A/N: So I'm going with a 6 month time difference between Tris' choosing and the end of Allegient.
Chapter 5: Tris
With Tobias snoring behind me and the thoughts running through my head I can barely stand to be lying down, the idea of sleep completely evades me.
As quietly as I can I pull out of his grasp and pull on my shoes grabbing one of Tobias' sweatshirts on the way out the door.
I hadn't been able to walk around the Pit comfortably since before initiation was over, it was late but there were still a bunch of people roaming around drunk. Stopping in to see Bud I see he's poured over a sketchbook and doesn't notice I'm there.
"Hey Bud," I try not to startle him so he doesn't smudge the drawing and wait until he pulls the pencil from the page. "You still open?"
"For you I'm always open Tris, what's up?"
I didn't know Bud much before the fighting started, when I got my tattoos I had Tori do them because I trusted her but now it doesn't matter because I can't be labeled a faction traitor.
"I was wondering if I could get some work done, shouldn't take too long."
The preparation takes longer than the actual work, Bud takes to sketching what I want on the transfer paper and sterilizing the tools and my wrist. He talks idly about being back here and how now the parlor will be open to more than just Dauntless meaning he will make more money. I'm excited for him but the bite and sting of the needle keeps me from focusing on his one-sided conversation.
It only takes fifteen minutes and when he places the bandage over my wrist I realize how late it really is. I thank him and try to pay but he only waves me away.
When I get back to the apartment Tobias is in the same spot I left him in and I curl up against him again falling asleep almost instantly. The next morning I wake up to a kiss on the cheek followed by a small murmur.
"Morning," I say knowing Tobias wants to go eat. "How'd you sleep?"
"Like a baby, but it looks like you snuck out." He motions to my wrist and I smile knowing that it seems stupid.
"I couldn't sleep so I went and saw Bud. Want to see it?" Nodding we sit up and I slowly peel back the bandage revealing the Roman numeral six like in the note he left me only a few weeks ago. "I know we're not doing the fear landscapes anymore but I can't let go of mine, they're a part of me."
The number six for my original six fears. I'm sure they've changed, I might have more or less I don't know, but I do know that apart from Tobias I had the least amount of fears in Dauntless and it's something I can't let go of.
I take the salve Bud gave me and rub it over the pink skin taping another bandage over it.
"Four and Six," Tobias murmurs into my hair when we stand. "I wonder if my fears have changed too." He told me that the number of fears had stayed the same but they had changed, I am curious as to what they changed to but don't feel right asking just yet.
Amar warned me that Tobias could be obsessive going into his fear landscape every night trying to face them instead of trying to forget about them. I didn't see it as an obsession until he mentioned it being that and now I know that he needs to not focus on them anymore. "You'll always be Four," I finally say pulling on a fresh shirt. "It sounds better than Three."
That morning the four of us have a meeting concerning the training that would start soon and Tobias and I go over the curriculum with Amar and George letting them know we have a solid plan.
"I think I have to be the one to ask this," Amar looked over to the other boys before continuing. "Tris we know that you can fight and we know that you can save the city, but can you teach others to fight?"
It's not an unreasonable question but I wasn't expecting it, I shrug a bit. "I helped the others in my initiation class a bit and I helped my brother."
"And I taught her so you know she's the best." Tobias laughs, his faith in me never waivers and he knows that I'll adapt.
Not lasting very long the meeting ended with us just talking and laughing before lunch where we sat together and continued talking. Zeke joined us trying to seem upbeat and cracking jokes, no one tried to console him or make the moment serious which seemed to help his grieving process.
"What's that behind your ear?" George pointed to the bandage taped against his dark skin.
"I got a snake tattoo just like Uriah had, figured it's a good way to remember him by." We nod and agree and I ask to see it so I can feel close to my friend again.
After lunch I walk around the halls again trying to remember everything that happened from before. Finding a bunk next to Christina the first night thankful that while she didn't understand my Abnegation shyness she still held up towels and blocked the doorway while I changed. Sitting around with her, and Al, and Will joking or going down to the pit to get our tattoos the first few nights we were here. Watching as Christina dangled from the railing on the chasm after Eric dropped her and running to get her with Will after the time was up.
Watching as Tobias picked up knives to throw at Al and stepping into his place instead. Being pulled aside by him as he drank with his friends in the pit and shivering when he said I looked good. Helping him through the fear landscape and then sharing our first kiss on the rock.
