Hola! I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday. I FINALLY got a GPS. You guys have no idea how badly I needed one. I have zero sense of direction. But enough of that, onto your love! Already reviews, follows, and favorites! You guys truly spoil me. PantherKing64, hello to you again, lovely! *squishes back* I'm all about DaveJohn and DirkJake these days. I'll be around for a while! Kira-Lime Orijima, hehehe, glad you're on board, love! YOU'RE WELCOME! Winged Illusion, ahhh, you're so sweet! Come here and let me love you! Rai Rai Blue, you're a tease with reviews! Cliffhangers are my forte, you know! Glad you were pleased! darkestlight96, I'm really happy you're excited! It's really fun to write in this universe. Alright, my lovelies. On with the story!

Two Weeks

Grizzly Bear

[Save up all the days. A routine malaise. Just like yesterday, I told you I would stay. Would you always, maybe sometimes, make it easy? Take your time.]

You're Dave Strider, and today is starting to look more and more like absolute shit.

Yeah, okay, you get why this is important and all. Karkat is pretty much John's best friend, and ever since the word 'emergency' came out of that juggalo asshole's mouth, John has been fidgeting and anxious to hear just what exactly that emergency was. If either of you had opted to have the position of best man filled at your wedding, you can't help but think Karkat would be John's. He had told you he would never think of having a best man, because he wouldn't be able to choose between Jake and Karkat.

"Besides, Dave," he had said with a huge smile, "you'd be my best man, and since I'm marrying you, it'd be unfair."

You hadn't been able to argue with that logic, despite the fact that if you had a best man, even if you didn't give the title to Dirk, he'd come attack you with a shitty sword and promote himself to best man. He's a complete douchesprit that way.

All that aside, you are perfectly aware that you and John needed to get to the bottom of this potential fiasco, because even if the little shouty asshole is a pain in your side that you like to bother incessantly, Karkat is one of your best friends, too. Still, spending the first day of John's summer break stuck in the car with Gamzee lounging in the backseat like it's a recliner from a five-star fucking hotel was not how you pictured this day going. You didn't want to leave the bed, much less the house. But Gamzee insisted he couldn't actually tell the two of you the emergency, because Karkat had threatened his shins.

"He ain't motherfuckin' able to reach much else," Gamzee had said. "Those little feet hurt like tit-bitch shit."

So that's how you ended up driving through traffic that seemingly came out of nowhere, just to go across the city and ask Karkat a question he won't answer. John had already tried to pester him, but there was no response. You don't think you're grumpy exactly, but you're certainly in a mood. As far as you're concerned, no one should have any reason to blame you.

Between being on set for your movie, tweaking the comics into a script worth its weight in shit, having impromptu lunches with Wilson, Stiller, and their agents, being dragged around Hollywood by your agent who's more like a shark than a blind woman, watching the obvious hate/love fest between said agent and the other Serket chick, and managing your ironic empire complete with music and the business half, you've pretty much been busy every waking hour. Then, John had his school, which literally buried him in work from the moment he set foot on campus. Your poor little nerd was working himself into a coma. You actually came home once to find him in the bathtub, fully clothed, with textbooks around him. He said he didn't even remember getting in the tub, and you chose not to mention the fact that he got in a full bathtub with clothes on without knowing.

Needless to say, you hadn't seen much of John since he was on Christmas break, and you intended to fix that by seeing much, much more of him. This little detour is already on your nerves and you haven't even reached your destination yet.

"Are you fucking sure you can't just call the asshole up? I can get him to talk in less than a millisecond if he'd just pick up the phone," you say, anxious to get back home.

"No way, my righteously in a hurry to get his motherfuckin' mack on brother. Ain't no way he's answering," Gamzee says.

"Is someone like, in danger? Is that the emergency?" John asks, looking back at the lanky cockblock taking up your entire backseat.

"Ain't no danger to be in."

"I am literally almost done with this already," you say, and John swats your thigh.

Once you park the car in the driveway of the complex, John hops out and roams around the car to wait for you to get out. Gamzee crawls out of the backseat in a way that somehow resembles a sloth and a spider simultaneously.

