Chapter 9: Tris
The snow falls around me in large thick flakes, I know that the cars won't be useful soon because the snow will hide all the debris on the road that hasn't been cleaned up yet and people will try to stay as close to home as they can. But I don't mind the cold wind on my face as I take the train into the city.
I promised Caleb that we would meet up at least once every couple of weeks to keep in touch and even though I don't fully trust him again I normally enjoy the time we spend together.
This time we agreed to meet up at the old Candor headquarters which had redone one of the larger rooms into a type of lounge. When I get there he's waiting at a table reading a large book and taking notes.
"Old habits die hard." He looks me up and down and pops and eyebrow up, I know he's thinking I'm a hypocrite because I dressed in black today. "Like I said."
"How are you Beatrice?" The book closes and Caleb leans back in the chair waiting to hear about my new life. "The new police force is coming along well I can assume?"
It's not a good idea to say that the people who could be protecting the city soon aren't doing well, but I've been trying not to keep as many secrets. "They've got some rough edges but we're working on it." I should have been a politician. "We're switching the training to a cycle of physical training for one week followed by classroom training for another." At one of the recent "staff" meetings Amar held for the four of us he acknowledged that my idea held merit and that he and George would be working on making it happen as soon as they could.
"That's good to hear, it looks like you're enjoying yourself there."
"It feels like home." It's an odd thing to say considering he and I grew up in the same home, and yet neither of us was able to stay. "I hear you're working on something big."
Trying to get Caleb to talk about his work or a book he's read is as easy as Zeke getting on Shauna's nerves. He forgets the world around him and assumes everyone else understands what he does not stopping to see if he's lost you or not. Usually I do something like this when I'm trying to act like we're spending time together but I don't want to actually have brother-sister time. Today it's because I have too much on my mind.
We stay for another hour before I announce I have to leave, I promised Christina that I would visit her while I was in the neighborhood and make my way to her apartment.
It overlooks Millennium Park and an entire wall is made up of windows making the view mesmerizing with the snow.
"What's new?" She asks snuggling under a blanket.
"I went through my fear landscape again." Her eyes squint a bit at me with worry or anger I can't tell. "Tobias went in with me and I might have freaked him out."
"What could you possibly do that would scare him off?"
Worrying my bottom lip between my teeth I try not to think of this as something that drives a wedge between us but it just seems like it will. "One of my fears is him proposing."
"I thought you wanted to marry him?"
Of course Christina was the first person I revealed that to, but I never told her about the real fear. "I do! I just don't want to rush things. We've already been through so much and now we live together. I can't just add another thing."
"Yeah, and besides you guys haven't even had sex yet."
My silence is enough to condemn me and she jumps over to the couch I'm sitting on and punches my shoulder. "Are you serious? And you weren't even going to tell me?"
"I was working up to it!" It's been weeks since Tobias and I lost our virginities together and since we haven't been able to keep our hands off of each other, but my Abnegation roots kept pulling me back from telling anyone something so revealing. "But yeah, that happened."
I'm there until the sun goes down laughing and listening to Christina talk about her job and the neighbor across the hall who runs up and down the stairs for fun. But eventually I have to say good bye and walk back to the train platform waiting in the snow for my ride and when it comes I notice a smiling face waiting for me in the third car.
"Thought I'd surprise you." Tobias says hoisting me up. "Did you get to see Christina?"
"Yeah, she says hi and that she's going to come visit in a couple of weeks."
Tobias keeps his arms locked around my waist and we watch the buildings pass by in a blur not talking. I know that he still feels angry about what he saw in my landscape and I don't know what to say to make it better.
"How is your brother?" Caleb and Tobias don't see eye to eye on anything and are constantly bickering, the one thing they can agree on is my safety.
"He's alright, working on some thing or another. I don't really listen." The wind makes it so I can't hear the chuckling but I can feel his body racking behind me and I can't contain a smile.
When the train nears Dauntless we hop off and walk down to the Pit where I think Tobias is going to get another bottle of alcohol or something but instead he leads me into the tattoo parlor.
