This is a darker chapter. It tells us some facts about Elena's past. I wasn't sure what to do write until I started typing so I really hope you like it and don't forget to tell me what you thinK

One of the worst feelings in the universe is being given so much hope then suddenly seeing the universe take it away all from you so brutally, so unexpectedly. After you work so hard to open up and let go of what you've been doing for most part of your life, you find yourself all alone again. I don't understand how such cruelty could exist. All I can do is burry myself in my work and type an infinite number of words. Maybe typing it would help me get over these awful feelings of despair and hopelessness. I had opened up to him, after promising myself never to do so with any human being. And for a second, I believed that life was getting better and opening up its arms for me. During that short period of time, I was able to liberate myself a little and break my own chains. I found someone that I thought was going to inspire me to keep fighting and share our most precious moments together but clearly those feelings were one sided. I haven't heard from Stefan ever since I last saw him. I left him a thousand messages and voice mails but it's all useless. He is avoiding me at all costs. Last week he said that he couldn't wait to see me again, that he finds me intriguing and beautiful, and that he hasn't laughed this much in a long time. But the human mind is such a fascinating thing that Is capable of making people change their opinions over night. I guess this is what happens when you let yourself fly… You simply fall and crush. I don't feel bad because of him or anger towards him. I'm just disappointed that after everything I've been through, I have allowed myself to let my happiness and state of mind depend on someone else, especially a person that I don't know well enough. I am angry with my own self because I have let myself down and rebelled against my own rules. So I start questioning myself again. Would it have been so terrible if I simply let things be? What kind of person decides to change everything in their life so suddenly?. This is all my fault, I've been reckless with my heart and choices and right now I'm paying the price. Seems like a logical series of events.

And after all maybe it is for the best. Maybe he was smart enough to get away from me and run with his life. After all I was capable of hurting the people closest to me, the one person I loved most. I caused so much pain and sadness. I tried running away and changing locations but that would never change the fact that I'm like a growing disease that destroys everything at its wake. And even if I never talk about what I caused, even if I try to hide the dark side and pretend it is all okay… Nothing would ever change. I tried to forget and forgive myself, but I don't deserve such mercy. Days like these are my absolute nightmare. When the truth unveils itself and I can no longer ignore my past. All I see is his face looking at me with his sad beautiful black eyes and bruises all over his figure. He haunts me in my dreams. I have to face it all, once again. Maybe I deserve to be alone and to be left lonely. I shouldn't be playing the victim because I am the murderer. I have been for the past decade. A murderer with the mask of a martyr …

It's early in the morning, I'm overwhelmed by the smell of vanilla filling every inch of my room, and I'm enjoying the feeling of sunshine creeping through the window and touching my face. My mom must be baking her famous cookies downstairs and instant hunger fills my body as soon as the smell reaches my nose. I love her signature pastries so much. I could survive on solely them and water of course. Today is my father's 50th birthday so she must be having something special in mind; I'm hoping that it involves chocolate. My mother loves to spoil us with food. It's how she shows us love. I've always been amazed by how delicious her cooking is and how she manages to keep us all healthy and in shape all at the same time. She is such a miracle worker.

Thank god it's Friday because I haven't had the chance to buy my dad a proper gift yet. I have been so busy with school and I'm working on a short story for my high school magazine. Baby steps … I can't wait for high school to end and college to start! I decided to go to Whitmore although I've been accepted to many other highly recommended universities all over the country. I applied to them never thinking that I would ever get accepted. Whitmore is only a couple hours away from Mystic Falls. That's how I'll be able to be close to my family and friends while pursuing my future and working on my writing. I don't like the idea of leaving everything behind and starting brand new. I already have so much here that Is worth staying for even if most people would disagree. I have a loving relationship with both my parents. I have two beautiful best friends, although I doubt they'll be staying home. Both Caroline and Bonnie are aiming high and willing to make the sacrifice unlike me and an annoying beautiful younger brother who makes my days a little better.

Speaking of whom, I promised him to take him with me to shop for our father… Jeremy hasn't turned sixteen yet which means he can't drive. So I'm his personal chauffeur. He always begs me to let him drive a little even around the street, just to practice, he keeps going about what a naturally talented driver he is and how his older friends trust him with their cars. My parents would ground him for eternity if they knew about how he passes his free time. But that is what siblings are for right? Jeremy and I are so much different. He likes to go out and have fun, he is a popular kid among his peers… He enjoys sports and is very good at them. While I'm a shy indoors kind of person who has two friends and that is highly sufficient. I'm only interested in creativity and art. I told my parents that I want to sign up for guitar lessons and they agreed… They'd do anything to see me get out of the house and behave like a normal teenager.

I grab a cookie from the counter, it's still hot but it tastes heavenly. My mother pours a cup of coffee and she gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Did you decide what you're going to get for your father?" she said after offering me another cookie and wearing her beautiful smile.

"Yes, I decided to get him a couple of books.. I saw an autobiography of a child cancer survivor that is talking about how much her doctor has helped her get through her illness.. I thought that would help letting dad know how important his job is, and how much the kids really do appreciate his help and attention, maybe I'll get him a watch too! " I replied while explaining and using various hand gestures, it's a habit that I could never get rid of . My mother pays full focus to me while standing with her hands crossed over her chest.

