DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH, KUBO TITE DOES.
I'm freaking the staff out more than usual. They're so used to my loudness that they're weren't sure what to do what I started refusing to talk a little over a week ago. I even refused to do so when Rukia and Inoue dropped by for a visit. According to Anzu, several people have suggested that Akira put me on antidepressants. Akira, however, refused to do so. She's been telling people that I talk whenever I feel like it and that I shouldn't be forced. I look down at my bandaged hands and feet and sigh. They hurt like hell. Stupid explosive intermittent disorder!
BEEP! Click.
"Ichigo-"
"Leave me alone, Akira."
"I'm glad to see that you're talking again," she says as she shoves her hands into her pockets.
"I finally realized that being silent wasn't going to get me anywhere. Now get out," I demand. I suddenly realize something, she's alone. "Getting brave, are we?"
She smiles at me. "The first step in gaining a person's trust is to trust them yourself."
"This is an asylum, trusting patients too much will just get you killed." You'd think she would've learned that from what happened with Katamura. Is this woman stupid or what?
"I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone if that's what it take to get you to trust me." She gives me a sweet smile.
"I swear, it's ironic how similar the two of you are," I mutter.
"Huh?"
"Someone I used to know. She was all sweet and motherly on the outside, but on the inside, she was the most menacing person I've ever meet. She too was a doctor," I explain.
"Did you trust her?"
"I did... Doesn't matter, though, I don't trust anyone these days. Speaking of trust, if a man by the name of Ishida Uryū tries to visit me, tell him no. I can guarantee you that I'll attempt to kill him if he comes within one hundred feet of me," I tell her. I'm still extremely pissed at that traitor.
"I'll keep that in mind. Well, I just dropped in to check on you. Have a nice day, Ichigo." She leaves the room.
I stare at the door for several minutes before looking down at my feet.
I still can understand why you refuse to wear socks.
That voice! "Katamura?" I ask as I look around the room, trying to find the origin of the voice and failing to do so. I rub the back of my head. "Hmm... I could have sworn I just heard Katamura's voice..." Did I imagine it?
BEEP! Click.
I jump a foot in the air t the sound of the door opening. Kyosuke and the nurse with my meds walk into the room. She places the plastic cup full of pills and a cup of water on the metal table without saying anything. She leaves and Kyosuke follows her out of the room. I usually refuse to take the pills for my schizophrenia, but I'm starting to think that I need to start taking them. Hearing imaginary voices is usually a tell tail sign that you're losing it. I take the three pills out of the cup and swallow them using the water the nurse left for me.
"Wow. I've never seen you take your medicine so willingly," Anzu says.
I turn to face her. "Well, as of recently, I've been hearing voices... Imaginary voices that no one else but me can hear."
"Hmm... Maybe Katamura's death caused it. You originally didn't hear them that much, correct?"
"Yeah... I hope they stop, I would hate to actually go insane." As long the voices don't increase and I don't start seeing things, I should be fine... Right?
I look a Anzu. She, like Ayu before her, is starting to run out of links on her chain. She's going to have leave soon, and when she does... I'll be all alone in this damn place. I reach out and finger the chain on her chest before letting it slip out of my hand, the links clinking together as it falls.
"I'm going to miss you," she says, startling me.
"Yeah, ditto. Maybe you'll find Ayu. If you look hard enough, you just might find her. I bet she'll be looking for you, too," I tell her.
"Mmm..."
"Don't stay on my behalf, I'd hate myself if you got attacked or turn into a hollow." The sooner we get this over with the better.
"I... I understand." She gives me a sad smile. "I hope we meet can meet again on the other side." A single tear rolls down her cheek as she's surrounded by a bright light and her soul fades out of this world.
I take a deep breath. I wish such a thing was possible, but it's not. I'm not allowed to leave the asylum, let alone the world of the living, so I can't visit her as I please. And when I die... When I die, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for the things I've done. I sigh as I sink to my knees. It's like I said before, with her gone, I'm all alone in this hell hole. My ex-friends don't count as company, they only come for about an hour every couple of weeks. Ayu and Anzu... They were almost always with me, telling me secrets, jokes, and making me smile. I stand and cross over to the metal door that keeps me locked inside this windowless prison and start banging my already abused hands against it, each punch sending an unbearable pulse of pain through the tender flesh.
Why must you inflict so much pain upon yourself? It wont fix anything.
"Shut the fuck up! You're not real!" I yell as I cover my ears with my throbbing hands. It's all in my head. It's all in my head. It's all in my head.
That's not true. I'm just as real as you are.
It's all in my head. It's all in my head. My entire body starts to tremble. I faint.
"Ichigo... Ichigo... C'mon, wake up... Ichigo!"
I force my eyes open and the world blurs into focus. "Rukia?"
"Are you alright?" She asks me, worry in her voice.
I push myself up off the cold floor and look around the room. "Have you sensed anything... Weird?" I ask her. I'm hoping that I'm not really crazy and what I've been hearing is just a spirit playing a mean prank.
