I am sad to announce that this is the last chapter of 'Some fun ways to torment Itachi'. I'm going to make this as funny as possible and cut out all sympathy Rizu might have towards Itachi. This should be fun. Once again, I want to thank x-Orange.Neko-x for being so awesome and letting me use her list. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Sasuke, Captain Curt, Zetsu, Kisame, Otogakure, Tobi, Deidara, Itachi's eyeliner and the technique of Chidori all belong to their respective owners.

#27: Record him singing 'It's Rainin' Men' by Geri Halliwell in the shower.

"The Humidity's rising. The barometer's getting low. According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men." Itachi's deep voice bellowed out. (How weird…) "It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen."
"What the heck?" Rizu moaned. She pulled herself out of the bed and made her way to where the sound was coming from. Itachi just kept singing.

"It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen.

"The Humidity's rising. The barometer's getting low. According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men." Rizu was really, really scared. Itachi isn't supposed to sing in the shower. He's an Emo, A class, S-rank criminal, for Pete's sake! But yet, he was singing. Thus, Rizu was currently having a panic attack.

"It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna get myself (yeah) Absolutely soaking wet. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Every specimen. Tall, blonde, dark and lean. Rough and tough and strong and mean."

Suddenly, Rizu had a thought! It was a miracle! She pulled out a little tape recorder she used to tape herself a list of things she needed from the store. The TV made her buy it!

"God bless Mother Nature. She's a single woman, too. She took over heaven and did what she had to do. She taught every angel to rearrange the sky. So that each and every woman could find the perfect guy." Sneaking quietly to the bathroom door. She hit a button on the miniature device. And waited…
Later, Itachi was out of the shower and dressed. He was no longer singing…thank the Lord. He was back to his stoic self. He heard a few other people laughing from the next room. He went in to investigate. Deidara was sitting on the sofa with an arm draped around Rizu's shoulders. On the chair opposite them, Tobi sat, laughing. Konan and Pein stood in the shadows and Itachi could hear Konan's light, airy giggle and Pein's deep chuckle. Sasori has a smirk planted on his lips. Itachi walked in and Rizu sighed.

"Okay, party's over guys…" There was an 'aw' from Tobi, but no one but Deidara said anything else.

"Hey, Rizu, let's let Itachi listen to the magical tape…" He said, smiling his little devil smile. He hit the play button and let the music play. Itachi stood in shock as his voice floated out over the room. He coughed then said, after a long, awkward silence,

"Well…I'm going to…go on a mass murdering spree, now…" He walked away for the group.

"Have fun!" Tobi called after him. Deidara looked at Rizu.

"Hundreds of people are going to be slaughtered because you taped his singing, don't you feel bad?"

"No, not really."

"…………."

"What?"

#28: Play it on the stereo.

"According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen. The Humidity's rising. The barometer's getting low. According to all sources. The streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half past ten. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Amen. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna get myself (yeah) Absolutely soaking wet. It's raining men. Hallelujah. It's raining men. Every specimen. Tall, blonde, dark and lean. Rough and tough"

"Would you turn that CRAP off?!" Itachi yelled over the full-blast volume of the stereo. Rizu cocked an eyebrow at him.

"WHAT?"

"I SAID, WOULD YOU TURN THAT CRAP OFF!"

"I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK LOUDER!"

"WILL YOU PLEASE TURN THAT CRAPPY MUSIC OFF!?"

"SORRY, IT DOESN'T GET ANY LOUDER THAN THIS!"

"TURN IT DOWN!"

"BUT I HATE CLOWNS!" Itachi smacked his forehead.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? TURN THE MUSIC UP AS LOUD AS YOU WANT! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" with that, Rizu turned the music off.

"If you wanted me to turn the music down then, why didn't you just tell me to?"

"Wow."

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that I find it astonishing how someone as dim as you can create such convoluted tactics to aggravate me to the verge of utter psychosis." Itachi felt proud of himself for using so many big words and was hoping Rizu heard him. But, unfortunately for Itachi, Rizu had been busy putting stickers on her dog, Chiganata.

"There, now you look so pretty, Chiga-chan!" Itachi then had a seizure and had to go to the nearest hospital.

#29: Flush his eyeliner down the toilet!

After Itachi was released from the hospital, he put a paper bag over his face. Why? Because while in the hospital, Kisame had failed to bring him his eyeliner. And without his eyeliner, Itachi felt that he was as ugly as that Capitan Curt guy from Star Trek. So, while Itachi's 'Capitan Curt' face was in the bag, he could not see and if you cannot see, you cannot hop through trees without getting hurt. Bam. "OW." Bam. "Ouch!" Bam. "Good Lord!"

Finally, Itachi made it back to the Akatsuki base alive, although he endured a few cuts and bruises. He was sure his face looked even worse than that dog crap that Zetsu stepped in last week, now. Stepping into the building/base/house/thing, Itachi called out, "Rizu! Are you here?"

"In the bathroom!" Itachi walked to the bathroom door, making sure to rip an eyehole in his bag so he wouldn't look like a moron stumbling around. Rizu was in an overly fluffy bathrobe, combing her damp hair. "Hiya, Itachi. How are you feeling?"

