Chapter 16
A/N
Me: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in forever…
BFF: It's been SIX FREAKIN' MONTHS, WANDER!
Me: I know…it's been horrible too, I wanted to update so much sooner, but school and other stuff kept getting in the way, sorry guys…
Thank you for sticking with me guys, even though it's been a long time since I last updated. I loved all of your reviews and thank you so much for the support you gave to my friend.
This chapter is super long, nearly 8,000 words by itself without the A/N's, so I hope that makes up for the super long break…
BFF: Let's get to the story already! I'm dying here!
Me: *laughs* Okay, okay, here we go!
Fang's POV
I stared up at the teacher, feigning attention while I daydreamed and thought about the last couple of weeks. To tell the truth, I don't remember much about the time I spent in between Maya's…death and Max's arrival into my life. Everything in the middle was like a giant blur with a couple vague memories that popped out into the foreground from time to time.
I tried not to think of Maya too much, it was so painful to remember her. I was so acutely aware of every smile, every laugh, every kiss that we had shared, that the sharpness of the memories cut and slashed at me, like a knife, causing me to bleed, both physically and mentally. Especially when I remembered how still she had laid on that asphalt, red surrounding her…no, stop it. Don't remember that, don't remember her.
But I have to, if I don't, who will? Maya doesn't deserve to be forgotten.
Time passed without my knowledge, and then I met her. I met Max.
A small smile tugged at my lips.
I have to admit, the first time I had seen her, I thought she had been Maya's ghost come back to haunt me from the grave. They looked so similar to me. My eyes couldn't tell the subtle differences between Max and Maya in the darkness. I didn't notice the sad, yet innocent look in Max's eyes, so different than the reckless, adventurous look that Maya had always had in her eyes.
Nor could I see the difference in skin-tone. Maya had always had healthy, tanned skin, whereas Max's skin was slightly pale and almost seemed as if it glowed. It glowed as if there was a light inside of her, not a harsh, artificial light, nor was it warm as a natural light, but something more, something I couldn't find the words to describe…
I didn't notice their differing body languages. Maya had always been a touchy girl, she was always touching people's shoulders and hands as well as other things, as if she were making sure they were really there. Max on the other hand, avoided contact with people as well as most objects, and she rarely spoke—well, compared to Maya that wasn't much of a statement, but it was as if she was purposefully limiting her communications.
I didn't realize so much about Max back then that I do now, and what I do know about her seems to be extremely limited. She doesn't want me to talk to her in public, which I really don't understand at all, and frankly I'm slightly offended that she doesn't want to. I feel as if she thinks I'll ruin her reputation or something. But the more time I have spent with her, the more the possibility of that being true seems completely ridiculous. Nobody seems to even acknowledge her existence, other than myself. It's as if they don't even see her. Even my mother didn't question her presence in our house after my skipping school fiasco. I found this extremely odd, and I wanted to question Max about it, but I didn't want to scare her off. I don't know why, but—I've been feeling this connection to Max. I don't want to let her go or run her off. I wanted her here, by my side.
That's why I never questioned why she never left my house once night fell, nor did I ask why she slept in my room. In fact, her presence actually brought me some peace of mind, something I hadn't recognized until the nightmare I had of her burning alive. I was scared that somehow, she would die and it would be my fault. This made me want to push her away, but I couldn't, and instead I found myself scared that she would leave me.
God, I sound like such a freaking crybaby.
If somebody asked me, I couldn't, I wouldn't deny, I was frightened. I was terrified that Max would leave me.
She understood why I cut, even though she was angry, mortified, and frightened about what I had done, she understood why I did it. Of course, she tried to get me to stop, being my "guardian" it was her duty to protect me, whatever that's supposed to mean. Honestly, I did try to quit, but I slipped up. I had cut about five or six times since she had discovered my nasty habit. However, I was doing better than I did before, I used to cut daily. Now it's only every other day, and sometimes I can even hold out to three or four days.
I always make sure to do it when Max is asleep or when I'm by myself. I don't think I'd be able to stand seeing that look of desperation and fear on her face again, knowing that I was the one to put it there. Now each cut I make comes with an ever-increasing degree of shame.
I don't want to cut anymore, but I still feel that need.
Though not nearly as much as I felt the need to protect Max. I couldn't remember much about what happened the night I meet Max, especially after Lissa had tried to drug me. I remember dancing, grinding into some girl, and then somehow ending up with Max at my house. Then this guy showed up, I vaguely remember his face, and, for some reason, I remember a lot of dark and light blurs following this, and then Max got hurt and the man ran off.
I ran over to Max, or at least that's what I thought I did, I was pretty drunk, so it's probably more likely that I stumbled over to her. Then I picked her up and laid her down in the guest bedroom. Thinking about that night, how Max had gotten hurt, I felt this knot of guilt in my gut, as if I had been the cause of why she had been injured. But for the life of me I can't remember what I did.
Suddenly the bell rang and I was shaken out of my thoughts.
I took my books and stacked them on my desk, as I did I noticed Max make her way towards me, avoiding all objects and people in her path.
