Life is a rollercoaster, a crazy and unexpected one. Just when you become dull enough to believe that you're higher than the empire state, that life is gracious enough to grant you joy for a while, everything comes rushing, racing in an impossible speed, it drags you down and replaces all of your hopes and dreams with nothing other than tragedy and betrayal. I am a man who chose to become a background character in his own proper story, I'm that person that you and your friends pity for how much unfairness he has gone through at such a young age, I'm a reckless lover and an unwise paramour. I wish I could go back in time to that night, when I first saw her. I wish I had declined Klaus' offer and stayed home and continued my mourning in the presence of my loneliness. Why do I always plant the same trap for my heart and fall back inside of it each time like a blind animal? I can't believe that a year has already gone by since we first lay eyes on one another, I can't accept the fact that I thought she was going to be my life savior, that she'd help me rediscover the heavenly taste of laughter and genuine feeling of happiness. And now all I've got left is a scar marking my heart, a painful tightening in my chest every time the thought of her crosses my mind. She destroyed me, utterly and completely. She manifested herself at first in the shape of beauty and magic and then she morphed into an angry violent storm that destroyed my life.
Pain has a name, and it's Elena Gilbert
Why is it that all I seem to do is lay on this bed and watch the last year play in front of my eyes during every second of each day? I keep trying to pinpoint the exact moment when everything started crushing down, when she started unveiling her true identity and taking off her mask. But all I seem to recall is her answering my every call with an angel like smile, that would enslave me to her existence. The only scenario that keeps repeating itself is me waking by her side and being allowed her sweet smell each morning. When exactly did she become a monster? I don't know.
A knock on the door of my office, I remember telling my secretary not to take any appointments for me during the following days because of how many files I had to catch up with. But apparently she wasn't really listening to me. The sound is extremely familiar to my ears which is an insane sensation since all knocks are almost identical but this one… It feels like a signature that I should be able to recall. I notice myself diving in my thoughts and forgetting to answer the call of my mysterious visitor and just when I wake up from my day dream I notice a figure advancing my way, a very distinct one. It seems as if darkness has come back to rip my soul from my body after my many escapes from its cruel fatal hands. The identity of my visitor becomes obvious as soon as my eyes caught the sight of her captivating long sinister vigorous perfect curls. Katherine Pierce has torn open all the doors that I built between our two lives with a few steps. All I can do is stare at her, try to make out as many details as possible, maybe those would help me gather a prior idea on what she's done with her life. Katarina's sporting a pair of leather boots, ones that leave behind an inviting sound to hell as she advances with each step, she's decorating her legs with a matching black skirt, short yet voluminous and on top she's wearing a rather simple black tank top but on it are a dozen of metallic necklaces, edgy and attractive just as she once used to be. And of course, her usual evergreen smirk.
"You don't seem too happy to see me", she said as she sat herself down, uninvited right in front of me, and although there being a massive desk separating us, the pain of her memory still felt attached to my chest, never letting go of me.
"Can you blame me Katherine?" I answer, determined to get whatever this is, over with as soon as possible, so I use honesty and determination as my deadly weapon, protecting myself with.
"I just remember you being very.. very fond of my presence once upon a time, Stefan", She is some sort of witch, she must be. She says every word and she adds to it an exceptional ring, one that can only be associated with delicious evil, a sound that once seduced me back to her. She pauses between the words, she attacks my shield with her gaze, inviting me to her, but I realize that what I feel is not the reality of my emotion but rather a memory.
"Don't you ever get bored of playing your silly games? What is it that you want this time?", I question her motives, I've learned through experience that she always has them planned ahead.
"Would it be unimaginable that I've come here to check up on you, that I missed you, that I just want to be your friend… That after all of this time, I still have your best interest at heart? "
"Yes, Katherine… It's impossible for my humble mind to absorb that piece of information. Every since I first knew you all you ever did is bring sadness and heartache into my life. All I remember you doing is leaving me behind each time you got bored or had something better… someone better waiting for you. You destroyed me once, and I won't let you do it again, especially after I've let myself heal, after I've welcomed someone else into the shattered castle that is my heart." I stood up in the middle of my words and I focused my look on her, as if we were in a court and she was being prosecuted. She remained silent, positioned on the chair with both legs crossed and her face expressionless, as if the weight of my words fell like a feather on her.