"Seriously, dude," you say to Gamzee as he slinks beside you. "What's this goddamn emergency. Because if it's not a life or death matter, my shit will flip. It will literally flip off the goddamn handle, and y'all are gonna have to watch it 'cause you'll be so fucking mesmerized you won't be able to look away."

"Ask Karbro, my metaphorical bro. It ain't my place to be telling all that much, you feel? It's like, if you told me to tell Karbro something, but not some other thing, I'd all up and keep your secret. Because friendship is just…this perfect motherfuckin' miracle, you know? It ain't worth a pile of shit if we ain't loyal to each other."

"Oh, I forgot. It's past 8am, you're already higher that Mel Gibson on the fucked up one to Charlie Sheen scale."

The apartment complex is ridiculously big, and Karkat lives toward the top. He and Sollux moved into this place about four months ago once they finally decided to get "serious", and Gamzee got another place about three blocks down with Tavros. You still don't know if he and Tavros are a thing or what, because as far as you're concerned, they'd be the weirdest couple you know. Dirk and Jake currently have that title, because your brother has a horse/sex puppet fetish, and English has an odd obsession with guns and blue people or some shit.

Once you're off the elevator, John flies to Karkat's door and starts knocking. By the time you and Gamzee join him, you can hear shouting.

"Go the fuck away!" Karkat yells. "It's too goddamn early!"

"It's us!" John says, knocking again. "Let us in!"

"Oh, no fucking way. I'm not in the mood for you and Skeleton Jack today. Do me a favor and find someone else to suck the life from."

John casts you a pitiful glance, and you nudge Gamzee in the shoulder.

"Do you have a key to Karkitty's place?" you ask.

"Sure motherfuckin' do."

Gamzee's key ring reminds you of a janitor's. He searches through them, and you wonder which one is the key to your place. Even if you change the locks again, you don't think it will help. You can't even recall the lanky bastard ever having your keys long enough to make a copy. John is eyeing it warily, too.

When he gets the door open, you file inside to find Karkat on the couch with a pillow over his head.

"I said to go the fuck away," he says, his voice muffled. John takes the liberty of sitting beside him, and hits the top of the pillow.

"So what's the emergency?" he asks.

"None of your business, crotch breath."

"Did Sollux dump your ass?" you ask, and he lifts the pillow slightly to glare at you.

"No. He's in his computer room. Don't you guys have anything better to do than harass me first thing in the goddamn morning?"

"Well, it's kind of a big deal that you won't come to our wedding," John says.

"I said might not be able to, not that I wasn't indefinitely. God, Gamzee, do you listen when I talk or does it literally scramble your brain even more to focus for three fucking minutes?"

"I all up and said exactly what you said!"

"Karkaaaaaat," John says, hitting the pillow repeatedly. "What's going on?"

"Look, I have to go to Washington for a few days, and since I'm not flying-"

"Wait, if you're going all the way back there, why the fuck aren't you flying?" you ask. "I mean, that's like a day long drive."

"Airplanes are terrifying, okay! They're giant fucking metal deathtraps, hovering thousands of feet on the air, just waiting to make a nosedive toward the ground, and I am not setting foot in one!" Karkat's eyes are huge as he finally sits up, and you don't think you've seen him so scared since the night the four of you were harassed by the thugs on the way back to Roxy's club. John puts a hand on his shoulder, and they share a brief glance. Karkat visibly deflates.

"So you're driving almost twenty hours? Dude, that's insane. It'd be like a two hour flight, just take some Valium or something," you say, ignoring the glares from both of them. You had made that same drive just a little over a year ago, but that was because you and John were moving all your things to California to stay. If you were going to visit, you'd fly. It just makes more sense to you. Then again, by this point, you're pretty much used to airplanes.

"It's not that fucking easy, alright?" Karkat snarls at you. "I just- I can't. Planes are something I can't do. It's not like I'm not already berating myself about it; I don't need any grief from you!"

"Hey, so you're scared of something. Congratulations, you're human. All I'm saying is-"

"Karkat," John interrupts, and you take that as your cue to shut up. "C'mon, what's up? Why do you have to drive there anyway?"

Karkat rolls his eyes and flops back into the cushions. "My dad died," he says.

