Several days after my arranged wedding: I'm starting to think that this hell is not as bad as I had first imagined it. My husband has been absent since the wedding and hasn't mentioned where I could find him. "It's business, dear wife, you'll find me where I'm needed". I haven't understood that statement and I don't want to think about it. It doesn't interest me what my husband is up to. The days are long in this mansion with nothing to do. Even the servants aren't up to a conversation, so my only occupations are my husband's numerous books and this journal. I try to write whenever he is not here, so as to not raise his curiosity. I don't want him lurking around in my private life. There were some secrets I'd still like to keep to myself, just the way he is doing it. I'm sure there is more to his absence than 'business', as he puts it. No mistress, I know that for sure. Call me naïve, but a woman's instincts don't lie. It was something darker, something… evil…

The entries often stopped abruptly, as if the woman writing them had always been interrupted in the middle of her writing by an unwanted intruder. Lola wondered if she was purposefully staying as vague as possible with her descriptions, or if she just hadn't had the motivation to write in detail about every part of her life. After all, it was her life and that journal had only been meant for her alone. She didn't need details about her own life. She understood herself better than anyone else, she knew what caused those feelings of hate and disorientation.

I had to wait a whole week before seeing my husband at last. No, I think this is a bad choice of words. 'At last' gives the impression of me missing him. I didn't. I was happy on my own, surrounded by books and the horses. I could have ran off with one of the beasts. I don't know why I haven't done it: probably fear of being caught and sentenced to death for trying to flee this marital arrangement. Because that's all that's to it: it was an arrangement. I haven't even been asked if I agreed to this agreement. As if I wasn't even part of it. Am I not the main piece in this game of chess? It has been but a strategic move made by my father, who had hoped to enrich himself through my husband's father's lands. How wrong he has been… once again. I somehow know that neither my husband, nor my father-in-law, were people that gladly shared. Not with people they consider an enemy or a possible obstacle to their plans.

This journal intrigued Lola more than it should have. She found this woman fascinating. There was a rebellious attitude about her Lola admired. However, if that attitude had been a wise one or not, she couldn't say right now. Maybe this journal would teach her more about this woman, this alter ego, and about Lord Narcisse. However, Lola couldn't be sure if that man was Stéphane Narcisse or another member of his family, his son maybe, for there was the mention of a 'father-in-law'. However, just like the woman in the journal, Lola had that indescribable feeling that the man described in these entries was none other than her husband. This made the reading even more interesting, though those views were subjective.

Today I have realized just how much I hate that new husband of mine…

Sadly, Lola couldn't continue her reading, for she heard steps in the corridor. Willing to keep the existence of this journal a secret, she put it in her bag she carried around with her and stood up from the window sill she had been sitting on. The person intruding was none other than Princess Claude, whose arrival had most certainly been unexpected for the royal family. Lola didn't know much about Claude, only that she had a reputation of chasing men that were much older than herself and that despite her tender age, she was far too acquainted with alcohol. She had never bothered to investigate the matter further, for it didn't really interest her. Princess Claude saw Lola and walked towards her, holding her chin high in an arrogant manner that infuriated Lola. She could have been Narcisse's daughter.

"Lady Narcisse… how lovely to meet you in person at last…" She didn't seem pleased at all.

"It is my honour, Princess, I hope you have had a nice time since your arrival…" She smiled haughtily.

"How could I not… life at court is better than I recall it. Servants listening to my every command, men at my feet, ready to please me, and a warm soft bed…" Lola smiled politely.

"Well, I'm sure that you feel at ease here. If you'll excuse, I must return to my chambers…"

"Oh, is your dear husband waiting for you?" Lola stopped and turned around to face the Princess. She didn't know why the tone Claude had used annoyed her.

"I do not know, Lord Narcisse is probably in meeting with the King or the other Lords the moment we speak. But I have something to finish off, and this is why I must leave you…"

"I heard that this marriage was an arranged affair… it must have been terrible for you to marry this man. I personally wouldn't have accepted marrying him, but… he seems like a nice man, entertaining", she grinned dreamily, "… is your marriage feeling well?" Lola looked at her icily.

"I don't think this is any of your concern, but if you must know, yes it is. There is nothing I should feel sad about, many women are not faring as well as I am. Now if you'd excuse me, Princess" This time, Lola left her for good and didn't turn back when the princess wished her 'a very pleasant day, indeed'. This encounter had left her wondering about the princess' words. What had she insinuated with her assumptions? She had sounded as if she was … somehow interested in Lord Narcisse. Lola shook her head, waving those silly thoughts away. She didn't want to poison her mind with thoughts of the princess.

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Lola hadn't been lying when she had told Claude that she had things to attend to. In fact, she was to meet with Francis to report to him. He had wished to know what had happened to the letter. Lola wasn't looking forward to this meeting and she hoped that it would be over quickly, so that she could get this story behind her. She had the feeling that Narcisse had become more and more suspicious of his own wife due to this little incident. She didn't wish for him to treat her like a criminal, like a traitor. If she had to spend the rest of her life with him, she wanted those years to be peaceful and enjoyable for her. There was no use in poisoning her mind, this was one of the things she had learned while reading the journal.

