I taunt the elder god
Disclaimer: Percy Jackson belongs to Rick Riordain. Also contains some snippets from Eragon.
Well, yesterday I learned that my master plan of hiding in a Japanese basement, is doomed to fail. I'm not sure about my other plan to ride a small wooden block to California is going to work either. For alas, camp half blood itself shall now feel the wrath of the Luke's army, and stuff. I can't remember everything that was said yesterday. And for some reason I keep wondering why it wouldn't rain in a junk yard. Meh. Anyway, back to my life!
Well that was….odd probably. Alex has gotten into fights which the entire world has been designed to stop him from doing. Or something. I lazily got a shirt and a partially fresh pair of jeans.
I walked down to the lake. This was wrong. Everything was going wrong. Here we are, trapped in some damn war cause by a prophecy! Why the fucking hell should I follow it? Prophecies are the things that got us in this damn mess! Oh sure, maybe there was always something uncaring or unpleasant about Zeus, but if he didn't think he was going to be perpetually tortured if he didn't he might have tried to stop Kronos, instead of joining him! And now, now because of some words, I have to fucking decide who loses or wins. And maybe not even that. Maybe I'll just make some stupid mistake which will doom the gods, if they can be called that.
"My Percy, but you look angry today." said Oranos, walking past me. " Are you in the first stage of denial?"
"I think I'm in the first stage of anger" I said.
"Which is?" asked Oranos .
"Also anger." I said.
"Well, good day to you anyhow." said Oranos. "If you'll excuse me, I have to find Prometheus." Okay. Now formalities are beginning. Which should logically narrating, puzzle me. What should I call Alex in formal company? Will me or Alex ever find formal company? And wouldn't they chase us away? And if they do, will we get hurt during said chasing? Will me and Alex be forced to crash in Josh's house until the heat's off and live of cereal and fanta?
"Oranos, I have a little question for you." I said, giving a thin, but fully beautiful smile. "About these Eastern Gods you two have neglected to mention."
Oranos smiled. "Neglected, Percy? I am sorry but most of the gods prefer to pretend they don't exist. In fact, this a desperate attempt to get help, which probably won't work. They are strong, certainly, as strong as most of us if not stronger, but this is our war. We can't expect them to fight for us." said Oranos. "We can only expect us to fight for us."
"Right." I said sarcastically. "So, any more things I don't know about?"
" Hundreds." said Oranos. "I could spend your entire life telling you about half of them, and you still wouldn't have time to comprehend it. The world is far more complicated than anything else in the world. Far more." Fuck. This is like circular reasoning, without the circular reasoning.
"Right. And all these so called rules you installed into the world?" I asked.
"I installed?" asked Oranos. "Look boy, creating a world, well, me and Gaia did it with a little luck and a lot of help. But the thing is, after you create a world, you can't really control what happens. The rules, as they are, wrote themselves. And don't worry if you're confused. That was my unique way of saying I have no idea what happened. I provided the power and the essence of movement, time. Gaia did the whole planet thing. " Oranos nodded.
"You created a planet and didn't bother to actually try and figure out how it works?" I asked., incredulously. That begs a question. If I could get incredulous, could I get outcredulous? "You just went with the flow?"
"Yeah." said Oranos, looking smug, "Bet you wouldn't have thought of that, huh?"
" And then you and Gaia went and started the inbreeding trend. Something I really wouldn't have thought of." I said. "No wonder Kronos has family issues."
"Oh come on Percy." said Oranos, rolling his damn eyes. "We screwed up, but reminiscing isn't gonna help."
"Right. I'm calm." I said, lying through my teeth. "I'm calm. I'm not focusing on your stupidity I'm focussing on Luke and his army of impending doom. Yeah. Seriously do you drink stupid juice with your coffee in the morning?" I yelled.
"Hey! Is this some kind of joke about me being lactose intolerant?" asked Oranos.
"And you left out the coffee today?" I asked dejectedly.
"I know what'll cheer you up!" said Oranos. "I bought a daft punk cd!"
"Dear god….."
"It was on a special offer!" continued Oranos.