"Ready to get going?" Her sweet voice asked me as I packed my books into my bag.
I almost opened my mouth to say yes, but then I remembered how she didn't want me to talk to her in public, so I simply nodded. Again I pondered why she was so adamant about me not speaking to her aloud with other people present as I walked down the hallway with her.
Maybe she has a phobia of people talking to her in public? Eh, sounded a bit far-fetched, but then again so does every other thing I've co—
"Fang!"
Without warning I was rammed into the lockers and fell to the ground. Disoriented for a moment I shook my head and got up. Who the fucking hell just slammed me into the lockers? I thought, standing up and looking my assailant in the eye.
Of course it was Leonard, who else was childish enough to think slamming people into lockers was actually cool? Idiot.
"What do you want?" I growled at him and his pals, I was sick of this stupid game they liked to play with me. Absolutely freaking sick of it.
The bastard laughed, as if somehow what I had said was funny. This guy needs to watch the comedy channel more often. He wouldn't know a joke if it slapped him in the face.
"You sound like you are trying to show off to your girlfriend." He laughed stupidly and his friends joined in with even more idiotic and annoying cackles that made me want to turn into the Hulk and rip Leonard's arms off. What really ticked me off, however, was that he mentioned Maya. The douche didn't even deserve to think her name. At least, it seemed as if he was mentioning Maya, maybe he thought I was with somebody else now…maybe…Max? Reason deemed it plausible, I mean, we have been spending every moment at school with one another, Leonard may have come to his own conclusions.
Suddenly the memory of Leonard staring at Max with that disgusting look in his eye crept back to the fore-front of my mind. I didn't like him looking at her like that. Not one bit.
"Do you have a girlfriend that I can steal and f*ck against the wall yet, Walker?" Leonard taunted me, smirking.
There was no doubt in my mind now that he was thinking of Max. Anger flared through me and I tensed up, starting to shake in an effort to control my rage. Max was innocent, she was caring, and she understood. No way in hell was I going to let Leonard even get near her and try to steal away her purity.
She is my angel. Mine and nobody else's.
Damn, since when did I become so possessive?
I guess it must be that urge to protect her that is making me feel this way.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Max's nose wrinkle in disgust at what Leonard said. I smiled. She thought just about highly of the asswipe as I did, which wasn't much, if anything at all. I found myself smirking.
"I wonder how many of your buddies here are messing around with your girl behind your back Leonard." I shot back at him, glancing at his buddies. I distinctly remember Leonard's girl, Lissa, making out with both of them. The one to my right she had kissed in the locker room after school and the one on the left right she made out with before shoving him into a storage closet. I didn't stick around long enough to find out anything else about the encounter, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. Lissa the slut plus idiotic male plus storage closet, you do the math.
Leonard took a moment to process what I had just said. Then his eyes widened a bit and he glanced to either side of him. His "friends" shuffled from one foot to the other, looking nervous. He sent two glares their way before returning his gaze to me. I smirked even more, confidence flowing through me like a raging river. Remembering all those times Leonard bullied and mocked me, I wanted to get back at him in my moment of triumph.
I wasn't going to be the "better man" and leave it at that, walk away. Most would feel a smidgen of guilt over this, but I didn't. I never claimed to be a good guy, and Leonard deserved to get burned in my not so humble opinion.
"And as a matter of fact, I do have a girlfriend," I lied smugly. An image of Max flitted across my mind. "And she knows exactly what kind of scumbag you are, so good luck trying to steal her. She would probably kick your ass to next year if you tried."
Then I walked away, calling softly for Max to follow me.
Well, if Leonard already thinks we're dating, why not claim Max as my girlfriend? I wondered for a moment whether or not Max would actually date me if I asked her. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell are you thinking? What about Maya?
My heart sunk a bit. How could I have forgotten her so easily? Was I betraying her by claiming Max to be my girlfriend, by thinking about asking Max to be my girlfriend?
A part of me told me that I wasn't betraying Maya, that Maya would want me to move on and be happy. Another part, however, felt that I didn't deserve such happiness. After all, it had been my fault that Maya had died. How could I be happy when I basically stole Maya's future from her? How could I even think of being happy, let alone wonder if I even deserved to be?
I spotted my mother's car in the parking lot and groaned at the sight, remembering that I had to go to therapy today. Instantly my mood turned foul, and everything seemed entirely annoying, even the sound of the birds chirping in the trees by the school.
I opened the car door and instantly music besieged my ears.
A song I had hoped never to hear again.
(Excerpts from Counting Stars by OneRepublic)
"Lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming 'bout the things that we could be." The radio sung as I was reeled back in time.
"Hey, baby, mind if I turn up the radio?" Maya asked, smiling brightly.
"Sure." I replied, turning left onto the next road.
"Lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming 'bout the things that we could be." The stereo blasted through the speakers as I came up to the next light.
"Hey, Fang?" She smiled knowingly.
I grinned.
"Yeah, baby?"
She leaned over and kissed me. I responded, molding my lips to hers, wanting to show her just how much I loved her in that kiss.
