Hinata huffed as he turned the pedals on his bike rhythmically, pushing himself up the rickety hill. He still ached a little, especially around his hips and ass, but that wasn't why he was so pissed. Kageyama had been avoiding him at every turn, in every possible way.
Usually, the pair of them would spend at least one day of the weekend together, practicing volleyball or playing computer games or making out. Sometimes they spent all of their weekend together, working on homework in the time that they would usually be apart.
Hinata had invited Kageyama over no less than five times; three on Saturday and two on Sunday. But the dark haired boy would always reply to his messages with a ridiculously frustrating and blunt excuse like 'Can't, mum wants me to go shopping with her' or 'I have to go visit my grandparents'. Hinata had even tried to invite himself over to Kageyama's twice, each time being shut down in a similar fashion. Their phone calls (both initiated by Hinata) were brief and mostly one sided, Kageyama always finding a reason to hang up after only a few short minutes. At that point Hinata fully expected his boyfriend to throw an excuse like 'Sorry, I can't hang out with you today I have to babysit my aunt's friend's second cousin 83 times removed.' at him and expect him to believe it.
After the incident on Friday the walk home had been, by all interpretations of the word, painful. When they had reached the school gates, Kageyama had let go of his hand. This in itself wasn't out of the ordinary - it was much too risky for them to hold hands on the streets - but after all that had happened it stung Hinata's already wounded chest. Kageyama apologized a grand total of six more times on their journey home. Each one felt like a new blade in his stomach, because that wasnt Kageyama. Hinata wanted him back to the way he was. He wanted the insults, the frequent threats and name calling. He wanted for Kageyama to yell at him sometimes, when the moment was right. He wanted the boy that would apologise once, because it was enough. He didn't want to be treated like some statue that Kageyama had fractured to the point where a feather of weight could send it crumbling to pieces. Most of all he wanted the fierce affection Kageyama often expressed around him, especially when they were alone.
When they parted on Friday, Kageyama had accepted Hinata's peck on the lips goodbye, albeit rigidly. He remembered thinking he'd have more luck making out with a lamp post.
Hinata brought his bike to a stop, chaining it up and cursing audibly a few times when he couldn't manage to connect the lock properly.
The school was practically deserted, only people like himself and Kageyama came this early. Along with Sugawara and Daichi of course, who would be in the club room going over this mornings training regimen.
He wasn't sure why he still came early today. After Kageyamas Houdini act Hinata fully expected for him to not show up. Without his partner, there really was no good reason for him being there. Perhaps it was habit, but either way he'd dragged himself here now, maybe he could coax Sugawara into practicing a few spikes with him. Maybe he would just wallow in his own misery for a while. The possibilities were great, Hinata hadn't decided yet.
Sighing, he trudged towards the gym, kicking at stones in his path in a pathetic attempt to release some of his anger. He hated that Kageyama was ignoring him. He hated himself for ruining what they had. After all, he had been the one to initiate it. How could he have been so stupid? Kageyama probably didn't want much to do with him anymore. Maybe he'd try and get him kicked off the team. He shuddered at the thought.
Preoccupied in his thoughts, Hinata nearly missed the moment another pair of footsteps joined the monotonous tapping of his own. However he was at a good vantage point, slouched over and moping at the ground like he was, he saw the new pair of feet before he heard them.
Hinatas train of thought derailed and exploded with all the force of a crappy Michael Bay film when he looked at Kageyama, the owner of said feet. A small smile played on his lips, tentative, as though Kageyama wasn't sure if it should be there. It was terrifying, sure, he rarely managed to smile like a normal person when it was forced, but it was something. And just like that, it was as though the past three days never even happened. Hinata wanted to stay angry, he wanted to ask questions and yell and apologise and demand answers, he really did. But that expression flawed him. He was well aware that he probably looked like a complete dumbass staring at his boyfriend with his eyes bulging and mouth gaping. He didn't get long to think about that, as Kageyama took off in a full sprint towards the gym.
Hinata took off after him. Like nothing had changed. Like any other morning they were going to race to the gym?
