01

The Odd Results of 'Normal' Rescues

The Nanny, The Wife and The In-laws

Clara Oswald had changed her name to Clarissa Matthews, it was such an ordinary name that she rather thought he'd miss it. And he had, actually: The TARDIS hadn't, though she had known at the time that was a possibility. When she heard the engines in her living room some six years after the last time she'd seen him, she had to wonder, just how high his gall actually ran. She heard the door open, then heard two things...the Doctor who was, for a wonder, urging restraint upon whomever was with him and two sets of footsteps, one of which was too light, small and fast to be the Doctor's, whose heavier tread she could also hear on her hardwood floor.

"Clara? I'm in a bit of a pickle with my new daughter. Well, sort of new, I've had her since she was two so she's only new to you, I suppose...she's six and I've had her for four years." He paused. "She's a a point of human development that I need a bit of a hand with."

That brought her out into her living-room to stare at him. "Doctor, human children require cuddles."

"Yes, I do that. I do it quite a lot, thank you. When she was teething, I had to learn to like it."

She blinked at him owlishly, until he flushed.

"Stop that."

"You are here because you need an experienced nanny and teacher, one that can handle being in the TARDIS." She folded her arms and just looked at him. "I'm alone and unemployed...as of a few days ago, and now I have to wonder how much you had to do with that. I suppose you want me to pack this time." She sighed. "It's better than leaving her to walk all over you."

"Oi, she..."

"She doesn't?"

He shifted uncomfortably and then just finally nodded. "Not sure how she does it, Clara. She just looks up at me with those big blue eyes and I'm just gone."

"Oh, you poor thing." But she was grinning at him like he was a one-legged, broken winged chicken and she was an alligator.

"It's her birthday today. In under two seconds she had me promising she could pick out a puppy for the TARDIS from an Earth pet-store, any breed she wants."

Her mouth opened into a small round 'O' at this.

"And even the wardrobe room is running out of things her size...I've actually got British and American cash on me, if you can believe that, lots of it...because she's just about outgrown all her things and we've got to go and get new clothes and shoes for her. Me! Clothes shopping!"

"Oh dear, do you even know where to go for children's clothes?"

"Not really, no." He answered rather miserably.

"It's alright, Doctor. You can do this, it's part of parenthood so you have to learn it. I'll show you...and I'll show you how to resist her eyes. Though, granted, that will only take a gracious plenty of practice, along with something you have a great deal of."

"Which is?"

"Spare time, now that you're not running after folks anymore...and won't be for at least another ten years...linear. Will you?"

He had a pained look on his face as he agreed. "Bobbi comes first."

"Yes. Children do." She smiled at him, then. "But they're worth it. All of it."

"Yes. Yes they are." The Thirteenth Doctor wasn't at all sure he liked the implications of that grin she was wearing though.

"Why America?"

"Unlikely to see anyone I know, only strangers will see me shopping here. In England, there's always a chance..."

"Oi, silly old man." Clara giggled at him as she looked around and then led them both into a Dillard's, asked for directions to the children's section, thanked to floor walker for her answer and advised the woman to ignore the old, shopping-allergic, Grampians idiot with her. A quiet 'oi' from the Doctor was met by a grin from both adult females and then Clara led the way toward the little girl's section of the store.

Personally, she found that watching him when he was this far out of his comfort zone to be a total blast. Her phone rang and when she flipped it open she noted it was Kate Stuart.

"Hi, sorry, honey, we're in a mall somewhere in the depths of Wild America...he's adopted a child, did you know? Yes, really. Seems the wardrobe room didn't have enough things in her size so rather than take a chance that someone he knew would see him shopping..."

"Oi, who are you talking to?"

"Kate Stuart, I was late for a tea date, but don't worry, she can't see you." She grinned broadly, "She'll be telling the queen about it and most likely, sporting a grin for days at the mere thought, but she can't actually see you shopping for clothing for a six year old little girl, in a Dillards, of all places. With actual cash. Which was the other reason she called, as you've never withdrawn funds and it's all been piling up for decades. It startled U.N.I.T.."

"Oi." He groaned. "You just had to tell her that."

"'Course I did. She thought you'd been mugged or something."

He let a long suffering sigh, then just gave in and nodded wordless agreement.