It happened so fast, too fast for me to process.
The impact.
The sirens.
The screaming.
Then Maya was dead. Lying on the ground, with no twitch in her fingers, or rise in her chest. Dead.
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
And the radio was still playing.
"Lately I been, I been losing sleep, dreaming 'bout the things that we could be."
I was thrust back into the present, with my mother singing along to that torturous little reminder.
"Baby I been, I been prayin' hard, said no more counting dollars, we'll be counting st—"
"Turn that shit off." I snapped angrily.
My mother jumped in her seat, alarmed, but it quickly her alarmed expression became a smile. She started to greet me but cut herself off.
"Did you just curse?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "So what if I did?"
She sighed and turned off the radio, telling me to get in the car. I threw my stuff in and sat down in my seat.
Max was already inside, and again my mother didn't question as to why there was a strange girl with me, or why she was in her car. I tried to reason why she didn't ask, or even seem to notice Max, but I couldn't figure it out.
Mom said something about letting my cursing go this time, but I wasn't really paying attention. I vaguely registered that she had switch the radio back on. The song wasn't on anymore. I felt a sinking relief, it was an odd feeling. I was both relieved, and for some reason, disappointed that it was no longer playing. As much as the song pained me to hear, I wanted to relive those precious moments I had with Maya. Somehow reliving them makes it seem as if she were alive again. But she isn't, so what's the point in reliving them and wishing she was alive again?
Stars don't grant us our deepest desires.
They're just great, big balls of explosive gas that give off light so that people on camping trips have something to stare at.
Okay, well, they might have a bit more to do with life than that, after all, the Sun is a star, but I was trying to make a point.
Life isn't fair, and you can't reverse the clock.
No matter how much you might want to.
Time travel doesn't exist, and The Doctor probably doesn't either, sadly. Though, if I ever met him, the first thing I'd do would be to ask him, beg him, to take me back to the day of that accident and somehow help me save Maya's life.
Movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention and I turn to see what had happened.
It was Max, she was staring out the window with her knees against her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. Her knuckles were white and her muscles strained as she constricted herself into a ball. I could hear her breath, sharp and heavy. I knew the sound well. It was fraught with resistance and a determination to stay in control. It was the sound a person made when she was trying not to cry, and combined with the slight tremor of her shoulders, there was no mistake that was exactly what she was attempting to do.
"Max?" I called out to her softly. "Are you okay?"
She nodded.
Liar.
I wanted to press her to tell me what was upsetting her, I wanted to fix whatever it was, pummel whoever had made her this way, just to see her smiling and happy.
But I held myself back. Pressuring her to tell me wouldn't help. The last time I had tried she had jumped from my window and run away.
With this therapy session coming up, I don't think I'd be able to handle her running away from me again. I needed her there with me.
I gazed at her as she looked out the window, taking in the scenery. Her skin glowed softly, beautifully, and her blonde hair flowed down to her waist—wait.
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt!
I felt panic set into me.
How could she have been in the car with no seatbelt on, and I not notice? What if something had happened? What if we crashed or hit a pothole the wrong way? She could have been injured or seriously hurt!
Calm down, Fang. You've got to keep your fear in check. Breathe. Just breathe.
Okay?
Okay.
Don't freak out.
Just breathe.
"Could you put on your seatbelt?" I asked as calmly as I could.
Max turned around, quickly and suddenly, her eyes, wild, angry, and red.
"No. I will not put my stupid, fucking seatbelt on." She spat.
Whoa.
I stared at her for a moment, shocked. I blinked a couple times. Did she—did that—did that really just happen? Whoa. That was— I can tell you one thing; I was definitely not expecting Max to turn into a she-demon over a seatbelt.
She seemed to share my surprise, staring at me wide-eyed, her hand half-way to her mouth.
Her unexpected outburst didn't rid me of my ever-increasing fear for her safety, however.
Maybe the shock will help her see the importance of a seatbelt?
"Max, please?"
Her eyes narrowed and teeth gritted. "Just leave me alone!"
Apparently not.
"Sounds like somebody's on their period." I said, letting out a fake chuckle, trying to lighten the atmosphere, but it didn't take me long to figure out that wasn't working. "Max, please, just put your seatbelt on. For me?" I begged her, seriously.
At last I got through to her. She nodded and reached for her seatbelt, looking particularly guilty and a bit embarrassed, no doubt by her rash actions. No sooner had she touched the seatbelt strap, however, than the car came to a halt and my mom called out that we had arrived.
"Okay, Fang, I know you don't want to be here, but can you promise me that you will at least try. You're going to be coming here whether you like it or not, at least try to let them help you." She said, motherly concern lacing her voice.
I stepped out of the car with Max right behind me. "You make it sound as if you are dropping me off at a mental institute." I said leaning against the car door before shutting it.
The window opened up. "Do I need to drop you off at a mental institution?" My mother joked, raising an eyebrow making a hilarious serious face.
"Mom…" I said, letting out a groan and then a smirk, chuckling to myself. Somehow she nearly always found a way to lighten up the mood, even when it was as heavy as it was now.
