Project Love

Brittany leads me over to the bed, her hand in mine and we sit down facing each other with our legs crossed.

"I want to get to know you better, can I ask you some questions?" Brittany says shyly with a smile. I give her a simple nod in return. She picks at her shirt and then looks back up "How did you and your family get here?" She gestures around the room with her hands. It's funny she asked that because the same question has been on my mind about her all day.

"Well, my dad is in jail and my mom can't keep a job. Our landlord had enough of us just promising to pay the rent, so we got evicted. And now we're here" I gesture to the room like she did and shrug it off. It makes me mad to think about it, so I try my best to make it light. I just can't understand how my parents couldn't be more prepared. If my dad knew something could happen, why wouldn't he make sure we were taken care of.

Brittany frowns and gives me a sad smile. She looks disappointed but she's not judging me I can be sure of it. The first time I told Brianna my dad was in jail she freaked out and made me feel like it was my fault.

"Why is he in jail?" Brittany asks quietly not wanting to overstep "Did he sell drugs or something?"

I think about the answer to that one for second, making sure my response is clear.

"Not this time." Brittany nods and I continue with my explanation. I don't know why I feel so comfortable talking to this girl. I barely know her, but somehow she makes me feel better talking about my feelings than my own girlfriend.

"You see, my dad's been in and out of jail throughout his whole life. But that doesn't mean he wasn't or isn't a good dad. I wouldn't choose anyone over him. Ever. He's a DJ and he throws these wild, crazy parties. The first time he was sent to jail was for selling drugs at his parties. I was four years old when that happened. I didn't really understand it. One day we were happy and everything was fine and then he was gone and my mom was really upset. My abuela came to stay with us and she took care of us. He got out on my ninth birthday, well actually the day before my birthday." I took a second and allowed myself to smile at the one pleasant memory.

"We all went out to dinner and then we just hung out as a family again. I was so happy. Everything seemed to be going back to normal, but it didn't stay like that for long. A couple of years later and he was back in jail. This time it was because they thought he was a pimp. But he wasn't. He just threw the parties and whatever happened, happened. But they didn't see it that way."

My eyes meet Brittany's and she gives me another innocent, caring smile. She's listening, like actually paying attention and caring. I'm not one for feelings, but she made them okay.

"He served three years of what was supposed to be five. I was fourteen when he got out that time and Carlos and I were in the system." This is when the feelings get to be too much. Brittany moves closer and wraps her arms around me and I just sink into them.

"You're so strong Santana" She says and I shrug it off. Nobody ever says stuff like that to me. I don't know how to take it.

Her body is warm and it feels good pressed against me. I can't help but look up into her eyes, and just as I thought she's looking back with all the care in the world. Her blue eyes are like a peaceful river or something corny like that. I love it. Brianna only sees her side of our relationship. She never talks with me like this. She doesn't hold me and tell me if I'm strong. She mostly complains and talks about her problems.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here right?" Brittany states and I nod into her chest. "When I was twelve, my mom and little brother were killed in a car crash. No one expected it. My mom was always so careful. My dad was devastated. We were blessed as a family. My dad was a doctor and my mom was a lawyer. My brother wanted to be a police officer. And I've always dreamed of being a dancer. My sister was the only one that wasted what she was given. Anyway, my dad quit his job after a while and the money got spent. We lost our house and cars. Everything. My dad was so depressed he turned to drugs and one day I came home to our little apartment and found him overdosed. Then we lost the apartment. My dad was an amazing man. He was like my guiding light you know. I looked up to him. And after he died, my sister, Amanda became that. She had a boyfriend at the time and he let us crash with him for a while, but when they started fighting about how much my sister wanted to party, he kicked us out. And so now we're here." Brittany lets out a sigh and I look up at her in awe.

I pulled her closer and move her so she's lying on me now. I kiss the top of her head and stroke her hair. "You know what? You say I'm strong. But you're my guiding light now...You're seriously amazing Brittany." I try to sound as sincere as I can.

We laid there for a little longer and then I glance at the clock and jump out of the bed. "Sorry, it's later than I thought. I need to go back to my room and get Carlos ready for school for tomorrow. But I can come back tonight if you'll let me?" I grab the door knob and Brittany smiles and nods.

