A Blue Christmas

December 1997

Stanford-California

"If I hear the little drummer boy one more time, I may blow my brains out," said Greg.

"I'll do you if you do me," said Jenna.

"Tempting, it's a very tempting offer."

"It could be your Christmas present," said Jenna. She and Greg had been placed on Christmas tree decorating duty and were finishing up the last tree in the break room. The tree was taller than both of them and Jenna was standing on a stool hanging a bulb.

"I've never seen Barb slightly happy before and it's starting to freak me out," said Greg.

"She's still annoying; I think she gave us tree duty because she knew I was going to wear heels and nice clothes." Jenna had to take her shoes off and was standing on her tip toes in stockings. Greg had to admit that Jenna looked cute today…well she looked cute everyday, today she was wearing a knee length black skirt and a light purple button up dress shirt. She has curled her hair and it fell to about her shoulders and Greg kept noticing how her shirt would go up a little when she was reaching for something. He kept mentally smacking himself when he would look at the hint of bare skin, like he was doing now.

"I like tree duty," he told her.

"I like trees too, but this is over the top. This is the third tree Greg! Barb was thinking about getting two more. This is insane for an office party. My mom doesn't even go over the top like this for her people." Greg handed her some tinsel and mentally smacked himself again for staring at Jenna.

"So you're heading back to Vegas after the party?"

"Yep, my brother is flying in from Chicago and he's bringing his girlfriend with him, so I'm going to assume she a serious deal if he's bringing her home to our Italian-Mexican-Irish mother." Greg laughed.

"She sounds scary when you talk about her. You know that right."

"She too overprotective, I'm twenty two and my brother is almost twenty eight. We had to break out of our apron strings."

"Maybe our moms should get together, swap notes about how to drive their children crazy."

"You're your mom's only baby though, I can understand her wanting to keep the strings tied. Frankie and I are horrible children, you think she be hacking at those strings with a butcher knife." Greg held the ladder for her and she stepped down and put her shoes back on.

"I have trouble picturing you has a horrible child."

"I wasn't a bad kid. But when we worked together in the bakery we butted heads about things. I like try new things and experimenting with cakes and she's old school baking."

"Old school?" asked Greg.

"Yeah, no room for change at all, cakes come in four shapes with two types of frosting and this many flavors. She got really pissed when I tried to make a coffee cake with coffee. We love each other has mother and daughter, but working with her is a whole new ball game."

"So how did the coffee flavored coffee cake turn out?" asked Greg.

"Needed a bit more sugar…is that the last tree, I'm tried of taking my shoes off. But at least it gets us off of office duty."

"So what did you get me for Christmas?"

"Not telling, it's a secret." Greg frowned.

"You're a tease and a mean tease at that," Jenna smiled and patted Greg on the check.

"I try." She got up and went to find Barb to get her approval on the tree. Greg sat their and was trying to understand why a simple check pat would cause the butterflies he was feeling right now.

"Damn Mitch and his big mouth. Jenna's my friend and anything romantic between us would be down right weird. We would be those people who couldn't go back to being friends afterward and I like having Jenna has a friend more than anything." Barb stomped in and eyed the tree.

"It's passable. Jenna I'm moving you to food duty downstairs. Greg you can go back to work," Barb stomped out and Jenna made strangling motions.

"My gift to Barb is two weeks with no pranks but she's making it so damn hard." Jenna walked out and Greg shook his head and went back to his desk.

Around four, Greg called Dana to find out what time she was coming to the party.

"It's a lame office party Greg. Do I have to come?" whined Dana.

"I'm going to your Christmas party at work, why can't you come to mine?" snapped Greg. She was really starting to piss him off. He told her about this party almost two weeks ago and now she was being a real bitch with him about going.

"Fine I'll be their around nine." She hung up the phone and Greg slammed his end down. He was have tempted to call her back and tell her not to come.

"I mean really, I go to all the stuff she wants to do and I put up with her annoying co-workers at their holiday parties why the hell can't I get the same in return?" Greg was typing away when he felt a hand touch his shoulder and he felt his bad mood dissolve. He whirled around and saw Jenna grinning at him.