Hinata forced his legs to move faster, falling into step besides Kageyama who in turn increased his speed. Hinata would have laughed if he didn't think doing so could be detrimental to him winning. Instead he smiled, loving the feel of the wind whipping through his hair. He reveled in the combined sound of their shoes slapping against the old concrete and the cool morning air as it bit at his skin, making him feel infinitely more awake.
Maybe Kageyama really had been busy all weekend? It wasn't exactly impossible, he did have other things in his life besides Hinata. Maybe this really was just a big misunderstanding?
Hinata collapsed in a heap when he reached the steps of the gym, half a second after Kageyama who was equally as exhausted. They laid there, gasping for breath for a moment before Kageyama finally spoke. "That's 72 and 71 now, my way." He sounded so smug when he said it Hinata almost wanted to hit him.
"I'll win next time." He huffed, pushing himself up and over to where Kageyama was still struggling to catch a breath. He smiled, hovering over his team mate for a moment before swooping down and pressing a hard kiss to Kageyamas lips. Hinata didnt miss the panicked look on his face right before contact, but he ignored it. They did this most mornings; Kageyama would drag him to side of the gym and press him against the wall and they'd make out for a while. Sometimes they lost track of time and didn't stop until they heard the rest of the team arriving. When Daichi or Sugawara would ask why they didn't come early, they would claim to have slept in or decided not to that day. It was practically fool proof.
Hinata licked at Kageyamas lips, attempting to deepen the kiss but the other boy wouldn't have it. Strong hands pushed against his chest, forcing him away. He heard Kageyama mumbled something about being in public and Hinata had to resist the urge to hit him once more. Like that's ever stopped them before?! Kageyama pulled himself from the floor, reaching down to help Hinata up before grabbing his discarded bag. "Come on, we can practice some receives before the team gets here." His quite words just sounded like an excuse to Hinata, a distraction. Still, he followed without complaint.
Hinata didn't notice Kageyama freeze after he opened the gym door, walking right into his back. "Oowww! Kageyama, why'd you stop?" Hinata whined, rubbing his sore nose. Kageyama didn't reply, stepping aside instead so the redhead could see for himself.
"Sugawara-senpai?"
Standing in the middle of the court were none other than the two captains. Sugawara looked calm, smiling in a way that could only be described as knowing. Something about the curve of his lips set Hinata on edge. Daichi, on the other hand, looked antsy and uncomfortable, shifting his weight at least four times in the short few seconds the first years had been standing there.
Kageyama and Hinata entered the gym warily, trying to determine what the upperclassmen could want with them. Were they getting into trouble? We're they being taken off as regulars? Are they going to be punished for Friday? Sugawara had said that it wouldn't be the last they'd hear from them about the incident. Hinata swallowed nervously. Part of him kind of hoped they would just get yelled at, however scary Daichi was when he yelled. He'd rather that than an alternative.
"You guys are colder than ice," Daichi spoke when they were standing in front of the third years. He eyed the notable distance between Hinata and Kageyama. "didn't you kiss and make up already?"
Hinata muttered to himself, "Kageyama won't let me kiss him."
"Shut up, dumbass" Kageyama said, avoiding everyone's eyes.
Hinata pouted and looked to the upperclassmen for help. Daichi raised an eyebrow at Kageyama and Sugawara just shrugged. Not much help then.
"Well, whether you're going to or not, Suga's gonna teach you... stuff." With that Daichi quickly slipped away, making a beeline for the exit amongst Sugawaras protesting. "I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast, babe, I know you didn't eat this morning, later!"
Babe? Hinatas eyes widened in suprise at the pet name. So everyone really was right, their captains were a thing. Nishinoya owed Tanaka a fair bit of money. Kageyama was looking at Sugawara with a similar glint if curiosity.
"Coward." The silver haired boy muttered.
"Babe?" Hinata questioned, mischief sparkling in his brown eyes. pushing the embarrassment of the situation onto his senpai definitely sounded like something he wanted to do. He wasnt sure if he could stand any more himself.
Sugawara eyes widened and his mouth flapped open like a baby bird a few times before he mumbled something indiscernible under his breath, sitting down where he was on the gym floor. "Let's just do this." He motioned for Hinata and Kageyama to sit down in front if him.
