Thank you for all your reviews. It gives me a real buzz. Thanks for taking the time, a couple of you have asked for something from Rodney's perspective which I am toying with but wont be able to start till I get back after Xmas on Jan 7th so don't hold your breath. I hope you enjoy this last section. A little lighter than the rest as it was a happy ending after all. Section 5;
He found Ronnon in the first place he looked, the mess hall. Not hungry in the least after what he had just witnessed he just took a mug of coffee and joined Ronnon. "The modifications are done, Rodney's uploading it now so we just have to wait" Ronnon nodded. He watched Sheppard who sat silently looking into his coffee not really in the mood for small talk.
"I don't know what you've done, and you don't have to tell me, but I know it was the right thing because I know you"
Many people just saw the Neanderthal exterior of Ronnon and failed to see the intuitive smarter man beneath, who used words sparingly. However, when Sheppard looked up in confusion and suprise, wondering how much Ronnon knew, although knowing without a doubt he would understand, he found Ronnon digging into a steak with relish. He lifted a large piece, stabbed on the end of a fork, and waved it at Sheppard "This meat is good" he said as he stuffed it in his mouth around a wolfish grin and Sheppard could not help but return the grin, feeling a bit lighter. "Liking the desserts too I see" replied Sheppard, eyeing the 5 or 6 scattered over the table top. Ronnon just nodded, mouth full to the brim, grinning.
A soldier appeared next to them. "Colonel, General Landry requests you come to the Gate room, sir" Sheppard and Ronnon exchanged confused glances and stood up to follow the soldier.
They entered the gate room at the same time as Landry. "You're team mate, Teyla, has requested permission to join her team and as its her first visit to Earth, I thought it might be better if you were here" They reached the end of the ramp, just as the gate engaged. Teyla came down the ramp and stood in front of Landry, bowing her head slightly. "Thank you for letting me come here for Rodney, General Landry" Landry nodded back and extended a hand, taking Teyla's. "Of course".
"What's going on?" Sheppard turned to Rodney's voice and indicated behind him to Teyla with a grin. As Sheppard turned back to Teyla she had moved away from Landry and as she passed Ronnon and Sheppard she clasped their forearms briefly, squeezing gently, as she walked passed to Rodney. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and bent his head to join their foreheads. "I am sorry I could not be here before Rodney McKay. I came to lend my assistance in anyway I can."
"No, Its Ok" Rodney said, grinning from ear to ear and looking around the room, taking a half step back and in doing so breaking contact with Teyla, who just smiled and dropped her hands. "It worked, the nanites are inactive and no…er…broken bones…so to..er speak" he added a bit sheepishly, even colouring a little. Sheppard suspected that Jeanie would never hear about the fact that Rodney had broken her legs in order to slow down the nanites. Rodney vaguely thumbed over his shoulder "I'd better get back, she is due to wake any minute, I just wanted to let you all know" He grinned round the team, beaming. Sheppard felt light and happy to see it.
As Rodney turned to go he seemed to see Teyla again for the first time. "Er, I mean, thanks, you know, for coming through, er, stargate, erm, thanks" his hands and thumbs moving constantly and just as awkwardly as his words.
Teyla smiled, one of her little smiles that Rodney always seemed to deserve. "We are all glad for you Rodney, tell Jeanie we wish her well, would it be okay to visit her while we are here?" she said in her delicate tones.
Rodney nodded in return. Sheppard smiled to see Rodney attempting normal social skills he didn't think he had ever witnessed anybody so inept and yet so far improved from when he had first met him. Sheppard was still grinning a lopsided grin when Rodney turned to face him. Sheppard caught something as it flashed through his blue eyes but to quick for him to see what the emotion was but enough to lessen his own grin slightly. "I need to stay for a few days, check there are no complications, check everything is safe and take Jeanie home"
Sheppard nodded. "That's fine Rodney, take all the time you need. We will return to Atlantis and complete the reports" Sheppard paused "unless you want us to stay with you?"
"No, No, no need" Rodney said.
He turned to Landry and realised they had all been ignoring him. He saw Landry smirk and raise his eyebrows. "Quite a team you have Colonel" Landry said, locking eyes with Sheppard.
"Well, it takes three of us to keep Rodney out of trouble, sir?" he smirked
"Hey!" Rodney squealed.
