You, Dave Strider haven't seen your boyfriend John Egbert in two weeks. You have gotten no calls, no texts, not one message since Egbert had run off with his cousin Jake English. You were cool as a cucumber, not worried about a thing. Whatever, it was all good.

Your bother, Dirk Strider and long-time boyfriend to Jake English had actually lost his shit.

. . . . . . Okay maybe you have been a little worried but you haven't had a full blown panic attack.

"Bro, if you don't chill you're gonna wear a hole in our carpet. Our landlady is gonna come in here like some demon in a bad horror movie, screaming obscenities in ancient demon tongues all 'cause you couldn't sit the duck down."

Dirk sighs deeply, but doesn't stop pacing. Hell it ain't your fault if Miss whatever-the-demon-fuck splatters your brains against the walls.

"Where the fuck are they? I mean it's like they've dropped off the face of the fucking planet!" Dirk ran his hands through his air, pulling at the ends.

You continue lounging across the sofa, unbothered. "Okay one, you and I both know that Jake goes off on 'adventures' all the time. Your boyfriend may be a doofus, but he can handle himself. Remember, he lived on a fucking island full of monsters for his entire life?"

"But he always calls, or texts me- eventually. It's been two weeks Dave- two fucking weeks and not a-"

His rant is interrupted by the ghost buster's theme blaring from your phone. You sit up quickly- such a dorky ringtone is reserved for the biggest dork you know.

You answer quickly, "John?"

"Dave? Dave! Waz up?" John's voice crackles over the phone.

"John where the fuck are you? And what hell is all that noise?"

"Is Dirk with you?" He asks, ignoring your question.

"Yes Dirk is-"

"Put me on speaker!"

With a sigh you press the speaker button and hold out your phone. Dirk is already standing next to you.

"Did you do it?"

"Yeah you're on speaker."

"Awesome! Jake we're on speaker!"

"Really?" Jake's British accent crackles over the line. "Right-o! Ello there Strider!"

"Jake?!" Dirk exclaims, grabbing the phone from you.

"Hello luv," Jake says laughing.

"Where the hell are you?"

John responds, "about a million feet in the fucking sky! Woo-hoo!" His exclamation dissolves into giddy laughter as you and your bro exchange bewildered looks.

"John..." You say slowly. "What are you doing?"

"Skydiving!"

". . . . . "

John's laughter bubbles over the phone, "isn't it great?"

"YOU DISAPPEAR FOR TWO WEEKS TO GO SKYDIVING?!" Dirk yells.

"Well we also went rock climbing, and surfing in the Bahamas, and-"

"We chilled with lions in Africa!" John interrupts Jake.

"Why the fuck did you leave?!" Dirk yells again.

"Don't be mad at Jake!" John exclaims. "I...I've never seen any of the things Jake has. He's been all around the world and when we decided to go we were both pretty drunk and we might be a little drunk now and-"

You groan, "and this is the week isn't it."

John's silence is all the answer you need. This week is the anniversary of his father's death two years prior.

Jake speaks first. "We should've called, but we haven't had any cell service. No, I shouldn't make excuses-"

"Shut up Jake. Just..." Dirk sighs, trailing off. You both know what's gonna happen next. You nod slightly, giving him the go ahead. "Go skydiving, then text us a place to meet you."

"Seriously?!" John exclaims.

You smirk, "seriously. We could all use a vacay, and you nerds can't have too much fun without us."

You can hear the smile in his voice when he answers. "This is gonna be so epic! Hell yes!"

Jake laughs, "I think we have to go now. We'll meet you guys soon!"

"Wait, you're actually jumping?" Holy fuck no. "John didn't you just say you were drunk?"

"Pshhhh can't hear you love you bye!" The line cuts off abruptly, but not before you hear Jake laughing.

Dirk looks at you, thinking the same thing.

Yeah, they are idiots. But they're your idiots.