Hinata was still smirking as they sat down, but that was swiftly wiped from his face when Sugawara pulled an intimidating black plastic bag into view. He eyed it suspiciously but it was simply placed to the side. Hinata had been slowly putting the pieces together but it wasn't until he saw the bag that it finally clicked. This was going to be a talk. A sex talk. Who knew what kind of vile things were in that bag. Hinata breifly considered following Daichi's example and making a run for it.
"Now," Sugawara started. "This is going to be as uncomfortable for me as it is for you so just be quiet so we can get through it." As an afterthought he added, "Unless you have any relevant questions! I don't want you guys to be confused about anything, alright?"
Hinata swallowed the nervous lump in his throat and nodded. He saw Kageyama do that same from the corner of his eye.
And it wasnt so bad, at the beginning at least. Sugawara started off talking about relationships in general and how communication is absolutely vital in all areas, especially in the bedroom. He mentioned that every couple should talk about what they each want to get out of a relationship to avoid any misunderstandings or unwanted advances. Linking that to consent and how and when it can be given. Hinata didn't think he'd mind if Kageyama wanted to do something when they were drunk (assuming they were much older and still together) but he understood why it wouldnt quite count as consent. maybe that was something you were supposed to talk about together when youre sober.
Sugawara emphasized the importance of making sure the other was okay during sex, and how important it is to ensure they continue to feel comfortable afterwards. He spoke about the different ways people behave after being intimate with each other, highlighting the fact that everyone is different and there's no right way to react.
Kageyama looked upset during the first part of Sugawaras lesson and Hinata wanted so desperately to reach out and take his hand. But he didn't.
"Okay, ah..." Sugawara reached for the black bag then. "Now for the actual doing part I guess."
Oh no. The doing part. This was going to be bad, Hinata wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to look Sugawara in the eyes again.
"First of all, you need to have the necessary, ah, provisions before you do anything." He began pulling things from the plastic bag one by one. "So you might already know what some of this is but ill explain it anyway."
Hinata knew what condoms were, but the other things he wasn't so sure on.
Sugawara picked up the small silver packet first. "So this is your regular latex condom." He tore open the packet and settled the off-colored circle in his palm. "Pretty much the most basic thing for sex with girls, but a lot of people don't seem to know that they're just as essential for guys practicing anal sex."
Hinata pulled his knees to his chest. He did not want to hear Sugawara say those words but he knew he'd only hear them more as the lesson progressed. He hoped it wouldn't go for too much longer.
"They make everything a little less messy. As well as provide protection against sexually transmitted infections. Cleaning up afterwards is a lot quicker too-"
Kageyama interrupted, sounding a little panicked. "We didn't use a condom when we... last Friday." He trailed off awkwardly.
Hinatas eyes widened, could they have gotten an infection?
"No, you didn't. But It's extremely unlikely that either of you have anything you didnt already know about. You're very young, and you were both virgins, yes?"
Hinata and Kageyama nodded quickly.
Sugawara smiled. "Then unless either of you have been needle-sharing you're fine. But if you're really worried, and this goes for any time in the future as well, I'm always willing to take you to a health clinic for tests. They're anonymous and generally don't require parental consent."
"No, I think I'm okay."
"Yeah me too."
"Of course, just so you know it's an option." Sugawara gestured to his hand, bringing the attention back to the condom.
He explained what the parts of the condom were and what they did. When he needed to show them how to put it on, he reached back into the black plastic bag and pulled out-
"A banana?! You actually brought a banana oh my god." Hinata covered his face with his hands.
"It was this or a cucumber alright, I didn't know what else to use." Sugawara defended. He then proceeded to ensure Hinata would never eat another banana in his life, demonstrating how to correctly put on the condom, sliding it down in an almost agonizingly slow movement of his arm. Even though it was a freaking piece of fruit, Hinata found it needlessly sexual-like Sugawara was messing with them. Or maybe he was just really horny and it was projecting. Either way, he watched on from between his fingers. Kageyama was stock still and blushing furiously, the colour stretching all the way into the collar of his shirt. but he watched on intensely, with an enviable kind of bravery.
"Be careful when you take it off and make sure you tie it." He peeled the condom off and knotted it about half way. "Then just wrap it in a tissue and put it in a bin."
