Chapter 18: Lady Mondegreen

A day and a half later, Anna was walking through the front hallways of the icy fortress. Olaf was following close behind her with a clip-board and a bit of charred wood he could use as a pencil—for some reason there were no quills or ink in this place. It was close to noon, but Anna had just gotten out of bed. She figured that being the hard-working and much loved Governor General was no reason to miss out on her beauty sleep.

"Okay, Lieutenant Governor Olaf," she said with a yawn. "What's in store for today?"

"First, you wanted to appoint a head palace guard," Olaf began, looking down at his clipboard.

"That's easy. Haakon!" Anna cut in. "I know he's loyal to the palace, if nothing else."

"Second you wanted to inspect the harbor and get the opinion of the Chief Engineer about building a port. Third, you wanted to appoint a Chief Engineer…. Hey Anna, I think you may want to do number three before number two."

"Alright, add that to the list—'swap number two and three'—what else is there?"

"I still need help drafting the plan to get your mom to love Elsa."

"Alright, I'll see if I can find time to help with… wait, did you call it a plan or a Plan?"

"Um … I don't think I know the difference," Olaf answered.

"Well it's an official Plan, so you need to capitalize the letters to be proper."

"Okay, I'll write down capital—"

Anna cut him off with, "You have to do it when you're talking too."

"I don't think that's—"

"Like this: a Plan to Get Mama to Love Elsa. Did you hear the difference?"

"Um … no?"

Anna twisted her face while she thought for a moment. "That's okay, we'll get to that later. I mean, Elsa is coming from Arendelle a thousand miles away, and she doesn't have a magic balloon or jet-stream powers, so we've probably got weeks to come up with a plan. I mean Plan."

"Oh, actually she has a magic ice whale pulling a boat and she's supposed to show up today."

"What! Oh no Olaf, we're not even close to ready for… what are we going to do? I can't let …" Before finishing her thought, Anna ran down the hallway and out onto the open balcony. She looked out into the distance and could see a white whale splashing about, next to a white ship. Not just white, ice blue. They were already here.

Anna let out a deep exhale. "Alright Olaf. We need to kick the Plan into gear."

"But we don't have a plan yet…"

"That's alright. For now, you just rally the loyal forces. Which I guess is just you and me … ooh, and Decker! Where is our Texan ambassador?"

"He's in the ambassador's cell. Oh, right! I was supposed to get you to let him out! Um… I guess we should really get on that."

"Here," Anna scribbled a note down on one of the pages of Olaf's clipboard. "Take this to the Bandits' encampment. It's an official decree to let Decker out, so they'll have to listen."

Elsa rode Dasher while Kristoff and Pebble rode Sven up the valley to the icy fortress. Upon reaching it they paused, staring at the entrance—a vast cavern underneath a balcony of ice and stone.

"Do you think we should try knocking?" Kristoff wondered aloud.

"On what? There's no door," Elsa answered. She dismounted her snowdeer and darted her eyes about, looking for bandits. She looked back entrance of the fortress. "It's probably a maze in there. Who knows what sort of traps are waiting…" She trailed off, hearing a rustling noise on the floor above them.

A head popped up over the railing of the balcony. "Hey guys, welcome to my ice palace!" Anna called down with a wide grin on her face.

Elsa was shocked to see Anna so chipper while being kidnapped, but after giving it a thought she realized she shouldn't be surprised. Anna was always a scrappy one.

"Anna I'm so glad you're alright!" Elsa shouted up at her sister. "I was so worried when I … wait a sec, did you say your ice palace?"

"Well, I guess it's your ice palace, since it's the capitol of New North Arendelle, and the colony belongs to the crown. But I'm the governor of the colony, so that's why it's my palace." Anna answered. "Kristoff!" she went on, "Oh, you're here too! This is such a nice welcome committee. What do you think of my ice palace? You can cry if you want, I know that's your thing."

Kristoff stared at the imposing fortress of grey ice bricks and heavy granite slabs. "Uh, I wasn't going to cry, but if you really want me to…. Anyway, we're here to rescue you?"

"Oh … great! But not right now. In fact, you should probably go before…" Anna glanced over her shoulder to make sure nobody was coming down the hallway.

"What are you talking about Anna?" Elsa asked. "Is there some sort of danger lurking…" she tensed her hands up, ready to call on frosty magic.

