A/N: So, I decided to make Merlin's side of My Dearest. I've just realized but in the previous story, I should've said that this story doesn't stick that much to the original TV series with Morgana being all good and all. And while writing Merlin's side, i stopped writing in the middle because of my school's test that... the story might looked weird somewhere... I thought about giving up in the middle but.. ;-;) I love this song so much and I don't wanna give up... So, yeah... I hope you enjoy it still. :')
English isn't my native language so I'm sorry for any grammatical or spelling mistakes.
Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine, it's BBC's.
My Dearest
~Merlin's Side~
The first time I saw him, I didn't know whether to categorize him as handsome or beautiful, he fit both. My good thoughts about him all change seeing his behavior though, he was like a child, simply wanting to show off and bully the weak, I hate those people the most and well, his first impression wasn't the best. I guess mine for him wasn't too, challenging the Prince on your second day in town, who are you kidding?
When the Great Dragon living on the caves on the castle's underground told me the prophecy, I found myself hard to believe it. Really, someone, a prat like him, becoming the greatest King Albion could see, it's just impossible, alright. But then, Destiny does seem to want me to help him, giving me the chance to be the person closest to him at all times, his manservant.
Being his manservant was definitely worse than life in Ealdor. Alright, probably that's a bit too exaggerated but seriously, every single day, he always needed to give me a list of chores, and a long one at that! I need to run an errand for Gaius too, Prince Prat!
Somewhere along the way, I realized that he wasn't probably that bad of a Prince. He even risked his life to get me an antidote. Fighting the gryphon, chased by the spiders, really, even in my state, I still need to help him, guiding him with the ball of light. Why can't he simply sit still and avoid dangers instead of running to them? Why would he even risk his life for someone like me, a simple peasant, a replaceable manservant? It was probably then that I was touched by his kindness. That admiration somehow turned into small butterflies fluttering in my stomach every time I see him. Worse, with him undressing in front of him under a daily basis with me being his manservant and all.
The time he was bitten by the Questing Beast, I thought my heart stopped. It was because of me, I was supposed to protect him, my Destiny, and yet, because of my weakness, I can't. I should have risked my magic being known, he was worth it. With him, laying on the bed, Guinevere constantly on his side, I can't do anything, I'm useless. It was thanks to the Great Dragon that I could actually find a way to cure him. If I could trade my life for his, everything will be alright, I trust that he will be a great King. But then again, things never quite go as I planned. It was like Destiny was trying to make every thing hard for me. The Priestess of the Old Religion was the keeper of the Isle. She took my mother when I bargained for my life instead of hers. Next, Gaius thought that it was best for him to sacrifice himself. Why must people important to me be taken away? No more. As the Priestess of the Old Religion turned into stone, breaking into thousands of pieces, I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. We could actually become friends. She was a kin of mine, we are magic, creatures of the Old Religion, and yet, I wasn't given the chance at all.
That time when he discovered my magic, I had been so foolish. I thought it would be from me trying to fight some magical beasts or something, but no, it has to be when I was simply doing chores when I could do that with my own hands! I panicked at that time, wondering why the hell was he even here. I tried to explain, ignoring the expression and glares he sent me. Surprisingly, he gave me a chance to explain. I was really grateful. He actually understood that I was born this way, it wasn't my choice that I got the magic in me and I thought I caught a glimpse of a future Camelot, under his rule, people and magic users, and magic creatures, living in harmony and the world was beautiful that way.
Every time he looks at Gwen that way, I felt something pierced my heart. But I understand. He's a Prince, he has duties, responsibility. The kingdom needs an heir. Courting with a servant was already bad in the eyes of his father, what would his father think if it was a boy? Besides, it's not like he will actually look at me, pale and skinny, a clumsy, idiot country boy. Really, I can only dream. Him accepting my magic is already good enough.