"Oh, man, I'm so sorry," John says, casting you another glance. You jump when something wraps around your shoulder, but relax when you realize it's just Gamzee's floppy arm.

"It's all up and motherfuckin' tragic," he says. "Some of that sunrise, sunset shit. Ashes to motherfuckin' ashe-"

"Gamzee, shut the fuck up you oozing sack of anal leakage."

"Sure thing, best friend."

You shrug his arm off your shoulder and venture toward the hallway, not knowing exactly what you're supposed to do. You can't relate to any of this. Your dad was never in the picture, and your mom died when you were so young, you don't remember it. You've never been good as the shoulder to cry on, and you're pretty bad at empathy. John will be better at that than you.

When you hear the sound of clacking, you stop. The door to the computer room is cracked open, and you take the liberty of letting yourself in. Sollux is at the computer, diligently typing away. He's surrounded by empty cans of Monster, and the room reeks of weed.

"Hey, asshole," he says to you, barely turning his head. "I thought I heard you in here."

"You thought right," you say, roaming around to see what he's working on. The screen is a weird arrangement of numbers and codes. "What the fuck am I looking at?"

"I'm hacking," he says with a grin. "Why are you here?"

"Oh, Karkat told us he's driving twenty hours to Washington. I figured, you know, I'm not used to being the voice of reason, so I left before things got even more backwards. Like, next thing we know, Gamzee will start doing long freehand equations with Sharpie all over the walls. I'm Rod Sterling, and this is The Twilight Zone."

"Jesus, you talk too much," Sollux sighs. "And yeah, for the record, I told him to fly, too. If he flew, I'd go with him. But I've got too much shit to do for a four or five day trip."

"Can't you just take a break or something?" you ask. "I mean, I'm your boss, too. I'll give you time off."

"I work for tons of different people," Sollux says. "I've got two new websites to set up this week, and if I don't, I won't be able to make my car payment."

"Dude, Karkat's fucking loaded," you inform him. "Can't you just get him to-"

"No. Our money is separate. I don't want him thinking this was ever about money. Besides, I offered to drop everything and go with him already, and he freaked out and told me not to. I don't really get what the big deal is anyway."

"Didn't his dad die?"

"Yeah, but it's not like they were close. As far as I know, they haven't even talked in years. KK told me he hated his old man."

"Damn. Well, it's cool of him to bury the hatchet and go to his funeral, I guess."

"Funeral?" Sollux asks. "His dad's been dead for like a week, dude."

Okay, what the actual fuck? You're determined to get to the bottom of this now, but Sollux seems unwilling to elaborate, and is already typing away again, the screen becoming even more confusing to you. Deciding to rejoin the others and leave him to it, you go to the door.

"Oh, by the way," Sollux says to you as you reopen the door, "I want to make a speech at your ridiculous wedding."

"I dunno, man, I don't think I trust you enough for that shit."

"I think I'll tell the story of that time in high school where you wore a dress to school."

"Bro won a strife, and we had a bet placed. Shit wasn't my fault," you shrug. "Besides, I looked fabulous."

"True."

When you reenter the living room, you find John standing beside the coffee table, looking toward you.

"Ready to go?" he asks.

"Um, yeah. Everything cool?" you ask, looking around. You're the only two in the room.

"Karkat's going to smoke a joint with Gamzee on the balcony. So I guess we're cool to go," he says, leading you out. "Were you talking to Sollux?"

"Yeah, he's doing computer geek shit. Dude, did he tell you his dad's been dead for a week? Like, what the fuck?"

"It's complicated, I'll tell you later," John says absently. "I want to think about other things, anyway. Death isn't how I wanted to start my vacation!"

"How'd you wanna start it then?"

He grins mischievously and hooks his fingers in your belt loops. "I was thinking we'd stay in bed."

"Oh, man. We can make that happen. We can so literally go home right now and make that a thing."

To say you rush home would be an understatement. There probably aren't any traffic violations left for you to break. John's already handsy on the porch, pressing himself against you while you fumble for the lock. As soon as the door opens, you turn and grab him, pulling his mouth to yours and groaning at the feeling of finally, finally having him close.

"Dave," he says in a breathless voice as your hands re-familiarize themselves with his premium ass, and you groan when he rocks forward, his groin rubbing against yours just so.