"No!" Anna cut her off before she could summon the ice. "It's just … you should probably go. Hah! I guess the tables have really turned. Last time it was you standing on in an ice palace telling me and Kristoff that we needed to leave. I guess that's what you'd call ironic. Like that time that I needed a bowl and all I could find were those eight thousand salad plates." Anna thought for a moment. "Or maybe that's not ironic…. Is it Elsa? You were always the better one at literary criticism than me."

"I don't think now's the time for literary—" Elsa began.

"Wait," Kristoff cut her off. "You have eight thousand salad plates?"

"Well, yeah," Anna answered. "I told you about it. Remember, in the song?"

"I always thought you were saying a thousand salad plates. Are there even eight thousand people in Arendelle?"

"Well I was always saying eight thousand. I guess it's kind of like the arborvitae."

"What's an arborvitae?" Elsa asked.

Kristoff put his hand in his face and sighed as Anna answered, "He was teaching me an ice harvesting song, and I thought the line went, this icy force both foul and fair-has a frozen arborvitae."

"But what is an arborvitae?" Elsa asked again.

"I think it's a type of shrubbery," Anna answered.

"Why would an icy force have a shrubbery!" Kristoff shouted up at her, exasperated at having this discussion again.

"Well I don't know," Anna shouted back. "There are lots of secrets about icing that I don't understand."

"Enough of this," Elsa yelled. "Anna we're taking you back to Arendelle. Please come down. Now."

"But I can't come down yet. I'm the governor general of this colony," Anna gestured to the valley around her.

"No, you're not," Elsa said with growing impatience. "Only the queen can declare land to be a colony of Arendelle,"

"Yeah, about that…" Anna began, but it was clear Elsa wasn't done.

"And I'm not going to let bandits kidnap the crown princess." She held up her hands once again, summoning ice.

"No don't use the magic—" Anna shouted, but Elsa had already swished her hands and formed a flight of stairs up to the balcony.

"Well," a booming voice echoed through the fortress. "The ice witch has arrived."

"No!" Anna shouted back into the hallways. "She's not a witch, you don't need to—"

She was cut off as a pair of fireballs lurched through the sky, leaving round melted holes in the wall of the fortress as they carved an arc through the air.

Elsa threw her hand out and shot an ice beam into their path. Fire and ice met in a violent popping hiss, leaving only steam floating in the air.

"They have the fire stones," Pebble shouted. "They also have wind—"

Now she was cut off as another pair of fireballs flew through the air. At first glance they looked to be flying far too wide to hit anybody. But from the ground, a whirlwind sprung up and caught the flaming puffs, twisting them faster and faster. One flew off into the distance, but the other was loosed right at Elsa and company. Elsa barely had time to react, bringing up a wall of ice as she flinched. She was hit in the face with hot vapor, all that was left of her ice wall and the fireball.

Anticipating another barrage, she threw ice at the two melted holes that the fireballs first appeared from, sealing them tight.

"Anna, it's time to go!" Elsa shouted.

"But I can't leave without-"

She didn't have time to finish her thought, as the entire wall behind her crashed away. Up from the dust and shards of ice grew a pair of burning whirlwinds, maelstroms of heat and light. In the middle stood a woman with black hair topped with Arendelle's crown, face obscured by a midnight blue bandana. Both her arms were held outward, one hand clenching a red crystal, the other clenching a yellow one.

"You didn't think you could steal my princess so easily, did you," she called down.

Kristoff eyed the pillars of fire. "So the Bandit Queen makes flaming tornados. I think we're out-gunned Elsa—maybe time to call the retreat."

But Elsa didn't hear him. She was studying the Bandit Queen's face. There was something familiar about it, hidden though it was.

The woman brought her hands together, and the whirlwinds sprang to life, lurching forward over the balcony.

"Mama, no!" Anna shouted as she lunged at the Bandit Queen, throwing her off her balance. The twisters flailed about and fell back into the ice fortress.

Elsa stared at the Bandit Queen. Could it really be? A smile crept across her face, and her eyes grew soft. "Mama, is it really you?"

"Anna, get back, she's dangerous!" Idunn shouted, climbing back to her feet and tucking the princess behind her.

"Mama, don't you recognize me … Elsa?" The young queen asked.

"Of course I recognize you, and you won't hurt Anna with your cursed frost again!" Idunn shouted back, malice reflecting in her eyes. She squeezed the fire crystal, igniting the air above her hand.

