My lovelies! Sorry for the lack of updates, I got caught up in the Evangelion madness and I had to write a story with Kaworu in it because he's beautiful. Now, yay, an update! It's really fun to write this story, because the dialogue is pretty funny, and it makes me laugh while I'm thinking about it. Now, let's move onto your love! Kira-Lime Orijima, *accepts award*thank you, dear! I'd like to thank...my cat for being cute! Callie982, thank you sooo much! I love to hear it! Rai Rai Blue, I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far! This pretty much is YOUR story, haha. Now, enough of my babbles. On with the story! (also this chapter is dedicated to rai rai blue because she's having a hard time with jerky people and she needs support!)
Sleepyhead
(Passion Pit)
[And you said it was like fire around the brim! Burning solid, burning thin, the burning rim! Like stars burning holes right through the dark! Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes. You were one inch from the edge of this bed. I drag you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead !]
You're John Egbert, and you're not sure Dave will make it through this trip.
Sure, he might surprise you and not pitch a fit before it's over with, but you're pretty sure if he even makes it that far, he'll be killed by Karkat before he can celebrate.
He's been kicking Karkat's seat for the past hour, but you think he's doing it mindlessly. The worst part is the endless sass streaming from his mouth, which always happens when he's bored. He's insulted everyone in the car at least once, you included, but he's trying to be quiet, which is a first. You're beginning to think it's literally killing him, because he won't stop moving and groaning. Seriously, you're marrying a drama queen.
You make poor life decisions, John.
"Would you shut the fuck up, Strider?" Karkat finally fires off, looking back at the two of you. Dave just sighed too dramatically, and you knew it was only a matter of time.
"I can't. I literally can't. I'm dying. I'm fucking dying."
"Dave, you're not dying," you say.
"I am though. I can feel each one of my cells committing suicide. Boredom is the samurai sword, and all my internal organs are rushing toward it, seppuku style. I'm like the last samurai and y'all are killing me with your mass amounts of fucking suck."
"You just need a motherfuckin' break, bro," Gamzee says. "Ain't no samurai style deaths going down here today."
"Excuse you, but none of us are 'breaking' yet. We've only been on the road for a goddamn hour. Drama queen Dave back there can choke on his own tongue before we're stopping this car," Karkat says.
Instead of responding, Dave reaches his foot over the glove box and places the tip of his shoe at Karkat's ear. Karkat then thrashes to try and jump on Dave in the backseat, and Gamzee swerves the car as some of the flails reach him. There's a chorus of honking from some of the other cars on the highway, and when the car is back between the lines where it's supposed to be, all of you are breathing pretty heavily.
"Jesus fucking Christ," you say, your heart beating fast, "Dave- Dave you almost just killed us!"
"I did not! I didn't think he'd flip the fuck out!"
"What the fuck do people normally do when pompous ass jockeys put their disease ridden feet near them?!" Karkat hisses, already trying to reach in the backseat to swat at Dave.
"Hey, dudes, calm down, jeeze," you say, pushing Karkat's hand away. "He's sorry, right?"
"No, I'm not. I'm not sorry for anything I do, ever," Dave says.
"I'm about to shove my foot up your fucking ass," Karkat says.
"Kinky," Dave says.
"Ughhh," you groan. "Can you guys get along for like, sixteen more hours? Please? I kinda don't want to die today."
"It's time for my music then, Karbro," Gamzee says, moving his wiry arm in almost slow motion to unhook Karkat's phone from the adapter and plugging his own in.
"Thank whatever fucking holy life form there is for that," Dave says. "If I had to hear anymore Kesha I was gonna bite my own tongue off and spit the pieces at every one of y'all."
"That would've been a blessing in so many ways," Karkat says.
"You just want my tongue touching you."
"I would rather eat a thousand pine cones."
"Your mom's a pine cone."
"Your face is a pine cone!"
At the sound of your dramatic groaning, Gamzee turns up the radio, and you're secretly in agreement with Dave that it's not more pop music. But you still don't know what you're listening to.
"What is this?" you ask.
"Kid Cudi," Dave says before Gamzee can. "Mr. Solo Dolo."
"Heck yeah, my musical based encyclopedia brother. He's motherfuckin' dope," Gamzee grins. Karkat settles in his seat, arms still crossed over his chest. He looks calmer though, so at least that's a thing.
Dave is noticeably more bearable after that, you notice. Maybe it was just the fact that he can't stand Karkat's music. God, he's such a hipster. You really need to reevaluate your taste in life partners. Before you can think too much about it, your phone vibrates against your leg.
-gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:03-
GG: jooohhhnnnn!
EB: hi, jade! it's been forever!
GG: i know youve been so busy
GG: how is everything going before the BIG day? :D
EB: oh well... something sort of came up.
GG: oh nooooo
GG: did you finally realize youre too good for dave? weve all been thinking its only a matter of time!
EB: hahahaha! yes that's exactly it! how was i so blind for so long?