"Of course San. You can come by whenever you want you, know that. I have to finish something for school anyways." She gives me a smile and I can tell she's happy that I'm coming back.

I raise my eyebrow and bite my lip "You actually still go to school?" She nods proudly.

"Don't you?" She cocks her head to the side and gives me a questioning stare.

I don't wanna look bad or stupid so I nod once, quickly "Yeah, I just haven't been in a while. With all that's been going on, I decided to take a break." I give her a wave and then leave the room.

...

When I get to my room I tell Carlos to go shower and get cleaned up. While he's in the bathroom I wake my mom up and tell her I have food for her to eat. I wanted her to eat it before it got too cold. She's clearly hungover and moans loudly as I shake her body. She should know she's getting too old to be partying like she's twenty again. Once she's a little more awake I mention the food again and she actually smiles up at me. "You got some for me?"

" Yeah, eat it before it gets colder." She sits up slowly and grabs the bag from my hands. "This smells really good" She opens the foil container "Wow, this is what I'm talking about." I hand her a Coke I picked up for her on the way back too. "You really remembered your mother this time Santana. Nobody can tell me I didn't raise you right."

I lay back on the bed I share with Carlos and look over at my mom as she digs into her food. "You were really messed up last night" I joke at her.

"No I wasn't. I just had a couple of drinks." She winks at me and continues eating. I like when I can have fun with her.

"Okay, but next time I get high, you can't say anything." She chuckles and swallows.

"Deal." While she's eating, I tell her about the snowstorm that's coming and how we're probably not going anywhere for a while. She doesn't get mad like I thought she would though.

I go through my bag a little bit after our conversation and look for my black skinny jeans, because they're still clean.

Carlos runs out of the bathroom crying and acting scared. "Santana, there's a huge spider on the wall in the bathroom" He's so upset,but I can't help but find his distress funny.

"What are you, two? Take a shoe and go kill it." He huffs and grabs MY shoe off the floor and a second later I hear it pound against the wall.

By the time Carlos gets out of the bathroom and I get in, there are towels all over the floor and everything's wet. I take my shower and get out and brush my teeth. I finish doing what I need to do and close the door to the bathroom. I find Carlos lounging on mom's bed watching TV and eating the cheesies I promised him he could have after he finished his homework.

I grab the bag out of his hands and turn off the TV and stand in front of it. "I told you no cheesies until after homework. You have ears and a brain don't you?" He huffs and gives me a pout. It takes me an hour to finally get him started on his homework. I spend every second with him though, helping him the best I can.

He's done a lot of his work and it's been a long time since we moved around so I tell him to grab his coat and we walk out into the hall.

Once we're away from the room, I call Puck. Our dads have always been locked up at the same time.

"Puck." I hear a huff on the other end.

"Santana?" He asks surprised.

"What's up?" My voice is a little quiet, I hope it doesn't make me sound weak.

"Chillin' as per usual. Where you at right now?" He's curious because he's noisy like everyone else, but I don't mind it from him.

"I'm at Penumbra."

"Shit Santana."

"You're telling me. Where are you?" I hope he says he's home or somewhere close by.

"In front of my building." I nod thanking whoever for letting him be home.

"I'm gonna come by a'ight."

"A'ight. See ya" He hangs up and I shove my phone in my pocket,

Puck will help me out.

I go back into our room and grab my jacket. My mother questions me before I leave. "You going to see Noah?" She knows I have no other options.

Not that Puck isn't my friend, we've been through some tough shit together. We can't not be friends in a way. But Puck's into some pretty heavy stuff so I don't want to go there with him.

To be honest, I barely chill with him because knowing my luck, I would be there while some shit goes down and next thing I know I'll be locked up. Puck's the first person I've met that will truly tell you he's gonna end up in jail soon. That's just how he's living and how much he knows what he's doing is wrong.

I don't answer my mom though, I just grab my jacket and leave. I really don't want her thinking I'm going to see Puck because of what she said the other night. Because the truth is, she was right. I don't wanna be like my dad.

On my way out I see Brittany by the payphone. She's talking really fast but really quiet. She hunched over the box part and I don't think she sees me as I pass by. I try to listen to her conversation but she's too quiet and I don't want to bother her and I just keep walking. I've talked to her enough today anyway. I'm done with feelings for today.