"I like that! You're such a good gift giver Elena! I think your father would love that book! I can't wait for the day I have a signed copy of your first novel between my hands. You've already made us so proud sweetie. " She says while trying not to choke on her tears and then gesturing to pull me in for a hug, moved by her words, I instantly jump out of my chair and pull her in for a long warm hug until Jeremy interrupts us.

"You two are too sensitive for your own good! " He says while taking a bite of my cookie.

"Yeah! Says the guy who saw the notebook over a bazillion times." I state. Jeremy Is a sucker for that movie and I never fail at holding him against him although I love the fact that he loves it.

"Hey! That movie is a classic; you can't hold that against me " He jokes

We leave the house, after saying goodbye and when we reach my car he pulls his hand of the pocket of his jacket showing off a metallic thing. I look closer and I snap as soon as I notice that those are my car keys. He took them behind my back! Why do little brothers have to be so much work!?

"Give those back right now or I swear I'm going to tell mom about this and your extra-curricular activities" I yell loud enough to make sure that my mom couldn't hear us

"Okay okay! Just let me drive this once! The library is only two blocks away! Why can't you trust me Elena?" He answers and I find myself torn between doing the right thing for our safety and proving to my brother that I do trust him and think him good enough.

We stare at each for a moment and I run my fingers through my hair then I say

"Only two blocks okay! If you do anything wrong you're getting out and handing me the keys… got it? " I say foolishly! I decided to give my fifteen year old brother the keys to my car choosing to ignore all the consequences and going behind my parents' backs… This is not going to be good. But I calm myself by thinking how Mystic Falls is mostly empty during Friday mornings and how short our distance is.

I take the passenger seat. And I pray to all gods that Jeremy won't make me regret my decision. I show him the basics and he nods and confirms that he is already aware and states how he has experience in the department.

Surprisingly he is not bad at all. I feel so much relief when I spot the library, we are almost there. I can already see the neon sign.

"WATCH OUT! " I yell at Jeremy and I try to take control of the vehicle.

That's when everything turned to black. I can't feel my body. The only sensation that is invading my figure is dizziness and confusion. Everything seems to be upside down. I can barely breathe. I can see my face covered in scars and blood reflected on the broken glass surrounding me. My lungs feel like they are going to explode. I hear a hundred voices. Strangers' voices surrounding the car , trying to get us out of there. I look next to me, moving my look to Jeremy, I manage to gather enough strength to pronounce his name. But there is no evidence that he was ever with me in the car. I can't even feel his breath and he isn't reaching out to me in any kind of way. I try to reach him with my hand but I can't do it and I lose consciousness.

I wake up in a small room, with light blue walls; I'm lying down and attached to a million machines. I can feel my head pounding and hurting so much. I can hardly see anything, it all seems so blurry, and It takes me about a minute to remember what happened. That's when I try to stand up and go look for Jeremy but I can't move a single muscle. And when the nurse notices my attempt she helps me get comfortable and asks me to lay still until the doctor comes to check up on me.

My parents are sitting next to me, holding each other's hands. I can see the tears running down my mother's face. Her look appears lost and sad. She is shaking and her eyes are red from crying. My dad is trying to remain calm and not join her in her sorrow. He is trying to be strong for her, as he always does. But that doesn't stop the tears from leaving his green eyes.

I don't understand why they are acting this way. Yes we've been in a terrible accident but they saw me wake up and the doctor has probably informed them that I'll be fine. Where is all this coming from? Did the fear of losing us cause them to cry and scream..?

Then I remember

Jeremy…

Maybe …

No It can't be … He was fine, he was driving next to me, he was alive and smiling and we were going to get our father nice presents. He is just a child and my brother. He can't possibly be gone.

My father gets closer to my bed, and he reaches for my hand, he wipes out a tear and says.

" Elena honey, I need you to listen to me and remain calm. You have been through an awful accident and… " he stops to swallow.. he can't say it.. I look at him with anticipation even though I know what he is going to say, If I had enough strength I would have put my hands over my ears to stop reality from catching up with me.

"You are okay. You'll get back on your feet in a couple weeks but your brother.. Jeremy.. the doctors tried … but they couldn't help him"

"No" I say interrupting him

"Elena honey, he is gone"

"No" I say calmly waiting for my father to tell me otherwise, to say that this is some sort of mistake that life couldn't possibly rob my only sibling so suddenly.

" NO NO NO , This can't be true! You're lying! NO" I yell and cry and somehow I manage to raise myself from the bed. I can't stop crying. My father is crying too and so is my mother. They are grieving the loss of their son and I'm only making it worse. It takes a nurse to come to calm me down and put me to sleep.

The only thought in my head is

I am a murderer, I killed my own brother.. It's all my fault. If I hadn't let him drive he would be alive, we would all be home celebrating instead of sobbing in a hospital. I took away his life and dreams. I robbed him from his parents and stole away all the good years that he had coming.

I am a murderer.