"No. Why do you ask?" She furrows her eyebrows.
Akira crouches in front of me and shines a light in my eyes.
"Gah! The hell are you doing? That hurts!" I yell as I back away from the tormenting light.
"I'm just making sure you OK. Hideki called me in here not too long ago, he told me that he found you passed out on the floor. "She clicks the small light off and drops it back into her pocket.
"Do me a favor and leave me the hell alone. Go on, skit," I tell her, already starting to get annoyed by her presence.
She stands and places a finger on her chin. "What was that line that you like to say to male guards? Oh, I remember! Don't get your panties in bunch." She runs out of the room madly giggling.
My entire face starts to twitch. "What the fuck are you trying to imply about me!?" I yell after her.
"Not so funny when it's said to you, is it?" Hideki says.
"Shut up! No one asked you for your opinion on this!" I yell at him.
I'm distracted away from Hideki by the sound of moving plastic. I turn to see Rukia digging through a plastic bag on the table. "I brought something for you," she says as she pulls out a small box and places it beside the now empty bag.
I immediately recognize the smell. "Doughnuts."
"Yep. They have cream filling, too." She smiles at me.
I walk over to the table and flick the lip open before pulling out a doughnut. "You just made my day. Thank you."
"You're welcome." She too pulls out a doughnut and takes a bite out of it.
I glance at Hideki, he obviously wants one, but doesn't want to ask. I roll my eyes. "Why don't you come over and get one instead of standing there drooling like a starving fog?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Stubborn ass. That's fine, just see if I ever try to be nice to you again." I turn my back to him and take a bite out of my doughnut. "It's still warm."
I bet it's delicious.
I jump and look around wildly.
"What's wrong?" Rukia asks me.
"Please tell me you heard that."
"Hear what? Are you OK?"
I stare at her for a minute. She didn't hear it. "Y-yeah... Just forget I said anything, OK?"
"Hearing voices?" Hideki asks me.
I whip around and glare at him. "No! And just so you know, my 'craziness' is actually me communicating with the dead."
"So you are hearing things, and by the way you're behaving, I take it that you don't know where it's coming from for once. Interesting."
"Shut up and leave me the hell alone," I tell him. I direct my attention back to the box of doughnuts. "Change of subject. Where'd you get these?"
"There's a bakery nearby, I stopped by on my way here." Her eyebrows are knitted together. She's obviously bothered by what just happened.
I glare at Hideki once again. He completely ruined the semi-happy mood. He's wearing an apologetic expression, but I don't care. I'm going to get revenge for this later. As for now... "Hey, Rukia, how are Yuzu and Karin doing?" My goal is to distract her away from the fact that I just got caught in the act of being crazy.
"They're doing good. Yuzu's cooking is still utterly amazing. She currently in culinary school," she says.
I grin. "That's awesome! What about Karin?"
"There's no simple way to describe what's she's been up to. She's been doing any and everything she possibly can. She's been traveling all over Japan. I'm happy because she's happy, but at the same time it makes me sad because I almost never get to see her."
My grin widens. I haven't heard anything from or about my sisters in six years... I wonder if they hate me. My smile quickly turns into a frown.
"What's wrong?" She asks me.
I stare at her for a minute, debating whether or not I should answer her. "It's nothing, but... Do my sisters hate me?"
"What!? No!" She exclaims.
"Then why haven't I heard anything from them!?" I demand.
Rukia's eyes start to waver. She looks down at her feet. "Because they don't know you're here. They were crushed after you're dad died and we all knew that they'd go from bad to worse if they knew what people thought of you. We them you had vanished."
"You..."
"I'm sorry." A couple tears run down her face as she turns and walks to the door. "I'll be leaving now. I have things to do." She leaves and Hideki follows. He gives me a sympathetic look as he closes the door.
My fists start to tremble. How dare they lie to my sisters! I grit my teeth. All this time, I thought they ignored me because they hated me, but in actuality it was because they didn't know I was here. I was so close to them and they didn't even know it. I'm currently more pissed than I've ever been. Who the fuck do they think they are!? It's not up to them to decide what my sisters should and shouldn't know! I begin to search the room for something to take my anger out on. Nothing. "Dammit!" I start to angrily pace around the room, huffing with every breath.
Knock-Knock. Beep. Click.
"Ichigo, I brought you're lunch-"
"GET OUT!" I scream at the nurse.
"Y-y-yes!" She slams the door shut. I return to my pissed pacing.
Taking your anger out on innocent people, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
"Shut the fuck up! I don't need a lecture from someone who's not even real!" I yell at the voice that sounds like Katamura.
My door opens again and I whip around to find Akira standing by the door. "What's the problem in here?" Kyosuke leans against the wall next to her.
"None of your mother fucking business," I hiss at her though my teeth.
"Ichigo, getting angry with me isn't going to help fix the problem. Please tell me what's wrong."
