HAPPY 2014! If you're like me at all, 2013 sucked, and you're hoping for a much better year. I hope all of you are able to make the most of your new year! I don't have much to ramble about this go around, because I'm sick and even typing drains my energy, so onto your love! Kira-Lime Orijima, glitter was an add-on feature I thought was necessary. I'm working on my smut! Glad you liked it! PantherKing64, I wouldn't worry too much! It's not the drama you're used to from me! Team Valdez, glad to see you in the sequel, love! Stay pumped, and don't be too wary of me. I'm pretty docile in this particular universe. Rai Rai Blue, my sister and I used to fist fight a lot, but that was about the extent of our interaction, hahaha. Karkat does have a brother in this fic! You won't guess who, because YOU DON'T KNOW THE POST-SCRATCH TROLLS! Gamzee is a spider/sloth in my brain. Now, on with the story!
Ask
(The Smiths)
[Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to! Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to! So, if there's something you'd like to try, if there's something you'd like to try, ask me, I won't say no, how could I?]
You're John Egbert, and you're on a couch full of passed out men.
Jake is on Dirk's shoulder, slumped against him enough to press Dirk into the arm of the couch. Dave's sprawled out, his legs on both Jake and Dirk's laps, his head on your thigh. You're tired, but you can't sleep yet, because you're pestering Karkat about his upcoming trip, and it's leaving a bad feeling in your stomach.
EB: what time are you aiming to leave?
CG: SOMETIME IN THE MORNING PREFERABLY. NOON MOST LIKELY BECAUSE GAMZEE WAS A FUCKING SLOTH IN A PAST LIFE.
EB: he is very sloth like!
CG: YOU HAVE NO GODDAMN CLUE. IT'S ONLY GETTING WORSE AS HE GETS OLDER. I DON'T THINK HE HAS ANY OTHER SPEEDS THAN SLOW AND STOP.
EB: hehehehe, that's very likely! i'm glad he's going with you, though.
CG: AND WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF BAGGAGE I'M STUCK WITH?
EB: because it's dangerous to go alone! :B
CG: DID YOU JUST ZELDA REFERENCE THIS CRAPTASTIC SITUATION.
EB: maybe.
CG: JESUS BABYMUNCHING CHRIST.
EB: really, though. i'm glad you're not going alone. this all must be really difficult to go through!
CG: I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE COCKSWALLOWING FUCK ABOUT HIM OR THE MERCIFUL FACT THAT HE'S DEAD. I'M ONLY CONCENED WITH THE INCONVINIENCE OF HAVING TO MAKE THIS UNNECESSARY TRIP WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY MORE PRODUCTIVE THINGS I COULD BE DOING WITH MY TIME.
CG: LIKE RIPPING MY FACE OFF AND SALSA DANCING AROUND IT.
EB: karkat.
CG: WHAT?
EB: it's okay to be sad about it.
CG: I KNOW THAT.
EB: i don't think you do!
CG: WHATEVER. IF YOU'RE REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT I'M TOTALLY ALREADY OVER THIS SHIT IT'S JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO BE SAD. THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.
EB: if you say so…
EB: i really hope you'll be back in time for the wedding!
CG: ME TOO ACTUALLY.
EB: whoa! you really wanna be there?
CG: IT'LL BE A FRONT ROW SEAT TO YOU TWO ASSHOLES RUINING EACH OTHER'S LIVES.
EB: bluh!
CG: ANYWAY I HAVE TO FINISH PACKING AND THINK OF THE THOUSAND REASONS I HATE MY LIFE AND WANT TO DRIVE THE CAR OFF A CLIFF FIRST THING TOMORROW.
EB: pester me tomorrow before you leave!
CG: WHY?
EB: because i wanna hear from you! god!
CG: ASDFGHJKL
CG: FINE.
CG: FUCK YOU THOUGH. SERIOUSLY.
EB: bye, karkat!
-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 23:12-
You look at the conversation over and over again, finding new flaws each time you reread. You don't know exactly how you know, but Karkat is acting strange about this entire thing. Maybe it's the fact that he's trying so hard to convince you he's okay. Usually if he doesn't care about something, he stops talking about it. And if it wasn't a big deal, why wouldn't he tell you about it as soon as it happened? You chew the inside of your cheek and try to think of anything else besides how worried you are.
"What could be the reason for such a face at this hour?" Jake's voice asks suddenly, making you jump. He's blinking wearily at you, sitting up straighter against Dirk.
