"Goodni-goodnight, Angela." Jesus, I stutter when I say that. How am I going to get through tonight? Lying next to her in this little bed, on a stalled train.

"Goodnight, Tony."

And then when I compliment her on her perfume, she says she's not wearing any! How could I never have noticed all these years how good she smells? Maybe she's always smelled like this and I took it for granted.

I can't sleep, she's driving my nose crazy! And not just my nose.

I sit up in frustration. I tell her that we're kidding ourselves. "It's one thing to be mature and adult." That was what she said almost six years ago, that nothing was going to happen sharing a bed, because we're both adults. And you know how that turned out.

I talk about how our hearts are pounding and our minds are racing. I tell her, "I'm goin' crazy, and I know you are, too!"

But she's not. She's out like a light. Well, there's one difference from six years ago.

I lay back down and try to settle in for a long night. I can't fall asleep, so after awhile I start talking to her again. After all, she won't remember it.

"When you asked me at the Starlight Ballroom if I've been happy these last few years and I told you that these have been the happiest years of my life, I meant it. They have. Don't get me wrong, I was happy with Marie. I had a wonderful wife, a wonderful little girl, a wonderful career.

"But I think I've been happier with you. That probably sounds crazy, considering what happened a year ago. But even with the pain I caused both of us, it doesn't take away the good times.

"And if some of those good times belong to Anthony & Ingrid, that's OK. How did I get lucky enough to find you? I just thought, almost seven years ago, that I'd found an easy job in a great house in a safe, beautiful town. A place to raise my daughter, to help her live up to her potential. I got a new son and a new friend. And I got you.

"You are—do you know everything you are to me? How could I have done everything I've done these past few years without you? Got through Sam's teens, including that crazy engagement that's over, thank God, taken on a new kid, started college, decided on a career where I can make a difference. Yeah, you're a great boss, the best imaginable, but you are my best friend, you're my rock."

"And you're my former lover. And if you don't want to start that up again, I understand. I ruined that between us. Or maybe not enough time has gone by, not enough time to heal. But maybe someday?

"You're also my ex-wife. Yeah, I'm your ex-husband, but you've got a few of those. I'm Catholic, I never expected to get divorced, or annulled. But then I didn't know we got married.

"Or was it Anthony & Ingrid who got married? It's funny, without discussing it, we automatically acted like we'd never fooled around. I made up that story about your black teddy getting caught in the washing machine. And you told the IRS lady that I slept on the floor.

"I know, it was my fault for registering us as a married couple in South Carolina. And it's my fault that we didn't go with 'lack of consummation' as the grounds. It's just you know, I mean, come on, me unable to perform my husbandly duties? I don't think so. If it was Anthony & Ingrid having their honeymoon at the Moonlight Motel, he performed those just fine. I mean, I didn't hear her complainin', did I?

"Wow, you really are asleep. So we tried to go with 'lack of intent.' And at first the judge wouldn't grant the annulment, because we too obviously care about each other. Then we started talking about what kind of wedding we'd want if we ever intended to get married. That didn't exactly help our case.

"I almost said, 'When I marry Angela,' and had to change it to 'an appropriate person.' I said I want it to be 'because I love her, and I cherish her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.' Angela, I love you. I cherish you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't say that to you when we're both conscious. But that's how I feel.

"This isn't a proposal. I'm still not ready to propose, and you're probably even less ready to accept than you were almost two years ago in Jamaica. And that's my fault, too. But maybe someday?

"I was so relieved when the judge granted the annulment that I grabbed you and kissed you. It was the first time I'd done that in a year, since the last time we were in South Carolina.

"And then it hit us. We both felt like we lost something. What if we hadn't got the annulment? Would we have made a go of married life? Or would that be a bad way to start?

"So now we were single again and I asked you out to dinner. You said yes but warned me you don't kiss on the first date. Yeah, I guess you don't. You only kiss me when we're not on a date.

"Ingrid though, well. I wished we hadn't booked separate rooms that time, but it wouldn't have helped our case. After dinner, I walked you to your door at our hotel, went to my own room, tried not to think about when I could kiss you, or Ingrid, again.

"And now here we are, in this little bed. And you don't want to be Ingrid. I understand, but I'm feeling very Anthony right now. I know, I could sleep on the floor again, but I'd rather lie here being tortured by your sexy scent, your soft body, than not be tortured. But it is going to be a very long night."

And it is, one of the longest nights of my life. And then in the morning, Mona comes back from the all-night karaoke and assumes the worst (or the best). I wake up Angela so she can explain, but she cuddles up to me and says, "Oh, Tony!" in her Ingrid voice.

Then Sam shows up. She and Mona are a little too easy to convince that nothing happened. I mean, it's kind of insulting.

Angela is flattered that I couldn't sleep lying next to her. And she says that she slept warmer and sounder lying next to me than she has in months. (Since our first trip to South Carolina?) "And in a way, that's as special as anything else that could've happened."

I feel better. A little punchy from lack of sleep, but better emotionally. I'll get some coffee and a shower, preferably cold, at the hotel.

I need to focus on my speech on Medicare. There's a lot riding on this. I need to forget about how Angela smells, how she looks in her cute pink pajamas, how soft her body was close to mine, how her voice sounded when she said, "Oh, Tony!" That's four senses, what's the fifth? Taste, that's it. God, I miss how she tastes! I remember that kiss in the judge's chambers and so many kisses over the years, with Angela as well as Ingrid.

I remember kissing Ingrid other places than her sweet, saucy mouth. And soon I can't take it anymore and I quickly say goodbye. I find the nearest men's room and hope no one walks in while I'm releasing all this tension in a stall.

I do it as quickly as I can, luckily while the room is empty. I've finished and am washing my hands when Jonathan comes in and says, "Oh, there you are, Tony. Chappy said you slept with Mom, but I didn't see you in her compartment."

I stare at the kid. He's 15 now. He should not be blasé about the idea that I slept with his mother.

"Hey, it's OK, Sam told me what happened. And I know you two. After all this time, well, nothing's going to happen, especially not on a train."

"Thank you for your trust," I snap. Then I storm out and back to Chappy's compartment so I can change into something I can wear when we get off the train. These striped pajamas are a little informal. And then at the hotel I'll shower and put on my best suit and tie.

I'm gonna make Angela and everyone proud! And do my best to put last night out of my mind.