"Shit, babe," you hiss, tugging him more insistently towards your room. Kicking the door closed behind you, you press him firmly into the bed, fully intending to make the rest of the afternoon memorable, but your body won't let you take things too slow.

The chants of your name and skin against skin fill the whole room, both your heavy breaths echoing off the walls. You're inside him, and he's stretched around you, letting you in over and over again. And fuck- it's so good, you can't stop yourself from setting a rough pace, slamming in repeatedly. Once you find that special spot, you aim for it every time, enjoying the view as John literally comes undone under you, screaming when he arches in climax. It doesn't take long before you're joining him. He laughs breathlessly when you collapse on top of him.

"God," he says, roaming his fingers through your sweaty hair. You hum in agreement, lazily kissing his neck.

"I think I wanna just stay in bed for the rest of the day," you say, acknowledging the fact that it's only about three in the afternoon.

"I don't know, I'm getting pretty hungry now," John says. "I think we burned away our breakfast."

"Mmm. I vote we order take-out."

"I second that vote."

"Cool, so it's decided. Motion fucking passed. Don't we have a menu somewhere?"

"Yeah, it's in that cabinet above the microwave. You know, the one full of take-out menus we've collected over the years?" John grins.

"Chinese sound good to you?"

"I could go for some lo mein, yeah."

"Sweet. Now, are you gonna go get the menu, or am I gonna have to push your sweet ass out of bed?"

"Oh my god, you lazy prick. I'll go get it, but you're ordering! I can't understand a word they say when I call."

You watch as he gets up, picks up his boxers, and heads to the bathroom. You're content to just lie there peacefully in your afterglow.

But then your fucking phone starts chiming.

Rolling over to find your pants, you pull your phone from your pocket and check the newest pester. Unfortunately for you, it's your agent.

-gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:19-

GC: H3Y COOL K1D

GC: 4R3 YOU R34DY FOR TH1S 4M4Z1NG N3WS 1 H4V3 FOR YOU

TG: i shouldve fucking known id hear from you today

TG: every time you promise me a break you lie to me like goddamn dog

TG: this news better be spectacular because i was in the middle of something important

GC: OH WH4T3V3R DR4M4 QU33N!

GC: YOUR3 NOT DO1NG 4NYTH1NG TOO 1MPORT4NT

TG: this is life or death importance that i am doing here

TG: as in getting my mack on

TG: as in round two

TG: so what the fuck do you want

John emerges from the bathroom and tosses you a towel so you can clean up, and you lazily wipe your stomach clean with one hand while continuing your conversation in the other.

GC: TH3 D4T3 FOR YOUR MOV13 H4S

GC: B33N

GC: S3T :]

TG: that is seriously the ugliest emoticon ive ever seen in my life

TG: do you even know what it looks like since youre blind

TG: i know your little app is like voice activated or whatever but can you actually tell it to put those ugly emoticons in or does it just do it naturally

TG: like if youre sitting there talking to someone are you just like "insert the fucking frog faced looking bracket thing"

GC: :[

TG: thats not an answer

GC: SHUT TH3 H3LL UP!

TG: someones defensive of their frog faces

TG: wait do you even know what frogs look like

GC: Y3S DUMB4SS

GC: GOD YOUR3 4NNOY1NG

TG: nah

TG: so theyre finally finished editing huh

GC: Y3S!

GC: W3R3 LOOK1NG 4T 4BOUT 4 MONTH B3FOR3 1T DROPS

GC: YOUR 1RONS 4R3 1N TH3 F1R3 COOLK1D

TG: sweet

TG: any word from spiderbitch about the three movie deal

GC: NO TH3YR3 W41T1NG TO S33 HOW TH1S ON3 DO3S W1TH TH3 PUBL1C

TG: understandably safe

TG: so basically if its a hit we have a deal

GC: Y3S

GC: SO 1TS B4S1C4LLY 4LR34DY S3T 1N STON3

There's a crash in the kitchen, followed by a shout. Cursing, you toss your phone in the sheets and run to see what the noise was, remembering to tug your boxers on clumsily as you go.