Peter, Drew, and Al dangling me over the chasm while trying to eliminate me from the class. Eric yelling at me on the roof when I got back from Erudite headquarters. Edward's blood pooled on the floor after Peter gouged out his eye with a butter knife. Eric smiling sadistically at me as he had me stand in front of the target instead of Al. Everyone in Dauntless lining up under the simulation and gathering weapons.
So many memories, not all good and not all bad but all here and all a part of me. I never thought that when I left Abnegation that I would become something like this or that I would actually make it, but I had to get out of the rut and do something with myself.
I could have married Robert and had little Abnegation babies and continued in my mother's footsteps feeding the factionless but instead I chose to push myself to the limit and become a Dauntless, a Divergent, an Insurgent, an Allegiant, and finally Tris.
Finding myself took longer than expected and with more causalities and tears than I had ever wanted but it was worth it in the end.
Watching as faces I remember from before smile and wave at me as they pass, and faces I've never seen before pass I remember that everything has changed and that I will help it change more.
I walk until dinner noticing that my legs don't hurt as much anymore and run into Zeke on the way down.
"Tris, want a ride?" He drops down and I hop on his back whooping as he runs through crowds of people yelling. We run into the cafeteria with all eyes on us and Zeke unceremoniously deposits me in Tobias' arms in the middle of the line.
"That was weird." With a kiss he sets me down in front of him. "That's the most active I've seen him since before everything happened."
"Yeah we ran into each other and he just asked me to climb on before he started running." Seeing my friend so happy made me hope that he was getting through his brother's death well.
"I was thinking," Grabbing a plate Tobias started piling food on for himself. "We've only really been on the one date together, and now we cohabitate. So maybe tonight we could go on another."
Dauntless food had always been delicious, nothing grainy or bland like in Abnegation and with enough baked goods to make everyone fat but today I want something simple. Grabbing chicken and some noodles I follow Tobias back to the table and continue going over everything for training before he grabs my hand and has me follow him out into the city.
We hop on the train and watch the buildings pass by one after another in silence until he motions for me to stand next to him so we can jump. We end up in Millennium Park after walking for a bit and stare out at the calm.
"It feels weird knowing that even though we're still dressed in black and have tattoos and jump out of a moving train, we're not Dauntless anymore." The last time we were here Tobias was still trying to convince Evelyn that we were broken up. Now we're here closer than ever.
"I don't know," I say grabbing his hand. "I think I'll always be a little bit Dauntless." The tattoo on my shoulder says so at least, and the fact that I feel more at home in a series of caves than I did in an actual house.
We walk around saying whatever comes into our minds and know that there's nothing pressing between us keeping our relationship from moving forward. No secrets, no plans, neither of us trying to sacrifice ourselves, and no lies.
"We've been dating for almost six months." Tobias breaks the silence as we walk down a dark street. "By Abnegation standards we would be engaged by now."
"By Abnegation standards we wouldn't have fought through the city, killed people, or left in the first place." I worried about being in a relationship in Dauntless especially coming from Abnegation, but Tobias didn't push too far and knew what could make me uncomfortable. "But what would we be by Dauntless standards?"
The smile that appears on his face is wonderful, bright, and real. "We'd be having fun."
I was worried that if I stayed in Abnegation my parents would expect me to have found someone to marry by now, and although I know I want to marry Tobias and have a life with him I'm content to just have fun for now.
We find a spot and sit watching the stars and holding onto each other and then it starts to snow. I can tell it's going to be a thick and wet snow where leaving headquarters will be difficult but it's too beautiful to be concerned about.
We stay there shivering for a while until finally we can't feel our ears and fingertips.
"Let's go warm up." Pulling me towards the train platform we only have to wait for a few minutes before the headlights make the turn and we hop on going home. The wind doesn't help the cold in our bodies but we relish it together knowing that the cool temperatures make each of us feel alive.
When we get back to Dauntless the pit is loud with voices and everyone looks drunk. Even Amar and George are swaying into each other a bit and I smile knowing that they are as happy as Tobias and I are. Instead of staying and drinking we go to the apartment and strip out of the wet clothes, suddenly we're both standing facing each other in almost nothing.
He moves first walking over to me slowly and running a cold hand down the curve of my side and while his hands are cold his lips are warm as they travel down my throat. My hands find his back and run down his spine where each of his faction tattoos are knowing that they are what made him the man I fell in love with. His lips finally find mine and I lean into the kiss moving my body to be right up against his and feel warmer already.
After a little bit Tobias pulls back expecting me to be uncomfortable, instead I look into his eyes and smile. "I want this." I say quietly and let him pick me up and carry me to our bed.