"Lola, I have been expecting you", Francis said as she entered the room. He seemed to have been pacing and looked nervous to know more about what she had to say. She quickly closed the door behind her and walked to the middle of the room quietly. "What happened, did you succeed?"

"What was in that envelope?", she asked icily, determined to get an answer.

"I've told you before, it's better if you don't know" His words were supposed to appease her, but Lola would never forget Narcisse's words.

"Francis, could whatever you wanted me to leave there cause death?" She looked him in the eye and waited for him to answer. She wanted to hear him say that he had purposefully put her husband's life, and therefore also her life in danger. Francis hesitated for a few seconds, before eventually admitting.

"Why?"

"Because I needed something in place in case the threat of Narcisse became too difficult to handle, Lola did you plant it or not?" She couldn't believe she had been part of a plot to kill a man. No matter how dangerous and vile he might be (not with her, in any case) killing someone, no matter who it was, was murder and sinful. God wouldn't make a difference between those who have killed for what they believed was right, because every murder is based on that assumption. A usurper kills a King, because he thinks it's the best thing to do. Francis was well placed to understand.

"No I wasn't able to… he became too suspicious and I kept it, saying that it was a letter from my mother" Why did she feel like she should be protecting Lord Narcisse, she didn't really know. She simply didn't want anything to happen to him, partly because this plot was unfair and also because she didn't want to be considered the traitor's wife. Her reputation had already reached its lowest point. She didn't want people to fear her more than they already did.

"Lola, I know you were afraid but I needed you to do this", Francis said between clenched teeth. Lola looked at him incredulously. She couldn't believe that he was playing with her safety in such a way.

"Because you are the better man?", she asked him rhetorically, wondering if she should tell him all she knew, "well one of you used me and it wasn't him" She had said these words calmly, as if explaining something to a small child. Francis didn't know what to answer. She noticed his helplessness and wanted to embrace him.

"Francis, you have not only attempted to get Narcisse killed, but you did so without thinking of the consequences this could have for me. I am his wife. If people know or even believe that he was somehow involved in a plot against the King, who do you think they would consider his accomplice?"

"I didn't mean to endanger your life, Lola…"

"I'm sure you didn't mean to… I just wonder if you would have been able to save me with all the people wishing to see my head on a spike, next to my husband's. Francis, there is one thing you need to understand", she said, taking his hands in hers and looking him earnestly in the eye, "I am married to Lord Narcisse now. Everything that concerns him also concerns me. You can't get to him without somehow endangering me and frankly Francis, I do not wish for you to make my situation worse than it already is"

"You say this as if you enjoyed being married to Lord Narcisse…" Lola smiled softly.

"There is definitely not an excess of love between the two of us. But he hasn't done anything to hurt me. He has even been decent and kind. I do not wish to see him dead, if this means that I'll return to being the widowed mistress of the King all the men are scared to court, for fear the King will get back to them. Francis, I'm not saying I'm enjoying the situation… I'm just saying that I'm trying to make the best out of it by getting to know Lord Narcisse better. You must respect that…" Francis smiled and embraced her brotherly. The proximity of a dear friend felt good.

"I respect that… and I respect you for what you're doing…" Lola smiled and made for the door.

"I know what I'm doing, Francis. Just trust me a little bit more…" Then, she disappeared.

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Today I have realized just how much I hate that new husband of mine… He has come to my room and has voiced his intentions to consume this marriage, and if not tonight, then in a very near future. I felt like I wasn't given a choice and decided to give myself to him freely, not wanting him to force himself on me if I made him wait for too long. And there is why I hate him more now than before our coupling: he was actually good and I actually enjoyed it. I shame myself for enjoying it this much. He had made me discover things I had never heard of. My mother had always told me that love making was a rather dull affair. But my husband didn't seem to share her opinion.

Another reason why I hate him now: I find myself interrupting my writing to watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful, like a young man seeking happiness. We are both still very young. If you look at him, you wouldn't think that his father had arranged his whole life up to now. He had already gone through horrible events in his life. I don't know what exactly happened to his first wife, only that she had died after a miscarriage. Tragic…

Lola now knew for sure that the man the woman was describing was Stéphane Narcisse. Her reading was, however, interrupted by steps in the corridor. She quickly replace the book in her bag and went quickly back to bed. She was cuddled under the covers when her husband stepped in the guest room they were staying in, looking annoyed and stressed.

"Everything alright?", she asked like the dutiful wife that she was.

"Not really… I don't wish to talk about it, there is no need in troubling your mind with matters of state…" Lola didn't want to know, in case Narcisse had been blackmailing Francis again. She tried not to think too much about it.

"You say this as if I wouldn't manage to understand a thing… I'm not stupid, you know" He smiled softly as he took off his vest.

"Don't worry, little one, I know. I realize that there is more in that sweet head than you care to show… you are a dangerous little thing… you certainly know a lot about many things, but are clever enough not to mention it" Lola felt her cheeks redden at the compliment.

"My mother used to say that speech is silver, but silence is golden"

"A very wise woman, your mother. So was mine. Unfortunately, she passed away when I was very young"

"I'm sorry…", Lola said genuinely, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be… I hardly remember her passing. I just remember the lonely days that followed… but enough of that… I feel like sharing a bath with my very lovely wife" He was leaving her a choice. Lola didn't know why, but she felt her heart race as she politely accepted and followed her husband in the bathroom.