"John, what the fuck?" you call out, hopping to get your other leg in the hole. You find him in the floor, buried under a pile of multicolored smuppets.

"T-They just fell out of the cabinet!" John squeaks, his hand emerging for you to grab. "It was like an avalanche!"

"Yeah, welcome to my life, bro. You were literally just balls deep in puppet dong. It's traumatizing, isn't it?"

"How the fuck did they get in there?!"

"Blood feud," you remind him briefly before the fucking devil himself walks into your kitchen.

"'Sup, little man," Dirk says calmly, his hands in his pockets.

"Why the fuck are you here?"

"The wedding's in a few days, we figured we'd come early and make sure you kids are behaving. But you were kind of preoccupied, so I took the liberty of restocking your cabinet."

John kicks one of the smuppets, and it makes a high pitched squeaking noise before a cloud of sparkles comes out of it. Well. That's a new feature.

"John!" An annoyingly chipper voice says. You see Jake roam around Dirk to pull John into a hug. "Apologies, mate, you weren't the target for the smuppet waterfall!"

"Casualties are common in war," Dirk shrugs.

"Y'know, I'm really fucking glad you two just invade the place whenever you feel like it. It's not like it's illegal to break into people's houses or something. I'm so glad we don't have personal barriers in this family," you grumble.

"You lived with me for years. I'm allowed."

"That's not even how that works!"

"I think it's justified." Dirk walks around to open your fridge. "You need to stock up on orange soda."

"Oh, hell no, I am not getting groceries for your fat ass."

"Least I have an ass."

"I have one, too!"

"Oh? Where? Could've fooled me, did you leave it somewhere?"

"We thought we'd go out for dinner!" Jake says cheerfully before you can retort. "The trip was a rather long one, so it might be a tad bit early for dinner, but I'm positively starved!"

"We were about to order out anyway," John says with a grin. "Did you want anything in particular?"

"Where were you ordering from?"

"Chinese place."

"Ah! I could go for some Chinese! Would that be good, Dirk?"

"Whatever you want, pumpkin," Dirk says casually, kicking a smuppet at you. Groaning, you make your way back to your room to get dressed, knowing you won't find a way out of this. As you tug your pants on, you remember the conversation you were having with Terezi, and you open your phone to find missed messages.

GC: 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TO 4CT COOL BY NOT B31NG 3XC1T3D

GC: D4V3!

GC: TH1S 1S K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L! 1 3XP3CT3D 3XC1T3M3NT!

GC: :?

GC: F1N3 YOU FLOOZY F1N1SH G3TT1NG YOUR "M4CK ON" 1LL P3ST3R YOU L4T3R

-gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:50-

The Chinese place is packed, as usual. It's one of the many reasons you prefer ordering out. John is beside you, and you're sitting uncomfortably close to Dirk. You swear his favorite pastime is bothering you. He goes out of his fucking way to make you mad.

Suddenly, you feel like karma is paying you back for what you do to Karkat.

"So! The big day is right around the figurative corner!" Jake says, leaning on his elbows towards John. "I suppose the two of you are excited?"

"Nervous, kind of," John says with a sheepish grin. "It's just a lot to do."

"Ah, yes that's the downside of having a larger wedding," Jake says understandably. "We did ours in a little chapel in Canada."

"There was a moose outside the building," Dirk says.

"Yes! The moose! It was a truly majestic creature! Frightening, though! There were warnings posted all over about them! Those antlers were a sight."

You look at the expression on Dirk's face as Jake rambles on and on about the moose. He looks so fucking happy it almost makes you forget he's an asshole.

"Oh, apologies," Jake says when he takes a breath. "I didn't mean to get carried away like that. Is there any new business aside from the wedding?"

The waitress comes back with your drinks at this point, and you sip your Coke before you answer. "My movie's finally done," you say casually. John bounces in place beside you.

"Really?! They're done editing? When did this happen?"

"Terezi messaged me a little while ago. It's due to release in about a month."

"Absolutely splendid, Dave!" Jake says excitedly as John wraps you in a bone-crushing hug. "I hope to be one of the first to see it!"

"Yeah, y'all are both on the list."

"Nice going, lil' bro," Dirk says. "I take it that means things will slow down for a bit?"