"Come on kids" Sheppard said airily, herding them out of the gate room, "lets go say bye to Jeanie and pack our stuff, and get Ronnon a doggy bag" He turned to Landry "Are we okay to go in two hours, Sir?"
"I've got SG4 due back in just under two hours, better make it three to be sure of a window" Landry stated. Sheppard nodded and continued herding them out "OK, kids back here in 3 hours, I'll join you in a minute"
He turned and walked back to Landry. "I just wanted to say thank you, Sir" Sheppard extended his had to Landry. Landry took his hand and shook it with a smile. "I'm glad everything turned out well for your team, Colonel" Landry nodded towards where Rodney and Teyla had locked foreheads, "What was the forehead thing". Sheppard turned around, seeing them again in his minds eye and smiled again. "Its an Anthosian custom to show friendship and respect, sir?" He turned back to Landry smirking "Our little Rodney's learned a few social skills since he left home, Sir" then he broke into a grin, "But I still would trust him on his own with that mouth of his, Sir" Landry nodded, "Neither would I colonel, Neither would I" and Sheppard turned to go.
They all saw Jeanie and organized their things and returned to the Stargate, ready to go. Sheppard was agitated, constantly on guard to ensure he was never alone with Rodney to begin that conversation but at the same time unable to leave the man's side. He had done it. He has rescued Rodney's sister and Rodney was still alive. Okay it was at the cost of his soul and the death of another man but as far as Sheppard was concerned that was worth the price of Rodney easy.
Rodney came to see them go. "I'll see you in a couple of days" he said as he glanced from face to face, lingering slightly on Sheppard's face who knew that he was being told there was still one more conversation to have, which is probably why he couldn't maintain the look. With a weight heavy in his heart Sheppard said, deceptively casually, even nonchalantly "Yeah, we'll see you soon Rodney" as he turned to the control room with a thumbs up and turned to the Stargate as the chevrons started to engage.
Teyla and Ronnon nodded assent at him and Rodney indicated over his shoulder "Better get back, we're due to leave any minute, Jeannie cant wait to see Caveman and Madison" He grinned, turned and left. Sheppard glanced over and watched him leave and then returned his gaze to the Stargate as it connected with Atlantis. "Come on kids, time to go home" he said as he started forward up the ramp.
They exited on the other side. Sheppard excused the other two and told them he would see them later in the mess hall and then went up to Carters office to start his debrief. He told Carter about the official report on Wallace and then he told her that he had explained the situation to Wallace and he had volunteered to sacrifice himself and put right the things he had done. He did not tell her that he had pushed, coerced this into play as he did not want to have to sit with the new shrink. She could tell he was holding something back though, but she seemed to know it was okay to let it go, she probably presumed he was covering up for something stupid that Rodney had done. She would have sussed my plan B though, Sheppard thought to himself and squirreled that away for future use.
He left for his quarters, showered but still never feeling clean enough, he collapsed on his bunk. He went through that same minute again. Rodney looking at him, realization dawning, "You.. " and Sheppard finished that sentence a thousands ways.
Initially, it was a dreaming "You did that for me" said with warmth in his blue eyes and most of all said with understanding. But as time wore on Sheppard tortured himself over the next two days.
"You thought I wanted this, for him to die for me""You killed him, no murdered him and I'm just supposed to be okay with that"
"You, You're a monster"
"You, I don't know. I can never know the man that did this, wouldn't want to know this man"
"You don't come near me again, I never want to see your face again, too look at the eyes that can stand by and watch that happen and do nothing, you disgust me !"
Dreading more and more Rodney's return, feeling more and more sure that an even darker scenario than this would be played out, that Rodney would never understand how he had sent someone to his death, sure that Rodney would feel the blood on his hands and feel that he could not forgive Sheppard for putting it there.
He made sure he was busy in military areas when Rodney returned. He made sure he ate his breakfast and lunch at a different time. He missed dinner and returned to his quarters, even afraid to walk the corridors and find himself face to face with Rodney and that look of condemnation. He had picked up a magazine but it just sat in his hands.
They were due of world in two days and he knew he had to face Rodney before then.