"Quit messing with his head." said Alex, walking calmly into the scene. "Are the defences ready?" Oranos nodded. "Did you get the help?" If it isn't the one with harder,better,faster, stronger on it I'm going to unkill that annoying titan bastard.
"Yeah." said Oranos. "They don't like us much but they really hate Kronos so I think we may get some back up later." Note, they probably love me, and Annabeth and co. but with Oranos sparkling personality, is it any wonder they treat him like the undeserving scum he is?
" So, Percy, have you started to organise a powerful and mighty defence yet?" asked Alex. "Or a defence even?"
" We're out numbered, over powered, and due to Luke's impeccable use of moisturiser, they have better hair than us." I said. "How to you defend yourself against that?" Unless it was humid, in which case he would have to repeat with the moisturiser, which would be terrible.
" Don't be so negative." said Alex. "My hair looks great." Wow. Awkward. We all started looking anywhere but each other.
"Not that your hair looks bad…." began Oranos.
"Dammit I hate you both." I said. "You're at least a couple of hundred thousand years older than me and three times as childish." I said, and considered what I just said. "I should admire you."
" Damn straight you should." said Alex. He looked over as a satyr blew a horn. "Ah. Oh yes, Mr D has stated that we should now go have a meeting outside the Big House to decide who gets the privilege of leading you.
Great. Oh well, at least I can argue before this happens. I started walking to the Big House, and took a little look around. Everyone was armoured. And no one was looking like they wanted to practise. Guess they don't want to tire themselves out. Which is a pretty good idea when your enemy moves faster than you can see. First we have a week, now we have a day. Oddly, when I eat steak pies I get nauseas. They're just too rich for me. Ah, here we are. And there is Thalia and Annabeth, both fully armoured and glaring at me.
"Where's your armour?" hissed Thalia. "They can attack any minute now!" See what I mean?
"I'll put it on after this meeting thing." I said. And now, ah. Mr D is indeed going to make a speech. Mr D's unique way of speech making, was the of the kind that not only convinces you things could get worse, it would tell you how they would get worse why the will get worse and why it is Peter Johnson's fault. He also never uses the word "if" which might scare the unready.
" Hello campers!" said Mr D, standing and looking down at us all. " I see you are all kitted out and ready for war, except for Peter Johnson which will undoubtly lead to all of us getting ripped to shreds by an angry army of monsters." Wow. That pretty much covers all points.
" Who's Peter Johnson?" asked Josh. Hey! He's wearing my armour!
"You know…." said Mr D gesturing vaguely. "Peter Johnson. Black haired kid. That weird son of Poseidon. The guy who made dooming us a weekly habit." An inexperienced listener may fall under the illusion that Mr D doesn't like this Peter Johnson much. It must suck to be him.
" Oh, I get it! You mean Percy, and you're misprinting his name in order to show your complete and utter disrespect for him!" said Josh. Boy Howdy, I'm glad he cleared that up.
" Misprinting?" asked Mr D. " Are you one of the Ares campers?"
"Hey!" Said Clarrise. " That …thing could be out thought be a dead cat! On crack! He doesn't even know how to hold a sword and he's wearing his armour backwards! That's not even supposed to be possible!"
"So how does that make him different from any other child of Ares?" asked Annabeth. Zing!
Clarrise sneered at Annabeth. "Save your little taunts for when your boyfriend comes to try and kill us all." oh! Tension is running high! Wait a minute….I'm not going to kill anyone!
Annabeth glared at her and was about to retort when another Athena cabin member did. "Be quite you idiotic waste of skin! We can't start fighting amongst ourselves now!" Hmm. Way to do the peace talks.
"At least we can fight!" said someone from the Ares cabin. "We won't be lying in snivelling bloody heaps after we get attacked by a single bloody monster!"
"Oh yeah! Well, you suck!" yelled someone quite uncreative.
"There's nothing sexier than this." said Josh, moving his hand up and down in front of his face while twirling his fingers. Oh, there's a blow to anyone who thought creative would be better.
"Princesses!" yelled someone.
"Muscle bound morons!"
" Pigeon lovers!"
"Stinky hats!"