"Bye, sweetheart. I'll pick you up afterwards, okay?" She called out, beginning to pull out of her parking spot.
I glanced back and waved to her. "Yeah, sure. See you later."
Then I turned around and sighed as I gazed at the building before me.
"Do I really have to go, Max?" I groaned, my shoulders slumping, knowing what her answer would be, but seriously wishing she would say something like: "Nah, let's go to the ice cream shop around the corner instead."
She let out a hearty laugh, and I felt my heart skip and speed up. What was this girl doing to me? I haven't felt like this since…
"Yes, Fang, you have to go." She replied, interrupting my thoughts.
Dammit. I really could use some ice cream right now. Strawberry ice cream with chocolate syrup and Reese's pieces… yuuummmm… Gosh, darn it! Quit torturing yourself! You're not getting ice cream, Fang. You have to go to a freaking therapy session!
I groaned loudly. I wouldn't be able to get through this without Max. No ice cream on top of having to go to therapy? I'd have a mental breakdown and get sent to the nut house if she wasn't with me. But what if she didn't want to be there with me during this?
I felt uncertainty grip me, I had to know she was going with me, because if she wasn't I would most certainly bolt to the nearest Ben & Jerry's. What? Guys can like Ben & Jerry's too.
"Will you be there with me at least?"
"Yeah, of course." She replied immediately.
Guess that means no ice cream… I looked up at her and every little crappy thing that had been going on in my life seemed to simply fade away. I smiled. Screw ice cream, I'd take spending time with Max over it any day.
Anyways, I could always take her to get some Ben & Jerry's afterwards.
I turned back towards the building and walked inside, and then after signing in I sat down and waited to be called. Max leaned up against the wall next to me. A few minutes later a professionally dressed woman called my name from the entrance of the hallway. Standing up, I followed her to the therapy room, with Max tagging along right behind me. On the outside, I was, as the saying goes, "cool as a cucumber", but all those horrible things that had disappeared when I was outside with Max crashed down upon me again and I was panicking on the inside. My blood raced with fear and cold sweat began to gather upon my skin.
I hated this woman before me, this therapist who was going to "make me better". She was going to try to get me past Maya's death, she was going to try to make me forget her, and I was terrified that she might succeed.
Once inside the room we settled down into our seats and the therapist laid her notepad in her lap, ready to write down the juicy details of my emotional torture. I glared at the stack of yellow paper so intensely I was surprised it didn't burst into flames.
"It's nice to meet you, Nicholas—" She greeted, but I cut her off.
"Fang" I corrected curtly as she offered her hand to shake.
I resisted the urge to scoff.
You're trying to erase Maya, one of the greatest girls I've ever met in my life, from my memory, and you think I'm gonna shake your hand? What are you taking, woman? He wanted to say to her, but held his tongue.
Her hand eventually fell.
"Well, my name is Miss Hammond, but you can call me Debbi."
I nodded, acknowledging that I had heard her.
"Is there anything you would like to talk about?" She pried.
I replied with a short, but sweet answer.
No.
Did that get the message across to her that I didn't want to talk to her about anything?
Of course not.
"Fang." She said, with a curious tone of voice. "That's quite a strange name. Can you tell me how you got it?"
Max sat down beside me on the couch, I wanted to reach out and take her hand, but I couldn't. If the therapist saw my hand intertwined with Max's, she'd exploit our relationship in order to achieve her ends. I didn't want her to get drug into this with me.
I didn't want my mother's wrath to come down upon me by being completely obstinate with the therapist. I had to give this woman something, or my mother would take away what privileges I had left. I was not going to lose Iggy over this, not if I could remedy it with a few childhood stories. But Iggy wasn't the only one I could lose by not cooperating, my mother hadn't been very acknowledging of Max's existence, but I'm sure she has seen how much we've been around each other, and wouldn't hesitate to take Max from me too if she had to.
That didn't mean I had to give the therapist everything, however, just enough to keep her from full-blown complaining to my mother.
"I bit someone in first grade," I said as vaguely as I could. "The kids started calling me Fang, and it stuck."
The woman tapped her pen on her notepad thoughtfully. "Hmm," She said. "And who was this person?"
Maya.
I paused, knowing this was the very person she wanted to talk to me about, and the very person I most wanted to avoid speaking about with the therapist.
"I can't remember." I replied, quite weakly and far too slowly.
The woman's lips upturned in a tight smile and she spoke sadly. "Fang, if you don't want to tell me, tell me that you don't want to tell me, don't lie about it."
I glared at the therapist. I knew that my response was weak, but I didn't like the assumptions she made about me, even more so that they were correct. She frustrated me with her polite manner, it made me want to be nice to her and give her what she wanted. The deceptive woman was trying to get past my defenses and destroy what was left of Maya. I wanted nothing to do with this witch.
"There's just this little problem, I don't want to talk to you."
If looks could kill, Debbi Hammond would have been dead as a doorknob.
Fortunately for the therapist, looks cannot kill, and instead of lying cold on the floor, she sat in her chair, quite calmly and attentive.
God, this woman is annoying.