"It's past five are you ready for some Christmas cheer?" she asked. Greg took her hand.

"Sure." They linked arms and headed downstairs.

Leo and Mary were dancing while the rest of the office cheered them on. Jenna was slightly weirder out by the cute accountant and the Office granny dirty dancing to Baby Got Back. Jenna had a feeling that this would be the last time an open bar would be allowed in the office. She found a table and was sipping some coffee and eating some cheese cake. Greg plopped down next her, grinning and laughing. He was waving a camera and pointing to the dance floor.

"These pictures should be sent to HR. I'm sure we'll have a new sexual harassment policy in the works in time for the new year," said Greg.

"Those pictures should never see the light of day. I should burn that film," said Jenna trying to take the camera out of his hands.

"Oh come on Jen," Greg flung an arm around Jenna and snapped the camera in both their faces.

"Thanks, now I can't see the horrible dancing in front of me."

"But they're so cute together." Jenna made a face.

"And you dancing like that with Barb would look hot."

"Oh that was below the belt."

"You brought it on yourself," said Jenna with a shrug. Baby Got Back came to an end and was replaced with Sister Hazel. Jenna closed her eyes and started bobbing her head to the beat. Greg smiled recalling how she did that after the wedding in his car.

"Do you like this song?" Greg asked.

"It's a cool song."

"Do you want to dance?" he asked. Jenna raised an eyebrow.

"Can you dance?" she asked. Greg pretended to be wounded.

"I have some moves."

"You step on my feet and you're going to buy me dinner,"

"Deal," Greg stood up and took Jenna's hand and lead her out to the dance floor. She put one hand on his shoulder and he took her other hand. He placed his other hand on her side and started to lead.

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove,
It's all for you

I thought I'd seen it all
'Cause it's been a long, long time
But then we'll trip and fall
Wondering if I'm blind

The butterflies started up in his stomach, he hadn't been this physical close to her since that day at the beach, but that was different. He was just goofing off with her like he would with anyone else and he wasn't noticing the little things about her, like how pretty her eyes were.

"She's your friend…your best friend," thought Greg.

"Jenna, Greg," hissed Barb. Jenna broke away and Greg wanted to murder Barb.

"What, we're not dirty dancing like the accountants," hissed Jenna.

"The lights on the tree down here have burnt out. Go upstairs and get another strand."

"You're kidding!" snapped Greg. Barb pointed to the door.

"Lights…now!" Jenna marched off the dance floor and Greg had to run to catch her.

"So many new pranks for the new year," said Jenna heading up the office.

"Hand me that stool," said Jenna, she had found a spare strand of lights on a shelf in the supply room upstairs. Greg set the old stool up and Jenna climbed up.

"Remind me to kill Barb as a Christmas present for you," said Greg.

"She's not worth that much. Got it." Jenna stood up on her tip toes and grabbed the lights. She went to step down and one of the legs on the stool snapped. Jenna dropped the box and started to fall.

"Shit," cried Jenna. Greg caught her and both of them feel backwards and Greg hit the cement floor with Jenna on top of him.

"Fuck that hurt," thought Greg with his eyes close and his head pounding.

"You alright?" asked Jenna.

"Yeah I'm fine," muttered Greg. He opened his eyes and it dawned on him how they fell and everything that could happen between them with little to no effort.

Move.

He couldn't do it though; it was like gravity was against him. He felt bare skin under his hands, her shirt had risen up when he caught her and his hands were resting on her sides.

Move

Her hands had come to rest near his waist and he felt the pressure of her pushing down on him. She felt so light on top of him, she fit him perfectly, her curves meshed with him and he was enjoying the feel of those curves in his hands.

Move!

Her face was an inch away from his, when he exhaled, she inhaled and visa versa. He was getting lost in her eyes, a deep sea of green. Her hair was brushing against his checks, it was soft and he could smell pine from the Christmas trees they had been working with and something sweet.

Move…

His heart was pounding in his chest and it made his ears ring. He could feel her heart hammering away in her chest. How long had they been like this? Seconds, minutes, lifetimes…he felt all control of himself slip away.

