"Rick?"
Rick and Michonne had just ascended the steps to their home when they heard a female voice call out behind them. They turned to see their neighbor, Jessie Anderson, standing in the middle of their yard looking upset. Rick and Michonne exchanged a quick questioning glance. It was nearly 9:00 PM and they were just coming home from a long meeting at Deanna's. They had gone straight to her house after returning from the woods to debrief her on the walker they found and the need to inform the community and increase security measures given what they had seen at Shirewilt. What should have been a short, straight-forward meeting had been drawn out due to Deanna's reluctance to enact their plan. She didn't want to cause alarm in the community and preferred to keep the matter among a select few.
"Hey Jessie. Everything OK?" Rick called out to her, his tone sounding more bothered than concerned. Jessie probably couldn't tell, but Michonne picked up on it easily. She imagined that he was frustrated with his obligation to get involved in whatever was going on at this late hour, especially when he had more pressing matters on his mind.
"No," she said as her voice cracked with emotion and her eyes welled up with tears. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure. Come on in." His tone softened, likely at the sight of her tears. He continued up toward the front door, but she balked.
"Can we talk elsewhere? I just...I don't want..." she trailed off as she nervously looked in the direction of her house.
Rick looked at Michonne again; she noticed his jaw was tightened. She brushed his forearm lightly and whispered, "Go ahead. I'll go get the kids and get them to bed."
"Thanks," he said as he turned to head down the steps toward Jessie.
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The sound of the front door opening startled Michonne out of her light sleep. She found herself on the living room couch where she had apparently dozed off. She glanced up at the clock on the wall which read 11:40 PM, then over to Rick who was taking his boots off in the foyer. "Hey," she called out.
"Hey. Sorry, I was trying not to wake you."
"No, it's OK. I was supposed to be waiting up for you."
He made his way over to the couch and took a seat next to her. He smiled at the sight of a bag of trail mix, empty wine glass, and half-drunk bottle of pinot noir on the coffee table. "This your dinner?"
"Yeah," she said bashfully. "Too tired to cook." She turned her body so that she was facing him; feet tucked under her and side against the back of the couch.
He smiled as he poured himself a glass and took a handful of trail mix, then leaned back into the couch and propped his feet up on the table. "Carl and Judith give you any problems?"
"None at all. They were asleep when I went to pick them up from Glenn and Maggie's so they said to just let them stay the night. They'll bring them by in the morning."
"You tell them what we found?"
"Of course I did. I don't care what Deanna thinks, I'm not keeping secrets from our family. They need to know about the threat so they can protect themselves. Plus Glenn was there with us, he deserves to know." Rick nodded in agreement. "You were gone a long time..."
"I went for a walk after we finished up. Just needed to clear my head. Guess I lost track of time." He ran his hand through his hair, then let it settle on the back of his neck while he rubbed it with a slight grimace on his face.
"What happened with Jessie?"
"Unfortunately it's what we suspected. She said Pete's been abusing her. He hasn't hit her in a couple of months, but he's been drinking more and they've been arguing a lot lately. She's afraid it's gonna start up again. She wants out for her and her boy's sake. Deanna's known about it, but never did anything."
"That seems to be her M.O." Michonne said rolling her eyes.
"Well, that's gonna have to change. On all accounts. I'm gonna see about getting Jessie and Pete separate places tomorrow and keep a closer eye on them. It's not ideal, but it's something."
"It is. Unfortunately you'll never be able to place enough distance between them in this place, never mind enforce it well enough to make a real difference. It sort of makes you miss our old legal system. Flawed as it was, at least there were options between ignoring it and exiling him."
Rick chuckled, "Yeah, if only we knew some cops and lawyers who could bring it back."
"If only..." she said with a grin.
Rick's face sobered quickly. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to make light of the situation. I'm just frustrated. I feel for her, I truly do. She's trapped in a shit marriage and there's no good solution here."
Michonne frowned as she looked at him. His eyes were cast down toward his hands in his lap. She knew the situation hit close to home on some level, and figured it was the reason he needed some time to himself after speaking with her. Aside from her brief acknowledgment of his visions of Lori, they had never discussed the specifics of the situation. Grieving a lost love is a normal reaction, but being haunted by one isn't. It implies some level of guilt and complicated feelings. She knew this, of course, from firsthand experience. He was quiet for a minute before he started talking again.
"Things were bad between Lori and me the months before she died. I was barely speaking to her. I was just done. Part of me want to end things, but I couldn't with the baby on the way, and Carl and her needing my protection. The last conversation we had, she actually made a joke about being unable to get a divorce and what for better or for worse meant nowadays." He shook his head, still looking down. "If things hadn't ended like they did, maybe we would have worked through it. Or maybe we would have ended up like Jessie and Pete."
"You're not like Pete. That's not how it would have been," she said softly. He tilted his head to look at her finally.
"No, I know, but we might still be together, hurting each other in different ways."
"But you're not," she pointed out to him in a gentle tone.