"I can see that," she replied as if she had said the line a thousand times before. "But that is why I'm here, so you can talk to someone."
So I can talk to someone? I almost scoffed, getting up and pacing the room. There are a whole lot of freaking someones I would go to before I'd go to a damn therapist!
Vaguely I registered yelling at the woman, but I couldn't process what I was saying. I was too angry to understand anything spewing from my mouth. It couldn't have been good from the pale, wide-eyed expression Max was giving me. My gaze rested on her for a long moment before I finally registered that the therapist was speaking again, with that infuriating, calm voice.
"—That's why I'm here, so you can get those things off your chest without having to worry about such effects."
What these effects were, I had no idea, all he knew was with every growing second, this woman, this "Miss Hammond" was making him want to turn into a giant green monster and smash everything in sight.
"Maybe I don't want those things off my chest." I growled. After all, Maya's death was my fault. I shouldn't get to get that off my chest. I deserved to suffer for that. I didn't protect her. I didn't save her. And now this was my punishment, this was my hell to endure. How dare she try to take that away from me?
Pain. It's the only thing I'm certain of. It's the only thing I am ensured of. I can't let it go.
"The only way you are going to heal us to get those things off your chest, to move on."
Move on?
Move on?
I whipped around and grit my teeth.
"Move on?" I nearly screamed at her.
I stalked towards her threateningly.
"Move on?" I repeated, louder than before.
Moving on meant forgetting Maya, and she couldn't—she can't—be forgotten. No. No. Never. Not ever. I have to save what's left of her. If I forget her—if I forget—she'll be lost forever. I can't. I can't. She doesn't deserve to be forgotten.
"Fang."
Suddenly Max appeared in front of me, my anger instantly began to dissipate, replaced with sorrow at the betrayal that followed with her next words.
"Fang, please calm down."
Calm down? This therapist wants to destroy Maya, to erase her from my memory, and make her into a forgotten ghost. Calming down meant the therapist could exploit my weakness and get rid of Maya. She could gain the advantage and destroy everything I had been holding on to so tightly.
And Max wants me to calm down?
How could she betray me like this? I thought—I thought—
"I thought you understood." I said, turning from her and leaving.
I felt hollow. There was this horrible pain in my heart, a constant throbbing. I didn't hear anything. I didn't see anything. My body acted on its own accord, guiding me home, or at least in the direction of home. Every inch of my body, but that excruciating pain in my chest, was numb. The world around me was a blur of color. A million disjointed thoughts ran through my head, pounding upon my brain without mercy, confusing me.
I need to get home—I need to get home—I need to get away—away from this place—these people— her.
One foot in front of another, my stride became powerful and determined. I trusted Max and she betrayed me. Preserving Maya's memory meant everything to me. She might as well have told me to forget her.
I was aware that Max was following me, trying to apologize. But I just wouldn't have it, I was too hurt to accept. I needed time, and she needed to prove to me that she was a true friend again. After today, I don't know how she can.
Pain flared in my chest at the thought.
I heard Max's apologies grow more desperate, then sad, and finally cease all together as we are crossing the street. The pain burst throughout my chest again, and somewhere deep down, I'm disturbed by the disappearance of her voice, and desperately want to hear it again.
A few moments pass, and then—then my wish becomes reality, but her words—they're the last words I wanted to hear.
"Goodbye, Fang. I'm sorry."
What? No—I didn't—I didn't want it to come to this…
As much as I'm hurt right now, I—I can't go through this without her. Maybe before, but even then I was drowning. I can't do it. Not anymore, not without her.
I need her in my life.
As cheesy as it sounds, I do. I need her, and I feel like a character from a crappy, sappy Teen romance novel for admitting it, but I don't think I could make it through another day without knowing that she was there beside me. Standing by my side, she reassures me that there's someone else out there that cares about Maya, her memory, and who understands why it matters so much to me that she isn't forgotten.
And who understands—me.
My thoughts taste like Cheese Whiz in my mouth.
Yuck.
But it's the truth.
I need her.
I turned quickly to her, to ask her not to go, but she was walking away from me. I opened my mouth to call out to her, ask her where she was going, but stopped abruptly. My eyes widened, my voice caught in my throat, and my heart stopped for a terrifying moment.
Then I sprung into action.
A car.
A car heading straight for Max.
No, no, NO! Not again!
Flashes of the accident played in my mind, but instead of Maya dying, this time it was Max. Crying. Screaming. Dying. Dead. Just like in my nightmare.
That can't happen—It can't!
"Max! Watch out!" I yelled out, my throat raw with panic.
I raced towards her, at full speed. I couldn't be too late. I had to save her. I couldn't fail, not again. I wouldn't survive going through it again.
Fifteen feet.
Max was several yards from me, still confused from my outburst, trying to register what I had said.
Max, Max! The car! Get out of the way!
Nine feet.
Just a few feet away, I sprinted the last bit of the stretch that had been between the two of us, pushing my legs to go faster.
Four feet.