Hinata would like nothing more than to say the banana-condom demonstration was the worst part of Sugawaras lesson, but apart from being a gross underestimation of the third years attention to detail, it would also be a stupendous lie. After he showed them the small bottle of lube (which Hinata decided would have been a godsend last Friday) and explained what exactly the 'female' condom was and how to use it, Sugawara leapt head first into his Step-By-Step Guide to Super Gay Penetrative Sex (capitalization strictly necessary).
The unexpectedly detailed descriptions he went into were as admirable as they were cripplingly embarrassing. He even spoke about what positions might make things more comfortable. Listening to someone lay down the basics of it meant Hinata could pinpoint every single thing he and Kageyama had done wrong Friday afternoon, which was pretty much everything. Perhaps the only thing they did right was take of their clothes, and that isn't even necessary half the time.
"Now you guys know that penetrative sex isn't the only thing you can do right? You can use your mouth anywhere- just be careful with teeth in sensitive areas." He said pointedly. "Or you could just kind of rub against each other, there really is no right or wrong way, as long as you both are consenting and being safe." Sugawara shrugged. "I guess that's about it, if you want a more detailed explanation of anything just come talk to me, unless you have any questions now?"
"No."
"Does it always hurt afterwards?"
Hinata hadn't really meant to say it, but it had been playing on his mind for a while. He saw Kageyama look at him guiltily.
"Well," Sugawara answered carefully. "Yes and no. Sometimes there could be pain, if you were perhaps too quick or too rough, but mostly your muscles just kind of ache and you feel a bit tender."
"Oh, okay. That's good."
Sugawara nodded, reaching into the plastic bag again. From it, he pulled out a smaller brown paper bag (seriously was that thing bottomless?) and handed it to Kageyama.
"If you need more stuff just ask me, or Daichi. Or you could get it yourself if you're brave enough." Sugawara smiled. "Oh! But if you're going to buy more lube make sure it's water based, okay? Oil-based stuff destroys condoms."
"Right."
"Great. You guys should go get changed the rest of the team should start arriving soon."
Just as Sugawara was wrapping up their little lesson, the door to the gym creaked open and Daichi poked his head in. Seeing them still sitting on the floor he went to close it again but Sugawara called out to him before he could.
"Daichi get your cute little ass in here right now or so help me." He said, hint of a threat in his tone. Apparently he didn't care about keeping their secret anymore. Hinata supposed it was unnecessary now that he and Kageyama knew it.
Daichi however wasnt aware of this and paled considerably. "Suga what are you-"
"They know."
"You told them?!"
"No, you told them," Sugawara raised his eyebrows, "when you left."
It took Daichi a moment but his mouth opened in a small o shape."Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
"Suga, I'm sorry, I-"
Sugawara held up a hand to silence him and sighed. "Not now."
Hinata and Kageyama watched on curiously, a little guilty that they had been the cause of this. They had gradually moved closer to each other in their mutual discomfort and Hinata could faintly smell Kageyamas shampoo. He missed it. Hinata wanted to bury his face in his soft locks until that smell encompassed all his senses. Kageyama would probably push him away like he had outside they gym. He couldn't think of anything sadder.
"We're sorry! We won't...tell anyone, or anything..." Hinata blurted out before blushing hard and stairing at the ground. "Don't...fight...or anything."
Sugawaras lips stretched into a big maternal smile and it was only then that Hinata realized how familial the conversation had become. "We're not going to fight." Daichi seemed to deflate visibly along with Hinata. "Go get changed, alright?"
Kageyama and Hinata nod, quickly making their way towards the change room. Kageyama had the brown paper bag clutched tight in his fist and as soon as they were out of sight he shoved it deep into his bag. He looked kind of angry.
Hinata would question it, but they're already on rocky ground. Plus, he's still pissed too. Kageyama hadn't shown the slightest bit of interest in him all morning. They're acting like they did in middle school; Kageyama cold and cruel and Hinata cowering but determined all the same.