GG: no clue!
EB: we're actually leaving town for a few days.
GG: huh? why when its so close to your wedding?
EB: well...karkat's dad died.
GG: D: oh nooooo!
GG: i need to message him and tell him im sorry!
EB: you should! but yeah, he's going back to washington but he's scared to fly, so we're all driving with him.
GG: dave is too?
EB: i know. i was surprised too.
GG: well i mean hes a dumb butt
GG: but he wouldnt let you go alone! hes dave
EB: yeah. i'm really lucky to have him.
GG: youre lucky to have each other!
EB: but i feel kind of skeezy for making us go on a trip so close to the wedding!
GG: hmmmmm it IS kinda weird!
GG: but youre just a really good friend! i think dave knows that
EB: jade, i love you.
GG: i love you too!
EB: i can't wait to see all of you again! it's been too long!
GG: i knoooow! it's been ridiculous not seeing everyone again
GG: im glad we could talk a little but ive gotta go feed bec now and hes so hard to catch sometimes! youre okay though?
EB: huh? of course i am!
GG: good :)
GG: pester me soon!
-gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:20-
You put your phone in your lap and fiddle with it idly, not paying attention to anything in particular. Gamzee's music is still blaring through the speakers, and it's on a slow song. You yawn, slipping further down into your seat. Dave nudges you in the shoulder, and he points to your phone when you look at him.
-turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:22-
TG: was that jake
EB: no, you're safe. it was jade.
TG: oh sweet
TG: how is she
EB: good. she was going to feed bec and had to leave early though.
TG: her and that monster dog
TG: hell eat her one day and itll be a national tragedy
TG: "girl swallowed whole, only remains are geeky glasses"
EB: as much as I want to deny it, this seems likely!
Dave snorts a little, and then his knee rests against yours as his thumbs move over his screen.
TG: sorry im being a dick today
EB: you usually are. :B
TG: yeah but im sort of amplifying the dickness
TG: down with the dickness
TG: ooh ahh ahh ahh ahh
EB: dave, oh my god no.
TG: cmon get down with the dickness
EB: you're such a loser.
TG: im YOUR loser
EB: that was so cheesy it hurts.
TG: want me to kiss it better?
You laugh under your breath, shaking your head.
EB: why are we talking through pesterchum when we're right beside each other?
TG: because karkat flips out if we even breathe loud much less talk
EB: you were kind of starting it!
TG: nah
EB: yes!
TG: i wonder if well be stopping at a hotel to sleep at
EB: i doubt it. i think he wants to drive straight there.
TG: damn
EB: did you want a hotel for some reason?
TG: yeah to tear you apart in
Your body heats up and you bite your lip, glancing up at him only to see he's looking at you, too. You fidget in your seat to press your body closer to his, and he seems to do the same.
EB: that sounds really nice.
TG: you moaning is always pretty nice
EB: jesus, dave.
TG: i saw what you were talking about earlier
EB: about what?
TG: karkat
TG: he was smiling at us
TG: hes really happy we went with him
EB: yeah, he's just too proud to admit it!
TG: good thing we all have you in our lives to force us together and make us talk about our feelings
EB: hey fuck you! i so don't do that!
Dave's shoulders shake from silent laughter, and he puts his phone back in his pocket before reaching over to pull you into his chest. You settle there, breathing in his scent and idly tracing indistinct patterns on his shirt. His breathing is deep, and soon it evens out so much that you know he's asleep. When he slumps against you, you lean up to pull him into your lap, unbuckling his seat belt so he has room. You hook his sunglasses in your collar. Karkat looks back at you.
"Oh, thank fucking Jesus," he says. "Maybe he'll be more pleasant after a nap. And I'm using the word 'pleasant' really loosely, mind you."
"I know, dude," you say. "He was being so grumpy."
"So I've been motherfuckin' wondering," Gamzee says suddenly, reaching up to turn the radio down. "Is your brother gonna be there?"
"Ugh, of all the things you could've been wondering about, it had to be about that self-righteous asshole," Karkat grumbles.
"Hey, yeah," you say. "I haven't seen Kankri since he visited the store forever ago. Doesn't he live in Oregon, now?"
"Yeah, he moved out there with his stupid boy toy, Cronus," Karkat says. "If you can imagine a pretentious fuck in person, that's Cronus Ampora. Punching him in the face would be too good for him."
"What's wrong with him?" you ask.
"He's just really fucking annoying. And he used to flirt with everything. Literally, every-fucking-thing. I don't know how they ever ended up getting married."
"They're married?" you ask.
"Yeah. They didn't really tell anyone. Kankri told me, but I didn't go."
"Why?"
"We're not exactly close. But he's pretty close to Dad." Karkat pauses, and then looks pointedly out the window. "Or was close, I should say."
"Didn't they have that huge motherfuckin' fight though?" Gamzee asks.