"It amazes me how wrong you are. You think you found your other half? Your long lost soul-mate? That somehow life could be that kind to anyone?" , she paused for a second to push the weight of her body up, and take a few steps until we are standing in front of each other, our bodies facing each other, both with anger burning inside of our eyes. "You and I fell in love for a reason Stefan, and that we both shared the same beliefs. No matter what you might think, we are so much alike. We were both born with a reigning dark side, we both realize the reality of things. And deep down you know that whatever fairytale you have going on for you, it won't last, it's not real. How can something so perfect match reality? I hurt you, I know that, but at least what we shared was actually real, raw passion hovered on my darkness."
"That couldn't be any further from the truth… Elena and I share something greater beyond your understanding. Every moment with her is defined by honesty and purity. Instead of running from each other each time we get dark, we run towards one another. I tell her everything about myself and she does the same. We promised our forever since we first met, unannounced yet so official. She has reminded me that love is not a lost cause, that not all women are you. She introduced me to real happiness, true love and absolute trust. I'm not like you Katherine. I haven't given up on myself, I haven't closed the gates to my heart, and I don't use cruelty and manipulation as my armor. And only by seeing you today I'm certain that you no longer have any effect on my, that you'll never play any role in my presence. You'll always remain behind me, buried as the worst memory of my past."
I don't grant her the mere opportunity to reply, I randomly pick up my phone and storm out of the office, without turning back, I refuse to let her have the final word, to reign on every discussion we have. I know that I shouldn't be wasting my time here on her, and her lies and hidden truths. I know that I should be back home, with Elena declaring my endless love for her and planning our future together side by side. I know that my body craves nothing but the taste of her lips, and the touch of her skin. I can't believe how I can possibly love a person this much, but I do, and I'm happy that I've found this sensation after years of heartbreak.
I unlock the door of our apartment, Elena and I decided to move in together about three weeks ago, and since Bonnie has taken an official stable position in New York, she'll be needing the place, so we thought that it would be best for Elena to come and live with me in my place.
The scent of Vanilla is filling every inch of it, and that's how I can tell that she's most likely taking a bath. She lights a thousand of candles each time she does so, she says that the smell reminds her of home, and her mother's baking that she feels like time hasn't passed each time she lights them. I let her know of my arrival and I put my suitcase down as I rush to the bedroom in almost robotic moves, I take off my tie, finally letting air come easily to my lungs then I go back to the living room and I pour myself a glass of whiskey and I sit on the couch. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket so I grab it and I see a text showing on its screen "Good evening, Mr Mikealson has requested that you send him the contract right now , it's quite urgent"
"Elena babe, can I use your computer? ", I yell so that the sound of my voice can break though the walls and reach her hearing
"Yes! Can you order dinner too? I'm starving"
I open the device that has been sitting motionlessly on the couch besides me,as I click the button demanding it to come to life and allow me through its web. And the first thing that the miraculous screen shows, is a long text of words, seems almost endless. Which is something I would usually ignore considering that it is private, but what catches my attention is the name of the receiver of the pages "Ms Katherine Pierce" , I blink nervously and reopen my eyes in hope that this is some sort of humorless trick that my brain is playing on me, but the name is still right where I left it. So curiously and without second thought I open the attachment and another tab opens up showing beyond two hundred pages. The first page contains the title of whatever it is that I'm about to read and the name of the author
"Lost Souls, by Elena Gilbert"
I move my eyes from word to word, rapidly like I have the entire world running behind me and so little time. I swallow each word hungrily, still waiting for the part where an explanation pops up, to clear out Katherine's role in Elena's writing. She's talking about her hometown, Mystic Falls, describing the places the she has been to throughout the years she spent there, how each one of them marked her life. She speaks of how much her family and friends helped shape who she is, and supported her through every single obstacle no matter how big or small. She is a skilled writer, which causes another question to manifest in my mind, Why has she been keeping this from me?
"I was in the winter of my life, when my prince charming tagged along and rescued me from the great obscure evil that is my past. Like a knight carrying a shiny silver armor he appeared in my world, so suddenly and so unexpectedly. A series of events occurred and a thousand chances happened, leading him my way. But seeing his captivating tender green eyes, and the spark that they held within, I would have never dared to assume that my hero has been walking around the infamous street of New York city carrying around a shattered broken heart and a destroyed, undefinable soul. He speaks to me as if he's never known heart-break, like the world could never find stings strong enough to tame him. But I can remark his look washing with terrifying sadness as each word skips his appealing lips. He said that he had only known true love once, he never told me her name, and that she wrecked him and turned his world upside down. He tries to look composed and untouchable while he seems so fragile and frail, like he'd break into pieces if I touch him. Stefan Salvatore, is a confusing mixture of heterogenic compos ants, and I can't wait to see how our story turns out, and how it'll end."