He dressed quickly, almost falling over as he yanked his shorts up. His chest swelled a little when Kageyama moved to steady him, but deflated when he retracted his hands almost immediately, as if he'd been burned. He stuffed his bag into his locker, unsure whether he should just leave and go out into the gym or wait for his boyfriend. In the seconds it took for him to decide Kageyama was already walking around him, heading for the gym.
"Wait!" Hinata grabbed the hem of his shirt firmly.
Kageyama looked down at him, surprised but mostly agitated it would seem.
Hinata squeezed his eyes shut. What was he doing? What did he want? He wanted... wanted... something. "Kiss me." Kageyama recoiled. "Pease, please, kiss me."
"The others will be here soon." Kageyama tried to wriggle out of Hinatas grip.
No. He needed this. He couldn't live with himself knowing Kageyama probably didn't want him anymore, but still being the one to stick around. It was almost like being his own antagonist. "I-if you don't like me anymore, just tell me." Hinata growled, his stomach doing flips and turning painfully. "It's not fair like this, it's so cruel." Hinata felt used. Kageyama only wanted to experiment or something with him right? Maybe he just wanted to have sex with him. And even though that didn't even work out he decided he was tired of Hinata now, that was it, wasnt it?
Logically, part of him knew that all of that was bullshit. Kageyama wouldn't put up with him for so long just to have not-sex with him and leave. Kageyama liked him, he knew that. But that tiny, rational part of him was buried deep within the overwhelming side of him that overanalysed and saw the worst in everything.
Kageyama looked shocked. He turned around to face Hinata fully, the smaller boy letting go of the fabric at his back. "What are you talking about?"
"You...you don't-"
"Shut up." Kageyama tipped his chin up gently, pressing his cool lips against Hinatas chapped ones. It was soft and sweet, and not nearly what Hinata wanted, but it was enough for now.
After the brush of lips Kageyama pulled away slightly, looking into his eyes. "Stop worrying so much, I like you. How many times do I have to say it?"
"But-!"
Kageyama pressed his thumb to Hinata's lips, stopping any rebuttal before it came.
"You're really cute when you don't talk."
"Hey!" Hinata glared indignantly.
Kageyama smiled - a real smile - taking a few strands of Hinata's hair in his fingers. It was a strange nervous habit he'd picked up recently, Hinata noted. "Listen..." Kageyama said. "I need a little time. Just to think and stuff." Pausing to gage Hinatas reaction, he twirled a red lock around his forefinger. It was very dustracting. "And don't go thinking I'm gonna break up with you or whatever other dumb shit you can think up, I just have to figure out a few things on my own."
Hinata frowned. "But... for how long? Are you going to stay away from me completely?" Just what did Kageyama want to do? Hinata hated spending long periods of time without seeing him at least once, surely Kageyama wouldn't want to steer clear of him for a few weeks?
"I don't know, hopefully not very long. And no, I'm not going to keep away from you or anything, I just... Need a little more space than usual? We'll still hang out and stuff."
Hinata shook his head slightly, Kageyama was basically asking for them to act like they'd broken up. How was that any different from actually breaking up? It would still feel the same to Hinata. Instead it would be like a trial run? "You want us to be like before we got together?"
Kageyama looked pained at that. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Oh." A pause. "Are you sure you still like me?"
"Yes! Hinata I do, I just really need to sort some things out. Please, it won't be for too long." He sounded kind of pathetic, practically begging as he was. It clearly wasnt something he felt comfortable doing if the scary look on his face was anything to go by.
Hinata pouted, looking down at his feet. "Can I have at least one kiss a day?"
"Hinata." Kageyama groaned, pinching him.
Hinata looked up, turning his pouty face on Kageyama. He knew he couldn't refuse.
"Fine. But I get to initiate them and say when they end."
What a killjoy. Hinata tried a few more seconds of intense pouting action but Kageyama must've had some sort of superpower because he held his ground. Hinata sighed dramatically, "Okay."
Kageyama looked relieved to have met the conclusion of the conversation, and mostly in the way he wanted probably too. "C'mon, practice." He jerked his head towards the door.
"Yeah."
Following Kageyama out of the locker room, Hinata told himself that he would be okay with the other boy taking some time to 'figure stuff out'. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing. He wasn't sure.
One thing he was certain of however; No matter what, Kageyama was worth it.