"I was just talking to Karkat. Did I wake you up?"
"Oh, no. I've been in and out since we sat down, and I happened to glance over and see you looking at your phone like the world was ending," Jake grins at you. "Karkat is unwell?"
"He's not letting himself mourn about this whole thing. He keeps saying he doesn't care, but I've known him too long to fall for that. Do you think I'm just worrying over nothing?" you ask quietly.
"Hmm. If he's your friend, it's only natural to worry a little! Especially if you sense something is awry. May I ask if that's all that's troubling you, John?"
"Huh? Yeah, why?"
Jake shrugs, and then tries to stand up, but can't seem to get the leverage.
"I believe these Striders have me held captive!" he says, trying to wiggle his way out from under Dirk's arm and Dave's legs. He gets free from Dirk, but Dave seems unwilling to move. Jake is caught against the cushions at an awkward angle, and he casts you a sheepish look that you can't help but laugh at.
"Here," you say, reaching down to Dave's sides. Your fingers dance along his ribcage, and he snorts in his sleep, trying to swat your hands blindly away. In a last ditch effort to get away from you, he curls into himself, his legs no longer blocking Jake from sliding to the floor.
"Thank you! My arm was going numb from that awkward angle. Here I thought getting away from one Strider was difficult."
"Dirk's a clingy sleeper?" you ask with an amused smile. Jake's expression matches yours.
"Heaven's yes. Once he's out he becomes a koala."
"Who would've guess Striders were so cuddly?"
"It is certainly a trait they share. I can't blame him for being exhausted, though. We had a long day, and he's not exactly a fan of the Indiana Jones movie we chose."
You manage to stand up despite Dave's whine, and side step when he tries to grab you. He makes a vexed expression in his sleep, but doesn't wake up. Jake's laughing under his breath, motioning for you to follow him as he heads for the kitchen.
He gets a bottle of water from the fridge, offering you one, which you decline. He leans against the counter and takes a deep gulp, a look on his face you can't help but smirk at. One reason you like talking to Jake so much is because he treats everything like an adventure. Even the bottle of water is his enemy, the next big thing to conquer. You wonder if that's part of what Dirk likes about him.
"So," Jake says, "this Karkat business."
"Ugh, this 'business' is gonna give me an ulcer," you say, sighing as you lean on your elbows, looking at Jake from across the island. He frowns at you.
"He's behaving strangely about the ordeal?"
"Not in the most obvious way, but it's strange for him."
"He's a really good friend of yours, hmm?"
You smile, "Yeah. When I moved out of my dad's place for school, I didn't have a plan or anything. I had a little studio apartment, which is where I lived when I met Dave in person, but it was a big adjustment! It had been just my dad and me for so long; it was scary to be away from everything. So I went exploring around the city, looking for job opportunities, or really just a way to kill time, and I met Karkat. Hehe, man, he was an asshole to me."
"An asshole?" Jake laughs. "What a charmer!"
"No, it was nice! I mean, he treated me like an old friend he was feuding with. We actually got into a debate over who would win in a fight, Spiderman, or Batman."
"Spiderman, naturally."
"That's what I said! But after we argued for a long time, he asked me if I was working anywhere, and I said no. Then he told me to be back the next day or he'd kick my ass, and we've been friends ever since! He really looked out for me when I needed it."
"I see. That is true friendship. I can see why you're so concerned for him, now."
"Yeah, and Gamzee is going, but he's not exactly, uh. Emotional support," you say.
"Gamzee is the lanky fellow who curses a lot?" Jake asks.
"Yeah. I mean, they both curse a lot, but that's Gamzee."
"…He concerns me," Jake says, and you laugh at his expression, shaking your head.
"No, he's cool. They've been friends practically forever, and it was nice having his mellow drugged up face around to mix with Karkat's constant hostility and everything. They've always sort of balanced each other out." You sigh, leaning forward a little. "I don't know what I'm worried about. I guess I'm just a worrywart, like Dave says."
Jake finishes his water and tosses the empty bottle in the trash before turning back to you and giving your shoulder a squeeze.
"He helped you feel welcome when you needed it, and now he's in need as well," he says. "I believe it's only natural to be a tad bit concerned! I would say just to be there for him and hope for the best!"
You want to say it's not that easy to be there for someone who's leaving in a few hours, but you don't. You just lean against Jake and try to think of other things, but it's really not just Karkat you're worried about. You're worried about everything at the moment, and somehow it's just easier to focus on someone else's problems, so you go back to worrying about Karkat.