I grabbed a hold of Max's arm and then wrapped my other arm around her waist, tossing the two of us out of the way of the speeding car just before it could hit Max, causing us both to fall to the pavement. I hear the screech of tires and the obnoxious blare of a car horn. The car is sitting with its back bumper several feet beyond where Max had been standing. I clutched her small, pale body to me. The car had nearly run her over. If I hadn't turned around and gotten to her in time, she could have been seriously hurt. She could have died.
Max could have died.
Right there. Just feet from me now. That spot could have been the place where she died, where her body separated from her soul, and I would have never been able see her radiant smile, speak to her, or hold her in my arms again.
Like Maya. She would have been my fault.
And my guilt for her death would have been a thousand times worse than the guilt I felt for Maya's death.
Because I had driven Max away in my idiotic anger, I had walked away from her, and I didn't protect her when she needed me to. I had barely reached her in time, what if I hadn't? And Max—Max, my words had hurt her, I could hear it in her voice, raw and broken, as she gave her apologetic farewell. She had nothing to apologize for, and I had everything to make up to her for my wrongdoings. All she had tried to do was show me that rage would not solve my problems, that it wouldn't save Maya's memory. If I had attacked the therapist, I would have been locked up, probably in a mental institution, maybe for good, and they would pump me so full of drugs that not only Maya would be lost, but myself as well. But instead of seeing reason, I let my rage grow and I took my anger out on her. My anger hurt her, and the pain I had caused her, distracted her, and made her walk straight into the path of oncoming traffic.
Max could have died.
And her death would have been entirely my fault.
I held her close, probably inappropriately close, but I didn't care. I almost lost her. There was no way in Hell's freaking icebox that I was going to let her go just yet.
The need to hold her in my arms was overwhelming and filled me with a powerful sense of utter, blissful relief. Breathing in, her clean, wonderful scent sent my senses into overdrive, making me overly aware of every little, tiny detail of her form. Every freckle, every golden strand on her head, every single breath she took in.
Each and every one felt like a blessing, a blessing I didn't deserve, a blessing I was more than grateful for.
Grateful didn't even come close to the relief I felt.
All too soon, however, I was pulled out of that little taste of Heaven.
"What the hell? Kid, get out of the effing road! I could have effing killed you!" I heard the car's driver yell at me.
I felt flames of wrath fall from my shoulders. Did he really just blame Max, when he was the one who wasn't paying attention enough to slam on the brakes?
Oh, hell no.
My teeth grit in an effort to not go over there and strangle the man. "How about you watch where you're driving, huh? You could have killed someone!" I retorted angrily, resisting the urge to clutch Max even closer to me, worried that if I do, I may give her handprint shaped bruises on her glowing skin, from my grip. I don't want to hurt her. Not again.
I watch as the grumbling driver returns to his seat and drives off. I glare at him the entire time, wishing all sorts of car troubles upon the man. Transmission issues, engine problems, windshield wiper malfunctions, and broken tail-lights.
Heck, I hope his exhaust pipe starts blowing freaking bubblegum and that it gets all over the car and he can't get it off.
Okay, I'll admit, that was an odd thought.
"Why the hell did you run into the street?" I heard Max reprimand. Turning towards her, I caught the fierce and extremely pissed look on her face.
I sigh inwardly.
Why is everyone so angry that I ran out into the road to save Max's life? Hell, even Max is pissed. What the freaking fuck is wrong with saving her life? Huh?
"It's my job to keep you safe and you're running around, jumping in front of cars?"
Oh, yeah, because my life is sooooo important that I'm not allowed to risk it in order to save someone else's. I nearly roll my eyes as I lift Max to her feet and drag her over to the sidewalk, out of the way of traffic.
"That's a great way to say thank you to someone who just saved your life." I comment, irritably, but although Max is overreacting and being extremely under appreciative at the moment, I keep my hands around her waist and wrist. Despite the fact that the danger has passed, I still can't shake the all-consuming need to protect her.
Max's eyebrows scrunched together in confused thought and she looked at me as if I was an alien life form. I resisted the urge to look down and see if I had indeed transformed into Marvin Martian, instead I gazed at her, concerned.
"What do you—" She began, but stopped herself, looking spooked.
Then she looked down at my hand, which was bound loosely around her wrist, and her eyes widened with shock. Her skin became even paler, if that was possible.
Suddenly she ripped away from me and stepped back, shaking her head, looking more frightened than I had ever seen her before, and in turn, her fear made me fearful.
I wanted her to feel safe, but how can I do that? I don't even know what she is scared of.
"That's—that's not possible." She whispered, taking another step away from me.
I looked at her, puzzled and deeply concerned.
Was she—
Was she scared of—Me?
Why would she be scared of me?
"Max?" I called out to her, scared and concerned, not knowing what was going on.
She continued to back away slowly, until I took a step forward to follow her, then she turned and ran and I ran after her, as fast as my feet could take me. Yet, no matter how fast I charged after her, I could not seem to gain any ground.
"Max!" I screamed, trying to get her to stop, to slow down, anything but run any further from me. Her fright cut me to my very core, and especially so since her fear seemed to be of me.
Why is she scared of me?
