I moved to the city right after high school with every intention of figuring out who I am as a person and studying something I'm passionate about. However I can't say that I've accomplished much when it comes to the first part; I still I'm working on who I am and solving that puzzle piece by piece every single day. But at least I have finished my higher studies a few years ago and I am now a not very well known published author which has been the highlight of my life so far. Writing has always been my one and only passion, I started writing short stories when I was about 9… I still remember spending hours on my tiny pink desk trying to choose names for my characters who were mostly princesses and fairies and superheroes. I have always been an in-doors kind of person. I come from a small town called Mystic Falls and that has shaped a lot of my habits. And since I never got to experience a lot on my own , I chose to let my imagination run wild. I started making up scenarios in my head, developing characters and giving them the wildness and freedom I could never have. And even when I moved to New York, that never changed. I spent most of the time working on my book in my room or working so that I can pay my rent…Until I had a full finished book in my hands and somehow enough people believed in my imagination to send it out to the word. Having a piece of your life written down on paper and available for everyone to read and know is a strange feeling yet a very satisfying one. At least now I know that I've achieved something, that I was able to mark my existence and open up to the world, that I could help people with their problems and entertain them with my thoughts. I am now working on my second novel and I haven't gotten beyond two pages so far. I want it to be about me, my experiences and who I am as a person. I want to share what makes me who I am and translate everything that is going on in my mind to words and phrases. But that Is not easy to do when I can't even figure out who I am and have nothing exceptional and worth writing about at the time. I keep waiting for things to come by and happen, events to occur and for my life to change. I don't do anything… I just keep on leading the same life, the exact same routine. But I have faith that life itself is capable of amazing me and turning tables at the most unexpected of times. I know that faith won't write me a book and I know that my dull hope won't type the words but it is what's driving me and right now, all I need is something to keep me going.
I pay the taxi driver and jump out the cab. I walk towards the coffee shop wearing my knee high brown leather boots and as soon as I walk inside the shop my eyes fall immediately on Caroline who has been waiting for me to arrive … She spots me and a giant smile paints on her face. I've known Caroline Forbes since I was in primary school and the best thing about her is that her features haven't changed ever since. She still has the same big beautiful smile that makes you happy and cheery yourself. Her eyes still have the identical childlike, lively look since she was 6 or 5 years old. Her golden curls still fall perfectly on her shoulders and most importantly I can always count on her to be there for me whenever I need her.
She gets out of her chair and pulls me in for a warm hug and I can't help it but to smile and feel better already. Everyone deserves a best friend like Caroline.
We take our places and we start informing each other about every single detail in our lives, as if we haven't met in ages. While I've actually seen her last weekend and truth be told my life hasn't changed a single bit since then but I tell her the stupidest of things anyway like how I was running so late that I went out of my place forgetting to put a shirt on or that I spilled my coffee on some guy because I chose to wear high heels that day and she knows that I don't do well with heels but I don't care that they are unimportant and uninteresting because I know that she's capable of turning them into funny jokes or memorable stories. And suddenly I realize that if I ever do write this book, Caroline will surely be a huge part of it.
"So how's your book coming? And please tell me that you got beyond three pages because you've been telling me the same thing for about a month now! " she says to me while shooting me one of her looks.
" Actually I'm stuck at the second page so I won't be telling you that… I just can't write it, because .."
" … you want to figure out who you are and live good enough adventures to write about and all that.. Elena! You've been using the exact same excuses for weeks now! And you haven't even begun to search for this lost soul of yours or gone out of your apartment to see the actual world and live those 'adventures'! " She interrupts me and I can't even blame her because even I have grown tired of my own excuses. I don't say a thing for a few seconds and when I do I can't believe that those words parted my own lips
" you know what ? you're completely right, as you always are of course. Which is why , You and I will go out tonight and experience New York at its finest and meet new people and get wasted and who knows maybe we will pass out on the street or yell for no reason in the middle of the road at midnight " I say with so much excitement and determination that I fail to notice that Caroline is looking at me with a questioning look and probably asking herself what kind of alien has embodied me but she goes with the flow and nods and we agree to the time a place of our soon to happen rendez-vous.
Caroline had to leave almost immediately after our agreement because she got a call from a client and had to go. But I stayed there buried in my thoughts trying to crawl out of my writers block. This night feels promising already. It could start a new life for me, new opportunities even if that might sound exaggerated to most people it is the absolute truth. I've been standing at square one for as long as I have because of my state of my mind, because I've been afraid to leave my comfort zone and see the world from a different point of view. Tonight I will start a revolution on my old self and let the real me develop and exist. I don't necessarily mean that I will turn out to be some wild party girl or anything of the sort. Just that I will discover new things and through those I will meet new a part of my soul. I will let out the wildest parts of myself exist and accept the darkest of them. I want my life to feel more real and more mine. I want to feel real heart break and know absolute joy. And by opening up this window tonight I will be able to open the door.
But I can't stop wondering, what will it be that changes me forever? Will I fall on my face and wake up brand new? Will I see spot some guy between the crowd and our eyes will meet and fall inlove from the first sight? Or maybe I'll find a long lost relative?
I really don't know, and I like that feeling of mystery and uncertainty.
I snap out of my thoughts and wonder ,with the feeling of my phone buzzing in my pocket.
It's Caroline "Wear something sexy tonight! I'm bringing you a date, his name is Stefan… BE NICE xoxo "