"Well, yeah. Dad didn't approve of him dating a guy. My father is literally the equivalent of the most racist, sexist, and homophobic person you could imagine. It's seriously amazing the world gets to be without his shitty spirit taking up perfectly good space, now."
"What about your mom?" you ask, unused to hearing Karkat speak so openly about his family.
"She's pretty typical. Preacher's wife and shit."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You dad was a preacher?"
"God was number one in our household," Karkat says. "And the rest of us only got to talk when my dad said it was okay."
You fall silent at that, wondering about what kind of life Karkat must have had. You've always imagined that he came from loud parents, because he himself is so loud. But now, you aren't sure.
Maybe he's always so loud because he's afraid of no one listening to him?
Suddenly overcome, you reach forward and grip his sleeve, giving him a shaky grin when he looks at you. He rolls his eyes but he grins back.
"Easy there, Egbert," he says. "You lean forward anymore and Fucks McGee is gonna fall out of your lap."
You lean back, but keep your hand on his sleeve for a second longer. His reaches up to cover yours, and he gives a slight squeeze. He lets go a moment before you do. Gamzee gives you both a look, and you think there are tears in his eyes.
"That was motherfuckin' beautiful," he says.
"Shut the fuck up, ass goblin," Karkat says.
"When I first met Karbro," Gamzee says, reaching over to ruffle Karkat's hair, "he wouldn't motherfuckin' talk to nobody. I had to get him mad to get him to talk."
"I wasn't talking to you, you fucking waste of brain cells. I was yelling at you."
"But we've been best bros ever since!"
"You guys met in grade school, right?" you ask.
"Second grade," Karkat says. "Gamzee was eating glue, and I tried to make it a point to not go near him."
"It wasn't just glue," Gamzee says. "I ate motherfuckin' glitter, too."
"...Why would you announce that?" you ask.
"It was a major accomplishment, my misunderstanding brother."
"He wanted to feel fucking pretty on the inside," Karkat sighs. "I'm still pretty sure I saw a cloud of glitter come out of his mouth just a few years ago."
You snort, reaching down to card your fingers through Dave's hair. He makes a pleased hum and nuzzles into your thigh, long legs bent at the most awkward angle. Long minutes pass in silence, and you begin to feel yourself drifting off as well when Gamzee's voice breaks the quiet.
"Can we stop at this convenient store? I'm having motherfuckin' Faygo withdraws."
"Ugh, yeah." Karkat says. "If I don't get caffeine, I'm going face first into the dashboard."
Gamzee pulls the car into the gas station, parking right outside the door. He turns to look at you.
"You coming in, bro?" he asks. You shake your head.
"I don't think I can get up."
"Wake him the hell up," Karkat says. "Even if you aren't coming in, we aren't stopping again for a while. I'd stretch out if I were you."
Mulling this over, you reach down to shake Dave gently. He grumbles and curls into himself.
"Dave, c'mon," you whine. "I need to stretch my legs!"
"Nghh."
"I'll buy you an apple juice."
Slowly, he uncurls and moves to a sitting position, looking over at you with an expectant stare before he pulls his shades back on. You grin and hop out of the car.
Inside, Gamzee is trying to decide on a Faygo flavor, and Karkat has already made a beeline for the pastries. He's looking longingly at the little packs of doughnuts, and you shake your head at him before grabbing Dave an apple juice and yourself a Pepsi. Gamzee saunters over to you, holding a gigantic bag of Doritos.
"Look how motherfuckin' big this bag is," he says in awe. "It's like...gargantu-bag. We need this."
"I think I want some Lifesavers," you say. You'd really like some Gushers, but you'll settle for gummies. Grabbing Dave some sour straws, you head to the register. The girl rings you up, but her eyes stay trained on Gamzee. You don't blame her. In his saggy pants and huge shirt, he does look like a potential menace.
Once outside, you find Dave leaning against the car, stretching his arms in the air. You toss him the apple juice, which he catches with one hand, and join him against the car.
"How long was I out?" he asks.
"Like forty-five minutes?" you guess. "I'm not really sure."
"I had a dream that Gamzee was on fire."
"Oh, shit. Did he die?"
"No. He was just like, 'I'm motherfuckin' burning. This shit's a miracle,'" Dave says, and you laugh at his Gamzee impersonation.
Karkat and Gamzee file out of the store, and Dave lunges for the front seat, motioning for you to claim shotgun. You do as he says, and he locks the front doors manually, leaving the other two with the backseat as the only option. Karkat crawls in, but he's spewing obscenities before he's even in the car all the way.
"You taint-sniffing fuck, who the hell said you could drive my car?"
"Uh, me. Just now. Now, y'all get ready for some real music."
[They couldn't think of something to say the day you burst! With all their lions, and all their might, and all their thirst! They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin! Against the walls, against your rules, against your skin! My beard grew down to the floor and out through the doors of your eyes, but go in disguise like a sleepyhead. Sleepyhead! Go ahead.]