I followed Max down one alleyway after another, trying my very best to keep up with her while avoiding the assortment of materials that littered the road. Suddenly, up ahead, I heard her come to a halt.
Max had stopped.
With a renewed burst of energy I sprinted down the alley, towards the last place I had seen her. I reached for the corner of the wall and turned into the skinny, little road Max had just taken, and came face to face with—
—a solid brick wall.
I stared at it confused, and then looked around the empty dead-end.
Where had Max gone? I just saw her turn this way, not a few moments ago.
I glanced up. Maybe she had attempted to scale the wall, but there was no sign of her. Not here. Not there. Not anywhere.
Where did she go? I began to panic. Where is she?
In frantic worry, I raced around the block several times, looking for a sign of where she might have gone. Any sign, anything at all. I searched every building, every nook, every crevice, and every cranny. But…there was nothing.
Fear and panic clamped down on my chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Thoughts raced through my mind so fast I couldn't process what I was thinking until I had already thought it, and even then, I couldn't focus on that process, as my mind was going over countless other possibilities as to where Max might have gone.
Perhaps…she went home? No, why would she—she's my "guardian", she might still feel obligated to protect—no she's scared of me—she didn't back down from that guy who knocked her out the day we met—perhaps—no, that look on her face? She—but she's been fiercely protective of me, for whatever reason, what could have changed—why would her opinion have changed of me?—Why?—Maybe she still does feel responsible for me—maybe, even if she wasn't in the house she could still be nearby, then I could find her and get whatever is wrong sorted out…
So I turned towards home, and ran as fast as I could. I had to get there, now. A dread filled me, and I felt that if I did not get there soon enough, something terrible would happen. Maybe something awful had already happened. I don't know where this dread sprouted from. I just knew that it was there, and I needed to—I don't know what I needed to do, but I had to do something.
Suddenly my house stood before me. The terrible weight on my chest seemed to lift.
Everything is going to be okay now. I'm going to find Max, and everything is going to be—why is she scared of me?
I couldn't help but let the question interrupt my train of thought.
Why was she scared of me?
The weight slowly came down upon my chest once more.
"Max?" I called out softly, pleading all too apparent in my voice.
I walked around towards the other side of my house, hoping that she would be there. I needed her to be there.
I scared her. It's my fault that she ran. If she gets hurt, it's on my head.
"Ma—"
"You really are a pathetic little whelp, aren't you?" A man's voice called out, scathingly from behind.
I froze, somewhere, deep down in the recesses of my mind, I recognized the voice.
"Oh, come on, too afraid to turn around and face me? I didn't take you for a pussy." The voice goaded.
I turned, slowly, my fists clenched tightly, but not from anger at what he said. Let's just lay it out straight; elementary kids can make better insults than that.
No, I wasn't angry at what he said. I was angry because I recognized him, I knew him.
He was the man who had hurt Max the night I met her.
And I wanted this fucking bastard to pay for that.
I started towards him, determined to make all of those little wishes come true.
"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you kid, I'd kill you in second. Less than that on a good day, but you see, I've been busy." The man said, lifting his hand, and tapped. Ripples, distorted the space around where he had touched the seemingly empty air. An echoing sound filled my ears, and I stopped, glancing all around me as the ripples expanded in a shield around my home.
"Curious little device, isn't it?" The man said, running his finger along the invisible surface of the bubble-like shield. "You can thank your little angel for that, it's the only reason you're not dead right now."
What was he talking about? I took an involuntary step back. Who—what was he?
His head rose to look at me once more, he stared me. Right into my eyes, it was as if he was staring straight into my soul.
"Not much there," He mused, flicking his finger towards me. "Kind of makes me wonder why she wasted her time on you, such a lost soul."
I staggered back, it felt as if he had run me through, and not emotionally, I'd heard enough at school to make me numb to such judgments. I felt as if he had stabbed me with a real sword, but when I looked down, my body was perfectly whole.
Regaining my stance, I glared at him.
"Where is she?" I hissed at the man, my anger and hatred for the man leaking into my voice.
He let out a dark and chilling laugh.
"Oh, poor, poor little elle fraye, he's lost his angel," The man mocked, grinning evilly. "Well, boy, let me put your mind to ease."
Out of his pocket he pulled out a bloody, white feather, and let it fall. I reached out and grabbed it before it landed on the ground.
I couldn't breathe, for some reason I was in shock. I didn't know why. I didn't understand. A bloody, white feather? It didn't make sense. Maybe he shot a bird? I liked animals, and seeing one die certainly brought me some grief, but this weight on my chest, this inability to breathe, it had to come from something far worse than simply—I paused.
An angel…"lost his angel"?
My eyes widened.
Max.
She claimed to be my guardian.
Guardian…
Angel.
Oh, god.
I looked up at the man with disgust, anger, and hatred in my stare.
Fucking metaphors. That sick bastard.
"What did you do to her?" I growled through gritted teeth.
The man simply smiled, grinning like he had just won the lottery.
