Chapter Twenty-Four:
It had been too long. Patrick worried something had happened to her. He pulled on his shoes and unzipped the tent, stepping out into the chilly air. He had to admit the tent was pretty nice. It really held the heat.
He had called her phone, but it went to voicemail. That wasn't a good sign.
"Robin?" he called out as he looked around. It was pitch black and he couldn't see anything.
He didn't know where the bathroom was, but he figured it couldn't be too far. His phone vibrated and he grabbed it.
"Robin?"
"I need your help," she said quietly.
"Where are you? What happened?"
"There was a coyote."
He froze and looked around.
"Are you hurt?"
"No."
"So come back to the tent. I'm halfway there," he said, hoping that was true.
"It took my clothes."
Now wasn't the time to laugh.
"Why did you remove your clothes?"
"Seriously? Just get here and help me, please."
"I'm coming," he said as he walked. "It's pitch black out, so you can walk back. There isn't anyone here."
"I'm not walking out there naked. There might be freaks out there."
"I'm out here," he said. "Robin, this is ridiculous. Just come towards me."
"You're sure no one is out there?"
"I'm sure. It's getting cold out here, so hurry up."
"Okay," she said and shivered as she stepped out of the bathroom. She walked tentatively down the street and held her arms around her.
"Hey," a voice said and she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Patrick?" she turned and realized quickly it wasn't Patrick.
"I'm here to take what's mine," a man said.
"Help!" Robin screamed and slapped the man.
"What the hell?" he said as he fell down.
"Robin? Robin?" Patrick heard her and raced towards the scream. It had begun to drizzle again.
"Frank?" another voice called out and soon Patrick found himself face to face with another woman.
"Where is my girlfriend?" he asked her angrily. "Where is Robin?"
"Who are you? Where is Frank?"
Robin ran up to Patrick and hid behind him, shaking.
"Robin? Are you okay?" he turned to her but she hugged his waist from behind.
"I'm naked."
"Where is my husband?" the woman asked.
"I'm here," the man said as he walked up.
"Frank? What happened?"
"She punched me," he said.
"I thought he was going to attack me. He said he was here to take what was his," she said and Patrick really wished she would move in front of him.
"I thought you were my wife," he said. "I'm sorry."
"Frank and I come out here for some fun. I wait in the bathroom and he picks me up and we have the most incredible sex," the woman said. "Sorry we scared you," she said and walked to her husband.
"I think I need some TLC," he said to her and they began to make out.
Robin needed to sit down or she was going to collapse.
"Patrick, I don't feel well," she whispered.
He turned and picked her up in his arms, ignoring the fact she was only in her underwear and he walked back towards the tent, the light mist of rain now falling harder. He unzipped the fabric and stepped in, placing her down on the blanket and pulling his wet shoes off before he got in with her and zipped it closed.
He grabbed the extra blanket they had and covered her up, rubbing her arms and smoothing her damp hair away from her face. He didn't like how cold she was.
"What happened out there? Tell me what's going on," he said as he moved the lamp closer to her.
"I got dizzy in the bathroom and fell into a pool of something gross. I took my clothes off because I was afraid I was full of shit," she said and began to laugh. "Like that would be something to worry about, right? I mean, I'm already diseased."
He sighed as he watched her shivering.
"Robin, you aren't diseased," he said softly. "Please let me help you warm up."
She wiped her eyes and looked at him.
"I'm sorry I'm being so weird. I really think you should have left me alone. I mean, the coyote didn't even want me, just my clothes. I'm obviously not someone to be around right now."
"Actually, I disagree," he smiled as he pulled his clothes off.
"What are you doing?" she shivered.
"I'm going to get you warm," he smiled as he moved the blanket. "Now don't try anything funny. I'm simply a source of heat."
She watched as he laid his long frame down next to her, clad only in his briefs. She stared at him, herself only in her bra and panties.
