Our Hell
First went wrong is hard to find
We're paralyzed, we apologize
Our hell is a good life
Last went wrong, where's my prize under the lights
Can we call it in?
We'll be on the road
Can we stop?
When we stop my face will turn your face toward the fence
What I thought it was it isn't now
All this weight, is honest worse
We're moderate, we modernize
till our hell is a good life
All we know what to forget… how to do right
Coloring in the black hole
Can't we stop, when we stop
My hands will shake, my throat will burn
My eyes will ache, watching you turn
From me toward your friends
What I thought it was it isn't now
What I thought it was it isn't
It wasn't seeing mark that bothered Callie. She missed him. She wasn't going to pretend she didn't, because denial eventually makes a lunatic, but what she minded was, trying to keep her distance while Mark eyeballed her every chance he got. And they weren't just lingering little glances either. They were full on 'I want to see you naked' looks, and they were making things a little difficult for Callie. So she decided to take a day off for herself and sent Sophie off with Mark for the day.
A day to herself that was turning out to be quite a lot of work.
It's not like Callie didn't know what to do with time to herself--except, NOW…she really didn't know what to do with time to herself. Three years of not having spent one day without Mark and/or Sophie had really put a glitch in her sense of independence.
So far, all she had done was, had breakfast in bed and watched television until she finally was fed up and really couldn't care less about what the women on The View had to say. She cleaned the house and after loading the washing machine, she sat on the dryer with a magazine on her lap and found herself incredibly bored with nothing to do. And it was only eleven-thirty.
Back at the hospital, Mark sat in the cafeteria, a group of nurses gushing behind him as he played with Sophie, who sat on top of the table. He face was covered in apple sauce that he had been feeding her and both they both laughed at the spit bubble she made and babbled random words mixed with baby talk.
He pulled her to stand on his lap hen she leaned forward and cropped a big, wet kiss on her dad's lips. He heard the nurses 'aww' behind him and without so much as a glance at them said, "I know it's painfully adorable to see a man as handsome and rugged such as myself play with a child, but, contrary to the gossip topic de jour, I'm still taken. Sorry to burst that bubble for you, ladies."
The women rolled their eyes and mumbled under their breaths as they walked away and passed Chief Webber, who had spotted Mark and Sophie and was now making his way to their table, where he set his food tray down and chuckled as Sophie recognized him immediately. He picked her up and sat down next to Mark, "Hey, baby girl. Haven't seen you since your birthday party."
Mark tried to ignore that even the Chief of Surgery had managed to show up to his daughter's birthday party and simply watched him make faces at Sophie. It always amazed him how a tiny baby could turn a grown man into a blabbering idiot.
"You've got apple sauce on your clothes, Sloan." He said flatly, glaring at him for looking at him with that look--
"Oh--shit." He said, before his pager went off. He was needed immediately, "Oh, SHIT. Richard, watch Sophie. The nursery's full--"
"Wha--" Richard stammered, his eyes wide as Mark kissed Sophie goodbye and started to leave, "--no, I can't."
"Sure you can. You're practically a woman." Mark said and patted his shoulder before leaving.
Richard looked at Sophie like she was an alien, "Are you--hungry?" He asked, and she said, "Bubble.". He chuckled as she reached forward and touched his stubble.
XXX
Derek stood in the residents lounge, tossing an empty yogurt cup in the garbage, when the chief stormed in, diaper bag over his shoulder, bouncing child in arms.
Derek snorted a laugh, "Uncle Richard?" he said mockingly.
"Shut up." He ordered, "I am the chief of surgery. I don't BABYSIT. You tell Sloan the staff members don't work for him, and neither do I--" he said, handing the baby over to Derek and setting the diaper bag at his feet, "--you're her godfather."
"Whoa! I can't watch her--"
"I'm a busy man. I'm the CHIEF." He said sternly, glaring at him before glancing at Sophie, "And you're damn right I'm uncle Richard."
Derek watched, mouth agape, as he left him with Sophie. He bounced her on his hip and sighed, "What are we going to do with you, huh?"
XXX
Callie laid on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table as the Clash played in the background, an empty bowl of ice cream sat on her lap and she played with the spoon in her mouth. She finally sighed and removed it from her mouth, sitting up to reach for the phone, which rested on the table.
She dialed Meredith's number, and when the answering machine picked up, she groaned, "Hey, Meredith. It's Cal. I'm--bored out of my mind. I don't know what to do with myself. And I miss Sophie and--that's it. Just Sophie. And I'm bored. And I know you're off today, so--anyway, I'll come over later with ice cream for me and tequila for you. Okay? Bye." She hung up and sighed heavily again.
