The Light in the Darkness
Chapter II
Chief climbed up to the attic and his favorite quiet place. Here he could see all around the estate for miles. Here no one else came. Here he could watch. Here he would know when the enemy was coming for him. If he was here when the enemy came to take him back to G-CAT, he would have time to escape. He would have time to run or time to end his running forever. Here he also was safe to think about things, especially the real people he worked with. These men continually confused and surprised him. They treated him like a real person and now as a friend. Each had promised that they would never let G-CAT take him again. No one had ever done anything like that before for him.
He sat down on the well worn overstuffed chair beneath the window and thought about Actor, the smart, cool, calm, collected con man whose very physical presence, he had always been threatened by…had felt sorry for him when he read about some of the things he had suffered at the hands of G-CAT. Chief was overwhelmed by this turn of events. He knew the look of regret was real and not a con. He had even felt Actor's distress while he was working in the garden though Actor had been in the library. There was no doubt in his mind that…Chief shocked jumped up. Again he… had …felt… Actor's… distress! He had known it was Actor and he had felt a need to find him. Why? Actor was not his Hearth. There could not be more than one Hearth for a Guardian. Hearth, Hearth…no, that wasn't the word he thought of when he thought of Actor now. The only word that came to his mind when he thought of Actor was… brother.
Chief dropped back down on the floor. When he was certain that the word Hearth was what Garrison was to him he had asked Actor the meaning of the word. Actor, now Chief's self appointed trainer… no teacher, had shown him how to use the dictionary. It had given several meanings that were different from each other and yet there were two for him that had come very close to describing what he felt Garrison was to him – home and center. Then he smiled thinking of Actor. What was a home without family? Actor as brother would be a wonder. It would also get rid of his biggest fear since he learned that Garrison was his Hearth and that was what would happen if Garrison was lost and he was not allowed to search for him. Now he knew, if it happened he, Actor, and the others together, would find his Hearth. Well, he thought if this was just a dream he was going to enjoy it as long as it lasted. It was a good dream…in this dream a Guardian had found his home, friends, and at least the beginning of a family.
Suddenly, the feeling of happiness slipped away from him as the picture of the Guardian and Handler flashed through his mind. What was he thinking? All the voices of all the Trainers and Handlers he had ever had were yelling at him in his head. Guardians didn't have homes, they didn't have families. Who the hell would want a worthless dog like him? Garrison was his Handler, nothing more. He belonged to G-CAT, his Handler, and no one else. Why couldn't a worthless piece of trash like him get that through its head?
The trainers were right. Actor was nothing more than a kind man and just felt sorry for him like he would for any animal. He had come to realize that not all real people were like the perverted, cruel, monsters at G-CAT. They may find Guardians disgusting or frightening but they wouldn't abuse or torture them. What a joke thinking that a man like Actor could ever be his family. He was just a kind man and a good teammate. The voices were right about the Warden too; he was simply his Handler, a kinder one but nothing more than a handler. Chief knew he was lucky to have been given to Garrison and should be grateful for that. He had to stop pretending or dreaming because he knew when the war that brought him here was over, these men would return to their lives of freedom… their leaving him would cause him more agony than anything G-CAT could do to him. They would leave him and if he couldn't escape by running, then he would by dying. The life he had here was better than anything he could remember. Yes, he thought to himself this was a good place to live and a good place to die but until then what could he do to stop the dreams? He had to stop them once and for all.
He stood up, his mind was clear of stupid dreams and he knew that he would have to tell the War…his Handler. He had to admit that he was able to feel Actor almost as much as he could …his Handler. Kind or not the Handler would and should be angry. The Handler would and should punish him. The Guardian belongs to his Handler and G-CAT. No one could change that and if anyone tried it was back to retraining or worse for the Guardian. He would also tell him that he was being to lax with the training of his Guardian. This Guardian was becoming too lazy, thinking too much, and dreaming. Dreaming and thinking were too hard on a Guardian. It confused them and made them lazy and stupid. They wouldn't be able to respond to their Handler's commands fast enough. His Handler's job was to help him be a better Guardian. The Handler had to correct him and the sooner and the more painful the better. Pain was what he needed to stop from thinking such stupid things like family, friends, and brothers. He would go now, he would…
Chief dropped to his knees and assumed the position of submission. There was no hope for him. There was nothing for him. Why? He cried out over and over again until he had no voice left. And then he wept for the loss of dreams he should never have had.