"Mama?" Elsa pleaded, a dumbfounded painted on her face, a feeling that paralyzed her when the fireball was launched. She couldn't even bring herself to bring up an ice shield.

But her ice deer still had some senses about, and scooped up Elsa in her antlers before dashing off down the valley. Sven, carrying Kristoff and Pebble, was close on her heels. Elsa stared off into the distance as she muttered "But Mama, why didn't she…"

"Maybe we can put off touching family reunions 'till later," Kristoff yelled from his mount. "Right now we've got bandits on our tail!" He looked back over his shoulder at a stream of people that seemed to materialize out of the shadows along the edge of the valley. "Hundreds of bandits! Hey I recognize that guy."

That seemed to bring Elsa back to the present. She looked at this swarm of people, and sure enough she did recognize a few of them. Familiar faces of farmers from the Northern valleys, or Arendelle fishers, even a palace guard. But their faces seemed somehow weird… their eyes were faceted like gemstones, sparkling in the sunlight with a blue hue where the whites should be.

"Remember how you said you liked making mazes? Now might be a good time to revive that skill!" Kristoff howled over the din of the approaching throng.

Elsa nodded, and struggled to the ground from Dasher's antlers, then struck her foot against the cold earth. Outward shot a twisting and branching pattern of ice, and as she lifted her arms, the ice grew up as walls, trapping the bandits in a labyrinth of icy ramparts.

"That'll hold them for a while," Elsa said, jumping back on Dasher as they continued their retreat back to the snow ship.

"But there's more coming!" Pebble squeaked from the back of Sven. Another wave of bandits was giving chase, charging down the side of the valley to flank them. Charging with such speed that Elsa's ice labyrinth trick wouldn't hold them all. They seemed to be pushed forward on a magic wind.

"Faster, Sven!" Kristoff yelled. They were nearing the sea. A hundred yards… fifty yards…

Still riding Dasher, Elsa shot a beam of ice, freezing a causeway across the water to their ice ship. The two reindeer hit the ice with a slippery klump, but kept their balance and continued their dash. The horde of bandits was close behind, but before the first one could run onto the ice bridge, Moby jumped up from the water, landing on the frozen mass and shattering it with his heft.

The Bandit Queen watched the retreat from the balcony. The Ice Witch had repelled her army of hypnotized builders. That didn't surprise her—it would take magic to match Elsa, not just manpower. What did surprise her was how hard Anna was struggling to protect Elsa. Couldn't she understand the danger of that woman?

"Please Mama, stop," Anna was tugging on her arm, like a petulant child. "Stop hurting Elsa. She's your daughter and you love her too!"

Idunn smiled at Anna long enough for the princess to let go, but then fixed her with a more stern expression. "Anna, all those years ago I thought I could keep you safe from Elsa's curse simply by locking her away and keeping the truth from you." Idunn paused and looked out over the valley. "But I was wrong. You need to know the truth, and I have to face her curse head on. And while I do, it's you that needs to be locked away."

"WHAT?" Anna shouted, as a bandit appeared out from the shadows and grabbed her arm.

"Alfeev, lock Anna in the dungeon. But in the nicest dungeon."

"How can you do this!" the princess yelled as she was dragged away by Alfeev.

"It's for your protection Anna, just until this ordeal is over." Idunn whispered after her. Then she turned to the shadows once more. "I wish I didn't have to lock her away."

"You saw how distressed she became seeing the first battle. The next one will be much worse," Askel answered, stepping from the shadows. "You wouldn't want Anna to see that."

Idunn stared again down the valley, to the boat floating in the harbor beyond. "I've made Elsa upset. Her power gets stronger when she's upset."

Askel smiled. "That's what we're counting on."

Author's note:

First, a mondegreen is a term for a mis-heard lyric, named for the Lady Mondegreen. There is no Lady Mondegreen; that name was invented by a writer who mis-heard the line from a poem They hae slain the Earl o' Moray—And laid him on the green, as They hae slain the Earl o' Moray—and Lady Mondegreen.

Second, I'm pretty sure that a lot of folks out there have heard the mondegreen "a thousand salad plates." I'm less sure anyone but me (and by extension, Anna) heard the arborvitae one. But in my and Anna's defense frozen heart worth mining sounds a lot like frozen arborvitae when you're trying to sing it with an ice harvesting accent.