XXX
Meredith pushed the door the lounge open and placed her hands on her hips at seeing Derek laying on the couch with Sophie on his stomach, laughing as she used his chest for a drum.
"Did you seriously call me over here on my only day off in two weeks?" She asked coming closer.
He sat up and kissed Sophie's cheek, "I only have eyes for you, too, wife. I need you to watch Sophie." he said, standing up and handing her over.
"What?" She asked, confused, but babies made her giggly and stupid, so she kissed Sophie hello, "Hi, sweetheart." To Derek she said, "Why are YOU watching her? Is this some kind of trick to get me to say yes to babies? Because I said I'd think about it--"
"No--" He laughed and kissed her lips sweetly, "--It's Mark's day with her, but he has surgery and the nursery's closed--since when is Richard her uncle?"
"I don't know. Why can't you watch her?"
"I have surgery in twenty minutes. We've been playing for an hour. She should be ready for a nap soon."
"Well, I can't watch her!" She said in horror, "I've never even been alone with her."
"You're her second godmother. You'll be fine." baby seat is over there." he said with a smile before disappearing through the door.
"Yeah, but--" She was left alone and she panicked for a second, "Cristina does it all the time and you're still alive. I can do it. Right?" She asked Sophie, who yawned and leaned her head on her shoulde, "yeah, I'll be fine."
XXX
Callie walked up the steps to Meredith's house and knocked before pushing the door open, "Meredith?" She called as she closed the door, "Hello!"
"Upstairs!" She heard her answer.
"Oh." She dropped her jacket on the sofa and started upstairs, "I didn't bring tequila." She joked, "I was going to bring ice cream, but then I thought, it's going to melt, so…" She pushed the door to Meredith's room open and winced in the dark, "What are you doing?"
"Um--" Meredith turned around slowly and Callie's jaw dropped with a loud gasp, "Wait." Meredith whispered, rocking a sleeping Sophie in her arms, "Don't be mad at Mark. It was an emergency and we were just trying to help. She's fine. She's sleeping. She's okay."
Callie rolled her eyes and couldn't help but smile at how big Sophie looked in Meredith's arms, "She looks like a giant next to your scrawny ass."
Meredith laughed quietly and gladly handed her over to Callie's waiting arms.
"Hey, baby. I've missed you today." She whispered and leaned down to kiss her before setting her down on Meredith's bed, which was already set up with pillows forming a cradle so she wouldn't fall off the bed. Callie raised an impressed eyebrow at her, "Nice."
"Thank you." She mouthed at her.
They waited until they were out in the hallway before speaking, "So, what did you mean when you said 'we'?"
"Oh--" Meredith stammered as they went down the stairs, "--the chief was watching her, and then Derek was watching her, and then I was."
Callie sighed heavily and flopped down on a chair in the kitchen, "I don't even know what to say to that. My child is being raised by a surgical village."
"Oh. Guess what I found out." Meredith said suddenly, changing the subject.
"What?"
"Remember the guy Cristina slept with after the wedding and then was seeing not so secretly behind our backs?"
"The Mike with the hair guy?"
"The Mike with the hair guy." Meredith nodded.
"What about him?"
"I heard her on the phone the other day. It sounds like it's back on."
Callie nodded in approval, slightly proud, "Wow. Well, at least ONE of us is getting some."
"Hey!"
"Oh, you're married. It'll be over for you soon."
XXX
Mark screeched his car to a halt outside Meredith's house, and as he feared, Callie's car was parked outside, "Shit…" He sighed and reluctantly climbed out of the black Volvo Callie had made him buy after Sophie was born and, as slowly as possible walked up the porch steps and pushed the door open slowly, already regretting the shit storm he knew was going to hit.
Callie looked up at Mark as he entered the kitchen and the laugh she shared with Meredith quickly dissolved, "Hey. It's twelve-thirty. Wasn't surgery over a while back?"
He simply stared at her, tired.
"Look, if Sophie's going to be an inconvenience to your personal life--"
Meredith's palm hit her forehead, but it went unacknowledged.
Mark sighed heavily and spoke calmly, "There was a massive car accident this afternoon. I operated."
"You operated?"
"Yes. A lot."
"Oh."
"What, did you think I was hanging out at the hospital prowling for tired, defenseless nurses?"
"I don't know."
"You've ruined all women for me, Callie."
Meredith's head tilted, confused, "Was that a compliment?"