It won't be the same between you two anymore if you…she won't be your friend do you want to lose that? Everything his brain was telling him made sense, but his body wanted…needed to know. His hands started to shake from nerves and the internal conflict he was feeling.

"Jenna," he muttered trying to find words, sound, anything to speak to her. His shaking hands moved further up her shirt, enjoying the feel of the soft skin. Their eyes locked and Greg knew he looked like a deer in headlights. She blinked and he felt her start to shake. She blinked again and tears filled her eyes, she closed them and shook her head. Without a word she pushed away from him quickly.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," she said. She grabbed the lights and ran out of the room. Greg laid there; time started to move again, he took deep breaths and tried to regain some control of himself. He laid there feeling numb and angry with himself.

We told you! She's your friend and you were going to have her here on the floor of a storage room, what the hell is wrong with you?

"Damn Barb and her freaking lights," thought Jenna when she fell. Greg being the gentleman, tried to break her fall, now they were both on the floor.

"You alright?" His eyes were closed and Jenna was worried about how hard he hit his head.

"Yeah I'm fine." He opened his eyes and Jenna saw him with a look she never thought she would be getting from him.

Don't Move!

She felt his hands pressed into her sides, they had held hands more than once, but having them on her like this, they were much different somehow. If made her feel warm to have his hands on her.

Don't move.

Their faces were an inch apart and she was getting lost in his sweet brown eyes. She could hardly breath because she felt like she was going to drown in his eyes. She was so close she could kiss him if she could find the thought to lower her face another half inch.

I can't move…I don't want to move.

Her hands were near his waist and she didn't even realized that she was pressing down on him. She had wanted to touch him since that day on the beach and know what he felt like…well she was getting what she wanted and he felt great, she wanted to put her hands all over him, but her body wasn't obeying.

Don't move, just stay here

She felt Greg shake to shake, but she also felt him getting aroused under her and she knew not to move.

"Jenna." His voice was shaking and sounded far away. She felt him move his shaking hands upwards. She looked into his eyes again and saw hints of fear. She wanted to die right than.

No this isn't right! He doesn't want this…he doesn't want us if he did he wouldn't look so damn terrify. This is hurting him, why are you hurting him? Jenna was screaming at herself on the inside. She blinked trying to clear her head, but it hurt so much to have him right here and knowing that it would be so simple to kiss him, tell him everything.

"I love you, I loved you pretty much since you walked into this private circle of hell and I hate seeing you with that bitch who doesn't know you at all and I hate knowing that right now you don't feel the same way I feel about you." She was so upset with that knowledge she started to shake. She blinked again and saw that the fear in his eyes had gotten worse she wanted to cry.

I would never hurt you, God Greg you have no idea what you really mean to me. Tears filled her eyes and she had to close her eyes just so she didn't have to look at him anymore.

Walk away now Jenna…keep what little piece of yourself he doesn't have yet, you deserve that much. Walk away before it's too late. Jenna nodded agreeing with herself, he had taken almost everything from her and without a thought she had let him have it, her heart, her soul, the least he could do is leave her with her body. She pushed away from him and felt the cold that came with it, she wanted to go back to Vegas, and it was warm and some couple hundred miles between her, this room and him.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," she told him. She picked up the lights that had cause this mess and ran out the room and headed for the stairwell. The door slammed shut behind her and she fell to the steps and tried to regain some control of her self. Greg hadn't come after her yet, simply confirming to Jenna that he didn't want her and that friendship was all that would ever happen between them.

Hell friends, I'll be lucky if he even speak after that, friends don't come close to having sex with other friends on a storage room floor. She headed into a bathroom before heading back to the party. Her eyes were puffy; she could lie about that though, pass it off as dust from the storage room. She couldn't lie to herself though about how hurt she was on the inside and the knowledge that she was not what he wanted. She dried her eyes and went back to the party, bracing herself for Barb yelling about the lights.

Greg stayed on the floor of the storage room for a couple more minutes, giving Jenna time away from him.

