Kendall: Willoffire123's still sore and depressed…

Sakura: So we're running the show for now.

Kendall: Kendall doesn't own BTR or Naruto.

Sakura: That doesn't sound right.

Kendall: Trust me, I'm pretty sure I don't own either show.
Sakura: No you egghead! It's Willoffire123 doesn't own BTR or Naruto.

Kendall:…oh

Sakura: Anyway, on with the show!

James

The boys and Sakura reached Hollywood Lot 8 to find it deserted.

"No sign of the Pop Tiger van," said Logan, biting his nails nervously.

"Then it's up to us," said Sakura, and she flung the door open, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Gah!" shrieked Carlos, jumping into James' arms.

"That is it," said James, voice an octave higher than normal. "What the hell is going on today? First the crane, then the kidnapping, now the freaky, Godzilla strength- infused bodyguard disappears."

"Can we panic now?" asked Carlos.

"No," said James. "We do the manly thing to do, and charge in to rescue the damsel in distress with the freaky powers, and Kendall."

"Oh, okay," said Carlos. "You can put me down now."

"That's a relief," said James, dropping Carlos into a heap on the ground.

"Okay, on the count of three," said Logan.

"Three!" cried Carlos.

"CHARGE!" cried James.

"YOU'RE BOTH IDIOTS!" cried Logan.

With those odd battle cries, the three remaining boys charged into the multi-billion dollar production studio.

"Well," said James, whirling on the others. "It's just as deserted in here as it is out there."

"Not so fast, Big Time Rush," came a warped voice from what could only be the control room.

"Who's there?" James shouted lamely.

"What have you done with Kendall?" demanded Carlos.

"And Sakura," added James, as if Carlos had the indecency to forget her.

"Are they alright?" asked Logan anxiously.

"Your friends are fine," said the voice. "The blonde one is resting. As for Sakura-'

The lights went on all at once, illuminating a nearly empty Hollywood lot, complete with a sound booth. Sakura stood at the mic, grinning down at the boys.

"Hey," she said nonchalantly.

"Now you can panic," James told Carlos.

"Good to know," said Carlos, who then fainted in James' arms.

"Sakura, what are you doing up there?" demanded Logan. "How did you get up there? Have you found Kendall yet?"

"Like I said before, Kendall's here," she said, hardly able to suppress her glee. "He's resting. Our staged kidnapping roughed him up a bit, but rest assured, it's nothing I couldn't fix."

Silence filled the lot once more as James put two and two together.

Logan got there first.

"You kidnapped Kendall!" he said, pointing an accusing finger at the sound booth.

"Guilty," said Sakura. "I staged the whole thing so I could glean just how well you boys react to these kinds of situations. As you become more and more famous, you will experience these situations more and more frequently. And you did a fine job of interrogation and clue gathering," she said proudly. Her face fell into a look of suppressed anger. "However, your combat skills will need some work."

"So the whole thing was a set up?" asked James. His opinion of their new bodyguard had varied since he'd laid eyes on her. First she was hot, then she was mildly annoying, then she was beautiful, then scary, then absolutely terrifying. Now, she was the craziest chic he'd ever had the misfortune of knowing. Forget Camille, this girl was insane.

"Yup," said Sakura.

"And why did you choose to kidnap Kendall?" asked Logan as if he already knew the answer.

"In his current condition, he couldn't possibly have done what you guys did today," said Sakura sadly. "Now then, agree that you'll cooperate with my self defense training program, and I'll let you up here to see Kendall."

"We don't need convincing," said James. "How do we get up there?"

"You're standing on it, Pretty Boy," said Sakura, pushing a button on her dashboard.

A platform that the boys had unknowingly stood on raised itself up to the sound booth, an automated arm even opening the door for the two remaining BTR boys and an unconscious Carlos.

"Kendall!" cried both James and Logan. James set Carlos down against the wall before turning to Kendall.

He looked more or less the same as when they'd left him at Roque Records, only more peaceful. James noticed that where there had once been a perfectly okay arm, Kendall's was now tightly secured in a sling, bandages snaking up his arm and around his shoulder.

"What happened to his arm?" he demanded.

"Kendall put up a fight when we tried sedating him to get him in the van," Sakura said simply while checking over the prone form of Carlos. "He hit the pavement and dislocated his shoulder. I've set the shoulder, so there isn't any permanent damage, but he'll need physical therapy once this is all over."

"You're supposed to be our bodyguard," said Logan. "You hurt him."

"And yet, I fixed him up, good as new," said Sakura, unfazed by the accusation. "The bandages are only meant to prevent him from re-dislocating it."

"I think you owe us a full explanation," said James, kneeling next to Kendall.

"Very well then," said Sakura. "I am a Medical Ninja sent from the Land of Fire in Japan for an escort mission to the United States. My teammates and I finished the mission, but I became separated from them. Griffin's goons approached me, holding a cloth. While I beat the two approaching me to a bloody pulp, a third one approached me from behind and knocked me out. Griffin offered me a choice: protect you four, or be forcefully drafted into the U.S military."

"Normally I'd say LADY ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE?" said James. "But after everything we've seen today-"

"And the operation," Logan added. "She did this weird trick that she wouldn't explain to me."

Sakura sighed, fidgeting with her hands. An exact replica of Sakura poofed into existence next to her.

"You mean the Shadow Clone Jutsu?" both Sakuras asked innocently.

Carlos, newly revived by Sakura, promptly fainted again.

"You should get that checked out for him," said Sakura 1.

"It might be a medical condition," said Sakura 2.

"But Sakura," said Logan. "After all is said and done, don't you want to go home?"

"Yes," Sakura said truthfully. "My teammates will come and pick me up eventually. In the mean time, I will be your bodyguard/medic/self-defense teacher to prevent what happened to Kendall happening in real life."

"Does Kendall know anything about this?" asked James.

"Nope!" said Sakura cheerfully. "Well, not until now, anyway. He's been listening to this whole conversation, right Kendall?"

"Mm-hmmm," Kendall muttered. "Is it all true?"

"That's for you to decide," said Sakura. "The other three have already given their consent to self-defense lessons. I have something a little different planned for you, obviously because of your condition, but I need your agreement."

Kendall looked up at James. "What do you think?"

"Your asking me for an opinion?" James asked incredulously. "Dude, your badly hurt. None of us will hold it against you if you say no."

Kendall frowned. "Don't let me stop you from learning how to handle yourselves." He turned to Sakura. "I'm in."

Sakura grinned. "Excellent. Now then, that Pop Tiger van's been driving in circles this whole time. We should probably show them we've 'found' Kendall."

Willoffire123: Well I finished the chapter and I can't even upload it! There's no internet connection at the beach! What's up with that?
Kendall: I don't know.

Zoro: What's an internet?

Kendall: Magic.

Zoro: Oh, okay.

Willoffire123: I guess we're all stuck here until I get internet connection. Until next time!