His door chimed. Initially panic coursed through his body and he just wanted to run but in order for him to be with Rodney they would have to get passed this. He shook himself through and placed the magazine just so. Nonchalant and fake relaxing Sheppard could do at the drop of a hat. He thought the door open and Rodney walked in.
"Hi" Sheppard mutters, not realizing he is holding the magazine in front of him like a shield, "How's the family"
"Great, brought them a car" Rodney said, grinning. Well, this was a much better starting point than Sheppard had envisaged in his scenarios and found himself starting to hope inside. Maybe, just maybe it was going to be okay. "Guilt?" he asked, keeping his eyes on his magazine, still unable to face Rodney's eyes. He thought it was quite ironic really that that should be the first word out of his brain and out of his mouth.
"Yeah, listen, I cant believe what you did" McKay said. The words hit Sheppard like a bolt out of the blue and he tried not to tense. His voice heavy with emotion, he started to glance up at McKay but couldn't bear the possibility that he would not see forgiveness and understanding there and so he kept concentrating on the magazine infront of him "I don't want to talk about it"
"Well, you talked Wallace into sacrificing himself" Sheppard could sense Rodney's eyes locked on him, searching for contact. Sheppard replied, "No, no I didn't" his voice so heavy it was almost unrecognisable.
Rodney glanced away, trying to process information, seeing where he had gone wrong in his calculations, "Well, then how did he….."
Sheppard closed the magazine. This is not going to go away. He had to face Rodney. His voice still thick with emotion he started "I presented a situation" he paused for a moment, "he volunteered" and finally he looked at Rodney. Inside he pleaded for Rodney to understand, to forgive him if he could.
Rodney nodded, eyes wide as the realization of what Sheppard had done for him hits and Sheppard watches and waits and prays so very hard. "Still, you talked a man into killing himself" Rodney states, and Sheppard still cant be sure if that's a quite accusation or just a statement.
Sheppard gave a half shrug, "He wanted to make things right" Sheppard explores Rodneys face, looking for the answers he wants, dreading the possibilities, trying to guess which way Rodney will fall. "I merely, er…"
"Presented the situation" Rodney slowly exacted the words
Sheppard looked at him glassy eyed. Could he be just seeing what he wanted to see or, was Rodney, not only understanding what he had done but was accepting it. Hesitantly, not daring to believe it "Yeah"
Sheppard watched intently as McKay's eyes twitched, processing the information. Sheppard couldn't breath as he watched McKay look at it from every angle and then he looked straight at Sheppard, locked his steady eyes on to his and Sheppard waited, did not think he could look away now if the world ended around them and then Rodney said "thanks" with a nod to push home the fact not only that he meant it but that he understood.
Sheppard nodded back, biting back the emotion that threatened to break free. Inside he screamed Rodney knew what he had done and accepted. Rodney understood.
Rodney rubs his palms on his thighs and momentarily Sheppard is reminded of rubbing blood off his hands and a vice wraps momentarily around his heart, he hopes Rodney is not taking any of this on himself. He watches him closely but as Rodney stands his eyes belay nothing but closure. "You wanna get something to eat" he says and inside Sheppard wants to laugh and never stop.
Sheppard first thought is Wallace and he thinks he may never eat again. He looks up at Rodney, looks into a face that accepts him and he throws down the magazine and says "sure". He gets up from the bed and falls into his rightful place at Rodneys side.
We're about the same in the looks department, Right?" Rodney said as they left his quarters. If it wasn't for your baby blues Rodney you would look like a frog, Sheppard thinks to himself.
"Who's bin lying to you, Rodney" he said. He felt warm inside and everything felt good again. Rodney was walking down the corridor at his side where he belonged, talking about nothing and everything.
"Oh Ha Ha, No seriously, were about even right?" Rodney said. Luckily for you on the inside you are the most beautiful thing I know Rodney Mackay Sheppard thought to himself and inside he beamed.
"Like I said, Who's bin lying to you" He said outside, lopsided grin back in play.
And as they rounded the corner Sheppard thought one more thought to himself. I have Rodney because everyday I don't tell you I love you is a lie to you and for that you will never know how sorry I am.
Complete. x
Thanks again for all your support and encouraging me to continue with another story. I hoped you enjoyed my adlibs to the plot. Merry Xmas and a happy new year to you all – Ferryman.