"The entire fucking world is what's wrong! I don't understand why the people feel as if they have to treat me like I'm fucking trash! I talk to ghosts and I get put on fucking medication I don't even need! Someone get's killed in a supernatural accident and I get locked in a windowless prison!" I grab my hair and my entire body starts to violently shake. "It's not fair!"
"Did that girl say something to you?" Akira asks me, worry in her voice.
"It doesn't matter!" I yell at her. My hands fall to my sides and ball into tight fists.
"Yes it does. I was put in charge of you and that means I'm responsible for anything that happens to you. It's my duty as your doctor to keep you from getting upset like this," she tells me.
I grit my teeth and glare at her. "I'm not telling you jack shit. I know your kind, you act like you care about me when you really don't. All you care about is your paycheck."
"That's not true, I care deeply for all of my patients."
Liar.
"Seeing you upset bothers me."
Liar.
"I want to help you in any way possible."
Liar.
"Ichigo, listen to me-"
"Shut the fuck up!" I yell at her as I clamp my hands over my ears and sink to the floor. "I've heard enough lies!"
"Ichigo, I'd never lie to you," she says.
"I don't care. I don't care. I don't care! All I want is to be left alone!" I yell as I close my eyes. There's absolutely no sound in the room other than my rugged breathing. Akira and Kyosuke leave after a few minutes. I let my body relax little and I instantly regret it because I start to cry.
Crying isn't going to fix anything.
That voice... It sounds just like dad's. More tears start to fall.
Didn't you hear me?
"Go away, go away, go away!" I yell. I'm tired of hearing the voices of the dead. "You're not real!"
After thirty minutes of crying non-stop and screaming at the voices to leave me alone, Akira comes back in and sedates me.
"I think Katamura's death is the main reason as to why he's been acting up so much. According to his file, he has a tendency to misbehave, but not like this," Akira says.
"That doesn't necessarily mean that's the cause of all this," Ryūken replys.
I stare at them as they talk. I honestly don't get why they've decided to hold their little argument in my room.
"What do you think, Ichigo?" Akira asks me.
I just stare at her without meeting her eyes. I've gone back to not speaking again. I can't help it, my mouth refuses to work after I get really upset. This rarely happened before Katamura died, but when it did he'd refrain from fighting with me.
Ryūken sighs as he pushes his glasses up his nose. "He's not paying us a bit of attention. I think he's on planet strawberry." I glare at him.
"Well, he seemed to hear that."
"Back to the subject on hand. Ichigo, would you mind being moved to Karuizawa?" He asks me.
I shrug. I honestly don't care what they do with me anymore. Well... I don't mind as long as it doesn't involve needles, straigt-jackets, or padded rooms.
"I think it would be a good change for you." Akira tells me.
I shrug again.
"That's probably the closest thing to a yes that we're going to get from him." He looks at me. "He's always been difficult to deal with, every since he was a child. The more you want him to do something, the harder it'll be to get him to actually do it. I guess he never grew out of that rebellious attitude of his."
Akira looks back and forth between us. "Wait a minute. You two knew each other before he was admitted here?"
"Yes. His father and I were close friends. It's because of that I'm not allowed to work with him directly, the higher ups believe it'll effect how I handle him. There always has to be a middle man," he explains.
"Oh, I get it."
I glare at her. She doesn't 'get' anything. I cross my arms and huff in annoyance. I'll be happy to be rid of this stupid woman. She smiles at me before she and Ryūken leave the room.
I scoot backwards on my bed so that my back is up against the cold wall. I shiver a little from the cold radiating off of it.
Trying to give yourself a cold?
"No," I mumble. I keep on trying to ignore the voices, but I always end up answering them instead. I sigh. "Why me?" I start to repeatedly tap my head against the wall.
Because that's just the way things are.
"Shut up... Shit, I did it again." Ignoring something that sounds so real is hard. I wish they'd just go away already. "Speaking of things that won't go away..." I turn to face the ghost sitting on my table. "How long do you plan on staying here, you old coot?"
"Until I see my wife," he responds.
"She's not here, so do me a favor and leave," I tell him. He's been sitting in that same spot for two days now and he's starting to get on my nerves.
"Not until I see my Wife!" He yells.
I feel a vein pop on my forehead. "Stubborn old goat."
"Punk."
"Taunting someone who's supposedly insane. I've got to admit, you've got guts, old man."
"You started it."
"And you added gas to the fire. Aren't old people supposed to act more mature than this?" I ask him.
He scoffs at me. "Maturity is for businessmen and I'm not a businessman."
I don't make any further comments because I have the feeling that he's going to argue with me regardless of what I say. I fall sideways onto the bed and start to hum a song my dad had taught me when I was little. I try to remember the name of it and fail. Oh well, it'll come to me eventually.
ME: I updated! YaY!
ICHIGO: Ever heard of being too happy?
ME: Such a thing doesn't exist!
ICHIGO: In my book it does.
ME: *sticks out tongue*
ICHIGO: *does the same*
OLD GHOST: Review and help me find my wife!
ICHIGO AND ME: Hey! No Fair, that's our line!
OLD GHOST: Deal with it!