sorry for what Abby said to you. She was supposed to be working, and I couldn't help but overhear the nasty things she said."

I looked up at the teen standing next to me. Her name was Tessa, and I'd seen her many times before when my mom and I came to shop. Her jet black hair was tied back in a ponytail, and dark makeup lined her face.

"Oh, hey Tessa." I smiled at her. Being such frequent customers, my mom and I had gotten to know the young gothic girl.

"It's okay, I brushed it off." I explained, although Abby's words still haunted me.

"Yeah, well she's probably going to be fired soon. It's only her first week here, but this isn't the first time she's been unfriendly and rude to customers. I'm just sad it had to be you, I love seeing you here." Tessa smiled sadly.

I laughed heartily. "Oh don't worry, one bad clerk isn't going to keep me from coming here!"

Tessa laughed, but then her eyes darkened. She stepped closer to me, and glanced around to make sure no one was around.

"Hey, I have something to show you." She looked me in the eye. I nodded, letting her know it was okay.

Tessa carefully rolled her sleeves up and turned over her wrist. Pale scars lined her arms. They weren't recent, but they hadn't been old enough to fade either.

"I understand where you're coming from." She explained. "I've been where you are, I know what it feels like. I promise, you can get better. Sure it's hard as hell, and may seem impossible, but I know you can do it." She smiled at me.

"Thanks.." I droned off. I was touched by the girl's compassion.

"I will give you one piece of advice though, if you'll have it." She said.

"Sure!" I was willing to except any advice she could give me.

"I know that you may want to go to your friends for help, and you think that they'll always be there to help you. However, I wanted to let you know that's not true. At least it wasn't for me. I know counselors aren't fun, but they don't…rush you. You know?" She asked me.

I nodded, though slightly confused at what she was getting at.

"I know it sounds weird, but when I used to…cut… I let my friends be my sole source for help. It started out great, but then they got frustrated when I didn't heal in a week. They just expected me to put the razors down and stop. They didn't…understand, and therefore just made things worse. I don't want to discourage you, I just wanted to warn you. Sometimes, friends don't understand." She looked at the ground sadly.

I placed my hand on her shoulder. "Thank you Tessa. I will take those words to heart, and I am so sorry for what you must have gone through." I replied sympathetically.

Tessa smiled up at me. "Thanks Spencer! Sorry for being so serious, I just didn't want to lose my favorite customers!" She laughed, and I smiled at her.

I spent the rest of my time in that store talking to Tessa, and getting her opinions on different lotions for Hanna and Aria. By the time I was done, I had spent about half an hour in the store, and needed to go meet Emily at the food court. I thanked Tessa for her time, and walked over to where Emily was sitting. I felt bad that I was a little later than intended, but I knew if I explained it to Emily she would understand.

"Spencer! Hey!" Emily smiled as I sat down, obviously relieved I hadn't ditched her. I immediately felt worse.

"Hey, sorry I'm late, I was talking to Tessa." I explained.

"Who…who's Tessa?" Emily asked, a hint of venom in her voice.

"Oh, she works at Bed Bath and Beyond. I see her all the time when I go shopping there with my mom. I was just catching up." I smiled, but Emily still seemed slightly hostile.

"Okay, well I ordered us Chinese food from the local vendor if that's okay.." Emily explained.

"Oh, that's fine."

In all honesty, I didn't really want to eat anything. Just talking to Tessa, and Abby made me start to think. I was glad I had such great friends who cared about me, but was she right? Did my friends really understand?

Would they ever understand?