"Let me reschedule our tea, because I assure you, she understands why allowing you your choices in children's clothes is a bad idea. Definitely needed supervision." She yanked the phone away from her ear, switching it to 'speaker' mode and the Doctor could quite clearly hear what sounded like a room full of laughter and Kate Stuart's voice going, "Oh, oh my, I can just imagine what he'd come up with. We've got color photos of Six after all."

"OI! There is absolutely no need to be insulting."

"Oh my, yes...that was insulting. One colorblind incarnation was more than enough, says I." Another, familar voice sounded next to him, his head shot around and he groaned again.

"Say bye-bye to Kate...another me just showed up." He turned to Eight and smiled, pointed out Bobbi. "I've adopted her, four years linear, going by her growth rate. Rescued her from a wreck of starship and she was the only survivor. I just...ended up keeping her. She calls us 'daddy', never Doctor, not even once, just so you know, I answer to it so she'll expect that from all of me. She's our daughter, Eight. She's seen the gallery and um, she thinks your me is 'pretty'."

"Do tell? A daughter. How wonderful. In case you're wondering...and you should be, I've just retrieved and am returning to this end of my Timeline, a lost lady. I'd like some confirmation before I leave her with you though, this far along, you'll know where she belongs in the timeline."

"What's her name?"

"Well, she knows our's, which I found startling when she made a point of using it to prove beyond any hope of doubt that she did, in fact, belong to any and all of me. That took care of it quite fast, on the order of immediately and at once, as I'm sure you are aware."

"Yes, that would do it."

"She said your clone told it to her, whom she's outlived by four hundred years already, she just said it was all B.W.'s doing and that should enough for you, just those two initials...and then she told me that you were expected to tell me her's."

"Rose Tyler. To be precise, Rose Marion Tyler. And yes, I know the B.W. reference. Sneaky, our Rose...gave me all the info I needed right there and slid it past you with you non-the-wiser. Eleven lost her, the metacrisis me was that me's clone. A metacrisis yes...and to be precise, a part human Doctor of the same regeneration...he couldn't remain in our universe and he needed not to left alone, without a TARDIS and without Rose, all at once. Dark Doctor would have likely emerged, you know? Could not take that chance. And any me would rather exile and TARDIS loss over losing Rose."

Eight thought about that and nodded. "Agreed."

Silently he explained the few things he could give to Eight, using Gallifreyan to do so, before continuing aloud. "Time's running faster over there and if she'd packed away that many years there. It'd be about two and a half times that long here. The rest of Eleven and all of Twelve's tenure...Twelve lasted in the neighborhood of eight or to over thousand years. That's the best you'll get from me on that issue."

"Sounds like one of our longest. To be honest, I kept Rose with me a lot longer than I had to once she spoke our name. Lovely girl. But I think you know where I have to go next."

"Yes, and she can't be there...not yet. Because she wasn't, not until the end of Nine...and that was only a part of her soul blended oddly with somone else along with a huge power-source to rescue our Ninth and our Tenth at the same moment but at different points of our timeline...it was an incredibly complicated event during which the TARDIS was involved for the needed calculations...but without any imput from me worth mention...that was the B.W. incident and it created a massive fixed point that stretches now over most of the multiverse. The rest of her was all with Eleven. Sorry, don't ask."

"No, as compliated as all that sounds, that could be bad." He shuddered. "Between that and the emotions bleeding off you, I don't have the slightest interest in asking. I really, really just don't want to know."

"Yes." Thirteen moved over to Bobbi and picked her up. "Bobbi, this is the pretty Eighth me you liked in the Gallery. He's brought our wife home."

"Wife?" Clara asked, startled.

"Yes. He's retrieved Rose from the parallel universe she was stuck in."

"Yes. That's good though, right?"

"It is for me. And you'll be by to fix Eight's problems pretty soon."

"Fix my problems?"

Clara gave him a hug. "It'll be fine. For me, this is already done and that one can confirm, even if we don't or won't mention exactly what we're talking about."

"Okaaaay." He was not so frustrated that he didn't accept Bobbi's slight weight when she launched herself at him, starting his other self. He caught her easily.

"Daddy."

"Yes, me too...and from what that daddy said, twelve more. There's even a clown me, lots of bright colors and shoes too big and he's just for your entertainment. Sixth me, that is...and do you know what?"