"Nothing at all." said Josh, who seemed fascinated by his own hands now.
"Geeks!" yelled someone else.
"Wussies!" yelled someone else.
" Labellers of people!" yelled someone, who I'm pretty sure was Thalia. Though I can't really see. it does seem that tempers are running a tad high.
"Interestingly, this is exactly the effect I hoped for." said Mr .D. "This is leadership." Well, when you really think about it, yeah. Yeah it is. If you want an example, look at your school's prefects.
"Josh, give me my armour." I said.
"Fine. I just wanted to look the part." he said, giving me one of his grins.
"Wait, how did you get in here anyway?" asked Mr D, looking at Josh, as if he only just saw him. Or it might just be normal shock. Josh has that effect on people.
"I'm the guy who fixes the training dummies." said Josh, without the slightest hint of a blush. Well, not really, he had a bit of a red tinge on his left cheek, but was probably just sunburn.
"Fair enough." said Mr D. "Now, SHUT UP!" he yelled. Everyone pretty much did that while I took off my armour. Off Josh. And unto me.
"We need to elect a brave hero to lead our defence against the evil armies of the fell warrior Luke and the titan lord Kronos. Someone with skill and courage and charisma. Someone with leadership experience. We need a hero." said Mr D. "Unfortunately we can't hope for a smart hero because if there was a smart hero he or she would've already left. So….any volunteers?"
" Thalia!" yelled someone from the crowd.
"Percy!" yelled someone else.
"Clarisse!" yelled someone with a really deep voice.
"Okay, will you three step forward." said Mr D. "Anyone else?"
"Annabeth!" yelled someone else. Wait, shouldn't Chiron or someone lead us? This isn't exactly practise….but I think the time for practise is pretty much over.
"Okay, now, I will say this." said Mr D. "We have Thalia, daughter of Zeus, who is good at leading and a good fighter, and Clarisse, a brilliant fighter and tactician who can definitely hold any line, and Annabeth, a skilled warrior who is better at planning than your average carpenter. And then, we have Peter. Peter Johnson. Now, I don't mean to be rude, but I would be more comfortable if the afore mentioned crack riddled dead cat leads us than if Percy leads us, because a dead cut cannot accidentally kill off half it's own army and trip and fall on it's own sword." Mr D. grinned. "Now turn around kiddies. We can't let you see who voted for you."
"This is almost like the time they tried to get me to be cheerleader." said Thalia, eyes flashing slightly.
"Hot dog!' I said "I've just realised I'm the only guy here!" I said, aloud accidentally. "Now the odds are finally in my favour….."
"They made you a cheerleader?" asked Annabeth, confused.
"The key word was tried." said Thalia. "Turns out the schools sports fields were more inflammable than the inspectors guessed."
"Right." I said, beginning to twirl my own hands. "Josh's movements, while undoubtly attractive to some, were too spastic, instead of the proper expansive movements which should give movement to words……" I moved my hand slowly, grinning at the splendour I had created. "Yeah……."
"How did they now it was inflammable?" asked Annabeth.
"Because I torched it with lightning." said Thalia.
" Hmmm. I notice when me and Josh attempt to woo girls this way the either ran away, or call us weird and run away. What are your thoughts on this Clarisse?" I asked.
"That if you get chosen as our leader I'm going to kill myself to save time." said Clarisse. Man, this emo thing is getting out of hand.
"Well, I have good news and bad news." said Mr D. "Which do you want to hear first?"
"Good news." said Annabeth. Ah. Good idea.
"Well, it appears the academic community will in no way be affected if you lose this battle." said Mr D. "Because they seem to have voted for Peter." Damn. I'm not sure what Josh flaws in his technique are, since mine are hauntingly similar. Twirl, forish, what doesn't he do?
"Wait, what?" asked Thalia.
"Oh yeah." I said. "Josh gets those two mixed up some times." Now, flourish, then twirl. Yes, yes.
" Come on Percy did alright when we did that whole capture the flag thing. You did okay." said Annabeth. Funnily enough, I remember nothing.