When I first met Freya, he was so beautiful, so fragile. It was the first time I ever felt this way about another person beside Arthur. Seeing her in a cage, I wanted to release her from the cage, giving her the freedom she deserved despite all the consequences. They searched high and low for her. It was hard but we manage. We talked about things, and even my magic. Arthur accepted me, Gwen and Morgana too, but, it's hard to talk so openly about magic with them, they're too used to magic being forbidden and evil and all that. But with Freya, it's different. I feel like I can be myself. We talked about various things, I found out how beautiful the home she wanted to have, how she loved the strawberries and I wish I could give her. I thought I could be happy with Freya, I was ready to run far away from Camelot with her, building her dream home. Turns out she was the Bastet, terrorizing the villagers every night. That doesn't stop my love for her though. What did, was when she died on my arms, I sent her off on the lake, to Avalon. I didn't hate Arthur nor do I resent him for what he did to Freya, it was his duty to protect the townspeople. It was my punishment from Destiny, for even thinking about leaving Arthur, living my own life, the dream of being with the one I love, far away from Camelot, leaving the Once and Future King vulnerable from all magic attack, it was never Arthur's fault, it was mine.
The time when Arthur suddenly declared that he loved Vivian, I was completely, utterly shocked. Protecting him and his happiness meant that I need to protect the one he loves too. Gwen, I don't mind, she was a sweet and beautiful girl, strong and smart, she has what it takes to be Queen. But never in my life it crossed me to protect someone like the Lady Vivian, spoiled, arrogant brat. I don't mind Arthur loving someone else, but Vivian… I can only hope he was joking. True enough, he was under an enchantment. How relieved I am to hear that. Still, I couldn't prevent the battle to death Arthur and Vivian's father decided to. Arthur was losing, I can see it. I went to the Great Dragon at the last minute, hoping he could help me. True enough, he gave me the way to break the enchantment, a true love's kiss. My mind quickly reeled on to Gwen, finding him easily enough on the seat beside Morgana, I took her to the less crowded part. I explained to her, how to break the enchantment and hoped that she would kiss Arthur. How shocked I am when she refused and insisted me kissing Arthur instead. Really, I thought she had finally gone crazy with her love for Arthur. She kept refusing and insisted me to try, I huffed and told her that it definitely won't work. Still, I tried it, a part of my mind hoping. His lips was a bit chapped and rough, like a man's indeed, and for a split second before we part, I felt whole, like he was the missing puzzle in my life. Embarrassed, I looked slowly to his eyes. He looked like a cold water has just been soaked to him, seeming to wake up from a dream. Suddenly, he kissed me again, this time much more passionate than just a peck on the lips like before. And on the haze of the kiss, I heard him whisper, I love you, before going out of the tent, his steps full of determination to finish the battle. I could simply look at his back in shock, unconsciously putting my fingers on my tingling lips, before going out of the tent after him.
When we came back to the town and the castle, finding all of the people asleep everywhere, we went straight to the King's side, to ensure his safety. Seeing Morgana the only one awake, suspicion arose in me. She's something to do with what happened. Seeing the knights approaching from the distance, we decided to hide the King in his chambers, disguising him as a servant at the end. It was then when we realized that the sleep was affecting us too. I went away from them and to the Great Dragon, seeking help. With the promise of freeing him, I acquired the information I needed to save Camelot; killing Morgana.
I hoped it won't come to that but there's no other choice. Retrieving the servant's clothes form Gaius' chambers, the sight of a deadly poison caught me, Hemlock. I clenched my fist and take the poison, hoping it won't come to it. Coming back to the chambers, I looked at Morgana and realized that her fear and surprise was genuine. It was then when I thought to myself, I can't do this. When we were trapped in the Great Hall, I finally decided that it was now or never. Before parting with Arthur, we kissed, a one last goodbye, hoping that it was not a goodbye. Now only the two of us, in a haste and hurry, I decided to explain everything as simple and as clear as possible. I reveal everything, my magic and her being the vessel and how to fix it. I could see her looking at me in fear, her mind racing as she tried to understand what was going on. When realization was apparent on her eyes, she nodded. She actually agreed to drink the poison. While she looked at me in fear, she downed the green liquid in one gulp. The effect immediately taking over, she choked, clutching at me desperately, hoping the pain to end faster. I kept on chanting 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry' over and over to her.
Suddenly, Morgause entered, horror and anguish on her face. She reached out for Morgana, I kept Morgana behind me, demanding Morgause to lift the spell. When she finally did, I immediately gave Morgana the potion that will wash away the Hemlock inside her. I casted a spell on Morgause that knocked her back, giving us time. When Morgana opened her eyes and drew a long breath, most of the inhabitants of the castle had already awoken, Uther commanding the guards to capture Morgause. In the nick of time, she managed to cast a spell and escape the castle, alone. Morgana cried and hugged me, thanked me for not letting her die. How can I deserve her thanks when it was me that made her go through the pain before?