"What?"

"He doubles as a dress-up dolly. You can pick out outfits and he'll try them on and take you out for Ice Cream or to a children's park to test them in public...just tell him which me told you that. That should do it."

Laughter exploded behind him. "Doctor! That was mean! Funny, but mean."

"Well, that me deserved it." Thirteen told her, arms open to Clara's complete shock, as he eagerly sought Rose's embrace. He stood there, allowed her to hold him tightly, and simply shook. "Missed you, Rose Tyler. So very much."

"Missed you too, old man."

"I was told the age gap, while still considerable, is smaller."

"Yes. It is...about half what it was. Does it matter?"

"No. Not at all." He looked over her shoulder and told Eight, "Come back for Clara but make sure it's the you about a week after Grace and long before Charley. She's had a worse time with me than Martha did with Eleven after Rose fell and she'll fit better with you than anyone but Twelve. And you keep her, even after Charley joins you. I've approved the edit. You'll enjoy it and you won't be allowed to keep the memory of Rose when you pick up Clara...any more than you will now."

"Very well, what have you done the poor girl?"

"I think...Rose is the only person, other than Bobbi, that this me will willingly embrace. Clara needs the contact and I can't."

"Oh dear. Very well, Clara dear, I'll be right back," He told her, but it'll be a younger me, so I won't know about you yet."

"Who is she?" Rose asked Thirteen, indicating Bobbi.

"I adopted her when she was two, she was the only survior of a wrecked spaceliner the TARDIS and I found. This is Bobbi...she's turning six today. I'm actually here on a clothes shopping trip for Bobbi...the wardrobe room just doesn't have much in it for small children and Clara didn't trust me to shop for her on my own."

"Not after he promised her a puppy, any breed of her choice, from Earth, for the TARDIS." Clara told her with that alligator grin.

Rose nodded. "Smart girl."

Eight eyed his elder, then melted under Bobbi's blue eyed gaze. "I can see how I'd need help saying 'no' to this little one." He agreed.

Rose swept the child into her arms and said distinctly, "Good Girl! Even I never managed to pull that one off!"

"Rose!" Thirteen protested though his eyes were sparkling at her, upon hearing Clara and Eight both start laughing at him...Eight was laughing twice, he paused to decide between groaning and growling. That settled, the Thirteenth Doctor growled. "You know better."

"So I do, fortunately, I was already here. I'll be going then, before the probably already scheduled disaster starts. I've enough on my plate." The one holding the child again told him, handing Bobbi over, carefully to the other Eight. The manuver was accomplished without any touching. "That's Bobbi, Thirteen there adopted her four years ago when she was two. We've already told her that Sixth us is her own personal dress up dollie toy, a clown version." He then repeated exactly what he'd told the child, making himself snicker...he got a final hug from Rose, then got ready to depart...taking care of a few last minute details first.

"Oh, I've a daughter, how lovely. And yes, keeping a six year old daughter's attention...and keeping her likewise entertained, is an excellent explanation for Six...and the Coat." The much younger Eight exclaimed, cuddling the child, then tuned everyone else out while he began to move through the racks, Clara tailing him while the elder Eight and Thirteen used telepathy to tell him about Thirteen's failures with Clara and sure enough, when the younger version left, Clara had her right hand clasped securely in his left one and Rose had taken over shopping for Bobbi. She didn't trust him to know what not to buy, either. She knew him too well for that.

"Oh! I almost forgot to tell you!" Rose exclaimed suddenly. "Mum and Tony are with me! Eighth made sure I had some family with me and since I told that you that mum outlived Pete again, well... And of course, Eight has already seen to the details and all so you don't have to bother with those bits...has them settled in your version of the old girl and got older her to give them rooms. And you said to tell yourself that, for a mother in law, she's a good sort. That you quite likes her. And Mum loves her suite and she will also love being a grandmum...after she gets used to the idea, of course."

The Thirteenth Doctor stared at Rose in utter horror, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, soundlessly. Tony he didn't mind, really, but why did Eight, as he had to have done, go back to get Rose's mum and bring her back as well? Seriously? Jackie Tyler as a Companion on the TARDIS?

"I'm doomed." He croaked.

~TBC~