"Let's just get over with." said Clarisse. We're outnumbered, outmonstered and outeverything. I don't think a good leader is going to make a difference."
"Mm. I have considered this eventuality, and I did think we need four groups. We only need to defend a small passage, so we keep one group at the front and keep switching whenever people get too tried or too dead." I said. "I need you guys to lead the other three groups. "I didn't come here to stir up trouble. I came to ask for help. I'm strong ,yes, and so is Saphiay But I cannot protect everyone. We cannot be everywhere. You are quite right Annabeth, you have done well with Du Vran whatever but I, as Spiderman must establish a firm chain of command which we can um…pull and hit Luke with." Yeah. Now that, is leadership.
" Percy, did you steal your speech from that Eragon book?" asked Annabeth.
" I can only ask that you look into your hearts." I said, changing tack. "And realise how awesome I am." Ok this isn't working. Time for honesty. "Okay guys, this can go one of two ways, we win, or we lose." I paused for breath and inspiration. " This camp is our, if we lose here, okay, I'll put it simply. I don't want to lose, and I'm going to do everything I can to not lose. And you can either help, or not. You can walk away if you want to. I don't like it much either but Mr. D is right. We're probably going to die if we stay here."
I looked at them. None of them looked like they wanted to run. I sighed. I really didn't know what to say next. Maybe I would've sparkled brilliantly if Mr.D didn't look at me and give a half hearted sneer. "They're coming." he said, and left for the big house.
"Clarisse, ready the warriors." I said. "Thalia, check if any reinforcements or anything else has arrived. Annabeth, "I paused, caught between friendship and doing what was right. "Lock Josh up in my cabin and my sure he can't get anything sharp." I drew Riptide while they did as I bade them. Damn I'm awesome.
"I started walking towards the borders of the camp. The small stretch we had to defend, was well, undefended. I stood there, and almost lost control of bladderal functions. No, that isn't a word but dammit I'm going to continue using my high class speech.
In short, Luke's army was fucking large. Alex, like usual, appeared right behind me.
"Not pleasant huh." said Alex with a grin. "That Luke sure knows how to muster an army. He's obviously in the Sauron school of evil villainy. Lots of weak creatures to make things look scary, and a bunch of evil elite monsters."
"Yeah." I said. "Know how many guys I got?" I asked.
"Yep." said Alex. "39. A bunch of older hero's came here to help defend the place. "
"39?" I asked, panicy. "That's not even a round number!" I said. "No Greek myths have legends about the stand of the 39 hero's!"
"At least it's better than 42." said Alex.
I paused. "Yeah. Yeah it is." I said. Now would be a good time to say the other army was really close, but so were my thirty nine warriors, who were right behind me. I couldn't see Luke yet, but two other figure had emerged from the mess.
"Percy, the gods and titans can't fight here." said Alex. He sighed. "If you'll excuse me, I have some old friends to deal with." I never saw Alex look so haunted, so sad. His past, which he never ran from because of that damn rock, was catching up to him. He took a flying leap, away from the camp. The two figures landed there. Hyperion and Erebus. There was a mixture of shouting and pointing, and then, Alex drew his sword. They drew there knives and bows. Alex started fighting an on off battle with Erebus but was losing because Hyperion was really,really accurate and kept shooting at him. I thought Alex was about to loose, until another arrow flew past Hyperion's face. Artemis had joined the battle.
I turned to look at the army that was by now way to close to camp half blood. I looked at the small force behind me and found Annabeth's face. She gave me a small nod and smile. I turned around, filled with a little sense of porpoise, and a big sense of fear.
"Tonight!" I yelled. "We dine in Tartuarus!" I paused, wondered what the hell a porpoise was and lost my train of thought. "Tomorrow, I'm thinking McDonalds!"
Author Notes: Sorry about the long delay in updating, but I've started writing me exams and didn't really have a lot of time on my hands. Good thing because it stains. Anyway, this chapter was entirely written between different tests, which should explain why some parts are so different. Anyway, next chapter will feature a bit more of Alex's back story, the first two Eastern gods and Josh's deep rooted fear of tooth paste. Updating will return to normal , at best, 11 November.