"No, we're not," he said as he exhaled and nodded his head. He leaned forward to grab the bag of trail mix and set it in his lap for easier access before settling back in. He popped a small handful into his mouth and looked at her with a wry smile while he chewed, "You were right today. This place definitely has a way of bringing up things."
"Yeah, it's not just that this place is a constant reminder of what used to be, it's that you actually have the time to think about it, too. That's the kicker," she said realizing this was one of the most honest things she'd said to him regarding why she, at least in some small way, was feeling out of sorts lately. She expected him to pick up on this and use it as an in to further conversation, but he seemed to be in his own head tonight.
"Yeah," he responded, his attention now focused on the bag on his lap as he dug through it with his free hand. Once he was done, he looked up at her again. "You doing OK after everything that happened today?"
"Yeah. I never expected an entirely peaceful existence here. Not much has changed except that we know who's coming and that's it's probably sooner than later." That was the honest truth. She felt safe, but not invincible in this community.
"Out in the woods today, I know I said I didn't care where we were, but I want you to know that I'm still going to do everything I can to protect this place."
"I know," she said unable to suppress the small smile that had popped up. She hadn't questioned this at all and found it funny that he felt the need to clarify. He widened his eyes a bit questioning her reaction. "That's what you do. What we do." She shrugged her shoulders as if to say it's just that simple and continued to watch him as he nodded, then returned his attention to the trail mix. She thought it was odd that he was so intent on this until she realized what he was doing.
"Are you eating around the raisins?" she said in a higher pitch, accusatory tone. She caught him off guard, and he turned to her, his face frozen in the most puzzled look.
"Yeah, I don't like raisins," he said unaware of what the problem was.
"Nobody does! You take a handful and eat it. No picking. It ruins the ratios for the rest of us." She extended her foot out to nudge his thigh for emphasis.
"God damn..." he said shaking his head with and laughing at her passionate reaction. He sealed up the bag and returned it to the table along with his now empty glass. "I think I'm set. Thanks for making dinner tonight, by the way" he teased her.
"Anytime," said grinning. She expected him to get up at that point, but he settled back into the couch and folded his hands across belly. He looked tired, and he had every reason to be given the day they had. He could have taken advantage of a rare night without the kids and gone straight upstairs to shower and go to sleep, yet here he was spending time with her. More time with her, actually, considering they had really only been apart for two and a half hours since waking. Their physical contact was increasing and becoming more casual, as well, after months of being friends and never so much as a quick hug, there was this compulsion now to initiate contact and she felt it from him too, most notably in his hug earlier that day.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked after a minute or so of quiet.
He looked at her out of the corner of his eye feigning fear since she had just attacked him over his eating habits. "I don't know..."
"When we were back in the barn, you said we do what we have to do, then we get to live. What does that look like to you?"
His eyes widened in surprise, not expecting a serious question at all. "Living?"
"Yeah," she said eyes locked on him.
He exhaled and furrowed his brow as if he was searching his mind for an answer. "Having a steady place to live. Food. Safety. Once we found that, I felt like we could ease up a little bit."
"Hmmm," she said nodding slowly. "Isn't that just surviving? Being comfortable?" He shifted so that his torso was now turned towards her and they were face to face. She thought he looked surprised that she had challenged his answer.
"Well, what does it look like for you?"
She shifted in her seat and noticed that she was breathing deeper, not because she was nervous, but because of the weight of what she was about to say. "I want a full life. I want everything. Safety, a home, community, family...love." She sustained his gaze watching for a reaction, and feeling surprisingly calm. She could see the rise and fall of his chest, as well. His gaze shifted downward for a second then return to her eyes before speaking in such a quiet, tender voice that it made her heart ache.
"You don't feel like you have that already?"
"No. Not all of it." She spoke quietly, but unapologetically. Directly, but without blame. He nodded in understanding and swallowed hard. She could see him wrestling with what to say before he spoke.
"I think...I think that in this world, the more you have in your life, the more vulnerable you are. There's only so much loss someone can take." She nodded accepting that he was coming from a place of fear. Perhaps tonight wasn't the best night to have this conversation given the imminent threat to their safety and the situation with the Andersons, but there was no such thing as a good time now.
"Yeah, I used to think that way too. The thing is, if you're worried about it, it's already too late." He broke her gaze and she could see tension in his face has he lowered his head. She reached her left hand up to his head and swept an errant curl from his forehead, then let her hand fall down to his cheek. She leaned in and placed a light kiss on his forehead before pulling away and letting her hand finish trailing down his face. She stood up from the couch and made her way upstairs to her bedroom.
A/N: Don't be upset with me. Please. I had to cut it off somewhere, and we'll pick right back up where we left off in the next chapter. Expect the final installment next week. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you're enjoying this. I thought it would be worth seeing what would happen if Rick and Michonne were their own biggest obstacles without too much outside influence. They have issues, but they are staying in each other's lives and staying sane because of it (ahem, Rick). I also wanted to cast a different light on Jessie story line and how I felt it would affect our characters' lives.