When Lois found out she was pregnant, she paniced. Anyone would panic in her situation, knowing you were pregnant and not remembering how you got that way. At the time she had some vague memories, memories of superman, she was sure of it, but that was all.

As her pregnancy progressed her memories became a little clearer. Lois remembered a night of passion, white sheets and some sort of ice palace. She remembered the eyes of the man of steel looking at her with love and adoration. What she didn't remember was the name she called him during their night together, nor how they arrived there, or what happened afterward. It was enough to know who's child she carried, and for some reason she was afraid to know the rest, so she didn't try to think about it. She didn't want to know.

She knew he left her, and she didn't know why, she didn't want to know why. Frightened that he had rejected her, she hid from the surfaceing memories, blocked them away so she wouldn't have to know.

Jason was a true joy in her life, she'd never known what it was like to love someone so completely, not even Superman. As she raised her special little boy she tried to forget about his father.

Lois started to realize that in many ways she had only been in love with a figment of her imagination. Superman was a dream man, and if she was honest with herself, she'd never really known who he really was. She tried not to think about it, but sometimes she wondered: Did he have an actual life? No real flesh and blood being could stand the solitary exsistance he led the world to believe he lived. He did have emotions and needs just like any other person on the planet, that was one thing she was sure of. She wondered if she HAD known him, truly, on that night, but was to afraid to try to find out for sure.

She had cared about Superman, but in reality it was Clark's leaving that had hurt her the most. He was a friend, and though she tried not to annalize her feelings she knew that she had missed him keenly. Eventualy she had pushed the feelings aside, never truly acknowledging them, so that when Richard entered the picture she latched onto him emotionaly in a way she had never really allowed herself to do before, desperate to end the conflicting emotions she had whenever she thought of her lost lover, or her absent best friend, or saw her son do something in a manner that reminded her of either of them.

Richard was a rebound.

He really did deserve better, and over the years she had convinced herself that she felt more for him then she actualy did. The day he proposed she talked herself into believeing she was happy, and put on a show that would have won her on Oscar. She eventualy convinced herself that it was what she wanted, what any single mother in her right mind would want. He was good with Jason, and Jason needed a father, she wouldn't keep that from her son. She never could bring herself to set a date for a wedding however, or to truly and completely commit. She tried not to think about why.

On the day when she saw him again, when Superman sweeped back in and amazed the world again, she had been so shocked she had fainted. She hated that. She couldn't deny that she was still atracted to him, that he still made her heart thud and her straitforward mind colapse into a heap of confusion. Then Clark showed up again, and she was so confused she just decided to ingor him for a bit. She figured it wouldn't bother him to much, he had always seemed to take her moods in stride. In a way she expected to fall back into the old rythmn, after she had some time to think. Her irritation at Richard made her turn to Clark, for his friendship and familiarity. It's what she needed. Good old Clark, always the same. His return had set her world right again, even when Superman turned it upside down.

At first she had decided to just not tell Superman about Jason. She was still angry at him for leaveing her. This perfect man had left her pregnant and afraid and she refused to forgive him for that. But when they pulled him out of the water, almost dead it seemed, and then he insisted on going back to try to risk his life in the impossible task of saveing the world he had only just returned to, her anger subsided. She didn't know this man, but she knew he was good, she knew he was honest and had integrity. She knew he deserved to know about his son. He had gone so long thinking he was alone in the world, she could offer him the comfort of knowing he was not.

When he was in the hopsital she thought it was to late, but she told him anyway, and when he showed up at her house the relief she felt swept over her in waves. Jason would need his father, his real father, in time. If she did or not she didn't know, didn't want to think about, but her son did and that was enough. She would move heaven and earth for her son, any mother would.

Should she tell Richard of Jason's paternity? She thought not. Somhow she felt like this secret was something she just couldn't share with the man, even if she was engaged to him. She wouldn't share it with him, she didn't trust him enough, even if he deserved to be trusted. Lois was never one to allow herself to become close to people, even Richard. It was strange that she wasn't really close to the man who's ring she wore, the man who had stood by her the last three years, but she wasn't, she wouldn't allow herself to be. Sure she made everyone think she was, she had even fooled herself for awhile there. She wasn't though, she didn't love him. She wondered if she should continue on with him.

Lois couldn't bring herself to break it off with the man though, he was kind after all. Richard was a good man, he had honesty and integrity. She thought of him much the same way she thought of Superman, but she truly knew neither. She couldn't give her heart to either.

Good old Clark, now there was a real man, he knew her and she felt like she knew him. He was good to, and honest and had integrity, but there was more to him then that. He was real he was comforting and he understood her. He could take anything she threw his way and she loved that about him. He always knew what to say, he was down to earth, and most of all he was her friend and always would be. No matter how many years it had been since she'd seen him, and no matter how much it hurt not to have him around, he was her friend. She trusted him, she didn't know why but she did. Lois couldn't say that about anybody. She didn't love him of course, that would be insane, but she could rely on him always, even if he didn't show up when he said he would, and even if he was always disapearing, she still knew she could rely on him. She didn't know how she knew that, she just knew.

Good old Clark.