"Since when do you care?"

"I don't. I'm just trying to be courteous!"

"Right…" He mumbled, "Anyways, where's my eyeliner? I need it."

"Oh…it's right…here."

Plop.

"The hell! Why did you do that?" Itachi shouted irately.

"Because I wanted to." Itachi looked from his hand to his eyeliner, to his hand and back again. The toilet was dirty, because no one felt like cleaning it. Some wisps of black were rising in the water, making it look like someone forgot to flush. When Itachi went to reach into the foul water, Rizu's hand shot out and pushed down the silver handle. There was a strained sound of the eyeliner scraping the pipe and then nothing. Rizu looked delighted.

"I didn't actually think that that would work!" She looked at Itachi gleefully and skipped off to put glitter glue on Deidara's clay birds.

"…Rizu! Get the hell back here!" Itachi called, chasing after her with an objective to slaughter the girl. Then, as he closed in on Rizu, an electric shock jolted him into acquiescence. Rizu just stared at him oddly then, walked away.

#30:Tell him he's diagnosed with constipation ans piles.

"Hey, Itachi!" Rizu screamed awkwardly. He stumbled down the stairs.

"Rizu…It is 3 in the morning. What could you possibly want?" Rizu held out a chart to him.

"Oh, right." She said, mentally slapping herself for forgetting about his partial blindness. She folded and unfolded the paper fretfully.

"There's no easy way to tell you this, Itachi…but you have constipation ans piles."

"Oh my God!" Itachi hollered. True, he didn't know what that was or even if it was a real disease, but it sounded deadly enough to him. That, and he'd been a bit mood-swingy from those anti-depression pills he'd been taking recently.

Itachi loped away from Rizu, on his way to Otogakure. After a few days of sleeping on the ground and enduring Mother Nature's fury, he arrived at the small village. He barged in a random door and was almost giddy at the sight.

His little brother was sharpening a blade. Sasuke's black eyes locked onto Itachi. Sasuke launched himself at his elder sibling and screamed, "I'm going to kill you!"

"That's what you said last time. And look, I'm still alive!" Itachi taunted lamely. He dodged Sasuke and stood on his back.

"Shut up! I'll annihilate you this time! I swear it!" Sasuke's voice cracked on the last syllable of 'annihilate', going up 3 octaves and Itachi cackled.

"You're 15 years old and your voice still cracks! Foolish little brother," Itachi cleared his throat and continued, "I have been informed that I have a deadly disease and I wish for you to kill me before the disease does." Sasuke blinked.

"Um…are you serious? Because, like, I've been training for years trying to get the power to beat you in an all out fight after betraying my village, my friends, everyone who loved me to go live with a nutty snake freak in a shitty cave with no one to talk to and now you just come to me and politely ask me to kill you?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Oh…ok then." As Sasuke prepared himself to plunge a Chidori straight into his brother's stomach, a girl about his age came out from behind the open door Itachi had come through.

"Itachi! There you are!"

"Who are you?" Sasuke growled, angry that he was disturbed. Rizu looked at him.

"Oh, hi there, little boy! Itachi! You never told me you were a babysitter!" Rizu, to Sasuke's great annoyance, pinched the shorter person's cheeks roughly.

"Rizu…that's my brother…" Rizu got a weird look on her face and poked a finger at Sasuke.

"You're kidding…this is Uchiha Sasuke, The Last Uchiha, The Uchiha Survivor?"

"Uh well, yeah."

"He's certainly not all that he's cracked up to be." Sasuke glowered at her. "Anyways, I came here to tell you something, but I'll let you finish what you're doing first."

"Thank you!" Sasuke exclaimed, frustrated.

"Er…tell me now, Rizu. I…won't be able to listen later…"

"OK!" She cheered, "I completely made up that thing about you having a deadly disease! Isn't that great?" Itachi looked at her and twitched. And twitched and twitched again.

"Does this mean I can't kill him…?" Sasuke asked unhappily.

"Sasuke no killy Itachi!" Rizu screamed girlishly. She sprayed both Uchihas with grape juice while screeching like a banshee.

"The hell! Cut that out!"

"Itachi, tell your crazy bitch to stop!"

"Rizu! Rizu! Stop that!" Soon, she ran out of grape juice and stared at them both blankly before plopping onto the floor and pulling out a jack-in-a-box.

"You two should go take a shower, or something; you're all sticky." With that, Itachi mumbled one last thing before following Sasuke to the showers…

"I hate my life…"

And that, my friends, was the last chapter. Please don't cry! There will be a sequel if I ever decide to stop being lazy and type one up. I'm sorry this was a late update…I really am. I have no excuse other than I am lazy. (And I've been working on about 6 other stories as well.) I hope you forgive me and that this chapter wasn't terribly dreadful… I'll be sure to be more loyal to my other stories that need to be updated now that this one is finished. A great big, huge, substantial, massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Thank you SO much for all your comments. They made me feel exceedingly special! Also, thanks to anyone who has read all the chapters, sorry if my random stupidity caused you to go down any IQ points. I seriously love you people! (Err, in a friendly manner.)

-Tekii no aru tenshi