"Come here," he said. "It's not like I haven't held you before."
"But we were wearing clothes," she said softly.
"And now we're not," he said simply.
She sat up and her whole body shook.
"Robin, please come here. I'm worried about you. I won't hurt you," he said softly.
She wiped her eyes and nodded as she gently lay down next to him. He pulled her into his arms and sucked in his breath at the freezing temperature of her skin. He pulled the blanket over them and wrapped his body around hers as he felt her tears against his chest.
"Am I hurting you?" he asked quietly.
"No," she said as she felt completely protected in his arms.
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because I like being in your arms."
"And that's a problem?"
She sighed and felt her body warming against his.
"Maybe," she looked up at him and her eyes were full of honesty. "I think you have the power to really hurt me, Patrick."
He was surprised at that.
"That must mean that I also have the power to make you really happy," he said.
"No one has ever wanted to do that before," she said and sighed again. "Never mind. I sound pathetic."
He smiled and tilted her face to his.
"No you don't. You sound like me."
She moved her arm up to cup his face in her hand.
"Thank you for being here," she said sincerely.
He leaned down and softly kissed her lips.
"Thank you for letting me hold you," he whispered and they lay together, entwined and content.
XXXXX
Chapter Twenty-Five:
The sound of the rain on the tarp above the tent was incredibly peaceful as Robin lay in Patrick's arms and listened. She had woken up and was content to simply lie in his arms and stay in the moment.
She was clad in her bra and panties and he wore his briefs and it was simply the most natural and comfortable she had ever been with another person. She kept her face on his chest and listened to his heart beating, her hand across his body on his hip.
She thought about what had happened earlier with Gwen and what Patrick had said about it. Robin knew he was sorry and she understood exactly the fear and uncertainty when those who don't know the reality of your situation begin to make judgments. She felt badly for reacting so strongly, but it opened up a scab that wasn't as healed as she thought.
Gwen's comments weren't that unusual. Many people felt it was okay to judge the worth of a life based on the potential for longevity. It was a scary prospect, because really, who could say what another life was worth? Robin sighed as her mind raced.
"Stop thinking so loud," Patrick said softly. "I'm trying to sleep."
She blushed in the darkness and looked up at him.
"Sorry. I'm usually not so loud with my thoughts."
He grinned and brushed her hair from her eyes.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Not really. I'm happy to just lie here."
He noticed her fingers running over his hips and he reached to take her hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing her fingers.
"You're playing with fire," he said with a grin.
She watched him kiss her fingers and wondered what it would feel like if he kissed her all over.
"It's been a long time since I did that."
He moved to turn the little lantern on low and a soft glow illuminated the tent.
"How are you feeling?"
"Okay, better," she said and grabbed a t-shirt.
"What are you doing?" he reached to stop her.
"Putting some clothes on."
"Why?"
She was stumped.
"I don't know. I guess because I should?"
"I don't want you to. I want to feel your body against mine. I want to stay like this," he spoke in a tone that was seductive and sensual.
"Patrick, I don't think I should."
He sat up and she ached to touch him. What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she break this up?
"Okay. I won't make you do anything you aren't comfortable with."
"That's not it. I'm actually really comfortable with you."
"So why stop?"
"Because I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my hands off of you."
He didn't expect that and he felt her words through his whole body.
"I'm okay with that," he said softly. "I want you to touch me."
She put her shirt down and moved closer to him. She reached to his chest and ran her fingers over his skin, moving over his nipples and to his shoulders and arms.
"You are so handsome," she said absently. "I don't just mean your face, but what I feel when I touch you is strength and passion."
He felt so vulnerable under her gaze and her hands were beckoning him to move.
"Robin," he said and she took his hand in hers.
"I want you to touch me, too," she placed his hand on her breast over her bra and he thought he forgot to breathe. He moved his fingers over her and felt her nipples pebble under the fabric of her lingerie. She bit her lip as he moved over her flat stomach and she felt the heat pool between her legs.