"For a bit, yeah. I might be getting a three movie deal if this one is popular."

"I can't wait!" John says happily. "I've waited forever to see it!"

"Very thrilling, indeed! And what about you, John? How did your finals go?" Jake asks.

"Brutal. I'm glad they're over, but next semester will be even worse."

"Hopefully not, you were already a zombie this time."

"Lies and slander!"

The conversation continues this way for a bit, and then the food arrives. You dig in immediately, devouring your General Tso's like you haven't eaten in years. Oh, yeah. This stuff is the shit.

"Has anything been going on with you guys?" John asks, mouth full of lo mein noodles.

"Not lately, no," Jake says. "We've become hermits these past few weeks, I'm afraid."

"Hermits?"

"Dirk recently acquired every episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. It's addicting!"

"Oh my fucking god," you groan.

"Three words, Bro," Dirk says. "Rainbow fuckin' Dash."

"If only Mom could see us now," you say. "She'd be so proud."

"Word."

"Ugh, parents," John says. "Makes me think of this morning."

"Did something happen with your father, John?" Jake asks, sweet and sour sauce on his chin. You watch Dirk reach over and wipe it away with a napkin.

"Not with my dad, no. Karkat's dad died a few days ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear it. How is the poor fellow taking it?"

"They weren't close or anything. He wasn't going to go home at all, actually. The funeral was three days ago, but his brother called and said he needed to be there to get his share of the will. It's kind of a messed up situation, but you know how it is with stuff like that," John finishes.

"Ah, I don't, actually. My parents were never in the picture," Jake says.

"They weren't? I never knew that!"

"Oh, yes. My mother and father both decided they couldn't bother with me, I'm afraid. They're still alive as far as I know, but I've never even seen them. My grandmother raised me."

"I'm sorry," John says.

"Not at all! I'm not upset about it in the least! I don't pretend to understand their decision in the least bit, and I was awfully sad about it for a long time when I was growing up, but these things happen, and we deal with the cards we are dealt. I don't wish any ill will on either of them, and I hope they're happy with their decision. It can't be helped, you know? Besides, my grandmother is the greatest woman in the world. I wouldn't trade her for either of them."

Dirk tenderly presses the napkin to his face again, and Jake laughs as his mouth is covered.

"Is that your way of telling me to shut up, Mr. Strider?" he asks your brother.

"Nope. I like hearing you talk, so have at it, bro. Let some of those premium corny phrases out."

"I can't believe he's driving twenty hours for someone he isn't even close to," you say, trying to ignore the eye fucking across from you.

"That sort of thing is complicated," John says. "Even when you're on your own and far away from them, you can still find yourself trying to make them happy."

When you get back home, Jake declares a movie night, which John immediately agrees to. You're left helpless to whichever piece of cinematic shit they decide to choose, but you're not really too bent out of shape about it. They're wearing matching dorky grins the entire time they're going through the movie cabinet, and you catch Dirk staring with a small smile on his face, same as you.

Journeying to the kitchen to help John make popcorn, you wrap your arms around his waist from behind and pull his back to your chest.

"They're interrupting our sexy time," you say.

"Calling it 'sexy time' kinda makes it lose the sexiness, Dave."

"Nah."

"So listen. I'm kinda worried about Karkat," John says.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Gamzee will go with him since Sollux can't. They can bond some more."

"Yeah, I guess…" John agrees.

"Besides, we have more pressing matters here. Like the two assholes trying to claim our place as theirs."

"Oh, c'mon! I like having them here! Jake's one of my best friends, and your brother is super cool!"

"Cool, yeah. But he's still an asshole."

"I think it'll be fun. Just try to stop being so paranoid that he's out to get you or something," John grins. "Oh, hey, can you hand me the big bowl from the cabinet above your head?"

"Yeah, yeah." You reach up to open the cabinet, and are immediately buried by the mountain of smuppets hidden inside, Dirk's chuckling audible over your curses.

[Every time you try, quarter half the mile. Just like yesterday, I told you I would stay. Would you always, maybe sometimes, make it easy? Take your time. Always, sometimes, easy, time.]

Sachi: Review for love and a quicker update! The plot is about to thicken! THICKEN, I SAY!