When you go back into the living room, Jake reaches forward and stops you from walking any further, and when you look up to him questioningly, he points to the couch with a wide smile. Dirk is on his back, leaning against the arm of the couch, one leg hanging off, and Dave is curled up with his other leg, both feet hanging off the opposite end. You think you can see a spot of drool forming on Dirk's knee from Dave's snoring mouth, and you have to stop yourself from laughing.
"Can't let this one go to waste," Jake whispers, pulling his phone out to snap a few pictures. You don't hesitate to do the same. These will be great to use against Dave when you want something. Like when you want to watch a Nic Cage movie, for example. Oh, yes, the king of blackmail. It's you.
"I suppose I should wake him up. He'll get a crick in his neck from sleeping like that," Jake says after he locks his phone and places it back in his pocket. He walks over to Dirk and crouches beside the couch, running his fingers through the spiky mane of blond hair. "I do believe it's time to wake up, Mr. Strider!"
"No fuckin' way, just get your adventure happy ass back in bed," Dirk mumbles, leaning into Jake's hand.
"Well that's going to be an issue, seeing as how you're on a couch, and there's no room for me, since you're cuddling with Dave."
"Huh?" Dirk shifts and looks down, frowning at the sight. "He drooled on me," he says with a deadpan face that you snicker at.
"Afraid so, love," Jake says happily, standing up and offering Dirk a hand. "Shall we journey to the guest bedroom then? I certainly could do with some cuddling of my own."
Dirk takes his hand, and manages to yank his leg away from Dave, who grumbles and rolls over. The two of them begin walking to the hallway, and you're wondering how you should go about waking Dave up to go to bed, but then Dirk reaches out to tip the couch from behind, causing Dave to spill into the floor unceremoniously.
"What the fuck!" Dave yelps, sitting up and looking around wildly.
"That's for slobbering on my leg, you little shit," Dirk says, allowing himself to be pulled down the hall. By the time Dave stands up, they're already in the guest bedroom with the door closed. He turns to you.
"Is that a fucking smile on your face I see, you traitor?" he grumbles.
"No, of course not."
"Whatever, Benedict Egbert. You should be hung for your crimes against humanity, such as leaving me alone with Dirk the jerk to begin with. Consider this bromance officially on hold until I can think of a way for you to repent."
"I was talking to Jake! I didn't know you had such a fetish for snuggling your brother's anatomy!"
Dave scowls at you, reaching on the coffee table to grab his shades and plant them firmly on his face before he slinks into the hallway in a very catlike manner. You follow, smile still on your face at his irritation. He face plants into the bed, not even bothering with his clothes, and you shake your head as you walk over to swat him on the ass.
"Roll over, douchelord," you say, and he groans.
"I'm literally tired of moving," he mumbles.
Ignoring him, you turn him over and begin unbuttoning his pants. He watches you, his shades sliding down his nose as he peers over them, and you manage to tug his jeans all the way off before reaching up to remove his sunglasses as well. After shucking your pants somewhere in the room, you sit beside him, fumbling with your phone charger.
"C'mere, babe," Dave says suddenly, wrapping around you from behind and tugging you firmly against him. You grumble, shifting to get comfortable as he makes sure to make it as difficult as he possibly can for you. "Can we sleep all day tomorrow?" he asks as he kisses your neck.
"Depends. I might have somewhere to be," you say, leaning back against him. He sighs, his hands roaming along your sides and under your shirt.
"I don't think you should have anywhere to be. What the hell is there to do?"
"Well, we have company," you say.
"Oh, fuck those two assholes. They can keep themselves entertained. It's not like we invited them."
"And there's the thing with Karkat…"
"What thing?"
"I think he could really use a friend to lean on, Dave."
"Yeah, that's why Juggalo McGee is going with him. They should have more fun than Jade at a furries convention."
"And our wedding is a few days away!" you continue.
"…Egbert, no. If you're going where I think you're going with this, I'm screaming massive amounts of no. This train of thought needs to end. It needs to be derailed, literally on fire and crumbled to bits. Metal deathtrap kills hundreds, survivors few, and train destroyed."
"But, Dave-"
"Why the fuck are you so worried about him, anyway?"
"Because he's my friend! The only friend I had, and- it'd be easier to be there for him if I was actually there, because Gamzee isn't really reliable emotional support, and it's only a day and a half to get there by car if we stop at a hotel or something! The wedding is five days away!"