"You are so beautiful," he said as she moved closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her slender frame and pressed her against him.
She felt his arousal as she straddled his lap and she moved to wrap her arms around his neck as he kissed her.
He laid her down on the blanket and moved over her, kissing a line down her chest to her navel and moving his hands over her, her fingers in his hair.
"Patrick, wait," she said and her eyes filled with tears.
"What is it?"
"I'm scared that I might hurt you. I need to make sure my viral load is okay. I don't think I could handle it if I did something to make you worse. I don't want to be selfish and give in to what I want if it isn't right."
He sat back and saw her tears.
"Robin, you won't hurt me. If we make love, we will use protection, and that will be the same no matter what our numbers say. I am fine if you don't want to be with me, but don't hide behind your HIV."
"I'm not hiding. It's a legitimate concern."
"Okay, so what if your numbers aren't ever stable? What will that mean for us?"
"I don't know. My health isn't something I look at in relation to sex. I mean, I need to be healthy and if I'm not, then I have no business involving you."
He shook his head and sighed.
"That's the most selfish thing I've heard you say."
"Excuse me?"
"You're acting like that would be noble. You being a martyr will make it okay for everyone else. If that's not hiding behind your disease, then I don't know what is."
"Why do you have to be such an ass?"
He shrugged.
"Am I wrong?"
"Yes."
"About which part?"
"I don't hide behind my disease. You forget that I watched someone I cared about die from this disease and I don't want you to watch me die. I don't want to put you through something horrible because you feel obligated to stay with me. I never want that, Patrick. If I'm not healthy enough to be an equal in a relationship, then I won't be in it at all."
He chuckled and she glared at him.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. Let me ask you a question. If we were together, and I was diagnosed with cancer, would you expect me to crawl away into a hole and die alone?"
"What? No, of course not. It's not the same thing."
"Sure it is. You figure that this disease necessitates you making all the decisions in this relationship and to be honest, it's annoying and insulting. I'm a grown man and I am aware of what might happen. I'm also trying really hard to believe that we will both live long and happy lives."
She sighed and he continued.
"But if not, I would certainly hope that if we were together, we would stick it out regardless of health issues. Being an equal in a relationship has a hell of a lot more to do with honesty and trust and less to do with health. If you walk away from something amazing because you think I can't handle watching you become sick, then you don't deserve someone like me."
She raised her eyebrows and absorbed what he said.
"Not everything is so cut and dry, Patrick. You are spewing these pretty words and ideas, but life isn't always like that. This disease can be cruel and heartless and it destroys the very idea of a happy ever after. I can't just throw away my fears."
"No, but you can learn to stop giving them so much power. You can decide your happiness is more important than the life this disease wants to dictate. You can decide to tell yourself that you will get through this. You can decide to live."
"Said the man who wanted to give up just a few short weeks ago."
He smiled.
"You're right, and then I met you and for some reason, I began to believe what you said. Was it all a lie? Have you ever believed the shit you spewed out?"
She wiped her eyes and nodded.
"You're right, and yes I believe it. I guess seeing you and feeling things for you has brought everything to the forefront. It was easy to talk the talk when I didn't have to walk the walk. I had no prospects to give my heart to and so it was safe for me to talk about what I felt was possible. Now I'm not so sure."
"Okay. Will you trust me enough to find out? Can you give us a chance to see if what we find is worth it?"
"I would like that. I want to be with you, Patrick. I want to be happy, but I need to get a handle on things. I need to be as healthy as I can be."
He pulled her to him and they lay back down.
"I would expect nothing less."
She moved her head to the same spot on his chest and he ran his fingers over her back.
"Thank you," she said softly.
"For what?" he asked sleepily.
"For talking me off the ledge. For bringing me back to reality."
He smiled and pulled the blanket over them.
"I'll take that. For now."
She smiled and they fell asleep.