I can taste a familiar flavor,almost like it has never parted my nerves: betrayal. Is this what I've been doing for the last months? Providing her with material for her to write a book… Is this Katherine's doing? Did she plan all this all along? Was she gesturing Elena's moves and reciting her words? Why do I feel like all I want is for the earth to open its gates and swallow me whole? … I can't think all I can do is keep on reading and the weirdest feelings are filling me, like some stalker has been filming my life and putting it to words, I read the words and I remember the scenes replaying in my head; like some sort of twisted maleficent déjà-vu.
"He lets his head fall on my lap, like an infant running back to the tenderness of his mother's caresses, he closes his eyes as if he's swimming in infinite oceans made out of his imagination. And all he does is talk. He recounts the tragedies of his past like he's reciting a poem or a passage that he's learned to memorize long ago. He speaks of the unbearable pain the he carries within his bones and all I do is listen devotedly. He tells me how his childhood has been guided by cruelty and infinite darkness; how he couldn't escape his former surroundings until his late teens, when he graduated high school. Stefan reports on the misfortunes that he has endured since he was first aware of his existence. At the age of a blossoming rose, he's had to watch the closest people to his heart suffer a great deal because of the unjust conditions that life has chosen for him. His father was a cruel alcoholic who made a hobby out of beating his family up, and he learned to find pleasure in harassing his sons and wife. He told me how he can never escape his past because his father has succeeded at leaving a never parting mark on his skin, he stood up and pulled up his shirt in order to show me a remarkable scar on his back, one that I've seen before but never dared question the origins of it (...) His brother gathered enough courage at sixteen to report their father to the authorities but his mother was quick to defend her husband and testify falsely for his sake. He never understood why his mother loved her abuser more than she loved her sons, more than she loved her own self. He said that he's terrified of ending up like his father, an addict, a hopeless cause that destroys everything that it meets. And that it's why he chooses not to let people in, except a few chosen ones, that he never liked sharing the catastrophes that fell upon him with anybody, because they are extremely personal to him …"
I don't get a chance to awaken from the shock that is ruling my body, but I can feel sweat rushing down from my forehead and a tear escape the prison of my eyes. My surprise is suddenly interrupted by my betrayer's voice. She's hovering behind me, she called my name a couple times but I couldn't answer. I felt broken, disgusted, betrayed and most of all foolish. Katherine Pierce hasn't just won a round, she won the war. She approaches me carefully, I can tell by the sound of her steps, she exclaims in a small voice. Her hair is wet falling on her shoulder, and she's tightening a white towel around her body. On her bare face I can read nothing, or more like I can believe nothing of what she might have to say.
"Stefan, please let me explain." , she said after a minute of awkward uncomfortable silence, this time she's standing in front of me, but she's not close to me. She knew better than to try and initiate any sort of contact
"Explain what? How I was nothing but a passing muse for you? How I'm nothing but your ladder to fame and success.? How my life means so little to you that you'd use it as material for your stupid book without even requesting my consent? How I've been living an absolute lie for months? How I allowed you inside of my heart and trusted you with my past and that was nothing but a source for you to make up a character? Was any of it real… ever?"
"Yes, Stefan .. I swear it's all real. I love you more than words can ever describe, and I know that it's difficult for you to believe that, to believe me" she had to swallow, but that didn't stop her from tearing up and her voice to break "I didn't want to write this stupid fucking book, I wrote a chapter or two at first but I swear that I tried to stop, but she… fucking Katherine Pierce, my publisher said that they have the rights to what I sent them and that I was obliged to publish this book. She said that people would love a love story starred in by the great Stefan Salvatore., I swear that I wanted to tell you, every single day, but each time I saw your face I grew more and more terrified of losing you and I kept it a destructive secret, I'm so so so sorry."
"Katherine is the girl that I told you about. The one that I used to be with for years? You risked us and all that we shared for nothing; because all of what she told you was nothing but one of her devilish games, one that she knew would result us breaking apart" I explained even though I knew that I didn't awe her a thing.
"oh my god! I'm so sorry Stefan. I really am. It's not too late, I'll … I'll call someone, I'll talk to someone… have them cancel the book. I'll write them another one, any book they want just try to believe me"I've never seen Elena sound or look more desperate before in my life. She was still crying, but I couldn't feel a thing other than anger.
"It's not about the fucking book Elena, it's about you not caring about my feelings, you lying to me for MONTHS, you using me for MONTHS, you betraying my trust and it hurts even more to see that you don't realize that" …. " I need to leave "
I shut her voice out of my hearing, I ran towards the door, with a blank look painting on my face, I'm nothing but a wreck, at least she got the title right because all I feel like right now is a lost soul.