Hell I'll be lucky if she evens wants me in the same room after what just happened. I'll be really lucky if she doesn't go straight to Dana and…oh shit Dana. Greg looked at his watch and saw that it was almost nine o'clock. He got off the floor and ran to the bathroom to sweep dust off him and make sure he didn't look like someone who came close to a sexual encounter with his best friend. Greg made a mad dash down the stairs and back to the party. It had picked up quite a bit since he and Jenna had left. Barb was even dancing and Greg had a feeling the accountants and Mitch who were laughing in a corner had something to do with it. Greg looked around and saw Dana standing next to a Christmas tree and chatting with Jenna who was putting the lights on tree. Greg suddenly felt like he was having that dream where he had walked in to Chemistry class naked. He approached slowly and waited to get beaten down by his girlfriend and his friend.

"Hey you made it," said Dana holding a glass of wine from the open bar and she gave Greg a hug. Jenna looked away and kept hanging the lights. "Do you feel any better? Jenna said that you got a little sick from some shrimp," said Dana. He felt a huge sense of relief; Jenna had covered for him and why not cover for him unless she was still his friend. Jenna finished the lights and looked to see Barb and Leo dancing now.

"Well Barb is drunk and dancing, I think that's my cue to get my bags from upstairs, call the cab and head out," said Jenna.

"Are you sure?" asked Dana. Jenna nodded.

"Yeah the dancing of Barb means it really time to go."

"I'll walk you out," said Greg. Jenna's eyes flashed fear and Greg felt like an ass.

"No…I mean it's cool I'll be fine."

"You need to fix this and fix it now before it's too late," thought Greg.

"I left your Christmas gift upstairs, I should give it to you before you leave," he lied. Jenna looked like a trapped rat.

"Sure."

"See you in a few minutes." Dana nodded and went to find a table. When she was out of earshot Greg turned to Jenna who looked like she wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

"Can we talk…please," pleaded Greg. Jenna nodded and they headed back upstairs. The silence between them was painful, Greg couldn't stand how much it hurt and he stopped her in the stairwell. She wouldn't look at him and he worried that this would be the end of their friendship and it was all because he couldn't control himself and he let the gossip of others get a hold of him.

"About what happened, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have had my hands on you like that. It wasn't right. And well, about me and…the... you know, it just happened. I mean…I not going to lie to you, you're very attractive and well it just has a mind of its own and…" he realized he was making excuses and she really wasn't buying it.

"So you're saying it's my fault," she shook her head and started walking away. Greg's mind was screaming at him.

"We told you! We told you! Now look what you've done, she going to leave and when she comes back she won't be our friend, we're going to lose the one person who really understands us. All because you were thinking about her with your dick," But that quite voice he had been trying to block out since Marv and Laura's wedding was their.

"It felt good didn't it though? She felt perfect in your hands and you wanted her. You wanted every inch of her, does that sound like the way a friend thinks of a friend?"

"We like her, we like her a lot, but not like that," said his mind. That quite voice started to laugh.

"Stop trying to fool yourself…you want her don't you? That's why you stare when she isn't looking. That's why you didn't move when she fell on you. That's why you were going to press onward with her in storage room, you want her so bad you can taste it can't you? I bet she's sweet, she felt sweet didn't she?" asked that evil little voice. Greg had to sit down; he hurt from the conflict in his own head.

"Jenna doesn't feel that way though. If she wanted us too, she would have stayed. She was right, she used to have a crush on us, but it's too late now. We're with Dana and Jenna is our friend. Now go make this right with her before she walks away anymore." Greg got up and went into the office and found Jenna sitting on her desk, finishing up with her call for a cab. She looked up and saw him standing their and wanted to run. Greg walked up to her and looked her in eyes.

"Jen, you're my friend, my best friend and I don't wanna do anything that would ruin what we have and if I did anything, ANYTHING, to hurt you or upset you in anyway I'm sorry. I'll even let you beat the shit out of me if that's what it takes to make what happened right." She blinked and Greg got what he wanted, that smile.

"No you didn't hurt me or upset me, it was just unexpected coming from you."

"Oh but does hurt, doesn't it Jenna. It hurt to have him so near, yet be so far away," muttered her bad angel. Jenna felt her good angel nudge her.