"You're angel is gone, boy," He said, confirming my worst fears, I felt my knees buckle under me. Oh god, this is all my fault. "And you can't stay in that protective bubble forever." The man continued. "When you come out, I intend to collect my dues."
With that, the man stalked off, disappearing into the growing darkness, and leaving me to grieve.
I held the feather to my chest as if it was the most precious thing in the world.
Max, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
A/N
Me: Muhahahahaha! Cliffy! Sorry guys, I can never resist. My next update won't take as long, however, so you shouldn't have to be on the edge of your seats for too terribly long.
BFF: How could you kill off Max?!
Me: Uh-uh, who said I killed her? It says clearly in the text "gone" not dead.
BFF: Oh, thank goodness.
Me: Who said I didn't kill her, though?
BFF: WHAT?
Me: Then again, it was a demon, who said it, so who says he's telling the truth, right?
BFF: *sigh of relief*
Me: Demons are really fond of killing humans and angels, however, so he could have killed her.
BFF: Ugh! Damn you!
Me: Hey, now, that's not nice. I am the writer here, you know.
BFF: Yeah, so what?
Me: Okay. *types on computer*
BFF: *suddenly hanging by her trousers from a giant ceiling fan* I hate you.
Me: Love ya too, BFF.
Anyways, let's get to those reviews.
First of all, I'd like to thank nilanicolethepenguin, Guest, life is short so am I, Innocent Fangs, CodeBlue19, Alli Guest, Anastasia121212, BiteMeBro522, DntlessAnnabeth, MaximumNerd46, Duskingdawn, mag h, and Chocolatechipcookies13 for your words of encouragement, they really do help. Thank you, so much, thank you for praying for my friend and her family, and thank you for helping to support her.
I love you all, so much, I just want to give you guys a giant hug! *sending virtual hug*
Okay, onto the questions and reviews:
Psychotic honeybadger of death,
First of all, awesome name. *round of applause* Thank you so much for your review, I'm glad you like the cover art ;) Sorry I didn't update sooner, and on the topic of how he can touch her (yeah, that does sound kinda creepy) I guess you'll have to wait, but don't worry, I plan on explaining it all as the story unfolds. This tale is only just starting.
Mu21cluv3r,
Sorry I didn't update sooner, but if you want to count this as a late New Year's gift, you can.
Awkotaco14,
Sorry, that's confidential information. So he could be, or he could just have suffered trauma from the car accident that killed Maya and he is suddenly able to see angels, but he's never had a guardian angel before, so no one ever noticed. There are an infinite number of possibilities. *evil grin*
DripsOfRed,
Is 8,000 words long enough for you? ;) And sorry about the cliffhangers, I can't help it, my evil side is pretty strong, even my mom calls me a Sith. LOL.
Guest,
No, I have never wondered how to get kicked out of Wal-Mart, but I certainly am interested now. I think I would like to try out going to the toy section and throwing bouncy balls yelling "I CHOOSE YOU, PIKACHU!" now. I think I might even try to find an Ash Can't-spell-his-last-name outfit while I'm doing so.
High five my fellow ADD friend!
Kikihughes14, ThatSportySkaterMusician, and Natasha,
Thank yoooooooooooouuuuuuu! *hugs*
I'll try to update more often!
Sapphira Volkov,
Sorry, I'm evil. I'm even thinking of changing my name to Darth Wander. Jk lol.
Anastasia121212,
Anytime you have a question, feel free to PM me, then I can answer your questions as best I can and as well as more quickly so you won't have to wait till the next update. Again sorry about the long wait. Happy New Year's to you too, even though it's June…*nervous laugh*
CarcinoGalibur,
I hope this chapter answered some of your questions. Is Max still an angel? Yes, she is still an angel. Is Fang an angel? No, he is not, all angels start off their lives in Heaven and are completely aware of what they are, so Fang can't be an angel. As for how he can see and touch her that will be revealed later on in the story. Sorry I left you in a cliffy for so long!
Mag h,
Thank you so much for your review! Sorry I didn't update earlier, as for your question, Max was mad at Fang for reasons she doesn't really understand, but her anger centers around the fact that Fang has a "girlfriend". So basically, Max is being jealous, but she doesn't understand that she's being jealous, or why she is jealous.
GhiraburyChocolateEgg,
Sorry for the long wait, yes I do plan to finish this story. When I was writing this book, I thought it sounded a bit like Halo too, except, well, darker. I haven't really thought of whether or not Max would have a belly button, though in the interest of keeping this story more original, I think I'm going to avoid having Max belly button-less as Bethany was. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Innocent Fangs,
I really wish I could hug you in real life, your review was beautiful, and it makes me smile every time I read it, even when I'm angry or sad. Thank you so much! *HUUUUUG!* I don't think I could express how much it means to me, that my writing has impacted you. From the first day I picked up a pen and pencil to write, I've wanted my work to mean something, to do some good. Thank you so much, and thank you for your support of not only me, but of my friend while she was going through such a hard time, and I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner.
BFF: *sending out the virtual hugs*
Me: Thank you all for reading and supporting, you guys are amazing! Please keep reviewing and letting me know what you think.