A/N This is my second attempt at this chapter. I was not happy with the 1st attempt, and I have deleted it, but, unfortunately, not before it was read by some reviewers. So if you are one of them, please give this one a go!

Chapter 14

In Spencer's nightmare, hot sun beat down on him as he fought for control over his life, an abstract entity trying to suffocate him in heat, burning hands touching his body, searing skin, taking control. He woke suddenly, shaking and sweating. He sat up on the bed, trembling hands wrapped around himself, rocking. Again, a dream. It wasn't real, but it took a little time for his mind to believe what his eyes could see.

As he regained control, he looked around for Hotch. He was surprised that he was alone. It was the first time in many weeks that he had woken up alone. He swung his legs off the bed, and, tucking his hair behind his ears, he went out of the room to look for Aaron.

He was nervous about Aaron being alone. If he felt un-nerved by it, then Aaron in his perpetually dark world would need him.

He found Hotch in the living room. He was asleep on the floor, lying in a foetal position, legs drawn up, arms clasped protectively around his head. His sleep was disturbed, troubled.

Reid felt Aaron's skin with the back of his hand. He was very cold. Reid was upset at the thought of his being alone all night. He picked up the telephone and re-placed it on the table. Gently shaking Aaron, he woke him.

Aaron turned onto his back and reached up to Reid.

"Spencer, is that you?"

"It's ok, Aaron, I'm here."

Reid helped Aaron onto the sofa, and wrapped a throw around his shoulders.

"You're freezing!" Reid put his arm around him and they huddled together. The sun was coming up, and a new day was starting. Soon Aaron would be warm and he would feel safe. He would call Morgan to come and be with him.

Aaron needed someone who could help him.

Reid knew that he was not the one to do that.

Reid was a burden, useless, dirty, an obscenity.

But today, well today all that was going to end.

"Is there anything you, want, Aaron? A drink, something to eat?"

"I need a shower!" said Hotch, shivering. "I need to warm up!"

The two of them went upstairs to the bathroom. Reid turned on the shower and left.

"I'll right outside if you need me, Aaron."

Aaron smiled at his friends concern. He hadn't mentioned what happened the night before with Morgan and Garcia. Hotch took this as a good sign.

As he stood under the hot needles of water, he thought, maybe, just maybe, things were going to be all right.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid had not forgotten. When he thought of the shame and loathing he was carrying, he felt unfit for anything, especially anything as meaningful as being worthy of being a friend to Hotch.

Hotch needed strength, someone who would not break down when he was needed.

Spencer Reid was not that person.

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Reid heard the shower turn off.. Then there was a crash. Hotch swore.

"You ok, Hotch?" Reid was concerned.

"Yeah. Fine!!"

Aaron came out of the bathroom in his robe. "I knocked something into the basin and it's broken."

"It's ok. I'll shower and clear it up."

Reid went to Hotch's bedroom with him, and returned to the bathroom.

He picked up a piece of glass from the basin and looked at it.

Was this providence?

One of Garcia's favorite sayings was, 'everything happens for a reason.'

He had never really believed that before. But here he was, with his weapon of choice in his hand.

He took his mobile out of his pocket and called Morgan.

"Hey, kid! How ya doin'?"

"Are you …are you coming over today, Morgan?"

"Yeah, sure. Why? Do you need us?"

"Er n-no. Was just wondering. See you later." Reid cut the connection. He could visualize Morgan looking strangely at his phone. But even if they came straight over, it would take at least half an hour.

Spencer turned his attention back to the shard of glass in his hand. He noticed that he had been squeezing it in his palm, and blood was welling up between his fingers.

Spencer put the glass against his wrist. He had never noticed before how white his skin was.

"Spence? What are you doing?"

Reid ignored Aaron, and stared at the glass again. So simple. All it took was a quick slice down his arm, and it would all be over….

"Spencer! Open this door!"

….then he would be free, his life would belong to him again, and not to Cross. Although he was dead, he owned Reid. Every waking moment he haunted him, in his sleep, he stalked him. But now, he could be free!

"Open the door now, Spence, or I will kick the door down!"

He placed the shard at his inner elbow.

Hotch smashed through the door into the bathroom.

"Spencer!" Aaron reached out his hands. "What are you doing?"

Reid looked up at him. "I need to do this, Aaron."

He pushed past Aaron, backing away from him.

"Please, Aaron, let me do this. It will free me. I need to do this!"

Aaron took a step towards him. "I may be blind, Spence, but I know what you are trying to do. I won't let you. There are better ways."

Aaron lunged for Reid, blindly trying to grab his arm.

Reid turned to run, to escape down the stairs. But too late. Aaron tried to catch him and held onto his arm. As Reid tried to to twist away, he slipped, and with a cry, pulling Aaron with him, fell sideways down the stairs.

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Reid landed feeling a pain in his side. Carefully feeling down to his waist, he felt the piece of glass embedded in his skin. Very slowly, he turned his head to look for Hotch

"Aaron!" he called softly, "Aaron?"

Hotch was lying close to him. He was very still, Eyes closed, blood on his face from cracking it on the stairs. Reid got shakily to his feet, and knelt next to Hotch. He was breathing, but he was out cold. Reid took his hand in his.

"Aaron. I'm so sorry. Everything I do ends in disaster. Now I've hurt you"

Ignoring the blood running down his side, he held Aarons hand against his cheek and rocking gently, closed his eyes.