"How's Sophie?" Mark asked.
"Uh--" Callie started, still shocked by Mark's words and the calm tone in which h said them, "--she's fine. Sleeping still. Upstairs if you want to see her."
After about five minutes of Mark sitting next to Sophie, running his fingers through her hair, someone cleared their throat and he turned to find Callie leaning against the doorframe. Without saying anything, he stood and closed the door behind him, leaning against the wall, "Today--was crazy. Really. All I wanted to do was hang out with her but--"
"This." She interrupted quietly, "You an me? You didn't want it."
"Callie--'
"No. It's true. You didn't. You had me. You didn't want it."
"Callie--" he stammered, looking for words, "--what do you want me to do?!"
"I want you to be cordial. I want you to be polite. I want you to stop looking at me like you'd give your left arm to get me naked. We have to talk for her sake ... you have to talk about NOTHING for mine."
"Is that what you want? Really?"
"Yes."
He looked at her for a long time and finally nodded, "Okay. Fine."
"Thank you."
He smiled weakly, "I have to go. I need to sleep. I'll see you at work tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Goodnight."
"Night."
XXX
The cordial-ness of it all got old real quick after only a week. It was too easy, and hard at the same time. It was impersonal and exhausting and everything that Callie hated, but she knew it had to be done.
Callie leaned against the kitchen table, nervously chewing her finger nails as she listened carefully at Mark moving around in Sophie's room for a couple of minutes before she heard him carefully close the door.
She sat up straight and smiled as he walked into the kitchen. For the first time since he walked in the house, carrying a sleeping Sophie, he took notice of the black cotton shirt that hugged the shape of her breasts so well, then fell loosely down to her hips and over just a couple of inches of her jeans. Her hair was down and it was a bit longer than the last time he'd seen her. She was barefoot and her face free of make up.
He'd really been missing her.
The cordial-ness of it all got old real quick after only a week. It was too easy, and hard at the same time. It was impersonal and exhausting and everything that Callie hated, but she knew it had to be done.
"She is knocked out." He informed her, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the fridge, facing her.
She smiled in response, "She must be tired. Where did you guys go?"
"Park." He nodded, ignoring the tension in the room, "I got her ice cream. Just in case you were wondering what the stains on her clothes were."
She nodded as well, "Meredith told me you're still staying in the trailer. Why don't' you get a hotel room or something?" She inquired curiously, making the small talk as pleasant as possible."
He caught a whiff of her perfume from where he stood and it bothered him that he couldn't name the fragrance anymore. She had changed it, "Anything else is too final." He caught her eye and he saw what he thought was longing, "I miss you."
She cleared her throat and lifted her weight off of the table, "We said we weren't going to do this--" She said and grabbed a glass from the counter.
Mark bit his cheek, cursing himself for doing what he promised he wasn't going to do and stepped aside as she opened the fridge, grabbed a pitcher of water then closed it, "Sorry."
She poured water into her glass, water which she really didn't want to drink but needed as a distraction from anything else. She walked round the counter and across the room, leaning against the wall as she mindlessly sipped from her glass, "How did we get like this?" She asked, so silently that he almost didn't hear her.
He moved forwards, his eyes intent on her. Just as he reached her, she looked up at him and was caught off guard as he lowered his head and nuzzled his nose to hers, taking in her scent now that he was closer. She let out a heavy breath as he let his hand fall on her hip and his own breath hitched as he crushed his lips to hers, hard, forcing her lips apart with his tongue, and crushing her against the wall.
The glass in her hand slipped from her grasp and shattered at their feet. She could feel the moisture start to build up between her legs as he pressed his erection to the pit of her belly and she reached around his waist, pulling him closer, moaning as he bit her bottom lip and pulled roughly at her jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them quickly, then slipping his hand inside her panties and pinched her already swollen clit. She cried out against his mouth and fumbled with his clothes, looking to undo his belt, but he pushed her hands away, pinning them to her sides as his mouth latched onto her neck, biting down until she cried out, then moved down lifting her shirt up over her stomach.
She watched the top of his head lower down and over her stomach where he licked, kissed and bit hungrily, until she couldn't stand it anymore and she wiggled her hands free, tugging at his hair to capture his lips again.
He thrust his hips into her as he kissed her again, his teeth clashing against hers as she tangled her fingers in his hair, scraping his scalp. He reached for her pants again, pushing the thick denim down over her hips, bruising her skin as he gripped her, hard, and pulled her against him, grinding on her as he did so.