Freeing the dragon seemed like the worst choice I've made. As soon as he was freed, he attacked Camelot, breathing fires on the people's houses. Really? What have I done wrong? Arthur and I then embarked on a quest to find the last Dragonlord, Balinor. Just before we went, Gaius told me that Balinor was actually my father. When I met him for the first time, even if I never knew him, my magic knew that he is my father, the blood flowing in my veins are from his. When he protected me from the bandits, sorrow washed over me. We have only been reunited for so little time, must he be taken away from me so soon? Do I not deserve happiness just for a little longer?
Still, I can't dwell on it long.
The King was finally dead. It sounded cruel but I'm actually very relieved. Uther's reign has come to an end and it's time for Arthur's. I trust he'll make a great King. But then, peace won't last long, will it? The first sign of the bad premonition was the vision in the Great Hall and how the cold swept over me. Before I knew it, darkness had embraced me. When I came to, everything happened in a blur, I told Gaius what I had seen and we then went on a journey to the Isle of the Blessed to repair the rift that separates the world of the living and the dead. The question 'Who will be the sacrifice?' hang in the air, no one needed to ask that question aloud. Arthur will definitely sacrifice himself but I'm his guardian, his protector, and in personal term, his lover, I will not let Arthur sacrifice himself. I will be the sacrifice in his place if I have to. What I didn't expect was Lancelot giving himself to the keeper, closing the rift and disappearing from our sight.
Gwen's cries tore my heart, guilty washed over me. I should've stopped him. Gwen deserved someone who loved her and Lancelot is the only one who can give her that. I looked back at my life and realized how many people have died because I've made all the wrong choices. Will, my mother, Gaius, maybe Nimueh just by a bit, Morgana, Freya, Balinor, the people that became the victim of the Great Dragon's attack, and now, Lancelot. Looking at the knife on my hand, imagining the blood oozing out from the skin, the stinging pain, I realized, I deserve this.
Every time I did it, it left a lingering guilty feeling of Gaius' concern and especially Arthur's. But really, as long as I'm not found out, it's fine, it'll be fine. But when 'fine' will actually be fine? I totally didn't expect Arthur coming to my room right when the blade touches my skin, drawing blood. I immediately put the knife away, wiping the tear threatening to fall on my eyes and wiping the blood away on my clothes, I stood, trying to apologize and explain when the dizziness hit me and the blackness following soon after.
When I came to, Arthur was beside me. He looks weary and tired, the dark circles under his eyes so obvious. The last memory before I blacked out hit me and I immediately apologized to him, the tears now falling freely from my eyes. I felt the warmth around me as Arthur embraces me. I kept apologizing, hoping he'll understand why I did it, all the bad I've done, all the sacrifices made in the process, it was all my fault. With a kiss, he stopped me from saying anymore. I looked at his glassy eyes as he said that it will be okay, that I've done the right thing, I have pushed pass my limits and it's fine to let go and this time, he'll shoulder the burden alongside me.
We make love after that. Arthur held me sweet and gentle, whispering words of love on me, making me feel needed, precious. He took everything slow, he kisses my scars softly. He made sure I felt the utmost pleasure, putting myself first before him. It was the most amazing feeling I have felt and I wondered what I have done to deserve this and for once, I believed that I'm precious, at least to him.
When Arthur lifted the ban on magic, it was hard at first. Some of the council members don't agree, some villagers even started a rebellion, saying that Arthur was a traitor to the throne, how he's trying to disrupt the peace Camelot has since Uther banned magic from the land. I stayed with Arthur through it all, convincing him that he has made the right choice. Druids gathered on the courtyard of the castle, giving gratitude to the King and promised that the magic won't be used for evil.
As time passed, the rebellions lessened and peace returned once more to the kingdom, now magic users was dealt fairly and with just, making sure that they were really guilty instead of sentencing them to death blindly as Uther did.
The council was forcing Arthur to take a wife, making sure the throne stayed safe in case something happened to Arthur. I'm glad Arthur discussed it first with me, making sure he has my approval. Who am I to prevent him? I'm a secret lover, I can't stop him when the whole council was pushing on him like this.