Bud greats us with a nod and turns back to the person he's working on, it's one of my recruits and he has tears in his eyes from the pain of the needle.
"What are you going to get?"
"At first I was thinking of copying you and getting a four on my wrist but I wasn't sure about it," I can see his brow knit together and try to think of what he should do. "Or maybe I can get this tiger across my ribs." He laughs while holding up an outline of the beast.
Gently kissing him on the mouth I hold my arm out so he can see my wrist. "I think it would be nice if we had matching tattoos."
As soon as Bud says that the recruit is done for this session he motions for us to come over, I nod towards Adam the recruit and watch as he struggles with his shirt.
"Good thing they're going to be sitting for the next few days." I mumble as Bud pulls over a tray of sterilized needles and ink.
"Copying the girl now Four?" He chides wiping off his wrist. "And here I thought you wore the pants in the relationship."
I cross my arms and watch Tobias wink at me. "I think we both know that's never been true Bud."
Just as my tattoo only took a few minutes so does his and Bud again refuses payment, "You really think I'm ever going to let either of you pay me ever again? You saved all of us, that's not something we forget about easily."
With a clap on the shoulder and smile we leave and head to dinner meeting up with Zeke and Shauna.
"There you are," The pair wave from the table and we go fill plates with food. When we finally sit I can tell something is different with our friends and look at Shauna waiting for her to explain.
When she doesn't I shrug and dig into the cake I brought along. Instead we listen to the boys talk about the control room and what Zeke's been seeing in the city.
"Weren't you in the city today Tris?" He calls across the table. "Did you notice anything?"
"No, it's the same as before. People are just getting on with their lives."
Tobias looks at me and I can see worry in his eyes. "Should we be looking for something?"
"I heard about a possible group forming on the outskirts of the city. They want things to go back to the way they were before with factions and rigidity." He shakes his head almost with disgust and shovels food into his mouth. "Honestly can't imagine it would be that hard to do since it's what people know."
Somehow the thought of others wanting to go back to a faction system bothers me as much as those who wanted freedom from the factions but I have to remember that you can't please everyone.
When dinner is over we continue on to the Pit and watch a few of the old Dauntless fight in the middle of the room their grunts and breaths echo off of the rocks as well as the cheers and taunts from the crowd. It's odd feeling at home to something so barbaric but I'm at ease watching the two jab at each other and take the hits. They'll both be bruised in the morning but neither will regret it.
The others must feel the same because no one is awkward or tense as we watch the others and I notice Shauna and Zeke tangle their fingers together. Soon though I start yawning and we all say good night going off to our respective apartments and smiling tiredly as Tobias pulls me on his back and carries me the rest of the way.
Our apartment is clean, probably an old Abnegation habit that neither of us was able to get rid of when we defected. Every morning we make the bed pulling the corners tight, our shoes stay by the door, there are no dirty clothes to be seen, and the broom stays in the corner of the small kitchen because taking it out every time we sweep became too much of a hassle.
Tonight when I go to bed and curl up on my side toward Tobias he is reading and runs a hand over my hair lightly until I fall asleep.
But my dreams make for a fitful sleep and it seems like only a few moments later Tobias is shaking me and calling my name.
"Are you alright?" He asks keeping a hand on my shoulder. "You were yelling out and thrashing around."
I feel sweat along my spine and hairline and want to throw the sheets off of my body, sitting up I notice that Tobias is still looking at me his eyes filled with worry and still expecting an answer.
"I think I'm okay." I finally manage taking a few deep breaths.
"What were you dreaming about?"
Shaking my head I feel him get out of bed and hear the faucet run. "There are still so many things that could go wrong with this new no faction city we're in and that scares me." The glass is cool in my hand and I feel the crisp water run into my stomach. "But what scares me more is that I'm not sure where I belong in it."
Kissing my forehead I know that I'm being stupid but I also know that Tobias would only hold me until it was over. It only takes a little bit longer for me to feel at ease again.