She groaned, lifting her hips off the wall to meet his, then grabbed hold of his shoulders as he cupped her behind and lifted her off the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She started to pant as his hips thrust against hers again and they both froze, their eyes glued to the other's. Their breath coming up short. Her center was pulsating with desire and her lips parted in a grunt as he pushed against her. Even through both their layers of clothes, she could feel his cock hard against her. She really wished he was inside her, but the way he grinded against her made it difficult for her to think clearly. She shifted her hips as much as she could with the little freedom of mobility that she had and she shivered as he rubbed up against her throbbing clit and let out a shaky breath.
He wanted to be inside her so badly, that it was aching. He leaned forward and caught her lips again, tightening his hold on her as he carried her the few feet to the kitchen table, where he sat her down and wasting no time, grabbed at her already undone pants and pulled them the rest of the way off of her, tossing them on the floor then leaning down to nibble on her thigh as he hooked his fingers on the elastic of her panties and slipped them off as she lifted her hips to assist him. After letting the soaked panties fall on the floor, he reached for her legs and pulled her so that she sat on the edge of the table.
She reached for him eagerly, pulling at his shirt, licking and nibbling just under his chin, then pulling at his pants, quickly undoing his belt and pants and pushing them and his boxers until they pooled around his ankles. She reached around and grabbed at his ass the same way in which he had done to her and wrapped his legs around him again as she pulled him forwards, the tip of his erection hovering just outside of her opening. She gasped as he grabbed her wrists again and pinned them behind her back with one hand. He was gripping them tightly. It hurt. But she forgot all about that as he thrust into her, slowly, until he was all the way inside her and she gasped, her breath coming up even shorter than before.
He leaned forward and captured her bottom lip in his teeth and she hissed as the stinging pain sent shivers down her spine before he sucked her lip into his mouth and soothed it with his tongue as he pulled out of her and thrust back in with more force.
She grunted against his mouth as he finally released her wrists, only to grip her hips firmly as she reached up and cradled his head in her hands. Her hips thrust against his and she had to gasp at the feeling as he drove into her one more time and bit down on her shoulder. She kissed his shoulder and licked his neck as she pushed her hips against his and she fought him when he tried to pin her wrists again and he slammed his palms hard against the table top in anger as she locked her ankles behind his back.
Their eyes met and he caught sight of her chest, heaving up and down with as much force as his was. Her hair was in her face and head reached up with one hand, brushing it away and then grabbing a handful of her dark locks, while holding her hips in place with the other hand as he drove into her.
It was slow and hard, and her hands were slipping from the edge of the table so she opted for his shoulders. She could feel his fingers digging into her skin and she knew her hips would be bruised, but her body responded to him with submission, so she simply rode his pace. When her eyes started to shut, she let out a loud grunt as he pulled at her hair slightly and pushed into her even harder.
Her eyes forced open again and he got lost in them as the hand that held her hips moved around to the small of her back. He felt her muscles flex and compress, her spine arching as he sped up his thrusts and she easily complied.
Her moans got louder and she leaned forward to seize his lips, groaning into his mouth as to not wake up Sophie. He groaned as she clenched repeatedly around him and she had to bury her face in the crook of his neck, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she breathed heavily against his skin and tried to keep quiet.
She moved faster as she started to reach climax. He could feel her tighten around his erection, and he pumped faster into her. He grunted as she dug her nails into his back and cried out against his neck, muffling the sound slightly. He followed soon after with a loud groan.
He continued to move slowly inside her after they were done, waiting until she was fully aware of her surroundings again. Once she was, she regretted being coherent. Their still heavy breathing echoed din the kitchen and she pulled away slowly. Their eyes met for about a second before she couldn't look at him and she averted her gaze.
He mentally kicked himself for the way she seemed to regret it. He eased out of her and they dressed in awkward silence. As he slipped on his shirt, he turned around and saw her brush her wild hair out of her face. Her cheeks were flushed. She looked beautiful, "Let me help you clean up."
She shot her head up at the sharp sound of the first words they had uttered in what seemed like forever, "Huh? Oh--" She said, quickly realizing he was referring to the broken glass on the floor, "No. Don't be silly. I'll get it. You have things to do. I'll get it."
He didn't have things to do. She knew that. But she was obviously itching to kick him out, so he nodded, "Okay."
"See you at work."
"Sure." He said, watching the way she kept nervously running her fingers through her hair, "Night."
"Goodnight." She waited to hear the front door click shut before grabbing the broom and the dustpan. As she kneeled over the broken glass, she stopped and shut her eyes, "Shit."
XXX