When Princess Mithian first came, I must say I acted quite rudely on her, seeing her as someone who wanted to take away my beloved. I tried to keep the jealousy to a minimum. It's not the best feeling, jealousy. It's like something's eating me away from the inside. As Princess Mithian spent the time in the castle, we talked once. And from that, I understood that Princess Mithian is a good person, if it's to her I have to give Arthur, I'm fine with it. She knew of my feelings, she didn't look at me in disgust or disdain, she accepted my love for Arthur.
At the very end, Arthur apologized to her for not be able to take her hand in marriage, saying that he loves someone else. Princess Mithian winked at me before leaving, assuring Arthur that it's alright and she understood and won't begrudge him because of it.
When Arthur made me his official Royal Consort and Court Warlock, I was happy, nervous and ecstatic all at the same time. This time finally came, I could become true to myself and Arthur and I won't have to do everything secretly. Through the coronation, I could see Gaius, Gwen, Morgana and the Knights of the Round Table looking at me proudly. I smiled at them. It was probably one of the happiest days in my life. With a new Court Warlock, it was like a new era where magic is accepted.
Conflict arose and a war was inevitable for the kingdom. I knew that the vision of Arthur dying is coming to the final act. Simply going to be a burden with my magic lost, I told Arthur that I'm going ahead to the place where the source of magic is endless to regain my magic back. Arthur agreed but not without protection. He sent Gwaine with me. With both of us away from the kingdom, Camelot will need a ruler. Arthur gave that rights to Gwen and Morgana, trusting that they will make the right choice.
As soon as I regained my magic back, I used a teleportation spell to immediately teleported me to the battlefield. With my new regained magic, perhaps even stronger, I helped as much as I could. What I didn't expect was in the faraway, Mordred and Arthur was standing, looking at each other, each holding a sword. And even from this distance away, I know that Mordred's sword was just like Arthur's, forged from a dragon's breath. When I saw Mordred's sword plunged into Arthur's abdomen, I screamed, letting my magic lunged forward and knocked the druid boy. I rushed to Arthur's side.
When I finally reached him, I pressed on the wound, trying to prevent more blood loss. I chant all of the healing spells I knew but none seemed to be taking effect. I could feel his body getting cold, his pulse getting weaker and I can't do a thing about it. I'm supposed to be the most powerful warlock alive and yet I couldn't simply protect the one man I love with all my heart.
He tried, he tried so hard, I know it, he tried so hard to convince me that it'll be fine, he'll be fine, because he'll live forever and ever in my heart, saying that he won't forget me, even in the afterlife and hoped that I won't forget him either. I won't, I could never forget Arthur. He wanted me to smile, so I did. I tried my best, giving him a smiling face. He smiled back before drawing his last breath and closing his eyes. I cried so hard that my voice grew raspy. As tiredness washed over me, I slipped into unconsciousness, still cradling Arthur's body.
Time passed. Gwen and Morgana tried their best to cheer me up. I am very grateful for their effort but eventually I decided to leave Camelot. I trust that the kingdom will be okay under their rule. They understand and let me go, knowing that it's probably the last time we'll be seeing each other. I make sure to come back when I felt each of my friend's life dying. I visit them one last time. I never grew old, my body stopped in time. I wandered through the world, looking as the world died and lived again, different generations, new technologies, all of the wars, the conflicts. Until one day, I woke and felt the magic shimmering around, informing me of a new beginning, a blank page ready to be written once more as the legend continued.
I went to the lake where I let Arthur go for the last time, Avalon. On the middle of the lake, I saw him emerged, his golden hair shining under the sunlight, I ran, swam my way to him. When we finally embraced each other once more, the tears won't stop. I felt finally at home for the first time in centuries, in Arthur's warmth.
"I'm back, Merlin."
"Welcome back, Arthur."
~Owari
A/N: So, um, there you go. :'D I hope it doesn't differ much from Arthur's side. I changed their last words a bit, making it sounded like xxxHolic OVA, either the Rou or the Shunmuki, I forgot, where Yuuko said "Tadaima, Watanuki" and Watanuki replied "Okaerinasai, Yuuko-san" and damn, that clenched my heart. ;-; So, um, yeah, I'm rambling here. o-o)
A-anyways, I hope this doesn't turn out too weird and still make sense... Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it! _
-Kai