"This is the road as I see it. It's his friend or nothing at all. It hurts us either way, but which one hurts less?" Jenna sighed and looked at Greg.

"You're my friend too and believe me if you weren't here I would have blown my brains out ages ago. I blame the chair; I really should go downstairs and lodge a complaint with Laura." Greg laughed.

"I blame Barb and her OCD with party planning." Jenna grinned and reached into her bag and pulled out a cd case and a gift bag.

"I was going to leave those for you, but since you're here." Greg was shocked.

"You didn't have too. I kind of fibbed about getting you a gift, I just wanted to talk to you in private," Jenna shrugged.

"Well I did, so you either take it or I give it to Mitch." Greg opened the cd case and found out it was a mix cd, a label on the side listed some of his favorite bands: Manson, Garbage, and the Smashing Pumpkins. He smiled and sat the cd down and opened the gift bag and his jaw dropped, it was a five pound bag of Blue Hawaiian.

"Jen!"

"Relax, I ordered it through my mom's bakery and got a discount. Figured you could use the tunes and the coffee for your last term at Stanford."

"I feel really bad that I didn't know what to get you."

"You can get me something when I get back. My cab should be here by now." Jenna picked up one of her bags and Greg grabbed a suitcase and they went outside. The cab was waiting and Greg helped Jenna put her stuff in the trunk.

"I know what you can get me," said Jenna.

"And that is?"

"A prank on Barb to ring in the New Year," said Jenna. "I come back January fifth at 7:30 am and I expect a prank."

"I'll see what I can do," said Greg. She hugged him.

"Have a good Christmas." He found a little hard to let her go. He stepped back and opened the cab door.

"You too," he shut the cab door behind her and the cab drove off and left him alone in the parking lot. He shook his head and went back to Dana and the party.

Jenna came in a little before 7:30 on January fifth and saw Greg already at his desk with a small grin.

"Happy new year," said Jenna.

"Barb's not here yet…just wait," he said. Jenna sat down and started looking through what she had left on her desk two weeks ago and Barb walked in and headed to her side of the room. Jenna saw Greg almost bouncing in his chair, than she heard a scream from Barb. Greg got straight-faced and started typing, Jenna followed suit and when Barb came over she was red in the face.

"Where is it?"

"Where is what?" asked Jenna.

"My desk, where is my desk I know you did it!"

"Jenna just walked in," said Marv.

"Barb where is the last place you put your desk?" asked Greg. Jenna started to giggle.

"You two are so unprofessional and how you two expect to function in the real world is beyond me. When Mitch hears about this," Barb stormed off in the direction of Mitch's office.

"Colder," called Greg. Barb looked at him and took a step back.

"Warmer." Barb started walking towards the break room and the bathrooms.

"Hot." She walked passed the men's bathroom. "Hotter."

Barb marched into the Men's bathroom. "Oh you're hot, you're so hot, you're on fire," cried Greg. Jenna put her head down on the desk and was laughing so hard she was shaking. She looked up at Greg and he was grinning.

"Merry late Christmas," he told her.

"Right back at ya." They watched Barb try to move her desk from the bathroom all morning and later on got called into to Mitch's office, while he supported their creativity, putting their co-workers desk in the bathroom was not a good outlet for creativity. He encouraged them to take an art class instead. They left Mitch's office grinning.

"That was the best present ever," said Jenna. Greg knew that he had his friend back and was really happy. But, he still kept looking at her when she wasn't looking and he knew that what he felt for Jenna went beyond being his best friend.

Writers note-Sorry for the long delay between updates-four more weeks of school and than three weeks of Winter Break, I hope to have more time to write than. It's in a notebook; it's just the issue of putting in Word.

I hope the 'thoughts' weren't confusing, I'm sure that everyone at one point in time has had a fight with themselves about wanting something and I think that what happened between Greg and Jenna would cause a great deal of internal conflict. One guy friend of mine once said "We all have that one hot friend and it's always a battle to stay friends and not push for that something more" So I was going from that when writing for Greg.

More to come.