"Yeah, five days away, and three days of driving, in all. He'd have to wrap up whatever family drama he has in less than two days, and if all the Vantas's bitch as bad as he does, they'll never meet that deadline! It's just a bad idea."
"Yeah, fine," you grumble, curling into yourself in irritation because he doesn't understand and seems unwilling to try. He groans behind you, pulling you closer to him.
"Don't be like that, bro. C'mon, I'm not trying to be an ass or anything, I just don't get it. I mean, he seems fine with the whole thing. Did he ask you to go with him?"
"No, he didn't. But that's not the point."
"So what's the point?"
"He'd do the same for me. He'd whine and bitch that it was an inconvenience, but he'd go. Don't you remember how he and Gamzee showed up so suddenly at your gig for no reason when I got drunk that time? It was because they knew how scared I was about the whole thing, and knew I'd need them. And it was true, because without them, I never would've had the courage to tell you how I felt. And yeah, they got me drunk, but I wouldn't change anything about that night. They're a major reason we're together now, Dave, and that's not even including all they've done for me before you moved up here. I know it's stupid, and I know it's really shitty timing because we've got so much going on, but I just- I can't help but feel like I'm supposed to go."
Dave's quiet behind you, his grip still tight, and you wonder for a moment if he'd fallen asleep during your little rant, but then he sighs into the back of your head, his breath blowing against your scalp pleasantly.
"Goddammit, John," he says.
"What?"
"Why are you always such a selfless little dork when all I wanna do is be the asshole I was born to be?"
"Um. Because I'm stupid enough to be selfless at inopportune times?"
"I guess that's it," he says quietly. Nothing more is said for a little bit, and you're almost lost in your thoughts again when he breaks the silence once more. "I'm going with you. If you're going, I mean."
"Of course you're coming with me," you say, rolling over to face him. "Road trips are no fun without hipster losers hogging control of the music and slam dancing."
"My slam dancing is an art."
"Yeah, yeah. You're sure you don't care?"
"Shit man, who knows? Maybe it'll be good for us to get away for a few days before we settle down in domestic bliss. I doubt it'll be too eventful of a trip, but if you think we should be there, then we'll be there. If there's one thing I've learned about all the unnecessary drama that is my life, it's that if you think there's somewhere else you should be, then you should probably get going."
You smile at him, knowing he's talking about when he showed up unexpectedly at your doorstep, bags in hand, asking to stay with you, forever, if you wanted him to. He makes a pleased noise when you lean over to kiss him, and you let him deepen it without hesitation.
"You're the best," you say. "The best is you."
"Mmm. I think we should sleep if we've got this long ass drive to look forward to tomorrow."
"Ugh," you groan. "Alone in a car with Gamzee and Karkat. We might go crazy."
"Yeah. Just remember this was your shitty idea. I'm the innocent sailor being led astray by the siren with the pretty eyes and cute ass. My life is a tragedy."
"Shut the fuck up, Dave."
"Jesus, you're grumpy. I'm the one being led astray, here."
He grunts when you smack him, and his chuckles follow you into sleep.
-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 10:03-
CG: I TOLD YOU I'D PESTER YOU BEFORE WE LEFT. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO CONTACT ME IF YOU ALREADY TOLD ME TO CONTACT YOU? IT'S STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS THAT MAKES ME DOUBT YOUR INTELLIGENCE.
EB: good morning, karkat! do you think you can wait until noon to take off? i know you're probably waiting on gamzee anyway, but i wanted to make sure!
CG: GODDAMN RIGHT I'M WAITING ON HIM. STORY OF MY LIFE. WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT TIME WE LEAVE ANYWAY?
EB: i need time to pack! dave, too.
CG: PACK? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
EB: we'll be at your place in a little bit!
CG: MY PLACE?
EB: we're going with you! and you say i'm the dumb one.
CG: WHO THE EVERLOVING FUCK INVITED YOU TWO? IF THERE'S ANYONE MORE INCOMPETENT THAN GAMZEE IT'S YOU TWO DICKSTRUMMING CUMSTAINS.
EB: good thing we're not asking! deal with it, jizzface.
CG:
CG: EGBERT.
EB: i know. you're welcome, karkat. see you soon, okay?
CG: YEAH.
CG: SEE YOU THEN.
-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 10:09-
[If it's not love, then it's the bomb, then it's the bomb that will bring us together. So ask me, ask me, ask me! Ask me, ask me, ask me!]
Sachi: Review for love! I'd love to see some new names up there next chapter! *wonks*